


Stupid Wife

by dirextorsharpe



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/F, Kinda, Memory Loss, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swearing, Time Skips, avalance kid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 94,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirextorsharpe/pseuds/dirextorsharpe
Summary: Have you ever pictured yourself married to someone you've always hated?Ava Sharpe had never pictured that either, quite the opposite. It was supposed to be just another normal morning where she would wake up, have breakfast with her family, then go to school and get a new reason to hate Sara Lance even more. But unfortunately for her... that did not happen. What wasn't the surprise when she woke up on that fateful morning completely naked, with none other than Sara Lance clinging to her body? And worse... Ava eventually discovered something that just couldn't be real.
Relationships: Charlie/Zari Tomaz, Dinah Drake/Laurel Lance, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 278
Kudos: 1238





	1. I wish I could be dreaming (but the nightmare has just begun)

𝐅𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟑, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑

Ava Sharpe hates Sara Lance. 

Everything about that creature pisses her off, the arrogant way of being, the way she walks around like she owns the world, and especially the fact that she always finds a way to disturb Ava's life. Wherever she went, Sara was there. Sometimes, it seemed like she was following her.

Seriously, didn't she have anything else to do?

"Aves, stop squeezing the poor taco, is not his fault if you're stressed." 

She heard someone saying and at first, she couldn't distinguish who it was, but soon discovered to be Kara. She turned her attention away from the table of the _cool kids_ where that stupid girl was and looked at her sister, who looked into Ava's hands and back at her face, and only then did she realize that she had pressed the meat taco in her hand and now everything was soaked with gravy. 

"Ruining your food again, Aves?"

Dinah asked laughing as she joined Ava and Kara at the table where they were sitting. Ava just rolled her eyes and scowled at the feel of her fingers sticking. She mentally blamed Sara.

"Lance locked her in the theater room again."

Kara told, or rather gossiped to Dinah, who laughed outrageously upon hearing the story, being followed by her sister. Who needs enemies with Dinah as their best friend and that traitorous Golden Retriever clone as their sister?

"How many times have she done that this week?" Ava just listened to the two of them mocking her as she tried to get that goo out of her hand. "I think it was seven?"

"Eight, actually."

And they both burst out laughing. Ava huffed and grabbed some more napkin to wipe her hand. The two idiots laughed until the girl's basketball team entered the cafeteria, then they quickly changed the focus of the conversation and started talking about the _hot_ players.

"Oh, look at Laurel... She seems to get prettier by the day."

And there she was, the stupid Dinah Drake, who was completely in love with Laurel Lance. Yeah, she's the big sister of the Stupid Lance, Sara. But unlike the youngest, she is a nice girl, super friendly, sweet and loves helping others. Not to mention the fact that she's extremely smart.

It could be hard to believe that they were sisters. But just one look at the two of them together and you couldn't deny it. They looked so similar, especially the smile.

Back to Dinah's crush. She has been in love with Laurel since the sixth grade, when she had first discovered herself as bisexual. Laurel was always looking at her and smiling; almost killing Ava's best friend every single time she had done it. Ava always wondered why Dinah never seem able to take the courage to go talk to her, since the one of the few things the sisters have in common is their pride in liking girls. 

Now, Kara was different, Ava's older sister is the girlfriend of the team's best scorer, Lena Luthor. She says all the time how Lena is the love of her life. They are really sweet when they're together. Every time Lena goes to the girls' house, Ava feels like dying of so much cuteness.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Laurel is coming here."

Dinah started to breathe heavily, Ava looked at her and noticed her face completely red. 

"Dinah breathe, for fuck’s sake."

Ava was starting to get annoyed seeing her like that. 

She just rolled her eyes and let Kara soothe Dinah, only her sister had the patience for that. Ava propped her elbows on the table and placed her chin on her hands watching the team approach. Laurel was not the only one coming to their table, Lena was too. 

Ava was about to get up when an arm prevented her from doing so, she glanced sideways just to see Sara sitting beside her, smiling.

"What's up, sweetheart? I came to keep you company, you know? So you wouldn't be left out." She grinned, and Ava would've thought that that smile was pretty if it wasn't coming from Sara Stupid Lance. "You should be feeling honored, thousands of girls would give anything to be in your place."

And there it was, her huge stupid ego. It was precisely for things like this that Ava couldn't stand her; did she really have to think that all people fell at her feet?

"First, get your filthy paws off me!" She shook her head and Ava huffed. "I'm not kidding, asshole." She said more firmly this time and Sara gave a sign of surrender, but didn’t move away, just let go of Ava's shoulder. "Second, I didn't call you here, no one actually did, you're free to leave. And third and not least, you're not my type."

"Aves, I'm everybody's type." Sara returned with that disgusting arm. "Especially girls... and especially those with such a beautiful body as yours."

Ava widened her eyes and felt her cheeks heating up. Sara burst out laughing and Ava scowled, jumping on the seat as she felt a grip on her buttocks.

"Never again, did you hear me?! Never put these filthy hands on me ever again!"

She shouted, not even caring about the scene she was doing. Completely annoyed, she stood up and stormed off the cafeteria; she had lost her appetite, and couldn't stand being around that creature for any longer.

The only thing in her head was how much she hated Sara Lance. With all her heart.

// 

Ava had been standing outside the school for about twenty minutes waiting for Dinah. Kara had gone home with Lena and Ava, innocently enough, said she would stay and wait for Dinah, because she's that kind of best friend. However, the older girl simply hadn't show up and was nowhere to be found.

"Look what we have here... It's dangerous to be here alone in front of the school at this time, sweetheart." 

Ava bit her bottom lip hard, but she felt a great urge to turn around and punch Sara right in the face to see if she would learn how to behave like an actual human being. She just put a wry smile on her lips and turned to Sara, who was gloriously sitting on her motorcycle.

"Not more dangerous than being around you for more than three seconds."

"Good one." Sara laughed, ignoring the actual comment. "Get up." She said, taking another helmet, Ava's eyes widened. "What? I'm taking you home; I can't leave a lady alone in the street."

" There's no fucking way I'm sitting on this thing."

Sara snorted and closed her eyes for a few seconds. She seemed to be seeking patience. 

"Don't talk about Waverider like that." She pretended to be offended and caressed the motorcycle's tank. "Come on, Aves. It's just a ride, I promise to take it slow. Besides, Dinah has already left."

"And why would I believe you?"

Sara rolled her eyes and wet her lips with the tip of her tongue.

"My sister took her home." She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. Ava jaw dropped, Dinah must be having a syncope right now. "So, shall we? Your home is too far for you to walk alone this late."

Ava didn't want to take the ride, but she knew that if she didn't, she'd have to muster up the courage to walk home because Kara is probably at Lena's house, Dinah wouldn't come for her no matter what, the buses take forever and her parents were still at work. 

"Alright then, I have no other option, really." Sara's victorious smile almost made her give up. Almost. "But if you do any funny business, I'll cut your fingers off, got it?"

She made an innocent expression and kissed her crossed fingers as if swearing she would behave. I sure hope she does.

// 

AVA. WOULD. NEVER. GET. IN. THAT. THING. AGAIN.

She was shaking when Sara parked in front of her house, her arms around her waist as she still tried to check if she was alive. Sara tricked her, at first, she was going slowly and suddenly the street became a blur before her eyes.

"Ah, c'mon, Aves! Everybody likes a little adrenaline."

She slowly came back to reality, released Sara's waist, and fought to keep her legs from buckling as she got off that thing. Sara was laughing, laughing at Ava. 

"Fuck you, asshole!" Ava snapped, but it didn't even reach Sara, she just kept laughing. She huffed without patience and turned around to leave. "I hope you fall on your way back home."

"What? Your mother didn't teach you that you shouldn't wish bad things for people?" Ava raised a hand and showed her the middle finger while walking towards her house. "Ava! Hey!"

She kept calling the older, who had no choice but to look at her so she would stop screaming.

"What is it?!"

"My helmet, sweetheart. I need it back."

She pointed to Ava's head and she blushed on the spot. 

"Do you want it?" She smiled devilishly. Sara nodded and held out a hand. "Then come get it." Ava threw it on the backyard lawn and laughed at Sara's incredulous expression.

"Fuck, Ava. This shit is expensive, you know that? If it scratches, I'll make you pay."

The taller one crossed her arms, shaking her head as she watched Sara get off the motorcycle and go to the helmet on the floor. 

"You wish."

"Here, it's scratched, satisfied?" Ava nodded frantically, Sara snorted. "You'll have to pay, sweetheart."

"Make me."

Sara's eyes darkened, Ava would be afraid of the expression, but Sara have never really put fear on her. She was just an idiot.

"I already know how you gonna pay me." She declared and started walking towards Ava, who took a step back and looked at the smaller one without understanding. "I’ll take a kiss as payment."

"A kiss?"

Ava asked only to confirm that she wasn't hearing things. Sara nodded, smirking and looking at Ava's lips. Ava narrowed her eyes, she would never kiss her. Never.

"A kiss. With tongue."

Ava kept her expression neutral as Sara smiled expectantly. 

"Do you want a kiss?" Sara nodded and pointed to her mouth, Ava flashing a huge, fake smile. "Okay then, close your eyes."

Sara looked surprised to see the older girl giving in, but closed her eyes. Ava had to hold back her laughter. Slowly, Ava started to step back, she waited until she was far enough from Sara and started laughing. Sara opened her eyes, but it was late, Ava was already at the door of her house.

"You cheated!" She exclaimed indignantly, folded her arms across her breasts and Ava laughed with a shrug.

"The world belongs to hustlers, Lance. Did you really think I was going to kiss you? Please." She shouted back for her to hear, Sara shook her head a few times and smiled.

"One day you'll be begging for my kisses, Sharpe."

"Never, Lance!"

"Never say never, sweetheart." She blew a kiss in the air and turned with that _I'm the best_ look, but then looked back at her and added. "We'll get married one day Ava, keep that in mind."

She didn't even give Ava a chance to reply, just put the other helmet in the back compartment of the motorcycle and got on it. All one could hear was the deafening noise of that stupid motorcycle. Ava entered the house spitting fire, she hate losing to Sara. Ava's the one who gives the last word, always.

She went upstairs to take a shower and then put on some clothes, she would take a nap and call then Dinah. Besides everything she really wanted to know if she and Laurel had gotten somewhere.

" _We’ll get married one day, Ava._ " Sara's voice rang in her mind and she let out a nasal laugh. She threw herself on the bed and grabbed Beebo, her blue teddy bear.

"I will never even kiss you, Lance, imagine marry you."

She said to herself before closing her eyes and waiting for sleep to arrive.

**November 5, 2016**

Ava grunted a few times before opening her eyes, her back was sore and her head seemed to weigh a ton. By Zeus! What a nap! It looked like she drank all night and now she had a terrible hangover. She tried to stretch but froze as she felt an arm holding tightly to her waist. Her eyes widened and she looked down at the white-as-milk arm around her. 

Ava got terrified and jumped out of bed. She almost fell tripping over a slipper on the floor; she looked at the bed so she could see who the pedophile thief was, and it was actually a woman. A woman!

"MOM! DAD! PLEASE HELP!"

She started screaming and running around the room, she couldn't find the door. 

Ava was looking around and she froze. Because she didn't recognize a damn thing there. 

"Hmmmpf, babe?" Ava’s heart was pounding. "Why are you screaming like crazy?" She was dying of a headache, and her was back hurting. She refused to look back, but she knew the woman was watching her. A cold wind hit her body and only then did she realize that- "Honey, come back to the bed. You ended me last night, but I want more."

The woman let out a sleepy giggle. Ava's head spinned. 

Ava turned, her eyes seething with fury, about to scream at this madwoman and demand that she take her home, return her to her family, after all she was very young and had yet much to enjoy in her life. However, all her pose fell when she came across with nobody less than...

"SARA????"

That could only be some kind of joke. What does she think she's doing?

"Ava! Why are you screaming like that? And stop spinning around, I'm already getting dizzy."

Ava stopped in place, her hands fisted. She was there looking for an explanation for why this stupid girl did whatever she have done and she's the crazy one for screaming? She turned to Sara in utter disgust, probably some smoke rising from her head. Sara stared at her, her long blond hair a little untidy falling down her shoulders and covering her bare breasts. Ava took a deep breath. 

"Is that some kind of stupid joke? You think is okay to drug me, abuse me and bring me to this house that I have no idea where it is?" With each word spoken, or rather spat, the confusion on Sara's face increased. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ASSHOLE?"

Sara's eyes widened at Ava's scream, she seemed surprised by the explosion. Ava was about to tear her own hair out and Sara's too. 

She was so focused on freaking out and plotting murder plans that she only came back to reality when Sara stopped in front of her and grasped her shoulders. 

"I think you drank too much last night, I warned you weren't supposed to drink that much." She chuckled without humor. "Did you have a bad dream last night? Why would I drug you?"

She stroked Ava's face with her thumbs and looked at her questioningly.

"Get your filthy hands off me now!" Ava hissed and Sara released her, looking at her with hurt in her eyes. "I want to leave, my parents must be looking for me."

Ava was almost collapsing, Sara was still staring at her with those sinister blue eyes. 

"You called your parents? I can’t believe it, Ava. Where are you going to? This is your home."

"NO! THIS IS NOT MY FUCKING HOUSE AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"Why are you shouting and saying these things to me? I thought everything was fine between us. It was just a stupid fight, babe. You told me everything was fine last night, we made love for hours and today you wake up wanting to leave?" She said nonstop, gesturing wildly. "Baby, you can't say these things to me. You know I wouldn't know how to live without you, Aves. Yesterday you told me everything was fine, what changed?"

"Are you stupid or something? I didn't even see you yesterday after that stupid ride." She looked confused again. "I knew I shouldn't have taken that damn ride, look where it got me."

"Babe? Are you sure you are ok?"

"Babe? Are you crazy, Sara? We can't even be around each other. Take me away from here, I want my house, I want my parents. And I want to…" She slapped her forehead. "What time is it? My math test, fuck! I missed my math test because of you."

Sara frowned and walked toward Ava. Ava felt her back collide with the wall and swallowed hard, she was trapped. Sara put the back of her hand to Ava's forehead and then placed it around her neck, as if measuring her temperature. 

"Are you feeling okay? What math test? Why are you talking as if you're still in high school?"

She began to laugh in that same mocking way that Ava had always hated.

"Because I am still in high school, you psychopath!"

Sara stopped laughing when Ava said that, she looked at her as if she had at least 4 heads.

"Still in high school? Ava, you finished high school almost nine years ago, babe."

Ava’s eyes widened. 

"You’re completely insane!"

The taller one roared and pushed Sara back, not caring about her nudity, just wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. 𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳! She ran to it and thanked god for not being locked, her was heart pounding in her chest, and adrenaline was present in everything. She heard Sara calling her, but just ignored it. She ran into a corridor, ran to one side and found nothing but doors and windows. Then, ran to the other side and saw a staircase, she was almost gaining the first step when a little voice caught her attention.

"Mommy?"

Ava looked to her left side and came across a little boy. He was scratching one eye with his little hand, his blond hair was a little messy, in his other hand he had a blue teddy bear that was dragging on the floor, the red pacifier with the crest of America was almost falling from his mouth. He stopped scratching his eye and looked at her, yawning a little.

"Ava? Ava?!" Within seconds a flustered Sara appeared behind the little boy. She was about to say something, but when she saw him standing there, she fell silent. He was looking at her now. "Hi, big guy. Already awake by this time? That's a miracle."

Sara bent down to pick the little one up, who let out a delicious laugh to hear. The sound resembled Sara's laugh, but not the mocking one. Ava had to admit that the scene of him clutching her neck laughing as she filled him with kisses was extremely cute.

"Your nephew?"

Ava asked curiously, okay she wanted to get away but, what harm would do to ask? She is curious. It's a flaw.

"What? Nephew? Aves, you're really not okay."

"Mommy needs hot chocolate!"

The little one exclaimed and Sara smiled at him, they both touched their fingers in some sort of secret hand shake and then looked back at Ava. 

"Who is he, Sara? Whose child is this?" She asked nervously. 

"What do you mean who is he, Ava Josslyn? It's our son. He came out of you."

Sara said as if it was obvious, her eyes showing concern, just like the little one's. After hearing that, everything started to shuffle in front of Ava. She had to hold on to the railing of the stairs to not fall, she was trying to regain her consciousness, but everything was getting dark. In the distance she could hear some desperate thin screams and Sara's screams, a mix of _Babe? What's going on?_ and _Mommy?_

Her legs failed and her eyes rolled, she felt firm arms holding her, and then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you got here, thank so much! and here's a few things about this story.  
> Is an adaptation, the plot is not mine. It was originally written by Nathalia (@horsinha on twitter) and (@horse on Spirit Fanfic). Her version is about Camren, written in Portuguese and in the first person. I talked to her and asked her permition to change a few things and post it as a Avalance Story because why not. She was sweet enough to agree so here we are. :)  
> i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, so feel free to ask me anything there. and follow for some sneak peeks heheheh  
> That's all, thank you.


	2. There's a shadow hanging over my head (oh, yesterday came suddenly)

Ava's head was killing her. She felt her body so heavy, aching as if a truck had passed over her.

What the hell was that dream last night?

She opened her eyes and immediately regretted it, the bright light of the room hurting her eyes. She closed them again already cursing Kara mentally, surely, it must have been her who went there and left the light on. She got out of bed with her eyes still half closed, went into the bathroom and tore off her clothes. 

Hot water hit her body, and she groaned with satisfaction. That was all she needed. She opened her left eye and searched for the soap. She rubbed the soap in her hands creating a foam, put the soap back in the soap dish and ran her hands over her body, first the hip, belly and rose to the... Her eyes widened and she looked down.

" Oh My God, I have boobs! I have boobs." Ava was incredulous. "Fuck! What the fuck? Am I still dreaming?"

She was scared and mesmerized at the same time. Ava massaged them with her hands, completely caught by the sensation. She pinched her nipple between her thumb and forefinger and heavens! It felt so good. She was about to moan when she heard the door open, she widened her eyes, and released her imaginary boobs, not so imaginary now. She turned reflexively, but soon enough regretted it.

"What are you doing here?" Sara opened and closed her mouth a few times, her eyes never leaving Ava's naked body and only then did she remembered her nudity. Her cheeks flushed and she tried to cover herself as best she could. "Sara! Get out of here, stupid!"

Ava wanted to yell at her, but she was too embarrassed for that. Did she see her massaging her breasts? 

"I..I- Okay."

Defeated, she turned and walked out of the bathroom with her head down, but returned, only to put a change of clothes on top of the laundry basket. The tall one snorted and shook her head, that girl is crazy. 

She went back to shower, but this time she didn't want to touch those airbags, she would do that later. She finished the shower and got out of it, approached the laundry basket, suspicious and took the change of clothes that Sara left there for her.

Ava put on the underwear without even care if it was hers, but it must be because I was in her room, right? She put on a Chicago Bulls tank top, dark blue cotton shorts, and wrapped the towel around her hair. She opened the bathroom door full of hate but froze in place. It was that same room, yesterday had not been a dream. 

She needed to leave; she would face that psychopath and demand that she take her away from here. 

Ava left the room, the house was quiet. She wondered who live there. She looked over the walls and saw some photos, one looked just like Laurel or some older doppelganger of her with different hair and an older expression. 

She was busy trying to think of some explanation, searching the memory of who might own this house and why they had pictures of those people there. One caught her eye, one of the same boy she had seen yesterday. He was sitting on a woman's lap and ... Wait! Mia? But that was impossible, Mia is only 5 years old.

 _Who was that older copy of Ava's younger sister?_

That was it, Ava was scared to death. Suddenly a loud doorbell rang through the house, that was her chance. She ran toward the stairs, descending the first steps cautiously. It could be someone that works for Sara.

"You said you would go with me downtown to look for things for Jonah, Sara, c'mon."

Laurel! Now it was Ava's chance to get away from there. She ran down the rest of the stairs, only Laurel could help Ava. She heard Sara's voice and followed it, soon arriving in a - huge - living room, she saw Sara talking and gesturing to ... Laurel? But she wasn't that tall yesterday at school. Neither was with short hair, but she may have cut it, right?

"Laurel?"

Ava curiously called her, when they heard her voice, they stopped talking. Laurel turned to her and smiled. 

"Good afternoon, dear Aves" She went towards Ava and pulled her into a hug, she was stronger too. Ava didn't return the hug because she was too scared. "Can you convince your dear wife to help me with furniture shopping for Jonah's room? Your godson and my wife would thank you if we go soon."

"What kind of stupid joke is this?"

Ava fumed making Laurel jump and stare in misunderstanding. She could hear Sara sigh heavily, but Ava was too busy trying to figure out what kind of fucking parallel universe was this.

"That's what I was trying to tell you, sis." Sara said, Ava looked at her and noticed that Sara's eyes were sad. "Ava isn't feeling well today, I don't know what happened."

"You don't know what happened?! You kidnapped me and drugged me, that's what happened, you idiot!"

Ava tried to move toward her, who flinched in surprise, but felt a firm arm at her waist. It was Laurel preventing her from killing her sister.

"What? What do you mean Sara drugged you and kidnapped you? Ava, why would she do that to her own wife?"

Laurel sounded playful; Sara gave a sad smile and nodded as if agreeing with her. 

"Are you playing with me too? Since when am I married to that stupid girl over there?"

She broke free of Laurel in complete disgust, not caring about Sara's apparently hurt expression. Why were they doing this to Ava?

Laurel frowned, looking confused. She looked at Sara and then at Ava, then took Ava's left hand and raised it, making the screaming gold ring on her finger very visible. 

"Since nine years ago when you said yes?!"

She said as if it was obvious. Ava's stomach tightened up again. She felt like she was going to vomit and walked away from Laurel, but instead of throwing up, everything started to get black again.. 

She passed out one more time.

//

Ava could hear a lot of voices, but couldn't identify any.

"Ava? Can you hear me?"

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times until she got used to the brightness. Her vision took a while to focus, but soon enough she could see a blond guy dressed in a white coat.

"Where am-" Ava felt her throat hurt, cleared it, and straightened up in the bed before trying again. "Where am I?"

"You are in the hospital." The blond man smiled; the doctor, she assumed. "I'm Dr. Rip Hunter, and I'm glad you woke up. Your wife keeps asking for you."

He informed her and she clinched her jaw. 

"I have no wife, I'm not even old enough to get married. I haven't even attended college yet."

The doctor looked at her in confusion, read something on the clipboard in his hands and then came over to Ava. He started measuring her temperature with one hand, while she was trying to figure that whole thing out. 

"Are you feeling pain?" She shook her head, all she wanted was to leave. "Ava, tell me something." The doctor sat in the chair beside her, looking curiously at her. "What is the last thing you remember?"

She frowned, what kind of question was that?

"I remember waking up this morning in an unfamiliar house with a psychopath who everyone insists on saying is my wife."

She said it all in one breath. She just wanted to go home, wanted her parents, her annoying sisters. She would never complain about her life again, she just want everything back in place.

"Before that, what did you remembered when you woke up?"

That was weird ... But Ava thought it must be part of some examination, or whatever.

"I remember hitchhiking with the psycho you claim to be my wife, then I lay in my bed and fell asleep... And then, I woke up with that idiot this morning and it's all weird, the people I knew seem more old and... what's going on?"

Ava was starting to get desperate. Why does everything seem so strange? Why don't things seem to be in their proper place? Why do they insist on treating her like she's someone else?

"Okay." Dr. Hunter jotted something down on his clipboard and then got up. "I'll call your wife and your parents, I think we need to have a talk."

Ava couldn't wait to see her parents, now she was even smiling. Dr. Hunter opened the door and called for her parents and the psycho. First in was Sara, she smiled awkwardly and Ava frowned. Then it was her mother's turn. She look old.

"Mom?!"

Ava almost screamed, her mother, or whoever this person was, flashed a huge smile and quickly walked toward the girl. She hugged her tightly and Ava looked over her shoulder. Since when her father has grey hair?

"Hi my dear, good to see you awake. You gave us a hell of a scare, you know? When Sara called us I thought the worst had happened."

The older woman was holding Ava's face in her hands, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses. 

"Don't scare us like that again, dear."

Her father went to her and ruffled her hair. She was still trying to assimilate that her parents had aged at least ten years in one night. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Sharpe, we need to talk about Ava's case." Dr. Hunter said and the parents nodded, they were holding hands and looking at their daughter, who smiled even tho she was incredibly confused. "You too, Miss Sharpe-Lance."

"Sharpe-lance? What?"

Ava exploded, she was tired of all that. If even her parents are participating in it must be a big reality show, because they even got older. Randy and Pam looked confused at Ava, Sara was more upset than confused.

"That's what I want to talk about."

"Ava, why are you talking to your wife like that?"

Her mother scolded her with her eyes. 

"Mrs. Sharpe, your daughter is suffering from a long-term memory loss case."

Ava crossed her arms listening to all that bullshit, she wanted to see how far they would take that scene. She looked around for a camera, but found nothing. Where were they?

"...and all she remembers is being in high school, that's what she told me."

"I am in high school!"

She exclaimed impatiently, Dr. Hunter nodded at the girl and her parents stared at her. Sara too but Ava didn't care. Their faces had the same expression: fear and surprise.

"What year are we in, Ava?"

"2003."

She answered as if it was obvious and rolled her eyes. Sara hung her head and Pam put her hands over her mouth. What the hell was happening?

"Ava." Dr. Hunter came over to her and pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. "Please read aloud what date we are on."

Ava's eyes almost jumped out of her face.

"November fi-fifth of two thousand and sixteen?! What the fuck?"

She shouted in exasperation, frightened. What was that? What the fuck was that? Where did these slim phones come from, why did the calendar dates change?

"We're in two thousand sixteen, dear."

Ava's dad said almost voicelessly, her mother was already crying clinging to his neck and Sara... Ava could see her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. 

"Are you telling me that I slept for thirteen years? - her voice was pure sarcasm, already tired of that show. "Or better yet, I teleported to the future? Oh my God, call the press. They need to know that."

She pretended to be excited, but she just wanted all that circus to be over, she wanted to go home, with her parents, her boring sisters, and the boring school teachers. And of course, go back to hating Sara Lance, because that has always been her favorite hobby.

"No, Ava. You haven't teleported in time, that's not even possible yet."

Dr. Hunter clarified. Ava rolled her eyes and snorted, her face was pure boredom.

"So what happened to the thirteen years that passed without me seeing it?"

The doctor took a deep breath and looked at her parents and at Sara before looking back at Ava and answering completely serious. So serious that it made Ava's spine shiver.

"They have been erased from your memory, you simply don't remember anything that happened in the last thirteen years of your life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so.... how are we going? Are you guys enjoying it so far? Excited about how this is gonna go? Tell me what do you expect to happen and your theories hehehe i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, feel free to follow and ask anything. Kudos and comments makes me happy :)


	3. I knew I loved you before I met you (I think I dreamed you into life)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a christmas eve update for y'all yay

Ava thought that that whole thing could only be some kind of joke, or punishment. They had already convinced Ava that they were in two thousand and sixteen... 

Now she was standing there, frowning at her parents and... Sara. 

They were talking to Dr. Hunter trying to understand what happened. 

"My advice is to let her live her life normally; maybe she living with her wife and son will make her memory come back. I honestly have no idea how this happened; in my 30-year career, I've never heard of anything like Ava's case".

"Can you stop talking about me as if I'm not here?" She huffed angrily, she was fed up with them talking and speculating as if she wasn't right there listening to everything. 

"My darling." Randy went to his daughter, who sighed tiredly. "Do you want to go home?"

"Obviously."

Ava muttered crossing her arms; she thought it was obvious she wanted to go home. Dr. Hunter whispered something to Sara, but Ava didn't even bother to listen. She didn't care.

She just wanted her boring life back. 

"Doctor... What can we do? Will she need some treatment or something?"

Even though Ava wasn’t very interested in that whole thing, she felt compelled to listen carefully, because after all, it was her life there.

"She'll need to do some exams that I'm going to ask, but right now, the only thing I can advise you to do is let her go back to her normal routine, because we don't know yet if this loss of memory it's temporary or if she will never remember those forgotten years."

// 

"Ava, darling, we are trying to help you. The doctor said this might help your memory, why wouldn’t you go home with your wife? You lov-"

"No mom! Don't even finish that sentence. I'm not married to her and I don't love her. I hate Sara Lance with all of my heart!"

She said without patience, she could no longer bear to hear those things. Everyone around her said the same thing, but she didn't love Sara, she couldn't stand even look at her. Just thinking that she was, or is, or were, married to her, was making Ava's head spin.

Her breathing was fast; her mother looked at her in surprise with her outburst and shook her head. They heard a throat clearing and Ava looked up, her father was beside Sara holding her over her shoulders, Sara looked at her as if Ava were some kind of monster; she looked scared. 

Ava didn't know her enough to identify her looks, but that was definitely not a happy look, but it was also far from an angry look. Would it be sadness?

Even though Ava had no feelings whatsoever except hate for Sara, that look was somehow affecting her. 

Randy whispered something in her ear and she just nodded, he let her go and then she turned and left the room saying nothing, making Ava feel bad. She shrugged under her father's hard gaze upon her.

"Did you really need to say all these things, Ava Josslyn?" He scolded her in a way he had never done before Or maybe he did and she just didn't remeber it. "Sara has already signed your discharge, you will go to your house and we won't discuss that anymore, there's no use for whining." She crossed her arms sulkily. "Now, let's go."

He ordered firmly, and Ava was feeling ten years old when her father was always fighting with her for doing something wrong. She looked at Pam and she just shook her head, making it clear that she wouldn't take sides. Still with her arms crossed and her head bowed, Ava passed by her father and left the room. 

They left the hospital after a few more minutes, because her parents wanted to discuss a few more things with Dr. Hunter, who referred Ava to a psychologist, claiming that it would help her until they found out what exactly had happened to her.

"Mom." Ava called her and the older one glanced over her shoulder before opening the car door. Ava walked over to her quickly. "Do I really have to go to Sara's house? I don’t-"

"Ava Josslyn Sharpe-Lance! Drop it." Ava huffed, they couldn't understand that she just couldn’t stand that girl... woman, whatever. "She's your wife. You may not be remembering now, but that woman over there." She pointed toward the other side of the parking lot, Sara was putting something inside the trunk of a car that Ava presumed it was Sara's. "She loves you more than anything, more than you can imagine. Darling, can you at least try to be friendlier? Don't discount your anger from the past, things have changed."

Ava twisted her mouth and continued to look at Sara, who got back to her feet properly and closed the trunk. Her hair ruffled with the wind and she soon tried to pin it in a firm bun on top of her head. Ava almost sighed. Almost. 

"Ava? Come on, Leonard will be out of school soon."

She frowned, opened the door behind the car and got in. Who was Leonard?

She straightened on the seat and buckled up, she likes safety. 

Randy started the car and started maneuvering it out the parking lot.

"Hmm, dad? Who’s Leonard?"

Ava asked extremely curious, her father looked at her in the mirror and her mother just sighed. 

"Leonard is your son, Ava."

//

They parked in front of a house unknown by Ava, but apparently her parents seemed familiar to it. It was already dusk, the garden lights were on. It was a beautiful home. Well, at least from the outside you could tell it was a good home. There was a luxurious black car already parked facing the garage gate. Ava heard the noise of a car parking and looked to her left side, it was the car Sara had been in earlier.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, remembering the words “returning to the normal life”. As if it was easy going back to a 'normal life' when the only life she remembered was the one she had thirteen years ago.

"Don't be rude to your son, can you? He is not to blame for anything and he loves you more than anything."

Randy had a serious expression, but when he saw a small creature get out of that car his face changed completely, he smiled and dropped to his knees with his arms outstretched. Ava just watched that scene, completely enchanted. She wouldn't be hypocritical and say she wasn't moved by all that. She had always loved children, and even not remembering her supposed pregnancy and the first time she had hold that little boy in her arms, seeing him all happy shouting _grandpapa_ left her completely in love. Her father got up from the floor with the little one in his arms and spinned him around, Leo laughing, clinging to his neck. It was lovely to see.

"Rand, don't spin him around too much or otherwise he'll get sick again."

Pam commented scolding the man, she seemed nostalgic remembering the time that the situation happened. Ava's father stopped spinning Leo and put him down, ruffled the little boy's hair and he grasped his grandmother's legs. 

Ava just stood there watching, the little one didn't seem to notice her yet, she thanked god because she still didn't know what to do, how to react to his presence. 

Her mother said something in his ear and only then did Leo look at Ava, his blue eyes seeming to sparkle upon seeing her. Ava's heart raced so fast she almost thought she was having a heart attack.

"Mommy!"

He screamed and ran toward her, his little arms raised and he was practically jumping, waiting for her to pick him up. Ava swallowed and looked startled at her parents, Pam nodded as if encouraging her, and Randy just looked at her as if saying: 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺, 𝘈𝘷𝘢 𝘑𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘭𝘺𝘯! She could even hear his voice commanding that. 

She shook her head and bent a little to pick him up, the little one clinging to her neck so willingly that she just smiled instead of complaining about her breathlessness. That was a nice hug.

She wrapped him in her arms and laid her head on his little shoulder, he said too many things at once and she just smiled all silly for being in that sweet hug. 

"And then Mama took me to McDonalds and I got Finn and Jake. Mama bought me two snacks, mommy. You need to see them, mommy."

Ava looked up at him, smiling, Leo looked like an electric child, full of energy. He remembered Ava herself when she was little. 

And in that moment, trapped inside her own bubble, Ava realized that even without remembering her life with the little one, she couldn't imagine a version in which little Leonard wasn’t present. Ava loved him with all her heart, she was sure of that.

"Is that right?" He nodded frantically, smiling and showing his upper teeth. "How about you get inside, take a shower and eat something, and then we play with your new toys?" 

"Yessssss!!"

He shouted excitedly and Ava laughed at his excitement, in the background she could hear three more laughs, but she was too busy watching the little Leonard. 

After she set him down, he ran toward her parents, but went right past them and toward Sara, who quickly pulled him up in her arms. She seems experienced at this, Ava noted. Leo whispered something in Sara's ear, who smiled; then they did that same hand shake and she turned to Ava's parents.

"Shall we?"

She called them and then looked at Ava, who just smiled sideways and shrugged. Sara seemed happy to see her almost smile and smirked at Ava. Sara looks like someone else.

Ava just needed to put that in her head so things could somehow start to fall into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first: I promise that this is the last "bridge" chapter, from now on, Ava and Sara will start dealing with this whole thing so prepare your emotional because is gonna a RIDE.  
> second: PLEASE keep in mind that in Ava's head she's 16 years old. she has no adult experiences to hold on, she has no memories of being MATURE so yeah, she's gonna act like a brat because for herself, she is one.  
> third:tell me what you guys are thinking of the story and what do you excpect to see in the next chapter, you never know :)  
> comments and kudos makes me happy and encourage me to write faster hehehe also, I've changed my twitter user, i'm @dirextorsharpe now, feel free to follow and talk to me if you want to.  
> :)  
> That's all, thank you.


	4. Your body's poetry, speak to me (won't you let me be your rhythm tonight?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🔞

Ava was watching her parents who, entertained and laughing, were cooking something, or at least trying to. The smile never left her face; it was good to see that even after all this time they still looked like a couple of teenagers in love. Ava's parents had always been the relationship model she wanted to have in her own future. Was her marriage with Sara like that? 

She shouldn't be thinking about that, should she?

She came back to reality when she felt someone tug the hem of her shirt; she stepped away from the table and looked down only to find that little cutie looking at her. She once again noticed that he looked so much like her, at the same time having some traces of Sara.

"Hey little one."

She picked him up and set him on the table, sitting opposite her. The table was apparently solid wood so there was no risk of it breaking.

"Feel it, mommy, I smell really good."

He reached his little hands toward Ava's face, who held and smelled them; they had a delicious smell of something like coconut and oats. She went up her nose by his little arms and soon reached his neck; he laughed and tried to stop her. She laughed too, pushing her nose deeper into the curve between his shoulder and neck. The smell reminded Ava of something. Something like an old perfume she wore a while ago. It used to be her favorite.

"Hmmm, you really do smell good."

"It’s your smell. Mama bought that perfume you used to love."

Ava raised her eyebrows in surprise, how did Sara know that? She immediately remembered that they were married and that she probably knew Ava better than herself at this moment. Maybe Sara wasn't as useless as Ava thought she was.

"Good choice."

Ava looked at Sara, who was standing beside them a little distant. She smiled shyly as she watched Ava interact with Leonard. It was strange for Ava to think of him as her son, because technically she still felt like a sixteen-year-old girl. It was all very confusing.

Ava went back to talking with Leonard; he told her about his day at school and how excited he was for summer vacation. She listened attentively, and she thought that perhaps it would be best to follow Doctor Hunter's advice; try to go back to her old routine, her old life. 

Soon Sara joined Ava's parents and helped them finish dinner.

Everything went well, anyone looking from outside would say they were a big happy family. In some way, they were. But Ava didn't feel completely attached to them... to Sara.

Dinner was perfect, Pam made sure to say that the rice was Sara's merit, as was the tomato salad. The woman spared no praise for the younger, which only made Ava believe even more that her parents admired and loved Sara deeply. They looked really intimate, and Ava just wanted to know when exactly that happened.  
She just wanted to understand how they got there. How did they got to that point.

// 

Unfortunately, they had to leave, claiming to have to work early in the next morning, although they seemed to be lying. But Ava didn't know anything about their lives now, so maybe they actually had to. Ava led them to the door and before they left, they both said the same thing: “don't be rude to Sara, she's not to blame. You're not in high school and you don't hate her anymore.”

When she went back inside, Leonard was in the living room. Ava noticed it because she could listen to the noise coming from the TV; she went to him and saw him lying on his stomach, his chest glued to the couch and his hip raised. He seemed to be dancing to the rhythm of the cartoon's music. Ava worried if that position was comfortable and made a mental note to ask Sara about it later. 

She heard loud noises coming from the kitchen and sighed; she would have to talk to Sara eventually. Ava wanted to run and catch the first flight to far away, but that was her life, right? She needed to live it and the first step was to try to understand it.

"Hey"

Her voice barely came out, she was nervous and afraid. Sara heard so many things from Ava today and they were so snobby that the taller one was feeling really anxious to have to be face to face with her right now. Sara turned off the tap and stopped rubbing the plate in her hand when she heard Ava's voice, looking over her shoulder. Surprise, that’s what her look seemed to show.

"Uh, hi..." She smiled shyly and Ava smiled back, this time for real. She walked toward the table and sat down so that she was facing Sara. How should she behave with her _wife_ that in her mind she couldn't stand but according to people, she loved deeply? "I already washed your strawberries, they're in the bowl and I put condensed milk too, will you want some grapes?"

Ava frowned in confusion. She hadn't asked for any strawberries. She didn't even remember liking strawberries.

"Sorry?"

Sara finished the dishwashing and placed the last plate it in the dish rack, grabbed a dishcloth from the sink, then turned to Ava, who was still staring at her, waiting for an answer; after almost a minute Sara finally seemed to realize the situation.

"Oh shit!" She slapped her own forehead. "I forgot that you... uh, yeah, this is weird" She whispered, seemed to be saying that last part to herself. "You usually like to eat strawberries after dinner, or grapes and kiwi."

She clarified and shrugged, the shy smile on her face showing her nervousness. Ava nodded and looked at the bowl on the table, picking it up.

Strawberries were probably just one of many things Ava had begun to enjoy in those years and that included Sara. 

Sara watched her all the time, every move. Ava brought the first strawberry spoon to her mouth and when she tasted that sweet taste she felt like she was in paradise.

"Wow." She said with her mouth full, filled another spoon and slipped it into her mouth in the same second. "It's–" She swallowed. "Amazing."

She finished chewing and refilled her spoon, she felt Sara's gaze on her and Ava could’ve sworn she heard her laugh a few times. But she wasn't really caring, she just wanted to eat.

"More?"

Sara questioned and Ava froze; she was practically licking the bowl where the strawberries were before. Her cheeks heated immediately, so she swallowed the sweet liquid that was in her mouth and slowly put the bowl down, her eyes still fixed on the table.

She thought to herself that she needed to learn how to behave more like a grown woman and less like a teenager.

"Uh.. No, I’m good, thank you."

Ava cleared her throat a little and shifted uncomfortably on the chair. She heard Sara let out a nasal laugh and soon one of her hands was pulling the bowl off the table.

"What's so funny?"

Ava asked already annoyed to hear her laugh every second. Sara stopped laughing and lowered her shoulders. The years had left her weak.

"Nothing, nothing." She rinsed the pot and spoon and put them both in the dish rack, dried her hands on the cloth, then turned to face Ava. "It's funny to see you acting all shy."

Ava frowned, she expected Sara to say that she had made herself a fool by acting like a child.

"I've always been shy." The taller one said, Sara twisted her mouth and looked at her as if she disagreed. "No?"

"No." She threw the cloth into the sink and then put both hands to its edge, leaning back. "I mean, you were in your teens, but after high school you turned into someone else."

Ava propped her elbows on the table, she was very interested to know everything about herself. Sara grabbed the back of her neck, seemingly unsure what to do, say, or how to act. It was very strange for Ava to see Sara like that, all shy, she had always been arrogant and full of herself.

"Sara, how did we-"

"MAMA!"

Ava was about to ask her when exactly she had agreed to go out with her, or how they got so far to the point of getting married. Ava wanted to know how the relationship started and how it evolved so much. But Leonard's scream startled them both. Ava got up on automatic and left the kitchen even before Sara. She felt as if she had no control over herself anymore, her senses seemed to be all in alert. She arrived in the living room with Sara right behind her. Leo was in the same position. Maybe he got hurt; Ava knew that position wasn't safe.

"Hey, is everything okay?"

Ava asked after walking around the couch and bending down in front of him, Leonard rubbed his eyes with one hand and smiled at her. He had Sara's smile, but Ava still found it cute.

"Where's Mama?"

"I’m here."

An excited and worried Sara sat next to Ava on the floor and looked at the little one. He yawned and then pointed at the television.

"Adventure Time is starting, you promised you were going to watch it with me."

He looked at her, his eyes twinkling; Ava was intrigued. He seemed to be falling asleep, but was willing to stay awake just to watch cartoons with Sara. Ava had only been there for a few hours but she could already tell how close the two of them were.

"I remember, big guy." She sat cross-legged on the couch, picked him up with some effort and put him on her lap. "Remember Mommy told you a thousand times not to watch TV in that position?"

He nodded awkwardly, looking afraid to get scolded. Was Ava the Mommy? She knew something in that position bothered her.

"I’m sorry, Mommy."

How could she not forgive that cute little thing? Was she the bossy mom? Was that why Sara and he were so close?

She couldn't believe she was the boss of the house.

"It’s okay, Leo."

Ava almost slapped herself for calling him that way. Maybe she should call him son?

But the huge smile on Sara's face somehow told her she didn't make a mistake, apparently she always called him that.

She decided to join them, Sara seemed quite happy to see her there beside them, she tried her best not to show it, although she had failed. Ava was trying her best not to be rude to Sara, she seemed to truly like Ava. She wanted to understand more about their relationship, but she just couldn't stand her.

How had Sara managed to win Ava to the point of getting married and having a child? And on top of that he had been born from Ava. Ever since she had found herself a lesbian, she had always thought that when she got married, her wife would be the one to carry their children, not her.

//

Ava was in her bedroom; hers and Sara's, who had warned her that she was going to put Leonard to bed, and Ava just shrugged.

There in their bedroom, where there was only one double bed. Obviously. Where would Sara sleep? Did they have another bedroom? Like a guest room?

Because sleep next to Sara, Ava wouldn’t. She really wouldn’t. 

"Are you going to take another shower or can I go take mine?"

Ava jumped when she heard Sara's voice behind her.

"Uh, I... No, I'm fine, you can go."

The taller one looked at her and tried to smile, but her lips didn't obey her. Sara looked at her for a few seconds and then smiled shyly, she passed her and went straight to the bathroom. 

Ava went to bed and got under the covers; the room was a little hot, but she didn't want to get up and turn on the fan or the air conditioner. She spent so much time debating with herself that she didn't even realize Sara was already back in the room, she hummed a low song and a hum resonated through the bedroom. Sara had turned on air.

Sara had her hair up in a messy bun and only a towel wrapped around her body covered her nakedness. She opened a sliding door that until then Ava hadn't seen.

She got curious, but didn't dare to get up and go check it out, tomorrow she would find out what was there. Minutes later Sara came out, her smell filled the whole room. Grape cream, one of Ava's favorites. She was dressed in a big Real Madrid shirt, now her hair was down, falling like cascades over her shoulders. Sara walked over to the bed and pulled back the cover, sliding under it as well. Ava opened her mouth in disbelief, why didn't she go to sleep in another room?

"Goodnight babe."

And there she was calling Ava babe once again, would she ever stop?

Ava took a deep breath trying to stay calm.

"Umm..." Ava cleared her throat to get Sara's attention, who turned to her and looked at her curiously. "Are you going to sleep… here?"

Ava pointed at the bed and Sara followed her finger to where she was pointing, Sara frowned and looked back at her. Ava gave her best cold look, wanting her to realize it and get out of there.

"Yes...?"

Ava couldn't tell if her tone was obvious or confusing, but sighed irritably and frowned. She didn't want to sleep next to Sara.

"There is another bedroom in this house, no? The couch looks cozy."

She suggested, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible so she wouldn't sound so rude. Sara stared at her for a few seconds, looking incredulous.

"Are you kicking me out of our bedroom?" Ava nodded, and Sara opened her mouth a little. "Why?"

Sara was looking curious at Ava now. 

Ava tried to take a deep breath. She tried not to be rude.

"I don’t want to sleep next to you."

She failed. _Miserably._

Sara gave an almost muted _oh_ and lowered her head, wet her lips with the tip of her tongue, and then rose from the bed almost violently.

Ava was scared, Sara looked angry. She gripped her pillow so tightly that Ava could hear the sound of the pillowcase almost tearing apart. She tried to say something and apologize for the idiocy, but it was too late, Sara had already opened the door and slammed it with extreme force.

And at that moment, Ava realized that she had fucked everything up.

//

The next morning Ava woke up alone, opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was the white ceiling of the bedroom. She stretched a little on the bed and ran her hands over her face. She looked at the nightstand and saw a digital clock there, indicating it was 11:40 am, she sighed. It was still early. She looked around and saw no one. Where was Sara? Was she still upset?

She sat on the bed and noticed that same door Sara came in yesterday half open, maybe there was another bathroom there.

Would Sara find it inconvenient that Ava was messing with her things?

On second thought, things in that house were hers too, right? Right.

Without thinking too much, she got out of bed and went over, opened that wooden door and slid it aside. It was a huge closet. Were they rich or something?

Though judging by the furniture in the house, its size and the cars in the garage, they probably had a good life. Ava realized she had no idea about what she worked with and made a mental note to ask Sara later. She went into the closet and it was huge, full of shelves and there was a mirror at the end. She looked around, it was full of clothes on all the shelves, at the bottom were several shoes and pairs of sneakers.

Hesitantly she walked through the space. Some clothes she could identify as Sara's because she had always loved leather things and that didn't change even with the years gone by. Ava's taste, although it seemed a little different, wasn't far from what it was before either. The number of suits, shirts, and pants hanging on the left side made that clear. She identified them as softer and lighter in color, while Sara's ones look more dark and informal.

_Armani._

_Prada._

_Lanvin._

_Chanel._

Did Sara work for some kind of mafia?

She sighed, tying up her hair in an informal ponytail, and looked back through that closet. She saw a black box on the top shelf in front of the mirror, that had caught her eye.  
Curious as she was, she couldn't contain herself and went to check it. She pulled the box toward her. It was heavy. Carefully, she picked it up and set the black plastic box on the floor and looked around for any label. But there was nothing.

She took a deep breath, pulled the lid off and found... _CDs._

"Can I touch these?"

She asked herself. Well, Sara still hadn't come back yet, wherever she went. She picked up some CDs. Only one of them was labeled "Sara." That's what was written on the CD. Now she was really curious. She just grabbed that CD and put the others in the box, closing the lid and getting up off the floor. She emerged from the closet and closed the door. What should she do now? See what's in the cd or put it back?

She heard the sound of something vibrating, like a cell phone or something she wasn't sure what it was. She paced the room trying to figure out where that noise was coming from. It seemed to come from the armchair, there was a purse there. Ava went to it quickly. She opened the purse and started looking where that whole thing was coming from, and found a cell phone. Well, it looked like one, despite being too thin and big.

The screen was lit. _Amore Mio_ was the contact name on the screen. She could read the contents of the message on the screen and it was written " _Your password is 2602_ "  


Only then did she realize the "swipe to unlock" written on the screen, she then slid to the side and a few squares appeared, she typed the numbers that were in the message. The messaging icon had a small 7 on it, and Ava clicked there. 3 messages were from contact _Amore Mio_ , 1 from one _Birdy_ , 2 from _Mom_ and the last one from a _Retriever_

"Kara!" Ava exclaimed laughing, she didn't even have to think much, she was sure it was her. 

She decided to click on the first few messages.

_Ave, I came to the studio quickly and soon I'll be back home._  
_I made your breakfast... yeah... see you later_

Sara. It sure was her, she was the only one who called her that, it seems like that didn't change. She wouldn't be back until later, which meant Ava could hear the cd in peace.

Sara said she went to the studio, was she a dancer or something? That would explain the expensive clothes and shoes in the closet.

There was a TV in the bedroom, Ava put the CD in the player and looked for the control, as soon as she found it, she turned it on. She went back to bed and sat on the edge, the screen remained dark for a few seconds and then Ava appeared on it.

_"Ave?"_

__

__

_"I'm here."_

In the video Ava was sitting on that same bed, with the camera facing her face. She made some funny faces and the door opened.

_"What are you doing?"_

Sara asked her. Ava sat up better on the bed and turned the camera to Sara. She was wearing a black Real Madrid sweatshirt, her hair down, her face free of any makeup, her freckles visible. Ava had to confess, she was beautiful. The years went well for her.

_"I was testing the camera, I thought it may be broken after last week."_

_Ava shrugged and Sara giggled, the camera turned down, and she heard noises and laughter. They were kissing._

Someone took the camera, this time it was focused on the two women and Sara was holding it. Ava had a huge smile and was clinging to the other girl's neck. Her eyes had a beautiful, true glow. She seemed to really love Sara.

_"Are we going to record us making out? Really?"_

_Sara asked without looking at her, she kept her eyes fixed on the camera lens. Ava gave a dirty smile to the camera._

_"Well.... I thought about doing some activity."_

_Ava lifted her head and bit Sara's neck._

Ava couldn't believe it. They were about to make out. She didn't want to finish watching that, but she couldn't stop either.

_"What kind of activity?" Sara asked in a husky, sensual voice._

Ava had to close her eyes for a few seconds. She heard her own giggle on the video and opened her eyes.

_Their lips were pressed together, and Sara tried to kiss her but she pulled her head back. Sara pouted and Ava bit her bottom lip._

_"I want..." In the video, Ava got out of bed and the camera shook a little, she had taken it from Sara's hand. She pulled back a little and stood in front of the bed, Sara watching her unblinkingly, waiting for what she would say. "you to do something."_

_Sara's expression went from curious to excited. She seemed to smile mischievously._

_"What do you want me to do?"_

_Sara got on all fours on the bed and started to crawl toward Ava, but the older woman's hand appears in front of the bed, signaling that she should stop._

_"Will you do what I ask?" Sara nodded. "Anything?"_

_"Always." She whispered, biting her own lip._

_"Touch yourself for me." Ava asked, her voice came out in a tone completely unknown by herself until then. "I want to see you cum just for me and then I'll eat you out until you scream my name."_

_"Are you going to put your amazing tongue on me?" Sara asked holding the hem of her sweatshirt. Sara showed her pink nipples, a very light pink that contrasts perfectly with her pale skin. Ava was paralyzed. She should turn that thing off. "Will I get to repay you later?"_

_"Of course, I love the things that that pretty mouth of yours can do."_

_Sara took off the white boxer she was wearing and threw it toward Ava, who caught it in the air. Sara smirked at the taller one and bent one leg, made a sexy move with her and then separated both legs giving Ava a view of her pussy._

Ava started to despair. She couldn't believe she was watching that creature's… thing. How was she supposed to look her in the face after knowing she'd seen her naked? And worse, that had already ate her out. Just thinking about it made her want to die.

_"You're so fucking sexy."_

She heard her own voice say in the video, she refused to look, but who said her curiosity diminished?

She opened her eyes just to peek and almost fainted. Sara had her legs spread, one hand is on her pussy making frenetic movements on her clit, her head was thrown back and she moaned Ava's name nonstop as Ava encouraged her to go faster or slower.

Ava watched mesmerized, or maybe horrified. She had become a pervert.

"Aves?"

Her heartbeat became fast when she heard Sara shout coming from downstairs.

She jumped out of bed, her hands were shaking and her breathing was fast. 

She turned off the television and pushed the DVD open button. When the lid opened, she took the CD and pressed the button to close it. She ran to the bed where the cover was and put the CD inside, the bedroom door opened.

Her heart was in her mouth.

"Um… Aves?"  


"Yes?"

Ava responded stammering a little, she heard Sara take a step, but she stopped. She seemed to be afraid of Ava and Ava hoped it would stay that way.

"Did you find your phone? I texted you that I was in the studio." She commented casually, looking like they really were a couple. Well, technically they were. There was the sound of something being deposited on the floor, probably her shoes. "It took me a while because there were some problems there with the new collection."

"Babe?" She called and Ava clenched her jaw at the nickname. "Ava, are you feeling okay?"

Ava noticed that Sara didn't even realized that she called her affectionately sometimes.

"I am. I just-" She sighed and threw her hair over her shoulder. "I'm going to eat."

She declared and turned, not looking up because she didn't want to look Sara in the eye. She couldn't. 

When she arrived in the kitchen she was surprised by the table set, everything was covered properly. There was a lot of different foods there.

She sat at the table and lifted the first lid off a tray, chocolate-filled waffles. She lifted the lid of the other tray, fruit salad. There was juice from something she didn't know what it was yet, eggs and bacon on another tray and pancakes too.

Ava was so entertained drinking her coffee and eating that she didn't even feel Sara's presence in the kitchen, only when the fridge door opened, she noticed she was no longer alone. 

She looked from under her eyelashes at Sara and immediately regretted it. Sara was bent over, grabbing something from the bottom of the fridge. Her butt looked really good in that social white skirt, practically glued to her body. She looked like a sexy businesswoman.

Soon the sex tape scenes that Ava had seen earlier invaded her mind: Sara sweating and masturbating, Sara moaning Ava's name, Ava guiding Sara to orgasm.

If Ava started to think too much about that, it would seem absurd, almost a nightmare. But if she didn't think too much, she felt hot. She'd even say wet.

A figure passed before her eyes, she jumped in her chair and her body went alert. She heard a laugh and only then realized that white creature standing beside her and laughing at her.

"You had a funny face going on, are you feeling okay? Your face is a little red."

Ava looked into Sara's face and saw a huge concern reflected in her eyes. It was strange to see that look and not the mocking one Ava was so used to. She swallowed, shaking her head to ward off all those unclear and confusing thoughts.

"Yes I am, just thinking about a few things."

Sara raised her eyebrows as if to say _oh, okay_. Then raised her hand to her mouth and bit a strawberry. Her lips closed on her fingertips, she closed her eyes and moaned. 

A kind of flash flashed through Ava's eyes and she imagined Sara spreading her legs on one of those counters, a jar of strawberries beside her. She had one leg propped on the counter to give Ava a better view of her-

"STOP!"

Ava screamed suddenly, Sara opened her eyes and looked at her in confusion. Ava let out a low growl and looked away, it was hard to face Sara.

"Aves, are yo-"

"I’m fine, Sara."

Ava took a few deep breaths and tried to remember that they were no longer in school and apparently they no longer hated each other.

_Apparently._

//

Ava was in the living room watching some random movie, or at least trying to watch it. She had finished breakfast about 10 minutes ago, this time making sure to wash the dishes. She didn't want to be dependent of Sara. 

She heard noises upstairs. What was Sara up to?

Ava tried to returned her attention to the movie, but the sounds of something being dragged upstairs piqued her curiosity.

The noises stopped and seconds later she heard fast footsteps on the stairs, approaching.

"Aves? Your cell phone was ringing." Sara warned her, and Ava started to get up to fetch it, but she held the thin device in front of her. "And... did you went through our video box?"

_Oh no._

_Their_ video box. 

"I'm not scolding you, Ava. The videos are ours, everything in that room is ours, just like everything in this house." Sara said as she realized the possible expression of fear and guilt on Ava's face. She sighed heavily. Ava felt the seat of the couch move beside her. "Babe, you need to start feeling comfortable at home, it's yours, you're not a stranger here."

"Sara can you do me a favor?" Ava turned to look into her eyes. She nodded and smiled. "Could you stop calling me babe?" Sara's mouth opened and closed a few times, she seemed to be looking for something to say but then sighed in defeat, bowed her head and just nodded awkwardly. Ava remembered her parents commanding her not to be so rude to Sara, but she just couldn't do this. Sara got up from the couch and turned to leave, but Ava acted faster and grabbed her arm. Was it too strange to say that that touch didn't disgust her? "It's just... It's hard, you know? I don't know how to handle all this, it's not easy for me."

Sara laughed without any trace of humor. Confused, Ava frowned, she thought Sara would be hurt. She released Sara’s arm.

"I'm trying to understand you, Ava. I swear to God I am!" She almost spat the words, her voice pure irony. That was the Sara Ava knew. "Is it hard for you not to remember anything? I’m sure it is. But I'm also sure it's no worse than seeing the love of your life treating you so coldly, as if you're nothing but a piece of shit, or like you’re nothing at all."

Sara stared at Ava for a few seconds and the look she was shooting made Ava afraid, she felt herself shrink under Sara's gaze. Sara shook her head and turned to leave the room.

For the first time in her life Ava was feeling bad about hurting Sara.

Ava sat back on the couch, her eyes roaming the room. She heard the front door open and then slammed shut violently.

Ava's phone started vibrating nonstop, she picked it up and saw _Birdy_ on the screen. She debated whether or not to answer and decided in favor. Maybe it was someone important.

" _Ava?_ " Her heart quickened at the sound of that voice. Not even in a thousand years she would forget it, it was still the same. " _It's me, Dinah._ "

"DeeDee!!"

She exclaimed excitedly, she thought and hoped that her friendship with Dinah would’ve remained the same, although her nickname apparently changed. Ava heard her laugh on the other end of the line, her heart now warm and not aching for remorse anymore.

" _Did you miss me? I'm going to your house in a few minutes, Jonah isn't home anyway and Laurel just left, I think she went to meet Ray and his wife._ "

She started to talk, and Ava asked herself if Dinah knew about the whole memory thing. Well, if she didn't, Ava would have to break the news, and her heart ached at the thought. 

The wife Laurel had mentioned yesterday was Dinah? Ava couldn't believe her best friend had married her school sweetheart. And who was Jonah? Was he their son?

" _I'll be right there, AJ. I'm bringing cupcakes, see you soon!_ "

She hang up. She just talked nonstop and then hung up. Well, at least Dinah was still the same person.

Ava would finally have someone to talk, she really needed someone to understand her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, it's me!! I'm sorry for taking soooo long to post it, but this one was a big one uh? and i always read it again like 5 times to make sure there's no mistakes sksldkl
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed it, please leave me a comment so i can know if i'm doing something wrong or what i'm doing right. 
> 
> i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, feel free to follow me there and ask me anything :) 
> 
> see y'all in a few days, happy holidays!


	5. Should've watched those eyes (instead of run in place)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody special is here :)

While she waited for Dinah to arrive, Ava took the opportunity to go up and take a shower. She still felt awkward bathing in that house, sleeping in that huge bed was weird, and walking around in that silence was even worse.

Was everyday like that for her? She was home alone all day? And worse, were she sustained by Sara? She didn't want to believe that. She had always wanted to grow and become independent.

She stepped into the closet and chose a simple outfit, shorts, short-sleeved shirt, and the white slippers she found in the corner of the closet. She just assumed they were hers, because Sara’s would probably be black.

She left the bedroom and went downstairs, when she reached the living room, she threw herself on the couch. She felt like an aggregate in that house, a guest. It was strange that she felt that way, because it was hers too. She had be living there for who knows how many years. That was her house.

_Her home._

But for her that house was still an unknown place.

The doorbell rang, and it could only be Dinah, so Ava got up in one single movement and ran to the door.

"Holy. Shit!"

Ava gasped at the sight of that smiling woman standing in the doorway staring at her. Time had changed her a lot, but that pretty mouth was still the same, as the eyes and the smile. Her body had also changed, if before she already had a wonderful body, today she has a perfect one.

"So it's true..." Dinah said, but seemed to be talking to herself. Her smile faded a little and her eyes grew sad, Ava frowned and within seconds she felt her body pulled forward and wrapped in warm arms. "I missed you."

Dinah spoke against Ava's hair, the warm air that came out of her mouth tickled Ava's scalp. She cringed against Dinah, sighing happily to have her there. It was nice to be with her best friend in the midst of all that madness. 

Dinah stroked Ava's hair and kissed the top of her head, making Ava smile even more.

"Your hug is still the same warm and cozy one."

Ava's voice was a little muffled by the fact that her mouth was buried in Dinah's voluminous hair.

"Of course it is." Finally the oldest moved away from Ava, smiled and caressed the face of the younger, who closed her eyes to enjoy the touch. "But tell me-" She walked in without even asking permission and even pushed Ava out of the way. Ava's jaw almost dropped, Dinah was still the same sassy girl. "How did all this madness happen? Laurel came home desperate telling everything, that you had lost your memory, that you wanted to beat up Sara. I almost died from how much I laughed."

Ava smiled, realizing that her best friend was still the same chatterbox as she used to be. Even after so many years she could still get over Kara in that matter.

Taking a deep breath, she walked over to where the older one was. Ava sat on the couch in front of her and crossed her legs.

"I don't even know how this whole thing happened." Ava paused to breathe, her head was down. "I just woke up yesterday morning thinking I was still in high school, but in reality I'm already married, with a son and a wife that in my mind I still hate with all my heart."

"Oh my God." Dinah's jaw dropped, the disbelief on her face quite clear. Ava would've to get used to that, because she knew everyone would react the same way when they heard her tell the story. "I'm... Wow."

"What?"

Ava asked confused, Dinah had a weird expression on her face.

"I was hoping this whole story was just a joke from Laurel. I wanted to know how the reconciliation sex with the Little Lance was."

Ava's stomach clenched at that, but she couldn't help but laugh. Only Dinah could make a joke about something so serious. But wait…

"Reconciliation sex?"

The youngest asked intrigued, Sara hadn't commented to her about any fight they had. But on second thought, she had told Ava that _it had just been a stupid fight from yesterday_. So maybe something happened.

"Oh, don't you remember? Yes, I forgot you don't remember anything." Dinah poked Ava's ribs, making her laugh again. "You made quite a show the other night, lucky for you that you don't remember the scene you did in the middle of one of Chicago's best pubs."

"What?"

Dinah laughed, or rather threw her head back and laughed out loud, as if she had heard the best joke on earth. Ava stood still, not sure what the fun was or what she was laughing about.

"Ave." She finally stopped laughing and caught her breath. "You dragged Sara out of Verdant because there was a redhead flirting with her."

Ava's face flushed, she couldn't see it, but she was sure it was the definition of 50 shades of shame. She couldn't believe she had made a scene of jealousy in the middle of a pub.

"The funniest thing was the people afraid of you. And Sara, Sara herself" And she laughed again. Ava was there dying of shame and her stupid best friend laughing at her disgrace. "Sara trying to calm you down and you wanting to pull off your high heels to hit her. You said you would stick your heel so deep in her throat that not even the best doctor in the world could get it out of there."

Ava just wanted a hole to stick her head in. She couldn't believe she had a jealousy episode in front of unknown people because of Sara.

The Stupid Sara!

"...But the best part was you wanting to pull the pillar off and make the redhead swallow it."

"Dinah, that's not funny!"

Ava said irritably, ashamed, nervous. Dinah continued to laugh, ignoring the comment.

"Of course it is, if you remembered you would be laughing with me, supergirl."

Ava's face twitched. Of anger and confusion at the same time.

"Supergirl?"

"Oh yeah." Dinah cleared her throat and sat up correctly. "Ave, you have no idea how big that woman was, she was like, two of you easily."

Ava's eyes widened, it wasn't enough that she had passed all that shame yet she faced someone far bigger than her. Something that was not easy to happen.

Dinah laughed again. She was an idiot. Ava began to wonder why she was still her best friend.

//

Almost 40 minutes later, Dinah finally stopped laughing. Occasionally she would make a little joke, but Ava would soon find a way to divert the subject.

"So tell me, how did you and Laurel finally got together?"

Ava asked, really interested, the glint in Dinah's eyes making her immensely happy.

Dinah started to tell the story, she said that after the first day Laurel took her home, she asked for her number and they started talking. Two weeks later Laurel asked her out and took her to dinner, Dinah said she was in love with everything, especially with Laurel. And since that day they started going out every weekend.

"And today we have Jonah, he's 5 years old, the same age as Leonard."

Leonard. At the sound of the name, a huge smile appeared on Ava's lips. Dinah noticed it and smiled the same way, everyone knew that Ava's connection with him was amazing. And even after losing her memory, Ava loved him more than anything in the world, she could feel the love all over her.

"Dinah, answer me one thing." Ava needed to take the opportunity to kill her curiosities. Her best friend smiled brightly and nodded. "Have Sara and Leonard always been close like this?"

"Oh man, you have no idea." She laughed and Ava ended up laughing too. "When he was born she was glued to you and him, no one could take her away from you, not even the doctors."

Even unintentionally, Ava smiled broadly. In her mind came a picture of a overprotective Sara, sleeping awkwardly but not leaving her side at all. She even tried to visualize some time when she might have felt something for Sara besides hatred and revulsion, but nothing came. She smiled at the thought of her as a mother when Leonard was little. Did she wake up in the middle of the night and put him back to sleep?

Probably yes.

"Ave!"

Dinah snapped her fingers in front of her best friend's face causing her to come back to reality.

"I'm sorry, I ended up at the moon for a moment." Dinah laughed. "Tell me more about your married life, where did the wedding happened?"

"It was on the beach, at sunset." She said smiling, her gaze was nostalgic, she seemed to be remembering her wedding day. "You were my Maid of honor."

"Naturally."

"You and Sara actually."

Ava had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She and Sara seemed to be two in one.

Dinah and Ava continued talking. The oldest said Kara married Lena and Ava pretended to be surprised because everyone knew that those two were born to each other. It had always been obvious that they would end up getting married. They had an eleven year old daughter, Lorelai, and a nine year old son, Jonathan.

Ava couldn’t wait to meet her nephews and niece.

She asked Dinah about Mia, and she said that Ava's younger sister had just joined Harvard, she was there to take the CSI's classes. Ava felt her chest fill with pride, her sister always said she wanted to be a CSI. Mia had ended her last relationship about three months ago; she was straight, meaning only Ava and Kara had good taste in that family.

"I can't wait anymore, I'll die if I don't ask you that."

Dinah stared at her without understanding, Ava sighed looking for the right words. She didn't want to, and to tell the truth she didn't even know if she could ask Sara that.

"What you want to know?"

Dinah looked at her curiously, making Ava's cheeks heat up. She was afraid of the answer.

"You sure must know." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Who was my first time with?"

She said at once and opened one eye just to peek, Dinah looked at her as if the answer was obvious. _Oh no!_

"Do I really need to answer? You are married to her, you have a son with her."

"No!" Ava shouted in disbelief and Dinah looked at her in surprise. She couldn't believe it, much less accept that her first time had been with that girl. Why? Ava remembered that at that time she was very attracted to one of the girls in her class. Alexandra was her name, why not with her? "My first time was with Sara."

Ava said more to herself, shaking her head several times. Was she at least careful? If she hadn't been for sure Ava wouldn't have married her.

She had married her.

Her first time was with Sara.

She had a son with tha stupid girl.

"It's weird to see you shocked to find this out, until recently you would be all smiling remembering your perfect first time." She thinned her voice to mimic Ava. "There's no point in looking at me with that face, Ava, times have changed. And believe me, you're completely crazy about that woman."

"For God's sake, don't say that even as a joke."

She begged in horror, hearing that coming from her best friend was even worse than hearing her mother say that she loved Sara.

"I wish it was a joke, I swear if someone told me thirteen years ago that today you'd be married to Little Lance, I'd laugh at them."

Ava would too, she thought. Except that in her case, that was exactly what was happening.

"I just can't understand how that amount of hate turned into love." Dinah looked at her closely, Ava feeling almost desperate to understand all those things. "Sara and I hated each other in high school, how did w-"

Her speech was interrupted by Dinah's loud laughter, Ava pressed her lips together and glared at her.

"You _hated_ each other?"

She asked between laughs, Ava nodded and she laughed louder.

"Everyone knows Sara and I hated each other!"

The younger one said angrily, she was getting annoyed seeing Dinah laugh so hard that her face turned purple. Everything Ava said seemed to make her laugh even harder.

"Ava, by God! You make me laugh." Ava almost growled, Dinah wiping the corners of her eyes with her fingertips and snapping her tongue. "Aves, the correct is not _you and Sara hated each other_ , the correct is _you hated Sara_ at that time. Sara never hated you, quite the opposite."

Ava was surprised at that revelation. How was possible that Sara didn't hate her? What about all the jokes? The provocations? The number of times that creature trapped her inside the theater? The times that she had made Ava cry with rage? How could she not hate Ava?

"Obviously we hated each other, Dinah. You saw everything she did to me."

"Ava." Dinah took her friend's shoulder and made her look into her eyes. "Sara never _hated_ you. You hated her, so she was always provoking you."

"I hated her because she always annoyed me, I never understood why she liked to do that."

Dinah rolled her eyes and released her friend's shoulders, slapped her forehead, and Ava looked shocked at her. What was the problem with that girl?

"I'm not used to this slow Ava." She shook her head over and over, making Ava frown in confusion. "AJ, Sara has always been in love with you."

"What?" She wanted to scream, but her voice came out low, just a little deeper.

"You had that same reaction when you first realized."

"That’s impossible, Dinah." She got up from the couch and started pacing, shaking her head. "How can a person be in love with someone and just do everything to annoy them? What kind of passion was that?"

Outrage was clear in her tone, she couldn't believe Sara was in love with her back in high school. Why did she do all that then? Why disturb Ava? It would be easier to talk to her, to ask her out.

"She wanted your attention!" She stopped in place to hear what Dinah was saying. "Ave, let's face it, you never looked at Sara before she started _annoying_ you"

She made quotes with her fingers and let out a nasal laugh. Ava sighed, bit her bottom lip, and looked somewhere along the wall. Yes, Ava never liked her, and she didn't even know why.

But on the second thought…

Sara had always been egocentric, stupid, idiot, useless, jackass, and had that damn womanizer fame. So of course she would never like Sara. And one day she just started to annoy Ava.

"I can't believe it." Ava confessed, sitting back on the couch and putting her hands on her knees. "I always thought she didn't like me, I thought she found me ugly and that was why she kept being mean to me."

She admitted almost without voice, it was a little shameful to talk about it, especially now. Sara Lance was in love with her, with her of all people. Maybe Sara didn't have a legion of girls running after her, but everyone at school had always completely attracted to her. From boys to girls, even teachers. No one could look at her without feeling intimidate through those eyes.

Those damn blue eyes. 

"Are you going to tell me you never noticed the looks she gave you?" Dinah asked incredulously. Ava blushed when she remembered once she had caught Sara looking at her ass when they were in the locker room, but at the time she didn't think about any malicious thing. "Ava, that girl's eyes were always almost jumping out of place and going to your body, especially your ass."

"How did I missed that?"

"Maybe because you were too busy hating Sara to actually notice her."

Dinah concluded wisely. And it made sense. Maybe if Ava had noticed some details, some looks, and certain comments, she would have noticed. Sara Lance was in love with her, and that was something that wouldn't enter her mind even with Dinah repeating over and over.

"Deedee." Ava drew the older woman's attention, who made a nasal sound, indicating that she was to go on. "How was... How was my first kiss with her? My first kiss was with her too?"

Dinah wet her lips and took a deep breath.

"No." Ava's shoulders dropped. _Why not?_ "Your first kiss was with your third year crush."

"I HAD MY FIRST KISS WITH ALEX?"

She screamed in disbelief, Dinah's eyes widened but she soon narrowed them, staring at Ava strangely. But the younger one was too flustered to try to identify that look. She had kissed Alexandra Danvers, her absolute crush.

"You really did lost your memory."

Dinah interrupted Ava's thoughts, making her stop trying to fantasize about how that kiss might have been like. She looked at her best friend and she shook her head. What happened?

"What is it?"

Dinah sighed and moved a little closer to Ava.

"Ava, you hate this story. I mean hated it, because now you don't remember."

"What happened? Why do I hate it? Did she forced me?"

Ava jumped out of the couch, that girl was too perfect. She should've known she had a defect, Ava had radar for psychopaths.

She even married one.

"The day you gave your first kiss, you and Sara had an argument and you... you said some things to her, in front of everyone."

Dinah seemed afraid to talk about it. What had Ava done to Sara?

"What I-" She cleared her throat because her voice failed. "What did I tell her?"

Ava tried to search her memory for a fight between them, tried to remember that day. But nothing came. It was all just a blur inside her head.

"I don't know exactly; nobody ever talks about it, let alone Sara. But I do know you said that…" She raised her hands and began a count. "…she was pitiful, scrupulous, stupid, useless, and she would never find anyone to love her because she wasn't worthy of love."

A knot closed in Ava's throat. Had she become some kind of asshole monster in that time?

"... And after that you said that the only person who was worthy of all the good and the best was the person you liked, then you just went and kissed Alex in front of everyone."

"Holy shit."

Ava said in a low voice, bringing her hands to her head and began to wonder what led her to say those things. Okay that she hated Sara deeply, but she'd never been so mean at the point of humiliating someone in front of everyone. Not even the idi-

Ava couldn't even curse her anymore, she felt awful.

"I told you you didn't like this story."

"I was horrible, I'm horrible. Sara doesn't deserve this."

Ava was surprised at herself because for the first time she was angry with herself and feeling bad for doing what she did to Sara, and for still treating her badly. And even worse, knowing that for some reason she didn't give up on Ava after all that.

Several questions began to form in her mind, she tried to find answers to them, but couldn't.

She was only sure of one thing now; she had to talk to Sara urgently.

//

Before 18:00, Dinah said goodbye to Ava, claiming to have to pick up Jonah from school, because Laurel was still in the office and wouldn’t leave because she was full of work. She owned a law firm. She had pursued the career her parents wanted so badly, but according to Dinah she liked it. She told Ava that Sara didn't wanted to be a lawyer, and her parents weren't happy, but she decided to follow her dream without caring about them. Dinah didn't want to go into details and Ava would have to ask Sara everything.

Ava was still in the living room, rummaging through the channels for something that would caught her eye. But they all seemed boring, the conversation and revelations she had with Dinah in the afternoon still hammered in her mind. She felt terrible.

The front door opened, and Ava tried to resist the temptation to look, but it was stronger than her. She looked over the back of the couch and smiled as she saw the scene.  
Sara was with Leonard sitting on her left shoulder, both of them laughing and singing some music. Ava didn't even bother to pay attention to the lyrics, she was more intent on watching them.

She wondered if at other times, when her memory was good, she would get up off the couch and would join them.

"Mommy!"

Leonard shouted as he finally noticed her on the couch, Sara whispered something in his ear before lifting him off her shoulder and setting him on the floor. Ava opened her arms just waiting for the contact with that little cutie.

"Hi my baby."

She greeted him as their bodies collided. Leo grabbed Ava's neck as he filled her face with kisses, making Ava laugh out loud.

"I missed you so much."

The little one revealed as soon as they broke free. Ava smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"I missed you too."

She said honestly, she really felt it. The house without him was empty, and she felt good about his presence. Leo grinned showing his upper teeth and Ava bent to kiss his forehead.

"Champ, why don't you go wash your hands and take a shower? And what sandwich do you want?"

Sara took off her sneakers and shifted Leo's orange backpack over her shoulder, the little one stepped away from Ava and started ripping off his clothes and before climbing the stairs he said he would have the same sandwich Ava was having.

But she didn't asked a sandwich. Shyly, Ava looked at Sara, who looked away and bowed her head.

"I..."

"...chicken with tomatoes and special sauce?" She asked, suddenly interrupting Ava. She looked up and smiled a little, but her eyes were sad. "It used to be your favorite."

She said and headed toward the kitchen. 

The taller one followed her with her eyes and sighed. Sara didn't seem eager to talk, not even to look into Ava's eyes. She hadn't even smile yet, and in those two days since all this had happened, regardless of Ava's rudeness, Sara had always tried to smile.

Maybe Ava had been too hard the night before. 

What if Sara decided never to talk to her again?

//

"Mommy."

Leonard called her and Ava lifted her head to look at him She stroked his hair and noticed how afraid he seemed to be. After the afternoon snack, which had been watered with lots of laughter and random conversation, mostly between Leonard and Sara, Ava spent much of the time just watching them, at times she felt like she was complete. Even if only for a few minutes, she saw them as a family, even though she still didn't like Sara, but she felt that somehow her presence didn't bother her so much. Not as much as before.

"Did I do it the wrong way?"

Ava asked playfully to easy him down, she was curious to know what he wanted to say.

"No." He shook his head. "It's just .. I want to ask you something."

He bowed his head shyly and Ava raised her eyebrows. Something was wrong, the little one seemed nervous.

"You can ask it, little one."

She assured him, and Leonard sighed, lifted his head, and looked at her just as Sara did when she was nervous.

"Mommy, did you and Mama fight last night?"

His little eyes twinkled with tears, and Ava's heart clenched. Did he hear something? Maybe he heard Sara knock on the door loudly last night.

"Leo, we didn't"

"Was it because I sat wrong on the couch yesterday? I promise I won't do that anymore."

He looked flustered and talked nonstop, gesturing the same way Ava did when she was desperately trying to explain herself. It was impossible not to notice how much he looked like her.

"... and I promise I'll always lower the toilet lid, never leave the wet towel on the bed again. But please, Mommy, don't fight with the Mama, I don't like to see her sad."

He grabbed Ava's waist and began to beg, making her feel awful, if she hadn't been stupid last night maybe Sara wouldn't have been as bad as she looks and now she wouldn't be brooding over her guilt.

She heard Leo sniffle a few times.

"Baby, are you crying?"

He shook his head and murmured against his belly something like, _Men don't cry_ and Ava smiled, her eyes wet because she knew he was crying.

"Mommy, promise me that you and Mama won't fight anymore?" He released her and sat staring into her eyes. The gray eyes stared at her as if he were begging, and he was. "I don't like to see the Mama cry, it hurts a lot here, look."

He brought her right hand to the left side of his chest, right in the heart. 

Hearing that and seeing in his eyes how sad he was, a tear rolled down Ava's left cheek. She tried to hold back the sob that wanted to come out, but it was impossible. Leo realizing that his mother was beginning to cry, climbed into her lap and pulled Ava's head to lie on his small lap again. She felt him caress her hair as if to say it was there, that everything would be all right.

It was astonishing the fact that he was only five years old.

Ava couldn't explain, but knowing Sara cried the night before made her feel really bad. She felt as if hurting Sara ended up hurting herself a thousand times more. They had a strange kind of connection.

"Mommy, I don't like to see you cry too." The little boy's voice was muffled through the strands of Ava's hair, which sniffed once more. "Mama always said I was supposed to give you a lap if you cried and she wasn't here. Because I’m the man of the house and I have to take care of you when she's not here."

It was impossible not to smile, and Ava started to cry again, but this time she had a little happiness in the motive. Leonard was an absurdly intelligent, obedient boy, and apparently his memory was excellent. Sara looked like a good mother. She was raising a wonderful man.

"You're a little man." Ava lifted her head and picked him up, filling his face with kisses, he laughed and she felt her chest inflate. She had made him laugh and was extremely happy with that. "My little man."

She whispered in his ear and smiled.

_Her little man._

_Her son._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year, guys. i hope 2020 is great for all of us. 
> 
> how are y'all holding up with the story? are you guys following everything or there's something that maybe is too confusing? let me know so i can help you out. 
> 
> leave a comment for me to know if you're liking it and what your theories are, okay? and maybeeeeee show the fic for a friend hehe. okay that's all.
> 
> see ya soon!


	6. You can relive your life (now that your eyes are open)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but believe me, it's really important, so enjoy :)

Two days had passed and Sara was still avoiding Ava, when for Ava, she was the only one who had the right to do that to Sara.

After all, she was the one who had lost her memory, who found out she was married to someone she had always hated, who had a child born from her that she didn't even remember, she was the one living in a strange house, and all the people she knew were now married and completely different.

Why wasn't anyone putting themselves in her shoes? Why couldn't people understand that she was afraid of all that? She was living her life as if it were someone else's.  
She was a teenager who wasn't really a teenager anymore.

The only bright side in that whole thing was Leo, that little one was amazing. He was so smart, kind and loving. An exemplary son, he never answered and always obeyed when told to do something. Not to mention that he and Ava had been having a great time. When he returned from school she would cling to him as if life depended on it, only with him did she would feel comfortable in that house.

Sara just watched them from afar; Ava felt her eyes, she saw her smiles. Even without wanting to show it, was clear how happy she was to see Leonard and Ava interacting. Ava realized that Sara liked that, because the only times she saw her smile was when Ava and Leonard were together, or when she herself was with him.

Even without wanting it, Ava had been watching her too, she looked tired; dark circles - once invisible, were now clearly visible, huge dark pockets under her eyes. Sara looked exhausted, Ava would say she hadn’t been sleeping well at night. But she had no idea if this was her fault or the whole situation, or maybe both reasons together.

Sometimes Ava wondered if it would be better for Sara if she went to live with her parents again. Next week she would take exams to find out more about what happened and if she was going to be able to have her memories back.

Sara seemed to be suffering as Ava continued to hate her internally, even if a little less. She just couldn't develop another feeling for her.

No one could live that way for long, Ava thought that one day she would get exhausted from her coldness and would leave. She prayed every day for if Sara decided to leave, she wouldn't take the little one with her.

"Mommy!"

Ava came back to reality when she heard Leonard's call and his frantic pulls on the hem of the huge white Chicago Bulls basketball shirt he had made her wear, Sara was also wearing one, but hers were black, just like Leo's one. Sara told Ava that it was a kind of tradition that they used to do on game days, she said Laurel had addicted Leo to basketball, and since then he's been trying to make Sara and Ava like it too. Now it made sense the bunch of Chicago Bulls things scattered around the house.

"Hey Leo. I got a little distracted here." Ava smiled awkwardly at him and stroked his hair. His gray eyes were brighter than usual. "Has the game started already?"

"Not yet." He replied excitedly, bouncing and pulling Ava by the hand toward the couch. Ava noted how hyperactive Leo used to become on Bulls game days. "Mama went to get our nachos."

Ava had always loved nachos. 

Leo fell down on the couch and tapped into the seat on his left, smiling at Ava. She walked over to him and sat down, then wrapped him in a side hug. She looked at the television and saw some journalists commenting, they were talking about the game that would start in a few minutes. Leo had his head lying between Ava's breasts and was shaking his legs frantically, she couldn't stop smiling, he seemed to really like basketball.

"I'm here, I'm here." Sara entered the room, she was as excited as Leo or even more, apparently he had already infected her with regard to enjoy basketball. Ava knew Sara liked soccer, another Laurel influence on her life as well. Sara sat with them on the couch on the other side, Leo stood between the two, he broke free of Ava and reached out one hand to grab a handful of nachos. "Did you wash your hands?"

"Uhun" He agreed with his mouth full and got a scolding look from Sara. "Sorry."

He apologized after swallowing the nachos that were in his mouth, Sara smiled and wiped the corners of the little boy's mouth that were dirty with the nachos and cheddar. 

Sara held out the round bowl to Ava, who just shook her head and pointed at the television, indicating that she would wait for the game to begin, and then she nodded and after two long days finally smiled at Ava.

Ava felt good to see Sara finally smiling.

//

The next few minutes were a lot of fun, more for Sara and Leonard than Ava. She didn't understand anything, but she learned a few things Sara and he explained to her or at least tried to. Ava would rather just celebrate than try to understand, Sara seemed happy to see her interacting with both of them.

Her eyes were shining again.

"YEAHHH!"

Sara and Leo screamed together when the Bulls scored again, Ava understood that with those 3 points they had the game practically won. Sara got to her feet and picked up Leo, throwing him on her shoulder and began to spin, he laughed and celebrated, shaking his hands and feet. A huge smile appeared on Ava's face, it was magical to witness that.

Sara was a lovely mother and was always doing her best to make Leonard happy.

"Come here Mommy!"

Leonard called out to her and before she could react, she felt Sara pulling her hand and then their bodies collided. Ava assumed she had done it on impulse, for being too happy, because at the moment she realized what she did and how close they were, her eyes opened in alarm. Ava was frozen, her body stiffening.

Suddenly Ava felt something strange, her vision blurred and she felt like she was floating. The floor seemed to disappear for a few seconds and then she was taken somewhere else.

//

_Ava looked around, she was still there in the living room. She looked for someone, tried to call for Sara or Leo, but her voice didn't come out, it was stuck in her throat. She put her hands on her neck and squeezed it lightly, turned her face to the side and almost fell backwards._

_She saw herself. She was jumping and celebrating with Sara and Leo. But how?_

_She had the little one on her right arm, her smile was huge and Ava hugged Sara around the waist, she put her other hand behind her back and pulled her closer. From afar they looked like a happy family._

_How could Ava be in two places at the same time?_

_She began to despair, tried to move but her body didn't obey, her brain seemed to receive no command. She was scared, really scared._

_"Kiss! Kiss!"_

_She heard Leo say and clap. His voice sounded more thin than normal. And his hair was shorter, as was Sara’s._

_Then Sara looked at Ava and smiled, the taller one holding her face with her left hand, pulling her toward her and their lips meeting. Leo stirred and waved his hands in some kind of celebration. Ava smile in the middle of the kiss and sucked Sara's lower lip, who pressed her closer and deepened the kiss._

_Ava closed her eyes and tried to shake her head in denial._

_That was just a dream, just a dream._

_Just a dream._

_A weird and not real at all dream._

_Right?_

//

"Ava!" Her body was shaken several times. "Aves!"

Ava's eyes flew open and she felt like she was coming back to life, everything was in place and she was no longer floating. She looked around, her breathing ragged, her chest rising and falling fast. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears.

"You okay, Mommy?"

She looked at Leonard and only then she realized that his hair was long again, he was still on Sara's lap and Ava was still clinging to her. Quickly she pulled back and sighed, tossing her hair over her right shoulder and pinching the bridge of her nose. She was sweaty, her legs were a little wobbly.

"I'm fine, yes."

She answered quickly, her voice was strange. She felt strange. She could feel their gaze on her but she just didn't look back. She didn't want to look at them at the moment, she refused to do so. She just wanted to understand what had happened.

_Had that been a dream or something else?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will understand what happened with Ava in a few chapters, because who doesn't like a mistery right? 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)
> 
> See ya soon (i'm serious this time)


	7. You'll always have a home (in these arms of mine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look, it's Kara

The day passed and that dream, or whatever it had been, didn’t leave Ava's mind. Sara kept ignoring Ava's existence after the game was over, and Leonard was too exhausted to pay attention to her, so much that he basically passed out on the couch a short time later and Sara had to carry him on her lap to his bedroom.

Ava was sitting in the living room, her mind was a mess. It was strange not to recognize herself, supposedly she had become a person completely different than she was before, supposedly she was completely in love with the same person she had never wanted to have even a friendship with, supposedly they were happy. Or used to be.

Why did that have to happen? Ava didn't want to be going through that, and Sara didn't deserve to suffer either. Ava wasn't feeling sorry for Sara, just compassion. The sad eyes Sara had been carrying were affecting Ava in a way she never thought they could.

Ava heard footsteps on the stairs and discreetly looked over her shoulder; it was Sara, she was scratching an eye and yawning. She seemed to be tired all the time. Sara finished down the stairs and rested her hands on her lower back, then bent it and cracked her bones. She shook her head, a funny expression on her face; her hair untucked from the badly done bun and messy blonde curls cascaded over her shoulders.

When Sara looked toward her, Ava's eyes widened and she turned away; she heard Sara sigh loudly, probably of exhaustion. The sound of her bare feet colliding with the floor echoed through the living room, the house was too quiet, Ava could even hear the sprinklers outside.

"Aren't you feeling sleepy?"

Sara appeared beside Ava, who almost jumped at the sound of her voice, her already racing heart seeming to beat faster in her chest. She tried to say something but her voice was stuck in her throat. She was still scared that Sara had caught her staring.

"I... yes." Ava sighed, tightening her fingers on the cream-colored lining that covered the couch. "I’m going to bed right now."

"You don't need to go just because I'm here, if you want, you can watch TV." She was serious, but her voice came out in a calm, controlled tone, it could be said that she even sounded nice. "Tomorrow your sister returns from her travel." Ava looked at her curiously, their eyes locked and Sara caught the questioning look. "Kara."

Ava raised her eyebrows and nodded, she couldn't wait to see her older sister.

"Where was she?"

"Greece."

Ava's eyes widened in surprise. 

"What was she doing there?"

Sara was wearing dark sweatpants and before sitting next to Ava, she pulled the fabric up a little and then threw herself on the couch.

"Honeymoon."

She answered and smirked.

"I thought she was already married. At least that was what Dinah said."

"Oh no, I mean, yeah, she was already married." Sara answered under a clumsy giggle. "Lena decided to present Kara with a trip. So they went there to have their second honeymoon."

She explained and Ava finally understood. That was quite romantic, and Ava was delighted and happy for her sister, her marriage sounded like a fairy tale.

"What about my nephew and niece?"

Her voice came out in a fully animated tone, Sara let out a nasal laugh as she caught the animation.

"Lorelai and Jonnathan? They are with their great grandparents, your mother's parents."

"In Fresno?" She asked and Sara nodded, Ava's shoulders slumped in dismay. "I wanted to meet them."

Before lowering her head Ava could see Sara looking sadly at her, it must be strange for her to hear Ava say that since she was supposedly tired of seeing her nephews' face. But Ava didn’t know them, not even through all those pictures she had been able to recognize them.

"They don't know yet about..." Ava looked at Sara who was gesturing, as if searching for words or trying to make her understand. "It's going to be a shock, especially to Lorelai, she has always been so close to you."

Ava felt a great urge to cry. That was all terrible, she was in pain because she couldn't remember anything. How would she look into her nephew and niece's faces and tell them she had no idea who they were?

How should she look into her sister's face and say she didn't remember her wedding? That she knew nothing about her anymore, that she had no idea what was going on. That she didn't know her children, didn't know their birthdays, or even remember their births?

Ava was so angry and devastated that she didn't even realize when she started crying, she was crying for everything and even more, for not being able to do anything to reverse the whole situation. Firm arms wrapped around her body, an uncanny scent invading her nose, even though she knew it was Sara there, Ava felt she had known that perfume for a long time. Maybe that was some kind of memory.

Her sobs were loud, Sara pressed her tighter against her body and Ava huddled in her arms like a hopeless kitten. She needed nothing more than a lap to cry all that she hadn't cried in those days since the fateful day she had woken up without memory. Sara got up from the couch and pulled Ava, who was soon back in her arms, grabbing her neck and sinking her face against Sara's shirt; she felt Sara walk with her and just let her take her.

Ava didn't have the strength to deny her, and in fact, she didn't even want to.

//

Ava had no idea how much time she spent crying, but she knew she felt exhausted, her eyes stung, her chest still ached, and her nose was stuffy. Sara didn't leave her side for a second, after laying Ava on the bed, she sat with her back against the headboard and pulled Ava's head to rest on her thighs. She spent the entire time petting Ava’s hair, she didn’t say anything, but stayed there for Ava.

Even with Ava rejecting her, even with Ava not deserving her, she was there.

Ava finally noticed how amazing Sara was, but also realized that she didn't deserve her. Ava was making her suffer, and maybe she would never remember loving Sara.

It wouldn't work, it wasn't healthy for either of them, their relationship was doomed to failure.

//

It was the first night that they had slept in the same bed since it all happened. Sara didn't cross any line, and when they hugged, the only one who took the initiative to make it happen was Ava. She seemed afraid to do something she wouldn't like and Ava appreciated her respect.

Opening her eyes in the next morning, Ava noticed that Sara was no longer in bed. She looked around the room and as usual the closet door was half open. She had probably gone to work.

Sara's scent was all over the room, and Ava inhaled sharply several times before standing and going to the bathroom. She took a quick shower and noticed that she had a new change of clothes on the sink counter. Sara had that habit of separating Ava's clothes. 

She got dressed and came out of the bathroom, her hair was a little damp and she didn't even care to feel that her back was starting to get wet. Everything was silent, when Leonard wasn't home everything was quiet. Ava didn't like it, it was good to see the little boy bouncing around the house.

He inherited Sara's energy, he couldn't be quiet for even a second.

In the kitchen, the table was set, Ava looked at the stove and sighed. Sara's food wasn't bad, but Ava remembered that she liked to cook. Had she lost that habit?

She seemed to have become a lazy person, apparently supported by Sara - since she hadn't touched on the work subject, Ava didn't know what her job was yet. Sara did basically everything for Ava, besides tidying up, doing the laundry, and taking their son to school.

Ava couldn’t believe she just stayed home all day like a madam.

//

After finishing her breakfast, Ava washed the dishes and arranged them in the dish rack. She stretched real quickly, feeling her muscles tighten and let out a sly moan. The day was sunny, she saw the sun reflect through the windows. She knew they had a pool in the house because she had seen it from her bedroom, and today she would try it out.

She ran to the second floor and went to her bedroom, went into the closet and reached in the drawers - which Sara said were her own, for a bikini. Soon found several of them, with various colors and sizes and....

"Wow, does this even cover anything?"

She wondered as she looked at the red panties of one of the bikinis, it had a too thin of a strap.

She was home alone anyway, so there would be no problem wearing those bikini. After being properly dressed, she went to the mirror to look at herself and her jaw dropped. She hadn't noticed how much her body changed until that moment, big breasts - and natural ones. Her legs were no longer those little sticks they used to be, now they had mass and even looked a little muscled, her arms were no longer thin. She turned on her back and her ass was different too, rounder and harder. But the main difference was definitely her six pack. It was completely defined, and Ava ran her fingers over it and felt her muscles stiffened automatically under the touch. She smirked.

//  
She sighed in delight at the spacious pool. There was a deck at the end of the yard, even from afar she could also see the barbecue grill and a small bar with a cellar in the wall. It had a large dining table too. 

She took off her slippers and threw the towel that was on her shoulders on one of the white divans around, they looked comfortable but at the moment she just wanted to get in the water. She positioned herself on the edge of the pool and stretched her muscles before flexing her legs a little and taking the momentum to jump into the water.

It was perfectly warm.

//

Almost an hour later she came out of the water because she was tired, not to mention that she had forgotten her sunscreen and if she didn't get out of the sun she would probably suffer with the sunburns later. 

She dried herself and wrapped the towel around her body, as soon as she opened the glass door and stepped inside, she heard the doorbell ring.

Curious, she held the towel tightly around her body. She reached the door and looked through the peephole. There was a man standing there.

She hesitated to open the door, she didn't know who he was. Maybe Sara didn't like her meeting someone strange when she wasn't home.

Even not wanting to open the door, Ava unlocked it and turned the knob. The guy was dressed as a postman, he was tall, milk-white and his hair was short, he also had light brown eyes. He grinned at the sight of Ava, looking her up and down, making her hold the towel tighter against her body.

"Hi love." He said trying to sound seductive. "Aren't you going to invite me in? I miss your body."

Ava widened her eyes and stepped back as he stepped forward, she almost fell as she slipped on the slightly wet floor because she was still wet herself. She looked in horror at the crazy postman who was supposedly her lover.

"Get out, you freak!"

She screamed at him and turned to run but he acted faster and gripped her waist tightly. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. It couldn't be possible that she cheated on Sara, not after she had agreed to marry her and had a child with her. She couldn't be so horrible.

"Is this how we going to do it today?"

He whispered in her ear in a lascivious tone, Ava felt her stomach tighten and felt like she was going to faint. She was about to react and elbow his belly when a loud laugh – well known - rang through the house. The madman let her go and Ava opened her eyes, spun on her heel to see a woman rolling - literally rolling on the floor with laughter.

"Oh-oh my g-god."

Dinah was laughing so hard that she couldn't talk, Ava still didn't understand that whole circus. She looked at the postman and he gave a surrendering sign, as if to say he was innocent. Ava looked back at her stupid laughing friend on the living room floor and clenched her jaw.

"What the fuck is this, Dinah?"

Ava demanded, almost frothing with rage, she was there scared and disgusted with herself for supposedly having a lover and that idiot laughing as if she had heard the best joke in the world.

"Ava! Aves, you should see your face!"

She kept laughing, but with less intensity. The idiot Ava called her best friend got to her feet and pulled something out of her pocket, a brown wallet, opened and pulled out a hundred-dollar bill, handed it to the maniacal man and said something in his ear, the man waved at Ava. He then left the house, closing the door. Ava looked at Dinah who looked back at her, her face began to turn red and soon she was laughing again.

"I. WILL. FUCKING. KILL. YOU."

Ava grunted and marched toward her, Dinah started to run away, but didn't stop laughing, not even for a second.

//

Minutes later Ava gave up trying to catch her, she was much faster.

"Oh, don't make that angry face." Dinah sat next to Ava and tried to hug her, but she dodged and pushed her away. "It was funny. C'mon, admit it."

"I don't see how that was funny, asshole!" Ava almost screamed and stood up, her nerves on edge. The mere thought of cheating on Sara was bothering her too much. "I was already hating myself for thinking I'd become a heartless bitch."

She sighed, running her hands through her damp hair and tossing it over her right shoulder. She straightened the nearly falling towel and shook her head several times, pinching the bridge of her nose. Ava heard Dinah sigh softly. At least she knew she had done something wrong.

"That would have been funny if your memory were okay." Her voice was sad, Ava turned to her, who was clasping her hands against each other and staring at Ava awkwardly. "Sorry, but it was so funny when we were always disturbing each other."

"It's okay, Dee, I..." Ava didn't know what to say and she grunted, went to the older one and ran her hand through her hair, Dinah smiled. "You'll pay for that, just wait."

Ava warned her and smiled wickedly, Dinah widened the smile and pulled her into her lap. Ava let out a little squeak, falling in her lap awkwardly, the towel went down to her hip and her damp hair was covering her forehead.

"That’s my girl."

Dinah slapped Ava's ass and she jumped in surprise, eventually laughing. There was no way she could be angry with that woman for too long, she was too lovable.

"Are you hungry?"

Ava asked and Dinah helped her to her feet; Ava straightened the towel and pinned her hair to the top of her head. Dinah got to her feet too, and straightened the hem of her skirt that had risen a little.

"Do you really have to ask? Come on, I miss your food."

"I still like to cook?"

Ava questioned curiously as they headed for the kitchen. Ava went to the fridge and Dinah sat on one of the table chairs.

"Of course, that's your second biggest passion."

Ava held the refrigerator door open and looked at Dinah with an arched eyebrow.

"And what’s the first?"

"Leonard." She answered and Ava smiled. "And Sara."

She completed it and Ava's smile died, her expression went from happy to normal in seconds, she looked back into the fridge and searched for some ingredients to do something that would please them both.

"Are you in the mood for some Filet Mignon with Red Wine?"

"Wine? No, I can't."

Ava frowned and looked at Dinah through the small gap between the fridge and freezer door, Dinah had a funny grimace on her face but was smiling shyly.

"You always liked wine, did you stop?" The older one shook her head and pursed her lips; Ava took the meat from the freezer and closed both doors, looked curiously at Dinah and decided to risk it. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"There is!" She exclaimed and tapped her fingers on the table. Ava set the meat on the sink and then turned to face her friend. "I was going to wait until everyone was together, but you're my best friend so you deserve to know first. I'm pregnant!"

She grinned and Ava's jaw dropped. Dinah's eyes were bright and Ava remained paralyzed.

"You..." Ava closed her mouth and made some strange movements with her hand looking for words, but nothing came. "Dee! Oh my God!"

Ava started walking over her, Dinah pushed her chair back and got to her feet, opening her arms to Ava, who sank into her hug. They were smiling and jumping, looking like two kids.

"I'm so happy."

"I can tell, Dinah. Your skin looks even more beautiful."

They broke free and Ava looked at her, her eyes were a little teary and Ava assumed it was for her enormous happiness. She stroked her arms and rocked her a little. 

"But that has to be a secret of ours, nobody can know that yet, not even Sara."

Ava released her and raised her hands, crossed her index fingers and kissed them, Dinah smiled and did the same. They used to do that when they were younger, it meant secrecy and they couldn't break that promise. 

After much celebration, Dinah practically forced Ava to prepare lunch soon because according to her, her nephew was hungry.

Ava heeded her order, and soon went looking for spices for the meat. She opted for the traditional filet with butter and onions, accompanied by potatoes and white rice. While pouring the meat into the water to defrost, Dinah and Ava talked about various subjects. Ava asked her several things about her own life with Sara, but Dinah always cut her off and said she should ask her wife.

Dinah told her that Sara and Leonard would be arriving a little late because Sara had a volleyball game every Friday with her best friend Ray and some work friends. What work? Dinah didn't tell Ava.

//

After lunch Dinah volunteered to do the dishes and Ava sat listening to her talk about how perfect Laurel was.

It was funny to hear her refer to Laurel as her wife since in Ava's head she still saw the teenage Dinah who drooled gallons for the nice Lance sister. But now she's there, the woman who got married to her high school sweetheart.

"Laurel is crazy to have a girl. I'm hoping it's one this time."

Ava laughed, the way Dinah was excited about her marriage and her wife was cute to look at.

"I hope so too, it will make her happy."

She finished the dishes, took the dish towel and dried her hands. She turned to face Ava and walked toward her, pulled out a chair, and sat at the table with her best friend.

"Yes, for sure." She wet her lips with the tip of her tongue and looked at Ava oddly. "Do you know who else would be happy to have a little girl?"

"Oh no."

Ava already had an idea who she was going to say and she wasn't in the mood to hear that.

"Oh yes, your beautiful and wonderful wifey." Ava scowled in a disgusted face, not quite so fake, and Dinah laughed. "A few weeks ago you would be all excited and researching clinics to do another insemination." Ava rolled her eyes and Dinah snapped her tongue. "Ave, tell me something." She propped her elbows on the table and moved forward, looking Ava in the eye. "Have you two had sex? I mean, after everything that happened... have you?"

Ava's face instantly flushed, scenes and memories of the video she had watched three days before invading her mind. She was dying of embarrassment and choked on her saliva and began to cough desperately as Dinah nearly died of laughter.

"You got embarrassed, so you had sex or you remembered something."

"That's none of your business." Ava growled at Dinah, who didn't even care about the rude tone. "And we didn't have sex, that's disgusting."

Ava made her best face of disgust, Dinah threw back her head and laughed out loud. Ava snorted and threw herself back, crossing her arms below her breasts.

"Disgusting?" She looked back at Ava and wiped the corners of her eyes. "You didn't feel disgust all the times you told me how wonderful Sara is in bed, I was bound to hear you call her the Goddess of sex."

"Are you kidding me?" Dinah smiled and shook her head, and Ava jumped out of her chair in exasperation. "Goddess of sex? Sara?"

"Yes, Sara." Dinah also got up, Ava heard the chair being dragged but was too busy freaking out. "AJ you may not believe it now, but you’re completely cra-"

"Can you please don't?" Ava interrupted her, she was tired of all that, her head hurt and she really didn't want to hear that she was crazy about Sara again. "It's a lot to my head and the last thing I want to hear is that I'm supposedly in love with Sara."

She looked seriously at Dinah, who nodded and made a sign of surrender. Ava pulled the towel from her body and stormed out of the kitchen. Already at the bottom of the stairs, she simply shouted she needed a shower.

//

After a long shower, she put on a soft outfit and went down to apologize to Dinah. She had nothing to do with all that, it wasn't her fault that Ava's mind was defective. Dinah accepted easily, said she totally understood it. Ava felt bad, it wasn't her intention to hurt her friend.

Now they were fine again, and Ava was lying on the couch with her head on Dinah's legs. They were watching some reality show, Dinah said it was one of Ava's favorites. The program paused and went into the commercials.

"This is not bad."

Ava commented as she sat on the couch and stretched her muscles looking at Dinah, who nodded, popping her neck and yawning quickly.

"It's funny." She scratched her head and looked at Ava. "Aves, I think I'm going home, I want to enjoy the rest of my vacation in front of my TV and Jonah will be home from school soon, I need to be there to welcome him."

Her tone was a little guilty, Ava smiled to reassure her, it wouldn’t be fair to be holding her there for no apparent reason.

"Okay." Ava assured her and she stood up. "I'll take you to the door."

Dinah nodded and extended her right hand to Ava, who intertwined their fingers and they walked together toward the door.

"Tomorrow you should ask Sara to take you to my house to see Jonah." Ava pouted causing Dinah to roll her eyes. "There’s no use in making faces. You're not even trying to get along with her."

"I don't want to get along with her."

Dinah huffed impatiently and grasped Ava's shoulders, looking straight into her. 

"Stop being like that, you're not in high school anymore. Sara is an amazing woman, allow yourself to see that."

_Maybe Ava should._

//

Ava was alone again, but not for long, because it was already dusk and Sara would probably be back with Leo soon. And Kara was going to visit her, they had been on the phone for almost 2 hours, most part of it Ava just heard Kara cry because of her.

Kara was still as sentimental as ever.

She heard the doorbell ring, and smiled widely because she knew who was there. She walked to the door, anxiety consuming her. She had barely finished turning the knob when she felt her body being jerked back and blond hair blocking her vision.

"Oh God!" Ava exclaimed, startled by the sudden invasion.

"Little sister."

Kara murmured against Ava's hair, who felt her eyes watering, it was too good to have her sister there, she would be another person who would help Ava go through everything that was going on.

Ava craned her neck back a little and finally watched her sister, her hair was blonder than Ava remembered. Her face carried more defined features. She smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on Kara's forehead, who smiled at the touch.

"God, I missed you, Ave."

Ava squeezed her in her arms and heard her begin to sob in her neck, so she pulled Kara inside and closed the door. With her still clinging to her, Ava walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling her to sit beside her and started playing with Kara's hair.

... A few minutes later she finally calmed down. She asked if what Lena had told her was true - she told Ava that Sara had called Lena and told her about everything, also said she had come back from the trip earlier because of that.

Ava felt bad for disturbing their second honeymoon, they must be having fun. Ava then told her about the events of the days since she had lost her memory, and also said that she had an appointment on Tuesday with Dr. Hunter. 

Kara cried a few more times when Ava confided that she didn't remember anything, not even her nephews, nor getting married, let giving birth to Leonard.

Ava wanted to remember what it felt like to have him in her belly, how the people around her would compliment her and be excited for his arrival. She wanted to remember even the possible pains of childbirth, she would choose to feel them a hundred times if it made her have the memory back. She wanted to know how it felt when she first took him in her arms, when he said his first word and when he learned to walk.

She wanted to remember all the moments she had unknowingly missed, she wanted to remember her life.

The new one.

//

Later, Ava decided to change the subject because she was tired of crying over what happened, and also no longer wanted to see Kara suffering for her. They were always together, since they were very young, Mia was also with them but, being the oldest ones, Kara and Ava always walked together. They even showered together and ate on the same plate when younger.

"...They are amazing, especially Lorelai, she loves you so much."

Kara commented and Ava smiled; Kara showed some pictures of her nephews, Dinah's son, and younger Leonard.

"I really want to see them, I've always dreamed of having nephews and nieces, and now I have three."

Yes, three. After all, Dinah's son was also her nephew since Ava always considered her as a sister.

"I know, when Lorelai was born you were happier than Lena."

"Seriously?"

Kara agreed laughing and Ava ended up laughing too.

"Very seriously, when Lorelai was born, we used to joke that maybe the doctor had changed the samples and you, not Lena were her other mother."

They laughed and continued talking, Kara was also super vague when Ava questioned about her life with Sara. Everyone was forcing her to talk to Sara. And Ava didn't want to do that.

Ava had lost track of time, Kara told her about the lives of her former classmates. Many did well in life, and some worked in supermarkets or were involved in the wrong things. Ava was tempted to ask about Alexandra, but she knew Kara would probably scold her for it.

"...you had to see, it turned into a cake war after that."

Kara was telling about Jonnathan's first birthday, she said he tucked his hands in the cake and then started shaking it, soiling the table and the people around them. Ava wanted to remember that.

The sound of the car being parked got the attention of the two women, Kara looked toward the door and Ava did the same, about 2 minutes later the door opened and a bouncing Leonard passed by.

"Today was the best game ever."

He was talking loudly, excited and Ava smiled to see him happy, so Sara also came in and Ava's eyes almost popped out of her face, Sara was...

Ava couldn't even find the proper word.

Sara was dressed in a tight white uniform, shorts super glued to her body, possibly damp with sweat, the tank top was also clinging to her breasts, her hair was tied in a ponytail and she had a white ribbon on her head. Ava's jaw dropped. Sara was beautiful.

Not that she was ugly in the past, but now her body was completely different. And she had a six pack that made Ava swallow hard; Sara smiled at Leo and they both touched their hands, doing the same thing with the fingers they always did.

Sara took the bag off her shoulder and closed the door, tossing the bag in the corner. Leonard looked toward Ava and Kara. She knew he had shouted something, but she was too busy enjoying Sara.

Ava noticed that lately she couldn't keep her eyes off Sara, and that was starting to become a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this time i really came back soon uh? i'm getting better at this heheheh
> 
> i want to thank every single one of you that takes some time of your day to read this story, it means a lot to me, y'all are the best. 
> 
> i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, feel free to follow me and ask me any questions about the fic or not, we can just be friends hehehe
> 
> comments and kudos are always welcomed :)
> 
> see you guys soon!


	8. All down to you, dear (everything has changed)

Ava could hear voices and felt her body being moved, as if she were jumping. Maybe it was the effect of some drug. She opened her eyes in fright, thinking that the possibility of her being drugged were high since her life had became so ominously.

_"Mommy!"_

She heard a little scream and then something fell on her. She knew the voice, and knew that baby smell. Before, she hated being woken up, even more so, with someone screaming and jumping on her. But now she was smiling, and so was he, the little charmer who filled her heart with joy without even trying. 

Ava couldn't explain it, but it seemed that with each new day a greater feeling for him grew inside her. She loved him, she knew that, she could feel it. Kara said it was her maternal instinct, even though Ava didn't remember things, she still recognized him as her son.

"Good morning to you too, Leo."

Finally she opened her eyes wide and looked down at him, his chin was on her belly and his knees on the side of her thighs. He smiled when he saw Ava awake and crawled up until his head was in her chest.

"Good morning, mommy."

"Leonard! Come here." Sara sounded irritated, Leo's body stiffened over Ava, and seconds later the door swung open. "Why did you run away, little man? I told you you wasn't supposed to wake your mother."

She scolded him and he hid his little face in the curve between Ava's shoulder and neck. She felt sorry for him, Sara looked scary talking like that. Ava stroked the little boy's back and kissed his hair.

"But is dancing in the rain day"

He spoke muffled as his mouth was pressed against Ava's neck. She looked curiously at Sara, who ran her hands over her face and shook her head.

"Day of what?"

"Dancing in the rain." Sara replied and went to Leonard and Ava, she grabbed him by the waist and pulled him up, he tried in vain to hold on to Ava. She considered taking him and keeping him there, but he was laughing, he seemed to be enjoying that. Sara held him against her body and looked at him. "You, little sir, will take your bath, and then we'll talk about you disobeying me."

"You don't have to scold him, he's just a child."

Ava said without thinking and Sara shot her a look that made her want to disappear. She held that serious look for a few seconds and without saying anything just put Leonard on the floor. The little one waved to Ava and then ran out of the room.

"He is a child, Ava. But he needs to know that he can't disobey people. So don't scold me in front of him, because he will think he's right and will always do it, unless you want a spoiled child who doesn't listen to you."

She was completely serious, her arms crossed below her breasts. Ava felt like a child getting scolded by her parents. Sara could be very scary when she looked like that.

"I'm sorry."

Sara sighed and her face softened, she bit her lip and then quickly shook her head.

"It's okay, you're still adapting to all this." Now she was understanding and calm, Ava almost sighed with relief. She realized that she didn't like bossy Sara. "In fact, it would be good if the lady could get up and take a shower too or we will be late."

Ava opened her mouth to ask where they were going, but Sara was faster and had already left the room. Ava huffed in frustration and hit her hands on the mattress.

She didn't even know what she should wear.

She got up from the bed and started to leave the room, but stopped when she saw a change of clothes at the end of the bed. Sara and her habit of separating Ava's clothes. 

Without even checking, Ava grabbed the clothes and went to the bathroom. She needed a long hot bath to relax and get ready for the day.

After she got out of the shower, she put the towel on the stand and took the clothes Sara had separated, putting on the underwear first. Ava felt uncomfortable with Sara separating her panties. She needed to talk to her about it as soon as possible. When she went to put on her clothes she was surprised by the white tank top and the gym pants.

"Ava? Are you ready?" The bathroom door was opened and Ava looked at Sara, who was looking her up and down. "What happened?"

Ava took a deep breath and looked at the clothes in her hands, showing them to Sara, who shrugged and questioned her with a look.

"Where are we going? Why do I have to wear this? Are we going to work out or something?"

Sara made a face and looked at her as if Ava had said the greatest idiocy in the world. Ava looked at her the same way and suddenly Sara’s face softened, she tilted her head back and said something.

"Sometimes I forget that you don't remember anything." Her mouth twisted and she sighed, she got distracted and focused on Ava's legs. Making her face heat up when she realized she was half naked in front of Sara. "I'm going to take you to know the other part of your life."

"Mama!"

Sara looked at the door and waved her hand, Leonard was there waiting for them.

"Get dressed quickly before he goes crazy."

Sara said and left the bathroom, Ava sighed and leaned against the wall. She had no idea where they were going, especially since she had to be dressed that way. Just thinking about doing some physical exercise, made her feel exhausted.

//

Ava finished dressing and look at herself in the mirror. She took a turn and smiled to herself at her reflection. Her hair was tied in a tight ponytail, she was wearing medium-high sneakers, quite comfortable. She just wasn't wearing makeup, she didn't remember if she usually did - although it was likely, but in her mind she only knew how to use an eye pencil and risked with eyeliner every now and then.

"Wow!" Ava jumped when she heard a voice, looked back and found Sara paralyzed at the closet door, measuring her from top to bottom. "I like you better without makeup."

Ava knew that Sara said that on impulse because she pressed her lips and looked down awkwardly instantly, Ava felt her face start to heat up again because of the comment. She never knew how to respond to compliments, she always felt awkward or started laughing like crazy.

"I look old."

Ava joked to break the strange atmosphere that remained there and turned to the mirror again, through it she saw Sara lift her face and look at her. Her eyes were blue and bright; she broke into a small smile and shook her head.

"So you're the youngest and most beautiful old person I've ever seen."

Sara said and before Ava could turn around and talk back, her eyes went a little blurry, Ava heard Sara call her name and held on to the edges of the mirror to keep from falling on the floor. She felt Sara grab her by the waist and hold her against her, Sara's phrase echoed in Ava's mind and again she felt herself being pulled into that parallel universe.

//

_Ava looked around and knew she was in the same place, she recognized the closet. But it was empty there. She heard the door open, then the other her entered the place and then Sara too. Ava took a step back and watched the scene, it was strange, she felt like she was watching a reality show._

_"I've said a thousand times that you look beautiful without makeup, I don't know why you're so paranoid about it, babe."_

_Sara said and crossed her arms, resting her shoulder on the wall and looking at Ava, who was in front of the mirror seeing something on her face. She turned to Sara and snorted._

_"You just say that to please me, I look horrible without makeup, stop lying." Sara shook her head and Ava tapped her left foot, frowning. "I look old, look at these dark circles under my eyes."_

_She completed and looked at herself in the mirror again, Sara uncrossed her arms and tapped the air twice, pretending she was slapping Ava's ass._

_She approached Ava and held her waist. Ava then approached them to see and hear better. She saw that the other version of her was still frowning, Sara smiled at Ava through the mirror and her expression softened. She tossed Ava's hair over her right shoulder and gave a simple kiss on the back of her neck and another on the curve between her shoulder and neck. Ava closed her eyes and sighed._

_"You are beautiful." Another kiss. "Wonderful." Another. "Without makeup you look even more beautiful, and if you think you look old, then you're the youngest and most beautiful old person I've ever seen."_

//

Everything went dark and Ava felt a pressure in her body, heard Sara's voice and opened her eyes. She was in her arms, Sara was looking terrified and saying something that Ava couldn't understand. She shook her head and let Sara help her to stand upright.

"Is everything okay? Are you feeling something?"

"No, I just-" Ava pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "I’m okay."

She lied and smiled at Sara, who sighed in relief and took a step back. Ava felt safer with her at a distance, her presence making her even more nervous than she already was. Ava was about to say something when a little hurricane came into the closet and started talking fast and jumping.

"Come on, moms, I want to go."

Leonard almost begged and took his mothers hands and pulled them out of the closet. Ava looked at Sara who just laughed and let the little one lead their away. Before going down the stairs, Sara released Leonard's hand and picked him up, forcing Ava to let go of his little hand when Sara threw him on her shoulder. Ava just looked at the two of them, they were laughing at each other. An involuntary smile appeared on Ava's lips.

"Up, up…"

"AND AWAY!"

They screamed together and then Sara ran down the stairs, Ava's heart nearly stopped and she felt like scolding Sara for doing that, but she chose not to.

"Mommy, your coat!"

Leonard went to Ava and handed her a thick black coat. She smiled at him and grabbed the coat, then dressed it and he went to Sara so she could finish wrap him up. Ava zipped up her coat and pulled her hair tighter. Sara also wore a thick coat, but hers were green. Leonard was wearing a black cap and dressed in a Chicago Bulls jacket, Ava snorted, he really was a basketball fanatic. There was a black cap on the side table, but Ava was keeping an eye on the white one Sara was wearing, it was beautiful and the way Ava liked it. She loved beanie caps.

"I'll take that."

Ava went to her and took the cap from her head, Sara looked at her with her mouth open and Ava smiled at her as she adjusted the cap on her head. Sara shook her head smiling, then took the black cap that should’ve been Ava's and put it on her head.

"Shall we?"

Sara called them and Ava nodded, she didn't even have to call Leonard twice because the little one opened the door and ran out the yard. Ava was curious to know where they were going and why the little boy was so excited. It was quite cold outside, the breeze that hit her body made her shiver a little.

"Sara." Ava called her and she looked at her unlocking the car for Leonard to get into it. "Is the place we’re going so cool for him to be excited like that?"

Ava pointed at the car where Leonard was sitting in the driver's seat and honking the horn. Sara laughed and motioned for the little one to wait.

"It is cool, but his excitement is for something else."

Ava didn't like the little smile on Sara's lips at all.

"What its it?"

Ava asked intrigued, Sara wet her red-painted lips and put her hands in her coat pocket.

"You'll see."

She winked and headed to the car, Ava was still standing there with thousands of questions in her head. She felt that she would not like it, her sixth sense was warning her.

//

Sara stopped in front of a tall building, Ava looked at her without understanding then looked back outside. There was a sign at the top, but Ava couldn't read it. The car started moving again and Sara headed for a white iron gate, it opened and Ava saw a parking lot, with a few cars parked there.

"Sara, where are we?"

"You'll know soon enough."

Ava rolled her eyes and threw herself back in the passenger seat. Leonard was even more excited than before. Ava looked back and saw him anxious with his face against the glass, he hopped on the seat and begged Sara to stop the car and open the door.

"Before you leave, young man." Sara started after parking the car, Ava unfastened the seat belt and she did the same. Leonard stopped jumping on the seat to pay attention to her. "No running around up there, okay? Don't forget what we agreed on last week."

"I promise, Mama. Nothing of going to the second floor."

Ava looked at Sara, she turned and smiled at Leonard, reached out and made that same hand touch of them. She loosened the little boy's belt and went back to her starting position, unlocked the door and in seconds Leonard opened the door, jumped out of the car and sped off into that place that Ava had no idea where it was, and most importantly, what that place was at all.

"Ready?"

Sara called and smiled before opening the door, got out of the car and it took Ava a few seconds to react. Finally she got out of the car and felt the cool breeze against her body once again, put the cap on her head properly and closed the door, then put her hands in her coat pockets.

"Yeah, I think so."

Ava said vaguely and Sara just smirked. Motioned for Ava to accompany her and walked past her, when she entered the room, Ava started looking around. It had a huge lounge, a counter near the front door at the front and waiting chairs. She turned in search of Sara and almost slipped on the floor when she noticed how close they were.

"Mrs. Lance, I'm glad you're feeling better already."

A tall, beautiful woman walked over to where Sara and Ava were standing, she smiled amiably in Ava's direction, who looked around just to make sure it was with her the woman was talking and concluded that it was, since there was no one behind her.

"I..."

"Hi, Gideon, she is still not completely well, everything is still a bit confusing." Sara interrupted and took the lead, Ava sighed almost relieved, the way she called Ava still bothering her. "I brought her today just to see the place." The woman frowned and Sara murmured something to her, her expression went from confused to sad and she looked at Ava with pity. "Come, Aves."

Sara called her and without even saying goodbye to that Gideon woman, Ava passed her and accompanied Sara. On the way she said some things, commenting that there were several classes of different types of arts there.

"Is this place like a school?"

Ava asked curiously when Sara was silent for a few minutes, they were standing in front of an extensive glass door. Inside, some children were running, jumping and dancing.

"It's a cultural center."

She replied and even without wanting to, Ava opened a huge smile. She remembered that since she was a child she dreamed of having one, she was happy that Sara took her there. Ava assumed going there was kind of a Saturday family tradition. If it were, Ava would no longer mind waking up early on Saturdays.

"That's so fucking cool." Ava commented without realizing it and when she did, she covered her mouth, looking around to check if there were no children around, luckily it didn't. Sara laughed. "Whose space is this?"

Ava questioned really interested, Sara spread her hands on the door in front of her and looked over her shoulder, she smiled and Ava grimaced.

"Whose is it?" She pushed the door and entered the room. "It's yours. Come on."

She pointed towards a wall and Ava followed with a look, her eyes couldn't believe when she saw the sign “School of the Arts Sharpe-Lance”

Ava's jaw dropped and hesitantly she entered the room, the children who were there were agitated by her presence and some ran towards her. Ava's eyes were moist, that place belonged to her, she had managed to fulfill one of her teenage dreams. She was incredulous, she was trying to assimilate that it was really true. She looked around, still half-dumb, until she felt someone pull the hem of her coat down.

"Auntie Ava."

There was a little girl standing next to Ava, her brown eyes sparkling as she frantically waved. Ava smiled widely and caressed her face.

"Hey little princess."

Ava greeted her and she blew a kiss in the air before turning and running towards Sara, who was now lying on the floor while being attacked with tickles by the little ones. It was impossible not to laugh at that image, Sara seemed to get along with children, now Ava knew why she was such a great mother. 

Two little boys went over to Ava and held her hands, they also called her Auntie Ava and encouraged her to join them in the tickle was against Sara.

Why not?

Ava agreed with the two and ran to where Sara was, Ava got in the best way she could among the little ones and they then started to attack Sara with tickles.

//

After the tickling session on her, Sara managed to escape and get to her feet and started running after the children, playing catch. Ava couldn't stop laughing, that Sara was quite spontaneous. She looked like someone else acting like that, someone super friendly and bearable.

Ava knew she was no longer that same high school jerk, but it was so strange to see that responsible adult Sara when Ava could only remember her as a stupid, inconsequential teenager.

"Sara." Ava approached her, who was sitting by the door with her hands on the floor and her head up as she caught her breath. She looked at Ava and waggled her eyebrows. "Where's Leo?"

She asked and looked around, finding no sign of him. Ava was missing the little one, since they got there he had been gone. Sara sat up properly, stretched her back and cleared her throat.

"Must be in the art room with Rosalie."

"Who’s that?"

Sara smiled with her lips almost completely closed and looked at Ava sideways. Using her knees for support she got up, Ava remained sitting on the floor looking at her without understanding anything.

"Come on, I'll re-introduce you to her."

She held out her hands to Ava, who promptly held them, Sara pulled her up and walked away a little, but her hand remained on Ava's waist. She smiled awkwardly at Sara and gently removed her hand, she twisted her mouth and sighed, looking away. Sara said goodbye to the children who were sad and begged her to come back later, Ava smiled at them waving quickly before following Sara out.

They passed some rooms that had their doors closed, just one almost at the end of the hall that was open. Sara stopped in front of it and nodded, Ava walked into the room with her. There were more children there, but there were also adults, three women. They were helping the little ones with drawings.

"Where is he?"

Sara looked for him and when she found him, she looked at Ava and quietly pointed to the end of the room. Ava took a step to the side and got a better view of the little one next to a little blond girl. They were smiling and scribbling something together on a paper sheet. Ava frowned right away, she didn't like it. Did he really run out earlier that way, was he all anxious and disappeared without saying anything because of a girl?

"Amazing." Sara's voice and laugh made Ava look away from them and focus on her. She was smiling and shaking her head, Ava raised a curious eyebrow. "Even though you don't remember anything, you still look at Rose like that."

"Like what?" Ava asked on impulse.

"With that look of _leave my son alone, you little usurper_. Jealous as always."

And she continued to laugh. Ava was not looking at the little girl like that, she just wanted to understand what was so cool about her for Leonard to leave his own mothers and stay stuck there in that room glued to her.

"I'm not jealous, I just wanted him to stay with us."

The tallest grunted and Sara ended up laughing too loudly and got the attention of the teachers and students. They looked at them and Ava blushed awkwardly with so many people looking at her. One of the women got up smiling, too much, and walked towards them.

"Mrs. Lance." Ava greeted and held out her hand, with her jaw locked, she squeezed the woman's hand firmly, who smiled awkwardly. "Sara."

And she opened a bigger smile when she looked at Sara. Ava was troubled by the fact that she had been called Miss Lance and Sara by her name alone.

Ava looked at Sara who looked like a human statue. Sara looked at Ava and smiled a little, Ava's eyes narrowed causing Sara to look away.

"Hi, Guinevere."

Ava felt like asking why everyone called her Mrs. Lance on that place, she didn't want to be linked to that surname, even if it was on her certificate now.

"Mommy." Leonard grabbed Ava's right leg and she automatically smiled, looking down at his bright gray eyes. "Can we go dance in the rain?"

"What?"

"Oh, no big man, today your mother will not be able to dance in the rain." Ava looked at Sara without understanding and she just whispered that afterwards she would explain. 

"How about we go eat something?"

"Yes!"

He screamed and let go of Ava, and then ran to Sara, who bent down and picked him up. Leonard grabbed her neck and wrapped her legs around Sara's body, Ava smiled at the image.

"Are you hungry?"

"Always."

Ava said and Sara smiled, they left the room together. But when they were in the corridor, Sara asked Ava to wait and entered the room again, returning seconds later with that little girl who stole Ava's son. She looked at Sara, who just shrugged and pointed to Leonard who again was all excited about the presence of that Rosalie.

//

After they had something to eat, Sara took Rosalie back to the art room and told Ava that they were ready to leave. Ava didn't want to have to go, she still wanted to see the other floor, to know who worked there and who was studying too. She was so happy and excited to know that that place was hers.

"He sleeps a lot, doesn't he?"

They were already in the car, Ava finished fastening her seat belt, and Sara did the same.

"Yes, he does, just like you."

She commented smiling, started the car and backed up. Ava smiled and continued to look at the little boy curled up in the back seat. His features were calm and he had a hint of a smile on his face.

"Sara, who is that little girl?"

"Rosalie?" Ava murmured in agreement. "She's a friend of Leo's."

"They look close."

Ava grunted, crossing her arms, Sara laughed and clicked her tongue. They were already on the road, Ava looked out the window watching the people outside freezing.

"They are kids, Aves."

"And?" She turned to her again, Sara was concentrated on the road but she kept laughing. "He left us to be with her."

"He's always done that since he started talking to Rose."

Sara shrugged as if it was nothing much.

"You don’t understand."

Ava curled up on the seat with a huge pout on her lips, Sara stopped at a traffic light and turned on her side to look at her.

"Yes, I understand, you're jealous." She concluded convinced and Ava rolled her eyes. "But relax, Aves, they are just children and they are friends. It's not like he's going to run away with her to China and disappear forever."

She joked and Ava ended up chuckling. She thought she may be overreacting, her body relaxed and she sat correctly on the seat. But something still bothered her. She scratched the nape of her neck, smoothed the area and looked at Sara, who was well focused on the street ahead.

"Do you think that when he gets older he will get a girlfriend and fly to another country?"

Sara looked at her once, twice, three times trying to confirm that Ava was serious. She was.

"Ava... By God, he's only five years old."

Ava frowned and crossed her arms again.

//

They got home and Sara went to put Leo to bed, Ava sat on the couch to wait for her. She knew they had to talk, and she wanted to do that before Tuesday's appointment. Minutes later she heard Sara come down the stairs, Ava pulled her feet up and placed them on the couch, Sara threw something on Ava's lap and she saw it was a blanket. She was actually cold.

"Did you want to talk to me?"

Sara spoke up as she sat down next to Ava, who opened the blanket and threw it over her legs, settled on the sofa and sat facing Sara, her back against the arm of the couch.

"I want to ask you a few questions."

"Okay."

She agreed and sat down the same way as Ava, but instead of stretching her legs she just crossed them,. Ava took a deep breath as she thought about what exactly she should ask.

"What do you work with?"

Sara seemed surprised by the question, Ava kept her expression calm. Sara adjusted the hood and sleeves of her black sweatshirt and wet her lips.

"I have a photography studio."

Ava was surprised by the answer, she already knew that Sara liked to photograph, in fact everyone at school knew that since she was always taking her polaroid to school. Sara has always liked to photograph landscapes and distracted people. Ava was one of her biggest targets and it irritated her at the time.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Ava pressed her lips together, even though she knew her love for photography she had never imagined that she would grow up and open a studio, her parents always wanted her and Laurel to follow in their footsteps and become lawyers.

"I could swear you were a lawyer."

Ava confessed and Sara let out a nasal laugh.

"No, only Laurel followed in the footsteps of our parents."

She shrugged and smirked. Ava felt like asking about their parents, Sara never talked about them and Ava remembered how close the smallest was to them when she was younger. But she decided to ask about them at another time.

"Do we earn that well to have this house and those cars in the garage?"

"We do." Sara shifted on the couch and looked away. "But our income doesn't come only from our jobs."

Ava knew she was involved in wrong things.

"A-and what else?"

Ava couldn't help the stuttering, Sara looked confused with her reaction and certainly noticed how nervous she was.

"Are you feeling something?" Ava shook her head and Sara continued to look at her a little weird, not really taking her word for it. "I have some rented houses in Washington and kiosks on the beach too. And in addition to your salary you also earn an income from your parents' company. Yours, Kara's and Mia's actually."

"Oh..."

It was the only thing that came out of Ava's mouth. Sara kept looking and waiting for her to ask something more, but Ava couldn't think about anything at the moment.

"Is that all?"

"No, I... You said I have that art school, right?" Sara nodded. "I'm just the owner over there or..."

"You teach dance too."

"Seriously?"

"Yes." She quickly agreed and Ava smiled wide. "You are an excellent dancer."

She completed and Ava couldn't help but smile proudly.

"Do you usually see me dancing?"

The older woman's cheeks heated up because in fact she thought something other than that question, she wanted to know if she had ever danced for Sara before. Sara looked down and smiled the same way she did in that video that Ava saw a few days ago.

"Quite often." Ava pulled her legs closer to her chest, she was embarrassed. ""I really love your flexibility.

"What?"

The older one asked only to confirm that Sara said what she thought she said. Sara's eyes widened. Ava realized that she did what she always did, spoke on impulse. Now it was Sara's turn to be embarrassed.

"Nothing... Do you want to watch a movie?"

//

The weekend passed quickly, the three of them spent it lying in bed watching cartoons and eating candy. Ava was concerned about the amount of not-healthy things Leonard ate, but Sara didn't seem to care, not that Sara could be trusted in that regard since she was always taking the boy to cafeterias after school.

Monday was even more boring, Sara and Leonard spent all day out, and according to Sara, Ava's week was nothing special. She said that Ava liked to go to the cultural center and spend the day there, or visit some of her friends. 

Basically: Ava did nothing. 

She was a little disappointed with herself, she never thought she would be so settled in life, but at least one dream she had fulfilled.

**Tuesday. November 15, 2016.**

They woke up early, this time Ava was the one who woke up first and made breakfast. She was nervous, but not as much as Sara, she looked like she was going to explode at any moment. She hadn't even go to work, but Ava already knew she wouldn't. Sara wanted to know what the test results would be and whether Ava would remember anything.

"You’re ready? It's time."

Sara appeared in the kitchen where Ava was finishing drying the dishes and called her, Ava only nodded and dried her hands on the dish towel. She turned to Sara, who had a shoulder on the arch door in the kitchen. She smiled, although her smile didn't reach her eyes, which were even more faint than they had been in the past days. Ava didn't know her very well, but she already knew when she wasn't feeling okay, and she definitely wasn't.

"Let's go."

Ava zipped up the black jacket she was wearing and accompanied Sara to the car. Sara was quiet, since morning she was like that. Incredibly they were getting along lately, although Ava still didn't like her, she was just being cool about it.

The drive to the hospital was very quiet, Sara turned on the radio so that the silence wasn't as melancholy as it looked. Ava didn't look at her at all, but she felt Sara’s eyes on her all the time. 

When they arrived at the hospital, she parked the car and got out quickly, Ava sighed and did the same. In the distance she saw her parents waiting for them at the side entrance of the hospital.

"Honey."

Her father said before wrapping her in his embrace, Ava grabbing his waist and hiding her face in his chest. She was afraid, so afraid that her eyes filled with tears. Randy kissed his daughter's head, who walked away from him, then hugged her mother and they warned that Dr. Hunter was already waiting for them.

Ava took a deep breath and looked up. She just wanted everything to work out.

//

They were in Dr. Hunter's office, he greeted them and asked them to feel accommodated. Ava sat next to her father and Sara next to her mother. Ava looked at Randy, who smiled confidently as he patted her shoulder.

"So, Ava, how's your routine as a mother and wife has been?"

He asked sympathetically, looked at her and smiled warmly, somehow it made Ava feel more relaxed.

"I still haven't got used to it." Ava confessed and he looked at her closely. "It's all very strange to me, I can't see myself totally as a mother." She remembered little Leonard and smiled when she saw his face. "But I get along with the little one, he is an incredible boy."

"And with your wife?" Ava's body stiffened and she opened her eyes widely and felt her father press a little hard on her shoulder where his hand rested. Dr. Hunter noticed the tension and cast a brief look at Sara. "It's okay, you're still very confused."

Ava nodded and he smiled in agreement, he took a white envelope and opened it. Ava saw his mouth moving, but he couldn't hear anything. Ava's eyes are focused on the envelope in the doctor's hands.

"So, Dr. Hunter?"

The doctor had his eyebrows together, he read and reread the paper in his hands again and again.

"Your exams are all excellent." He said and Ava's face contorted in confusion. If it was okay then why didn't she remember anything? "Oh..."

"What?"

It was Randy's turn to ask the question. Dr. Hunter looked away from the paper and looked at all of them, then his gaze stopped on Ava's father.

"I will explain it in the best possible way for you to understand." He said and everyone nodded at the same time. "Mr. and Mrs. Sharpe and Miss. Lance, Ava's amnesia case is a rare one, her trauma was not caused by any blows or injuries, it was caused by stress." He looked directly at Ava. "You suffered a shock caused by stress. Your brain closed and erased half of your life."

Randy let go of Ava's shoulder and out of the corner of her eye she saw him rub his hands over his face. She swallowed and lowered her head. She heard her mother ask the man something but she was too busy trying to assimilate how something like this could have happened to her.

"Will I recover my memory?"

Ava's voice came out loud, but faltering, she was shaking a little. Terrified, that's how she felt. She was afraid she would never be able to remember important moments, like Leonard's birth and the time she was pregnant with him. She felt like crying, she wanted to remember that, it wasn't fair that she couldn't.

"Look, Ava, your case is very rare..."

"I will or will not be able to recover my memories?"

She interrupted him and raised her face, looking him straight in the eye. Dr. Hunter breathed out of his lungs and tapped his thumb against the table and touched the back of his neck.

"It is possible that you will be able to recover all your memory, or at least a good part of it."

He said and she felt a little calmer, but still terrified.

"How can she do that?"

Her mother asked, while Ava continued to look at the doctor.

"There are treatments for this type of case, but it is advisable that she continues to live her routine, seeing photos, videos or even reading diaries can be of great help to make her have flashes of memory."

Then she remembered those strange dreams. They had been flashes of memory, not dreams.

Ava's parents and Dr. Hunter continued to talk. Ava breathed slowly, her mind was a little confused, but she was confident. She opened a huge smile, now she was sure that everything would be all right.

"And how likely is that she won't remember anything?"

And then that question brought her back to reality and made her afraid again. Dr. Hunter propped his elbows on the table and placed his chin on his hands.

"They're high."

His response was almost like a punch in the stomach, Ava felt slightly sick.

"H-high?"

"Yes."

"How high?"

Ava sounded desperate.

"I'll be very honest with you, Ava, your chances of never remembering anything are of eighty percent."

Then everything around Ava collapsed, the little hope she had plummeted straight to rock bottom. Dr. Hunter looked at her with pity, she couldn't have any other reaction than to stand there looking at him in disbelief.

She might remember everything again, but she was more likely to remember nothing. 

Ava could never remember _anything._

No important dates. 

No knowledge of how everything happened in her life.

She was desperate thinking about what she would never remember, until a loud sob brought her back to reality. Her heart clenched in her chest when she looked to the side and saw Sara hunched over the table, her body trembling violently as her loud sobs were heard, she cried with such strength and pain that Ava felt herself tear up when she saw her like that. It was the first time she had seen her cry so hard, and Ava didn't think it would hurt so much to see her like that. Pam tried to calm Sara down and caressed her back, but it was no use, she was still there, ending herself in tears.

Ava closed her eyes, she didn't want to see Sara that way. Her compulsive crying still bothered her, she felt like getting up and putting Sara on her lap the same way she did with Ava when she cried a few days ago. But she couldn't, her body just didn't react.

Sara _loved_ Ava. 

She loved her so much that she was suffering hell because Ava would never remember loving her. 

Ava meant so much to her. And even without understanding why, Ava was suffering from seeing daily how much Sara suffered for her.

So for the first time in those ten days, Ava wished with all her heart to remember _everything._

She want to be able to remember _Sara._

Ava wished she could remember _loving Sara._


	9. This isn't fun anymore (never hurt like this before)

When leaving the hospital, Ava walked beside her father in total silence, still trying to digest and understand everything Dr. Hunter had said. It wasn't easy to know that you might never remember half of your life. Sara and Pam were up ahead, they were talking quietly to each other, or better yet, the older one was talking and Sara was just listening.

It was curious for Ava to see the two of them that way, they seemed so intimate, like close friends from years. Ava wondered when Sara achieved the deed of winning over her mother that way, Ava could remember how protective she was in her teenage years with girls trying to get close to Ava to have a relationship. And now Pam seemed to love Sara in a very true and pure way.

Like mother and daughter.

"Aves." Rindy called her before saying goodbye. Ava looked at him hoping he would continue. "At least for today, please try to be more friendly with your wife."

Ava felt like making a face at the way he referred to her, but she was still too stunned by the news of the day to have any objection. She smiled and hugged him.

"I promise I’ll try my best."

She said it in his ear and heard him sigh, smoothing the base of Ava's back. He held her closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Everything is going to be all right, princess."

He tried to sound confident, although his facial expression gave away just how afraid he was. Ava smiled and just nodded.

//

Sara was quiet all the way back home. Now they were in front of the house they shared and Ava was waiting for her to say something or at least unlock the doors. Sara took a deep breath, her hands tightened on the steering wheel. Ava pursed her lips, her hands restless in her lap, she didn't know what to say, let alone whether to say something or just stay quiet.

"Are you hungry?" Her question caught Ava off guard, Sara looked at her and smiled. Eyes sad and blank, she was forcing a smile. "I can go get something if you want."

Sara suggested and Ava wondered, she wasn't that hungry, but she knew Sara just needed an excuse to go out and get some time to process things. Ava knew they had food at home.

"Yes."

"Salad and chocolate cake."

Sara didn't ask, it seemed more like a statement. Ava was gaping at the fact that she already knew what she was going to order.

Without saying anything else, Ava released her belt and opened the door, looked at Sara and smiling before finally getting out of the car and closing the door. Inside, she saw Sara waving at her and then the car started again. Ava watched her until she disappeared around the corner and let out a long sigh.

30 minutes later and Sara still wasn't back, not that Ava was controlling the time she was on the street, but she was worried. Sara had always been an unstable person, she never knew how to deal with her emotions and that is something that didn't seem to have changed over the years. Ava was afraid that she was going to do something stupid or that something was going to happen to her. She was pacing the room when she saw her cell phone on the coffee table, and went to get it. She lit the screen and saw a message, a message from Sara.

" _Aves, I'm sorry but I can't go home now, Laurel called me and asked me to meet her. But I'll take some pizza and cupcakes to you later_ "

Ava felt upset about it, and angry, angry at being there waiting for her and worried while the jerk was with her sister. She could at least have called.

She sat on the couch with her cell phone in hand, she had no idea what she was going to do now, with Sara there she would at least have a company. She looked at the TV screen off, sighed and rolled the device in her hands. She decided to unlock it, she had nothing better to do.

Ava already felt more familiar with the high technology of the phone, the old ones were less complicated to handle, but they didn't have as many possibilities as these new ones. And they looked bigger too, and thin, but that was a good thing. She likes it that way better.

Ava clicked on the photo gallery and saw different folders there. She clicked on the first one, it was just pictures of her.

"The years have done me good."

She ended up commenting aloud without realizing it and continued to see her photos and if possible managed to love herself even more. It was as if she couldn't control it, her self-esteem was at its highest, as well as her self-centeredness.

Ava opened the second folder and melted when she saw that it filled with pictures of Leonard.

He dressed up as a bunny, cute.

Dressed as a biker, beside him was Laurel dressed in the same way and Sara on the other side also in leather.

Ava ended up laughing at the photo.

The next one was Leonard with his eyes closed, his tongue stuck between his teeth and Sara was kissing Ava's cheek.

Then Leonard was lying on top of Sara, they were both in one of the armchairs in the living room and they seemed to be sleeping, their hands were clasped.

Ava continued to see the photos there and more and more she felt more in love with Leonard.

She saw a folder with pictures of her and the girls, there were some people she had no idea who they were too. And last but not least, an isolated folder caught her eye. Unlike the others, this one had the name "Amore Mio", the same contact name that Sara had on Ava's phone.

Ava was torn between opening the folder or not, she wasn't sure if she wanted to see those pictures. She felt anxious and curious but she also felt like simply opening the folder and looking at all the photos.

But there was no courage.

She took a deep breath, getting 5 seconds of courage, clicked on the folder and then clicked on the first photo.

There was nothing special about it, just Ava sitting next to Sara on what looked like a beach and they were smiling.

In the next picture Ava had her arms around Sara's neck, her face was hidden in her neck and Sara was smiling broadly at the camera.

On the third Sara was alone, lying in bed and concentrating on her book.

Then the photos Ava was so afraid of see, appeared. At first, Sara and Ava were just kissing, Sara was on top and they looked like they were just in lingerie.

All Ava could think of was who had taken the photo.

And the following photos were practically the same: the two kissing. There was one that they were in the shower together.

Ava was still flushed from that photo. She wanted to stop seeing them, but she was too curious. She was so focused on the phone screen that she was suddenly startled and dropped the device on the floor.

Ava repeated a mix of "no" and "it can't be" mentally when she picked up her phone again. Still incredulous she turned the phone over and a scream got stuck in her throat when she saw a naked and smiling Sara in one of the photos, she was lying on a bed, her voluminous hair tossed on her shoulders, her legs wide apart, she was smiling with a finger in her mouth and looking at the camera in a way that...

"Holy shit!"

Ava exclaimed and closed the cell phone gallery, blocked the screen and threw the device on the couch next to her. 

Had Ava become some kind of pervert? Did Sara have pictures of her like that too? Ava doesn't think so, because she doesn't believe she would've the courage to do that kind of thing.

Or had she become that kind of person over the years?

//

It was four o'clock in the afternoon and Sara still hadn't come back and Ava wanted at least Leo to be there, but he was still at school.

She had already eaten cookies, managed to turn on this television and luckily it was already on the cartoon channel, but she had already gotten sick of watching them.

She started to consider her options. Swimming was out of the question, with the cold outside she might as well catch pneumonia. Eating was also out because she had filled herself up with cookies. She hoped she would be hungry when Sara arrived with her pizza and cupcakes.

She sighed loudly, turned off the television and looked around. What to do? She felt so lonely in that big house. She had already thought about calling Kara, but she must be at work, thought about calling Dinah, but her best friend was taking care of Jonah who had dawned with a fever. She wanted to go to the cultural center, but she didn't even know how to get there.

" _It would be good if she tried to see some pictures or videos, it could help her in the process of recovering her memory._ " Suddenly Dr. Hunter's voice resonated in her head. That was it! She could watch the videos.

Ava hesitated for a moment, wondering if she and Sara only had indecent videos. She really wasn't in the mood to see Sara naked again, she had had her share.  
She ran up the stairs, arrived at her room and went straight to the closet. She carefully picked up the box and laid it on the floor, knelt in front of it and opened it. Something was different since the last time.

Before the CDs were all disorganized, but now they were stacked perfectly. Ava realized that they had some kind of colored label. They were divided into yellow, blue, white and red.

Randomly she took one of the many CDs from the stack of blue labels, removed it from the box and closed it. She got up and went back to the room. Turned on the DVD and put the CD on it, then went back to the bed and sat on the edge, turning on the television and waited for the video to start.

Everything was dark and suddenly the screen went white, it was Sara who appeared. She seemed to be adjusting something on the camera, she suddenly started to make faces and smiled. Ava didn't even realize she was smiling looking at the video, but she was.

_"There we go." Sara spoke looking at the camera lens and then looked back, seeming to check something. She changed the place where she was sitting and only then did Ava see where Sara was, in the sitting room in the armchair. "I need to say..." Her expression was a false sadness. "My wife doesn't care about me anymore, she's replacing me." Sara turned the camera to the side and over her shoulder there was Ava, practically thrown on the couch and focused on something. "She have chosen videogames over me."_

_The camera returned to focus on Sara's face and she pouted. She looked back and shook her head._

_"Ava complains about me, but now she's worse than me. If I let her, she'll spend the whole day in this video game." She sighed as if she were exhausted. "I'll try to communicate with her again."_

_Sara said and got up from the armchair, she went to where Ava was sitting playing video games and sat next to her, Ava doesn't seem to even notice her presence, she remained focused on the television. Sara pressed her lips together and whispered "she doesn't notice me anymore" to the camera, she made a sad face and Ava ended up laughing when Sara started making a lot of faces for Ava from the video, which she didn't even notice. Sara bent and set the camera on what Ava thought was the coffee table in the living room._

_She fiddled with something and sat down next to Ava, who remained focused on the game._

_"Babe?" She glued her body to Ava and kissed her cheek. Ava frowned and looked at Sara out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't stop playing to pay attention to her. "Aves..."_

_"What is it, Sara?"_

_Ava looked irritated by Sara's interruption. Sara curled her mouth and turned to face the camera. She laid her head on Ava's shoulder and looked at her face._

_"I want some love."_

_Sara stroked the older woman's thigh and then threw her left leg over Ava's, who looked at her and then at her leg in her lap. Ava looked back at the television, snorted and pushed Sara's leg off her lap and moved her shoulder so she could get her head out of there. Sara pulled away and put a hand on her chest, pretending a basic drama._

_"You almost made me lose the race."_

_Ava grunted, still annoyed, and Sara snorted, looking at the camera and wiggling her eyebrows as if to say, "See how she treats me?"_

_Sara was now sitting properly on the couch, hands on her knees and looking at Ava out of the corner of her eye._

_The younger one rolled her eyes a few times because Ava was so focused on the game. Then she smirked at the camera as if to make it clear she was going to do something. She looked towards Ava's hips, she was dressed in a huge, wide-open tank top. Sara looked at the camera again and winked before looking back at Ava._

_Sara realized how focused the older one seemed to be and carefully pulled one side of the shirt, leaving a huge vacuum in it, Sara smiled and seconds later stuck her head and part of the shoulders inside Ava's tank, who got scared and jumped, looking down with wide eyes and heard Sara laugh._

_"Sara!" Ava's voice was almost a growl, warning her that she was angry. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"_

_"I want attention, babes. You traded me for the video game."_

_Her voice came out muffled, Ava rolled her eyes and pressed a button on the wireless joystick._

_"I should slap you, it wouldn't hurt to wait for me to finish that race, it was the last one."_

The older one grunted, still annoyed, and Sara gave a low chuckle. Ava let out a grunt and poked the smaller woman in the ribs, who cringed and gave a little cry of pain.

_"Violent."_

_"You haven't seen my violent side yet." Ava sounded threatening and Sara quickly pulled her head out of the tank and looked at Ava with wide eyes. "Run!"_

_Ava snapped and Sara's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her face. The older one clenched her teeth and in seconds Sara jumped off the couch and ran, Ava chuckled and got up to run after her. There was no way Ava could know what they were doing for sure, but she could hear their hurried voices and footsteps around the house, Sara begged Ava not to catch her and she hit back with threats._

_"Ava! No!"_

_She cried out sounding terrified, but the smile in her voice was noticeable, and Ava ended up laughing at herself._

Then the screen went all dark again and it said “We are having technical problems at the moment, until the next time" on the screen and the video ended. Ava was laughing. They looked like two kids. And they looked so happy.

Ava then missed those moments, moments she didn't even remember having lived.

What was Sara doing to Ava?

//

Ava was just finishing dressing when she heard "mommy" being screamed downstairs. She smiled automatically, knowing that her little one was home. She put on her shirt and got out of the closet. She had barely stepped into the bedroom and already felt a small body colliding with her legs.

"Hey, little on."

She ruffled his hair and he smiled at Ava clinging to her legs, hugging her.

"I missed you, mommy." He pouted and Ava ended up melting, bending down and picking him up. "I missed you so much."

He grabbed the woman's neck and embraced her with a little force. Ava's eyes watered and she hugged him back, also tightly.

"How much?"

"Very very much!"

He shouted excitedly, and Ava ended up laughing at his excitement and filled his face with kisses.

"I also missed you very, very, very much." He held Ava's face and kissed her cheek over and over again. "Now, young man, you are going to take these clothes off from school, take a shower and then come down and I will prepare something for you to eat."

The woman put him down and Leonard ran out, but before leaving he looked at her with the backpack in his hands.

"Brownies and hot chocolate?"

He asked with his eyes shining, how could Ava say no to that cute little thing?

"Certainly."

He celebrated and left the room, Ava stood there with her arms crossed and a huge smile on her face.

She was just finishing up their afternoon snack when Leonard appeared in the kitchen, with a certain cunningness he sat on a chair and propped his elbows on the table, smiling at Ava, who smiled back.

""Leo, you didn't come with your mom?

She questioned puzzled. She hadn't seen her at all since Leonard had arrived from school, and even when Sara got into that office of hers for hours, she would always come out to eat.

"No." Ava raised her head to look at him, curious. "I came with Rose's mom. Mama called to tell Teacher Mona that she couldn't pick me up, then Rose's mom gave me a ride."

He explained and Ava's expression closed a little, she looked down and took a deep breath. Rose, always that little girl. It was ridiculous that she was jealous of her son, but she just couldn't help it, it was stronger than her.

Ava finished preparing the food and took it to the table, sat down with Leonard and started drinking her coffee while he told her what he had done at school.  
It was already nine-thirty at night, Leonard even tried to stay awake to wait for Sara to arrive, but ended up sleeping on Ava's lap. She still hadn't come home, but Ava felt less worried knowing that Laurel was with her.

Ava laid Leonard on her bed and tucked him under the covers, she wanted to sleep with him today. She closed the bedroom door and walked toward the stairs. 

She was about to go down when she heard the sound of a key in the door and some voices, so she froze in place and quietly peeked to see if it was Sara coming, and it was. She and Laurel.

"Leonard must be sleeping, the house is only this silent when he's in bed."

Laurel commented playfully when entering the house, Sara also laughed and agreed.

"Ava must have put him to sleep."

She shrugged and removed the overcoat she was wearing, Laurel did the same with hers and the two walked towards the living room, Ava went down a few more steps so she could hear what they were going to talk about.

""Speaking of Ava, tell me how things are going.

Ava was almost lying on the stairs so she could see them both, but she was doing it. Sara was silent and with her head down, she smoothed the back of her neck and looked at her sister, who smiled and patted her shoulder.

"Hard, very hard."

Sara admitted and Laurel looked at her with some sadness. Ava felt bad about the tone in her voice.

"How was the appointment today?" Laurel asked and sat better on the couch, Sara took a breath before starting to tell everything that happened at the hospital earlier. Ava felt herself break every time Sara opened her mouth. She wasn't seeing her face, but from Laurel's sad expression as Sara spoke, Ava was sure Sara was about to cry. "Ah, my little one." Laurel said and pulled Sara into her arms and only then did Ava heard her first loud sob, followed by another, another and then Sara collapsed in her sister's arms. Laurel stroked her hair and whispered something to her. "You can let it out honey. I'm here."

Ava felt an urge to run, to go to her bedroom and not leave until Sara had stopped crying, she looked so fragile crying. She was always exuding confidence, people looking from a distance would thought she was unshakable. But the reality is that Sara managed to be even more fragile than Ava, she just wore some kind of disguise.

"I- I try, you know?" Sara moved away from Laurel a little. She was panting and still sobbing. The older woman ran her hands over Sara's face to dry her tears, still holding her in her arms. "But it is so hard, sometimes she looks at me the same way she used to look at me in the past. With contempt, I-" She took a deep breath. "It's horrible to see her look at me as if I were a stranger when I was so used to seeing her look at me with love, even with everything we were going through."

Ava frowned at that ending. So she was right, there was something wrong. And Dr. Hunter did said that the memory loss was caused by stress. Have they been fighting lately?

"I imagine everything sucks right now."

"It does. So fucking bad."

She sat back down and rubbed her hands over her face, then her head was lowered. Laurel sat down the same way Sara was and then there was just silent for a while.

"Have you two talked?"

"Not yet."

Sara was calmer, but her voice was still choked and her head bowed.

"You need to. You know that."

"I know."

"What do you intend to do?"

Sara raised her head and looked at the ceiling, she seemed to be thinking about what to say.

"Regardless of anything, I will take her side, even if at the end of the night I feel like shit for not even getting a smile from the woman I love with my life." That hit Ava right in the heart. "I will support her and be patient, if she allows me I will accompany her in all therapy sessions that she will go to. I will do everything in my power to help her recover her memory."

"Well, you know that there is a big chance that she won't remember anything, don't you?"

Sara nodded and turned her head down again.

"I know. And I'm scared."

'That she won't remember you?"

"That she won't remember the time when she used to love me."

Sara was direct and her sentence hit Ava in such a way that her body collapsed on the floor, she felt Sara’s pain, and felt bad about knowing the possibilities of never remembering anything.

"But if that happens, you know you can try to win her back." Laurel spoke and Sara looked at her. "Little sister, you've done this before, you can try again."

"It's not as easy as it looks."

"I know, but-"

She didn't know what to say, so she rubbed her hands over her face and let out a long heavy sigh.

"Today after we got back from the hospital I was thinking about it, you know? In the possibilities of her remembering and not remembering." Sara paused and took a breath. "I was running around, remembering things, our moments together, our wedding, Leo's birth. How happy we were. So I also stopped to think about our reality, she doesn't even remember our son." Her voice was shaky and Ava knew she was about to cry again. "And he loves her so much, you know? My biggest concern was that she would reject it, but it didn't happen, and I'm happy with that. But I don't see my Aves in her anymore, I don't even recognize her anymore, Ava has lost all the luster that enchanted me. She doesn't look happy."

"I know that way of talking." Laurel looked serious now. "Will you let her go if that's what she decide?"

Everything seemed to disappear around Ava, she could see only Sara, waiting for her answer. Sara lifted her head and before answering she took another deep breath.

"If that is the best for her then I will let you go." Even from a distance, Ava saw Sara's lips tremble. "Since we first got together I have been doing my best so that she's always happy, and this is unfortunately not happening anymore. So if I have to give up my happiness for hers, then I will." Ava saw the light from the room reflect on her face that was again bathed in tears. "My priority is her and it will always be that way... I don't care about me, not anymore."

Laurel hugged her again and Sara started cried again, even harder than before. Ava had her eyes on her, Sara was crying so violently that her body was shaking.

How can someone give up on themselves for the sake of another person? 

Sara loved Ava so much that she would spend the rest of her life unhappy as long as Ava was happy. 

Ava was her priority, Sara would always put her first.

She saw Laurel trying to calm Sara and only then realized that Laurel was also crying, Sara was her little sister, Laurel had always protected her from everything. Seeing her like that must have been killing her, because there was nothing she could do to help her little sister.

Then Ava noticed something that surprised her, her cheeks were damp and her eyes were burning.

Ava was also crying for her, because of _her_...

Ava was crying because of Sara's suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT TOOK ME AGES AND I'M REALLY SORRY  
> but life's being kinda hard at the moment and I couldn't get this chapter right, so please forgive me.  
> don't forget to leave kudos and a comment and maybe tell a friend about the story okay?


	10. And the memory now (is like the picture was then)

"Ah..."

Ava let out a groan of pain as she tried to open her eyes, her head was throbbing, her eyes were still burning and she could feel her nose still clogged. Yesterday after going back to her bedroom, she lay down with Leonard, hugged him and cried herself to sleep.

Not only did her head felt like it was going to explode, it was also a huge mess, she couldn't find a solution to all that, she had no idea what to do, which direction to go. She didn't know how to move forward.

That whole situation sucked, Ava wished she could just wake up one day and remember everything. It would be less tiring and painful.

Even with her eyes still closed, Ava ran her hand over the bed and felt Leonard beside her, slowly she opened her eyes and turned her head. Her little one was there, spread all over the bed. She smiled at the image, it was the best sight to have in the morning. She got on her elbows and snapped her neck twice. Yawning, she sat on the bed and, after stretching, got out of it, but came back to kiss her son's forehead.

She went to the bathroom to wash her face, wet the back of her neck and sighed. She didn't even know what time it was, but it must be early, everything was too quiet.

"Ouch..."

Ava barely left the room and already hit someone head-on, staggering back a little, she looked to see who almost ran over her. Laurel. Her wrinkled face made it clear that she had just woken up, Ava didn't even know she had slept here.

"Sorry, I didn't see you."

Laurel apologized awkwardly and fixed her hair, Ava smiled to reassure her and she sighed. Laurel was staring at her, and Ava knew she wanted to say something, and she could only hope it wasn't a lecture.

"Good Morning."

"Good Morning."

The older one looked away and they remained silent, which started to annoy Ava.

"Yeah..." She cleared her throat twice and Laurel looked at her curiously. "So... do you want to tell me something? I'm starting to feel awkward because of the way you're looking at me."

Ava confessed and Laurel pursed her lips, embarrassedly lowered her head and Ava controlled herself not to laugh.

"Oh... I'm sorry." She said timidly and Ava just shook her head. "I'll be on my way... just let Sara know when she wakes up, okay?"

"Alright."

"Bye, Ave." Ava waved to her as she was about to go down the stairs, but stopped, whispered something to herself and grunted. "Damn it!"

"Something wrong?"

"No, no!" Laurel took a deep breath and ruffled her hair. Ava noticed that she did that a lot. "I mean, yes." She returned to Ava and glanced at Leonard's bedroom door, Sara was probably there. "I promised that I wouldn't interfere, but maybe you have no idea how much it hurts me to see my sister the way I saw last night and during the entire night."

Hearing her say that made Ava feel even worse than before, she had an idea that it was being hard, but she didn't think it was that much.

"I know it's all a mess for you, that you don't like her very much." Laurel twisted her mouth and sighed. Ava looked down sheepishly. "But, Ava, it's not her request, it's mine, at least try to meet her. You have no idea how wonderful my sister is. I'm not giving you an order, quite the contrary, but at least give yourself a chance to get to know her the right way."

"Laurel, I-"

"You don't have to say anything, just think about it, okay?" Ava shrugged and just nodded. Laurel went to the youngest and kissed her forehead. "Sara is one of the best people I know, allow yourself to see that."

And after saying that, she walked away and smiled before turning around and only then walking down the stairs. Ava leaned against the bedroom door and closed her eyes.  
Allowing herself to know Sara implied letting her enter Ava's life again, but in order for her to do that she needed to know how their relationship worked before, how they got involved, and more, how Ava let her into her life the first time.

//

Ava was just finishing preparing breakfast when she heard footsteps upstairs, heard Sara's voice and then footsteps were heard from the living room. Ava served the strawberry and banana pancakes and took the chocolate syrup that luckily was in the fridge.

"Good morning, mommy."

Leonard went to her and hugged her by the legs, Ava smiled at the little one and bent down to pick him up. She kissed her cheek and she filled his face with kisses, making him laugh.

"Good morning, my Leo."

"Yours and Mama's."

He screamed and raised his arms, making Ava laugh at his words and excitement. Unlike Ava, Leonard and Sara were morning people.

"That right, mine and Mama's."

She placed him on the floor and kissed his forehead, stood up and almost had a heart attack when she came across a sleepy Sara standing in the kitchen entrance, watching Ava and Leonard.

"Good Morning."

She wished in a very deep voice, her voice wasn’t sounding very nice, and the dark circles were back on her face.

"Good morning." Ava smiled at her and Sara reciprocated, but her smile didn't make her eyes shine. "I made our breakfast, I hope you got it right."

"Panca-" Her voice died and Sara cleared her throat, put her hand on her it and motioned for Ava to wait. Sara was still suffering from the effects of last night. "Stuffed pancakes?"

Her voice was squeaky now, Ava couldn't help but look uncomfortable. It bothered her to see her that way.

"Yes." For the first time in the morning, her eyes lit up and she went to the table, making Ava smile internally. "Do you want chocolate syrup or strawberry?"

"Chocolate!" Leonard shouted with his mouth full and Sara and Ava looked at him instantly, Ava scolding him. Leo shrugged and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Sorry, moms." He asked low and embarrassed. Ava smiled and sat at the table.

Breakfast was nice, Leonard talked non-stop and Sara and Ava just listened and laughed at what he was saying. Ava felt really good and she knew Sara did too because even her face looked lighter, less tired and less sad.

Sara warned that she would take Leonard to school and Ava decided to go with her and took the opportunity to ask Sara to take her to the Cultural Center. Sara looked surprised, it even looked like she got excited and happy about the request. Ava felt good about making her smile, after the night before Ava could only think of ways and more ways to please her somehow.

And it worked, all day. She spent the day with Ava at the Center, they danced with the children and then Sara took her to visit the second floor, where according to her, Ava gave her dance lessons. It was quite spacious, divided into two parts. The other part Sara said she would show when Ava was ready, so she didn't question and much less insisted.

That Wednesday was definitely the best day since the day Ava had woken up with no memory.

//

In the days that followed, Sara took Ava every day to the Cultural Center, it was fun to spend the day there, and Ava even enjoyed Sara's company. Sara with children was a lovely thing to see, she really liked children, that's why she and Leo got along so well.

Now it was Sunday, the day had dawned strange. Ava woke up with a feeling that she had something to do but had no idea what it was. Sara was weird again, she was crying last night. Ava knew it because she had gone to tell her dinner was ready while she was in her office and before knocking on the door Ava heard some sniffles coming from inside. Ava didn't quite understand.

They were fine, weren't they? Ava stopped to think and noticed that they hadn't exchanged any bad interactions in the past 4 days.

Maybe Sara wanted more. Maybe she was really missing the old Ava. Because, from what everyone says, from the pictures scattered around the house and the videos from that box, Sara and Ava seemed to be glued together. What got Ava most anxious was not knowing what was going on before she lost her memory. Sara had said that to Laurel, they were not in a good time.

Ava wondered why. They seemed unshakable. Maybe it was just a cover. Or not. Ava didn't think she would be able to fake feelings, much less Sara. But on the other hand, the videos she had watched were old, her hair was shorter in most of them and Sara's was in a more blond tone.

"Aves?"

Ava looked up and saw Sara enter the room, she was sitting on the bed, trying to read a book before, but curiosity and concern for Sara ended up being greater than her concentration.

"Hi."

Ava closed the book and placed it on her lap, leaning her back against the headboard. Sara approached hesitantly, a white wrapper in her hands with a red bow. Ava fixed her gaze on the package, puzzled.

Sara sat on the edge of the bed, avoided looking at Ava and clutched the package in her hands. Ava wanted her to start talking soon, she was curious to know what that was about. 

"I..." Sara started, but fell silent shortly thereafter. She bit her lower lip and chuckled without any hint of humor. "I had a whole speech, you know? I spent months thinking about it, days deciding the right words, but now all my effort is worthless."

"What are yo-"

"Shhh." Sara interrupted and Ava pressed her lips together. "God! You have no idea of everything I had to tell you, but okay, I hope that one day I can tell you everything I wanted." She sighed deeply and looked at Ava; her face must have been pure confusion. Sara smiled awkwardly and moved closer. She looked away and focused on the bundle in her hands, looked at Ava again and got up from the bed. Ava couldn't look away from her, Sara approached cautiously, smiled at Ava and kissed her forehead. Ava closed her eyes automatically, and felt something warm wet her left cheek. Sara was crying again. "Happy day."

She said in a choked voice, placed the package on Ava's lap on top of the book and in seconds left the room. What had just happened there?

Ava considered getting up and questioning her, but before she can do that, she heard the front door slam with a little force.

Ava grunted to herself and sighed, sliding down on the bed a little. The movement caused the plastic of the package to make a sound and Ava to remember about it. That was it. She would open and see what it was about.

Without even an ounce of delicacy Ava came out tearing up the whole package, undoing the loop anyway and finally taking out a... painting? She looked better and realized it was a photograph.

She turned the picture over and saw that it was a photo of a tree house. It looked abandoned because there was a lot of undergrowth. The silver frame of the photo was worn; it looked like an old photo, just like the tree house.

There was a note.

She picked it up and opened it to read.

_Moon, unfortunately now you don't remember this place, but believe me, even with this sinister appearance it is a super special place. It was here that we took some steps in our relationship. God knows how I wish you could remember it._

_It was here that you gave yourself to me for the first time; it was also here that we sealed a serious relationship, and it was here, in this same little house that we actually got married. You may be wondering how, but if it is in your best interest, I will be happy to tell you._

_Ps: I used to call you ‘My moon’ because you lit up my darkness_

When she finished reading Ava realized that her eyes were wet, ready to cry. She closed them tightly and took a deep breath. What was Sara doing to her? She was able to mess with Ava with so little.

Ava started to close the note to keep it, but when she saw a sentence on the back, she was curious and turned the paper over.

‘ _I was complete before. Now I overflow. - From your eternal love._ ’

She read the sentence a second time, felt her stomach churn and her vision become blurred. Again she had that weird feeling. She tried to get up, tried to call for help, but before she could react, she felt her body turn to gelatin, everything went black and then she blacked out.

//

_Ava looked around and soon recognized the place she was in, it was the same tree house she saw in the photo, but the house looked newer and didn't have as much weeds around the tree. She heard laughs, looked back and found herself holding hands with Sara running across the grassy yard._

_Ava's smile was big; she called out to Sara, asking her to run faster._

_Ava noticed that they were much younger; their faces were smooth and showed no signs of time. Ava followed the two silly girls with her eyes, Sara took her hand and helped her up the stairs. Ava hurried to follow them._

_Upon reaching the top of the tree where the house was, Ava saw Sara on top of her, they were kissing. Ava felt her cheeks flush, unlike other times, she wasn’t disgusted, just ashamed._

_"Sara, hey..." Sara kissed Ava's neck and there was a noise, she was sucking on her skin. Ava squeezed Sara's back and then tried to push her away from her shoulders. "Babe, no, wait a minute."_

_"I can't. You're wearing that damn short skirt." Sara mumbles against the older woman's neck, and Ava ended up laughing at herself and Sara there on what appeared to be a mat. "In fact, you can keep wearing these skirts, they are sexy and make life a lot easier."_

_"Naughty"._

_She slapped her left shoulder and Sara laughed, leaning forward and kissing her again. Ava sat on the floor to get a better look at that scene. She felt like she was in a movie where she and Sara were the protagonists._

_"But you like it."_

_"It's because I'm very irresistible."_

_Ava rolled her eyes and almost laughed when she saw that the other version of her had done the same._

_"Okay, now... Sara, take your hands off my ass." She snarled at Sara who quickly removed her hands and sat facing Ava, crossing her legs. "Sex only after marriage."_

_"But Aves, there's only one week left until the wedding." Sara said slyly and went closer to the older one. "We could advance the honeymoon, what do you think?"_

_"Don't even start with your little games." Sara was shot by a look and made a sign of surrender, walking away again. "Now let me talk, and pay attention." Sara nodded and sat correctly, looking deep into Ava's eyes. "You don't have to look at me so deeply."_

_"Do I make you nervous?"_

_"Ugh! You know what your eyes do to me."_

_"I know."_

_"You’re so convinced."_

_"You’re so beautiful."_

_"Stop." Ava demanded and Sara laughed silently. "I still remember the day you asked me to marry you... God! You were so beautiful. Even all wet from the rain, because someone doesn't usually watch the news, right?" Sara smiled mischievously and shook her head in a negative direction, Ava did the same and stroked her face. "But I thought it was so beautiful when you asked me to dance in the rain, babe. It was magical. And when I least expected it you pretended to stumble." Ava paused to laugh, and Sara followed her. "I laughed so much at your face of pain, I mean, your false face of pain and- SARA!"_

_Ava scolded her when Sara sat on the floor with her legs straight and pulled her onto her lap, she ignored the growl and grabbed Ava's waist._

_"Shhh, I'll behave, I just want to be like this with you."_

_"When you took that blue box out of your pocket, I almost died. Seeing you kneeling in the rain, with that smile that I love so much." Sara opened a huge smile. "That one right there." Ava leaned forward and sealed their lips. "I couldn't stop repeating yes."_

_"And I loved hearing every single time you said it."_

_"You gave me your grandmother's ring, the same ring your grandfather gave her when he asked her to marry him. You were worried that I wouldn't like it, since most girls prefer diamonds rather than pearls, but I would accept this ring even if it was made of plastic." Sara was quiet, looking at her almost without blinking. Ava looked at her hand, turning the ring on her finger. "I felt, and I still feel very special for wearing this ring, it’s very important for you, your grandparents and now, it’s important for me too."_

_"You deserve it, and there's no use saying no. You know that." Ava smiled and kissed Sara briefly_

_"So last week I ran the mall with Dinah and your sister, I was looking for something to give you." Sara tried to say something, but Ava shut her up. "I bought it because I wanted to, just to do this today."_

_"Aves..."_

_Sara whispered as she saw a black box removed from a chest that was already there._

_"This ring has no history, yet. We are going to create its story and I want this ring to be passed on to our children." Ava looked at Sara and noticed that her face is already beginning to be bathed in tears. "I want you to marry me, now, right here."_

_"But, babe..."_

_"Shhh, I know it's crazy. But look, I want you to become my wife with no one around, just the two of us first, then we can get married in front of other people." Ava sat better on Sara's lap and took her left hand. "We will not exchange vows now, I want to hear what you have to say to me only at the church. But for now our love is more important, just tell me if you are willing to live your life by my side, to put up with me when I'm needy, when I fight with you for messing up the house or making you wake up in the middle of the night to prepare food for me. Promise me that you will be on my side regardless of anything, that even when everything is falling apart you will be with me and help me get everything back. Help me to get us back."_

_With her right hand Sara grabbed Ava by the hair and pulled her into a kiss, and Ava could feel the emotion of that kiss even though she didn't feel it directly._

_"I promise as long as you're with me."_

_"Forever, Amore Mio." Ava took Sara's finger and fitted the ring into it. She looked at the shiny pearl on it and smiled. She had bought a ring similar to Sara's grandmother's, how beautiful. "I love you."_

_"I love you, I love you, god... how I love you." As she spoke, she filled Ava's face and mouth with kisses. "I was complete before, now I overflow, thanks to you."_

//

"Fucking hell Ava!"

A scream brought her back to reality; she sat on the bed with her eyes wide, feeling her heart jumping inside her chest. Still scared, she looked around and came face to face with Kara and Dinah, the two of them were sitting on the bed looking at her in a funny way.

"Fuck, Dinah, you scared the shit out of me."

Ava took a few deep breaths and rubbed the left side of her chest, trying in vain to calm her heartbeat.

"Don't blame me, you were delirious there, your entire body was shaking."

"It's true, Ava." Kara agreed laughing. "We thought you were having a nightmare."

"It wasn't a nightmare, it was-" She stopped talking and looked at them, their eyes filled with expectation and curiosity. Ava really needed to tell someone about memory flashes. "I need to tell you something."

"Did you kill someone?"

"Did you finally fucked Sara? I knew you weren't going to resist very long."

"Dinah!" Ava felt my face burn.

"What? It's the truth, isn't it Kara?"

"I agree, we should’ve bet. I knew they would end up fucking soon enough."

Ava looked incredulous at Kara, since when did she use that kind of language?

"Can the two of you stop talking about my sex life that I don't even remember starting?"

"Okay." Dinah agreed and threw herself on her back on the bed next to her best friend. "But I know you won't be able to last very long, in one way or another you never managed to resist your sexy wife."

"Very sexy." Kara said laughing.

"Can the two stop that?!" Kara and Dinah gave a sign of surrender, although their faces denounced the amusement. "I really need to tell you something."

"Go on, Aves! My God, it's worse than the day you went to tell us that you were pregnant."

"Did I took too long?"

"So long that Leonard was almost born and you hadn't told us yet that you were pregnant."

"Oh, that's an exaggeration, Dee."

"That's because you don't remember".

"Argh! Okay, can I tell you already?" They both waved frantically and Ava took a deep breath, moistening her lips afterwards. "I’ve had some flashes of memory, they are pretty crazy actually, I’m-"

"YOU REMEMBERED THINGS?"

The two screamed together, making Ava cover her ears and roll her eyes.

"I can’t believe you, Ava, how come you didn't say that before?"

"Hey. Hey! Take it easy, Golden Retriever." Kara made a face at the nickname. "I didn't remember everything, I remembered a few moments."

"Which ones?"

"Moments with Sara."

She murmured awkwardly and Dinah soon smirked, Kara noticed and did the same.

"You remembered the sex, didn't you? Your perverted side is still very much alive inside you."

"No, Dinah." Ava rolled her eyes and snorted. "I remembered some moments together, and today I remembered a day just before our wedding."

,p>When she said that last word Dinah and Kara looked at each other, they looked tense.

"Ava..." Dinah sat correctly on the bed, she was serious, even called Ava by the name. "Did you and Sara see each other today?"

"Yes."

The taller replied confused, Dinah sighed and cast a quick look at Kara, who looked apprehensive.

"And you... talked?"

"Yes, I mean, she said a few things and handed me over..." She looked around for the photo. She picked up the painting lying on the floor and the note too. "These."

She held out the picture and the note, each took one and then the two exchanged.

"Did she say what day is today?"

"No, she just said 'happy day' to me, which I didn't quite understand because it's not my birthday."

"Ave... Today is your wedding anniversary."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's your weekly update yeah yeah. I promise i'm doing my best to update as fast as I can, but sometimes my mind just go somewhere else for a few days, and it's hard, i'm sorry guys. 
> 
> kudos and comments always make me happy :) and maybe tell a friend about the story uh? i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, please feel free to follow me there and ask me question, and be part of the polls I do from times to times hehe. 
> 
> I'll be back as soon as possible, thanks for reading!


	11. It's time to start all over (make a new beginning)

"Tell me this is some kind of joke, Dinah. Please."

Ava pleaded already feeling her shoulders heavy, as if the world were upon them. Dinah sighed and shook her head. Ava closed her eyes and brought her hands up to her face.

"We knew you wouldn't remember." Kara commented, but Ava was too busy with her own concern. "That's why Dinah and I came here."

"We thought Sara would be here too."

"No." Ava rubbed her hands over her face and sighed. "She left a few minutes ago."

"Hey, Ave, you don't have to make that face." Dinah pulled her into her arms and Ava automatically grabbed her waist, laying her head on her breasts. "It's not your fault that you don’t remember today's date and Sara knows that."

"I know, it's just that-" A lump formed in her throat. "You had to see how she was, I never saw Sara look so lost as today. She left here crying, since yesterday she's been down. I didn't know, I-"

"Ow, sis."

Ava felt Kara hugging her and Dinah and cried on their lap. Again Ava was crying over Sara. The hatred she felt before was gone, Ava would risk saying that even a certain affection had been born there, and seeing Sara so sad because of her, left her really sad. She no longer knew what to do. She tried to do the right things but in one way or another everything ended up going wrong.

Dinah patted Ava's hair while Kara said catch phrases to calm her down, it was important to have her best friend and sister by her side, Ava knew she couldn't handle all that without the two of them.

Minutes later she managed to calm down, Dinah and Kara ordered Ava to bathe while they went to prepare something for them to eat. She just obeyed and got undressed on her way to the bathroom, when she went under the water, she relaxed a little as she felt her entire body get so much lighter.

"Ave?"

"In the closet."

She shouted back and soon Kara entered the closet. Ava looked at her and she smiled back, the smile disguised as a question. Ava knew her sister, knew she wanted to ask Ava if she was better, but she also knew that she wouldn't do it without permission.

"Come and eat, the sandwiches are ready." She warned and Ava finished dressing, tied her hair in a high ponytail and looked at her own image reflected in the mirror. She was wearing a Real Madrid's black sweatshirt, one of the ones Sara wore most; it had her scent on it and was big, the way Ava liked sweatshirts. "Hm, I know that hoodie."

Ava turned to face Kara and smiled awkwardly.

"It's mine."

"No, it's not, yours is the white one." Ava raised her eyebrows in surprise, she didn't even know she had a hoodie like that. "But it’s as if it were yours anyway."

"Why?"

"You always had a habit of using Sara's hoodies. That's why they are much bigger than the numbers she usually uses."

"She has good taste in hoodies." Ava shrugged, in a failed attempt to justify herself. "Don't look at me like that, am I wrong to take her hoodies without permission?"

"No. Sara would definitely be super happy to see you wearing her clothes." Kara crossed her arms under her breasts and studied her sister, looking her from head to toe and then fixed her gaze on Ava's face. "Did I get it wrong or are you trying to make things better?"

Ava blew out a long breath and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I am." She admitted and Kara smiled. "Am I doing it right?"

Kara chuckled and turned to leave the closet, but stopped at the door and looked at Ava.

"Well, that's a start. Keep trying, you'll get there."

She said and left. Ava stood there smiling as if she had scored a ten in a very difficult test.

//

Ava sat at the table with Kara by her side, Dinah was in the area talking to someone on her phone. Ava took the milkmaid and poured some hot milk into her mug.

"I called Laurel. She said Sara is with them in the bowling near the center." Ava looked at her curiously, who would they be, exactly? "Jonah and Leonard, the four of them are there."

She clarified when she noticed the questioning look. Ava shook her head. Dinah joined the sisters and they had their afternoon snack amid lots of laughter and games.

Ava remembered how lucky she was to have them.

//

Now they were in the living room, Dinah and Kara were talking about some moments they had together as a family, holidays and group trips. Ava was quiet just listening to the two talking, she felt better about knowing more. Although her mind was wandering far away.

"I think someone traveled to the moon."

"I think so too, we're talking to the walls. Ava!"

She jumped on the couch at the sound of Dinah's scream, and looked at her in alarm.

"You will kill me from a heart attack someday."

Ava grunted, crossing her arms and throwing herself against the back of the couch. Dinah clicked her tongue and Kara laughed out of Ava's frown.

"How dramatic." Dinah said and Ava rolled her eyes. "What were you thinking so hard about?"

Ava stopped to think and pushed off the couch, a huge smile appeared on her lips when she realized.

"That's it!" She exclaimed still smiling and looked at the other two, who stared at her without understanding anything. "I'll need your help."

Dinah and Kara looked at each other and back at Ava, curious. She still kept her smile.

She had just had the best idea in the world.

//

Going to the supermarket with Dinah and Kara proved an almost impossible mission, they wanted to take everything and at the same time, nothing.

But at the end, they were able to buy everything Ava wanted, which she opted for simple but refined things. She was willing to make the best dinner of her life.

"I already decided what we are going to do. Dinah can you clean the shrimps for me? Please."

The older one looked at her in disbelief and placed the bags from the market on the counter.

"Why me? Ask Kara."

Kara gaped at her and promptly shook her head.

"No, no way. I'm going to make the dessert, you get the shrimps."

"Please, Dee, I need help."

"Ugh! I hate you. I hate both of you." While mumbling she took the bag with the shrimps and threw it in the sink, disgusted. "I wasn't born to do this kind of thing."

"Stop being grumpy." Ava went to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You are the best. I love you."

"Stop being so fake."

She glared at Ava, who threw her head back, laughing.

//

With the help of Kara and Dinah everything was ready in almost two hours. Ava chose to make a Salmon Carpaccio as a starter, Creamy Shrimp Risotto and Greek salad (Dinah said Sara loved that salad and liked to eat it with any type of food). Kara prepared a Mint Oreo Cake that according to her and Dinah was Sara's favorite dessert.

"It's perfect."

Dinah said when she finished setting the dinner table, she had taken the dishes that were stored and also bought some candles. Ava was thinking it was all over the top, she just wanted a friendly dinner to talk to Sara and it was looking more like a romantic date.

"I don't know, you don't think everything is too..."

"Exaggerated?" Kara completed and Ava nodded, looking at her who stopped beside her and studied the table. "No. It would only be exaggerated if you had bought a new outfit to wear today, besides Sara loves that kind of thing."

"Candlelight dinner?"

"Candlelight dinner with you, Ave."

Dinah laughed and for some reason Ava blushed. They finished the preparations and Kara practically ordered Ava to get dressed.

Leo wasn't going home today, Dinah had already talked to Laurel to take the little one straight to their home. Ava didn't object, she and Sara really needed to be alone to talk better. Ava wanted everything to work out, at least wanted to be able to have a simple dialogue with her.

_It was all or nothing._

//

Ava got out of the shower and went straight to the closet, Dinah and Kara were already gone, they told her they were leaving when she was still in the shower. She felt nervous, in the extreme. 

She opted for a white skirt and a cropped checkered top. She picked up a random, red lingerie, put it on and then put on the clothes that she separated. She smiled at her reflected image as she had been doing a lot lately and thought about what to do with her hair, after a while she decided to just brush it and toss it over her right shoulder.

She went to her part in the closet and searched for her makeup case, Sara had shown her where it was. Even though Ava only remembered how to use foundation, eyeliner and very little mascara. She really needed to learn how to do her own make up, after all she wasn't a little girl anymore.

She did a light makeup, just making her eyes stand out. She finished getting ready and sprayed just a little bit of Dolce Gabbana The One. She suspected it had been a gift from Sara, because it was closed in the box when she found it last week, and she hadn't seen that perfume there before.

//

When Ava was about to go down the last rung of the stairs, she heard the sound of the door handle, and in seconds the door was opened and a hesitant Sara entered.  
She still hadn't noticed Ava's presence.

Sara removed her cream-colored overcoat and closed the door, when she turned to hang her overcoat, she got scared by Ava just standing there.

"Fuck, Ava. Thanks for the heart attack." Sara brought a hand to her chest on the left side and massaged the area. "You look like a ghost."

Ava smiled awkwardly and put her hands back.

"It's actually you who look more like a ghost." She muttered without thinking and her eyes widened when she realized, but relaxed when she heard Sara laugh. "Sorry, I couldn't help it."

"I know. You never knew how to control your impulse to speak without thinking before." She shrugged and bent down to untie her boots. "Leonard is going to sleep at Laurel's house, I hope you don't mind."

"It's okay."

Sara untied the two boots and pulled them out, pushing them into the corner of the door. When she got back to her feet, she pause and looked at Ava in surprise or something like it. Something that Ava couldn't tell what it meant.

Sara looked her up and down four times and Ava felt herself blush. Sara's intense gaze under her was making her really uncomfortable.

"Holy shit." She whispered, Ava only knew that because she read her lips. "Wow you look... wonderful, Ava, my God."

At that moment Sara looked flabbergasted, her jaw dropping showed how impressed she was.

"I- thanks."

Ava thanked strangely shy and looked away, lowering her head. She heard Sara mutter something inaudible and then sigh.

"Yeah..."

She lifted her head and looked at her, Sara was scratching her head awkwardly. She didn't seem to know what to say or do now.

"Can you come with me?"

The older one asked hesitantly, Sara looked at her in surprise and seemed to be fighting a battle with herself.

"Where?"

"Over there in the kitchen." Ava replied and passed her, arriving at the living room door, she looked back. Sara was standing in the same place, making Ava snort. "No need to be hesitating, I won’t murder you or anything, I just made our dinner." She explained and Sara looked relieved. "You haven't had dinner yet, have you?"

"Uh, no, no." She replied promptly and then pressed her lips together, making Ava almost smile at her shyness. "Now that you said it, I realized that I'm quite hungry."

Sara admitted, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip. Ava gave her a smile and nodded for her to follow. Ava walked trying to control her breathing; the kitchen seemed too far.

"I-"

Ava tried to say something, but before she could, Sara interrupted her.

"What is this?!"

She looked exasperated, Ava turned to look at her and found her face with an incredulous expression. She swallowed, all the already low friendly atmosphere suddenly dissolved.

"Uhh... dinner?"

The older one returned the question and looked away from Sara, she didn't want to face her.

"I know it's dinner, Ava. I mean... the table is set and candles?" From the corner of her eye, Ava saw Sara move closer to the table. "I can’t believe it, you're not doing this out of pity, are you? Because if you are, I don't want it. Ava, you have no need to do all this just because you feel-"

Sara didn't finish her sentence. Ava dared to look at her and noticed how exasperated and nervous she was. She didn't look angry, she looked hurt.

"Sara, no. It's not like that, you got it wrong." Ava started trying to explain. Sara moistened her lips and looked at her. "I didn't do it out of pity! No, I just wanted, I wanted.." 

"Reward me for your loss memory? Because I'm suffering? Ava, you don't have to do this."

"Let me finish, damn it!" Ava snapped and Sara raised her eyebrows in surprise. The older one sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "I didn't do it out of pity, but I do want to reward you." Sara opened her mouth to say something, but Ava motioned for her to shut up. "I have been a terrible person with you, for things that happened a long time ago. I want to get along with you, I want to redeem myself for being rude during these past days."

The younger woman's expressions softened and from hurt she went to surprised.

"This is like what? What kind of dinner?"

Ava stopped to think, they stared at each other for a few seconds in silence.

"A fresh start? Yes, that. A dinner for a fresh start."

"Fresh start like..."

Sara made some signs with her hands, moved in circles and pointed between them two.

"A fresh start like... two people getting to know each other all over again." Sara crossed her arms. "I want to know more about me, and about you, and about everything..."

"I see." At last she seemed to be calmer, Sara looked at the set table and then looked at the older one. "Can we eat then? I'm really hungry."

She confessed awkwardly and scratched her head, and Ava noticed that Leonard did the same thing when he was embarrassed. 

Ava stopped to think and realized that for Sara to be that hungry she must have not eaten anything all day, she felt like scolding her, but decided against it.

"Yeah, of course, let's go. You can sit down and I'll-"

"I'll help you."

She interrupted Ava and smiled friendly, Ava ended up returning the smile and just turned her back and went to get the Carpaccio.

"Looks delicious." She heard Sara comment and looked at her, who was watching the risotto. "Were Dinah and Kara here?"

"Yes."

Ava replied awkwardly and heard Sara chuckle. They took the food to the table, Ava coming back and picking up the wine Dinah had bought.

"Let me see... Carpaccio of... Salmon?" The youngest risked and Ava smiled nodding. "Shrimp risotto because I can smell it from here."

"Good sense of smell."

She praised and Sara smiled shyly. Ava took the bottle of wine and frowned. She didn't know how to open it.

"Having trouble there?" She heard Sara ask, the smile in her voice was clear. "Give it to me, let me do it."

She asked politely and Ava handed her the bottle. Masterfully Sara removed the seal and popped the wine, smiling proudly of her abilities. Ava ended up laughing at her happy face.

"I'm not used to these bottles, I never drank in my life." Ava paused and corrected herself. "I don't remember having drink in my life before."

"You're not much of a drinker, actually." Sara commented while pouring the wine in the two glasses on the table. "Only drinks when necessary or when we go out with the team." Extended a glass to Ava, who smiled in thanks. "And you hate any type of bottle that has to remove the cork."

"They’re very difficult."

Ava grunted in frustration and Sara laughed. She was much better now, her smile was easy and Ava realized that she liked the sound of her laugh.

"Drink slowly."

Sara advised and as if she wanted to show the correct way, she took the glass to her lips and took a small sip, then sighed. Ava memorized her movements and did the same. It tasted sweet, a little bitter at the end. She liked it.

"Delicious."

"Indeed." Sara agreed and took another sip. "Dinah chose it?" Ava nodded. "It had to be, she's the best."

After another sip of their wine, Sara and Ava started eating the Carpaccio. The youngest praised Ava's cooking skills several times, making her very satisfied.

"Your good hands when it comes to cook remains intact." Sara commented after wiping the corners of her lips with the napkin. "It was wonderful."

"Thanks."

Ava thanked her without stopping to smile. Sara took the bowl with the salad and put a considerable amount on her plate. Ava passed the oil to her, who offered her the salad, but the older one just refused.

"Are you sure?" Ava shook her head and Sara looked shocked. She took some of the salad with her fork and brought it to her mouth, then groaned as she enjoyed the salad. "A delight."

//

They were almost done with dinner, Ava had noticed Sara lighter a few minutes ago. It looked like she was starting to get drunk.

"...That day was very funny. Dinah wanted to murder everyone who tried to calm her down, Laurel managed to make our family and friends more nervous than she was.

She was talking about the day Jonah was born. Ava couldn't stop laughing when she imagined Dinah in labor wanting to kill everyone and Laurel running around the hospital because she was afraid to go into the operating room and be murdered by her wife.

"...But other than that, it was a very happy day, I had never seen my sister cry and smile as much as that day."

"I can imagine."

Ava took a small sip of her wine and set the glass on the table. Sara took the bottle and refilled her glass.

"We've been through a lot of things."

"I want to know everything. Anything."

"Hm." Sara swallowed the wine in her mouth and propped her elbows on the table. "We can always watch Leo's videos, the day of his birth, his first speech, his first steps... the first fall on a bicycle."

She suggested and shrugged, drinking more wine. Ava thought to herself that maybe it would be better if Sara stopped drinking now, she already seemed pretty out of it, but she looked so happy. Ava didn't want to cut her moment, not yet.

"I really wanted to remember all of this without having to watch videos." Ava commented crestfallen, Sara looked at her with pity and put her glass on the table again. "I hate all this amnesia shit. I hate it."

"I know the feeling." Ava looked at Sara, who was holding the bottle again. "Amnesia sucks."

"Yes." Ava sighed. "It does."

They went back to talking about moments from the past, Sara told funny moments and others a little tense. For example, when Laurel almost had a car accident on the road while traveling to another city, Sara said it was raining a lot and the car ran out of the road.

"Sara, I know this is not the best time to ask that." Ava attracted her attention. "But... how was our first kiss?"

She asked a little uncertainly, Sara took a last small sip of her wine and cleared her throat, settling in her chair.

"It was a very funny situation." She chuckled and looked fixedly behind Ava, her gaze was nostalgic. "We had just left gym class, my class had played volleyball against yours." Took another sip of her wine, and Ava took the cue and did the same with hers. "When everyone went to take a shower, I was hidden in a corner so I could make another prank with you. But the funny thing is that you were with the same intention as me, I spent hours waiting for you to appear and nothing. When I decided to get out of my hiding place, I ended up bumping into you." She paused to laugh loudly, hanging her head back. Ava ended up laughing, even though she didn't remember anything. "You almost had an outbreak, you kept asking what I was doing there hidden, then I asked you the same question and we started to argue." Sara wet her lips and rested her elbows on the table. "We were so distracted in our discussion that we didn't even notice the time passing."

"We got locked in there?"

Ava took a chance because she had an idea of what had happened, Sara smiled and nodded.

"Exactly. You started yelling at me that it was my fault, but you didn't realize that I was quiet in the corner. Then the lights in the locker room went out, and when I was younger I had serious problems with the dark."

The youngest confided and Ava raised her eyebrows, surprised to hear that. She couldn't believe that Sara Lance was afraid of the dark.

"... While you screamed and cursed me, I was huddled against the cupboards having a panic attack. It took you at least twenty minutes to notice me on the floor, the dressing room was dimly lit, but the white uniform highlighted us in the darkness." She leaned back in the chair and wrapped her index finger around the rim of the glass. "You started calling me and I didn't answer, I couldn't do anything but curl up in the corner. Then I started to despair, and you realized that I wasn't pretending and something was wrong. You tried to calm me down in many ways, in one of those attempts you ended up pulling me hard by the waist and made us fall to the floor, you on top of me."

"Didn't I hurt you?"

"A little." She shrugged. "I was fidgeting a lot under you and you were impatient, so you did the thing that none of us expected."

"I kissed you?"

Sara nodded.

"You practically molested my mouth with yours."

"Oh my God."

Ava shrank back in her chair and felt her face heat up. She didn't remember being so brazen in high school.

"Oh my god, indeed." Sara laughed at Ava's shame, making her roll her eyes, hiding her face with her hands. "But it worked, I was calmer. Well, I tried to tell you that, but you walked away from me just to look at me and then kiss me again." She opened a huge smile, as if remembering that day. "It was the best kiss of my life."

"And-" Ava cleared her throat. "And then? What happened?"

"Well, the school janitor opened the locker room, asked if we were okay and you just ran out without looking back. I explained to him what had happened, I had to lie to him and say that you had been sick." She chuckled. "After that you started to ignore me, I did everything to talk to you, but you always ran away. It was around that time that I got close to Dinah, she was going out with my sister, so we ended up becoming friends. With her help I was able to talk to you."

"What did she do to convince me to talk to you?"

"Threatened to cut your hair."

"Sounds like her."

Sara let out a nasal laugh and took the bottle of wine again, Ava realized it was almost empty. She looked at Sara, admiring her. She had never stopped to notice how beautiful Sara was.

"I want to remember."

Ava spoke suddenly and Sara stopped filling her glass and looked at her, her eyes were slightly crossed. She was definitely drunk.

"Remember what?"

"Everything." Ava sighed and put one strand of hair behind her ear. "I want to remember the funny moments, family moments, of having got pregnant with Leo, the emotion of feeling him grow inside me and my happiness when he was born. Stuff like that." Sara opened her mouth a little and lowered her head, Ava realized that she was waiting for something more. "And Sara..." She drew the attention of the youngest and she looked at Ava before pouring herself more wine. "I want to remember the two of us, everything we've been through, I really do."

The wine bottle slipped from Sara's hand and exploded on the floor, making a loud cracking sound resonate through the kitchen. Sara's eyes widened and she pushed the chair back, with the movement, ended up pulling the tablecloth off the table and dropping the plates and dishes on the floor. Luckily Ava managed to hold the pan with what was left of the risotto. The older one looked at Sara, who seemed not sure what to do.

"Okay, I think it's enough wine for you."

Ava got up from the table and went to the kitchen to put the pot in the fridge, went back to where Sara was still paralyzed and without caring about the mess she made, Ava touched her shoulder and told her to get up. Sara obeyed her without any problems, but almost fell to the ground, being saved by Ava's hands on her waist.

The taller one took Sara up with some ease. She went to their bedroom and thanked mentally that the door was open. She put Sara on the bed and said she was coming back, opened the bathroom door and also the shower door. Ava went back to the room and laughed when she saw Sara with her legs up, doing some kind of dance while singing a song about shampoo.

"Sara, stay quiet." Ava scolded her for not stop moving, she pouted and stopped. The older one took her to the bathroom and sat her on the toilet lid, knelt in front of her and held the hem of her long-sleeved blouse. "Raise your arms." Sara promptly obeyed and Ava tossed the piece in the direction of the laundry basket, standing up straight and pulling Sara up. "Unbutton your pants, Sara."

"Look... my wife won’t like to know that I was almost naked in front of another woman."

She whispered as if she were telling a secret, and Ava rolled her eyes, even though she was almost laughing. With some effort Sara took off her pants, after Ava begged a lot. Ava grabbed her waist and went with Sara to under the water.

//

Minutes later she took Sara under the cold water; she was curled up against the marble sink and was shaking like a wet puppy. Ava went quickly to the bedroom and fetched a towel and clothes for her, went back to the bathroom and held the towel out to Sara.

"Here, dry clothes."

She handed it to Sara and left the bathroom to give her privacy. She made a mental note to never let Sara drink like that again.

Ava heard the bathroom door open and a sleepy Sara passed by. Ava guided her to the bed and pulled the blanket so she would lay under the covers and not on top.

"Aves.." Ava heard that hoarse voice calling and made a nasal sound. "Will you lay here with me?"

She bit her lip and hesitated, that question caught her off guard. She didn't know whether or not to sleep with Sara, the last time they slept together it was very strange, even though her hug was great. Ava finally sighed and just went to the switch, turned off the lights in the room and closed the door.

Ava climbed onto the bed on her knees and crawled, pulled the blanket off and tucked herself under it. She was undecided about laying with her back to Sara or to her front, so she chose to lie on her back, staring at the ceiling.

The room was completely silent, and it bothered Ava a little. Sara seemed to be asleep, she heard her calm breathing. Ava stopped to think about the day, and considered opening her life to Sara again. If it worked once, it could work again, right?

"Aves?"

Ava almost jumped when she heard Sara' voice. She turned her head to the side and looked at Sara. She had forgotten to turn off the bathroom light so she was able to see the face of the youngest.

"Hi."

Sara took a deep breath and shifted on the bed, approached Ava a little, but not too much.

"Do you know what is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life?"

Her voice was sleepy, Sara looked like she was about to fall asleep at any moment.

"What?" Ava asked curiously.

"Marry you."

Sara replied vaguely, yawning and closing her eyes again. Ava just stood there looking at her, her breathing became calmer with each passing second.

Ava realized that she was smiling after hearing what Sara had said.

And then she realized something else. She had already opened her life for Sara again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so apparently fridays are the new days i'll be updating the story, what you guys think?
> 
> thank you so much everyone who are still with me and this work, it means a lot to me.
> 
> let me know what you would like to see and know in the next chapter okay?
> 
> kudos and comments always makes me happy :)
> 
> i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, feel free to follow me and be part of the polls I do there sometimes about this fic.
> 
> i'll be back!


	12. Hold me close (and don't let me go)

Ava heard a voice in the back of her head and felt something touch her face. She knew the voice, but she couldn't put a face to it.

"Hm.." She grunted when opening her eyes and yawned. She looked to the side and her eyes widened at Leonard propped up on the edge of the bed, for a moment her head forgot the fact that Laurel had called in the middle of the night because Leonard had asked to come home to be with his moms, leaving him at home a few minutes later. Once her head took in the fact, she smiled at the boy. He had his little hand on Ava's face, who held it and kissed it. "Hi, little one."

Her voice was a little husky and she felt her eyes heavy. Ava blinked a few times and tried to sit up, but felt something heavy on her stomach. She looked down and saw Sara with her head on her abdomen and her arm around her waist.

"Mommy, I'm hungry. Mama doesn't want to wake up."

He grunted, and Ava looked back at him who now had a huge pout on his lips and had his arms crossed over his chest. She smiled at him; even annoyed Leonard looked adorable.

"Hungry, huh? How about waffles?"

"Yes!"

The little one screamed with a huge smile and Ava closed her eyes, feeling her head throb. Sara fidgeted a little and murmured something that Ava didn't understand, but continued to sleep.

"Okay, but no screaming or you gonna wake your mother."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." As carefully as possible, Ava removed Sara's head from her belly and pulled her up a little, laying her head on the pillow. "What are you waiting for, young man? To the shower right now, come on."

Ava ordered, even though she was smiling. Leonard said nothing, just left the room quickly. Ava yawned slowly as she stretched, feeling her body a little heavy. She was still sleepy. She got up from the bed and went to the bathroom, took one last look at Sara and sighed.

She felt that now things were finally going to settle down, or at least get better a little.

//

Ava set the table for breakfast and Leonard was already seated in his uniform and smelling nice. A curious thing that she had noticed was that he and Sara were perfectionists with regard to personal hygiene, in the same way that she liked to always be smelling good and being clean, he liked it too. It was amazing how much they were similar.

Ava had also realized that Sara had raised the little one better than her. And she stopped to think about how they were like before. If she was the mother who only corrected, helped with homework and was bossy, and Sara was the playful mother, who took Leo to the park, let him eat a lot of candy and didn’t scolded him so much. She laughed to herself as she realized that she was getting used to thinking of the three of them as a family. It felt right.

"Mommy, won't Mama get up? I'm going to be late for school."

"Leo, I think your mom is very tired, you know? Better to let her rest."

"So you will take me?"

He asked and Ava turned to look at him, his gray eyes were fixed on her, shining with anticipation. Ava felt a lump in her throat. What should she do? She had no idea where his school was, she didn't remember how to drive and worse... the little one didn't know that she had lost her memory. She certainly should've taken him to school at other times, but now she couldn't, and she had to find a good excuse since surely Sara wouldn't be waking up anytime soon.

"I- I won't be able to. Mommy has a lot to do this morning." She said quickly. "But I already know who can take you to school, I'll make a call and I'll be right back."

She left the kitchen in search of her phone; she didn't remember anyone's number yet, so she would need the contact list there. She looked over the couch and didn't find it, it wasn't on the floor either, nor on the coffee table.

She was about to go upstairs to get Sara's phone when she spotted her own near the television.

She unlocked it and then went to the contact list, searched for Dinah's name / nickname and pressed to call. On the fifth ring she finally answered.

" _Who dares to bother me at this time in the morning?_ "

She asked on the other end of the line, her voice came out a little sleepy and thick, Ava assumed she was yawning.

"Good morning, sunshine." Ava heard her snort and giggled. "Dee, I need your help."

"I only get out of this bed if you need help burying a body. If it is something else, I will go back to sleep, before you are the one who needs to be buried."

"You are so adorable in the morning."

" _It's a gift._ " Ava rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious, Dee."

Ava used her cute voice because she knew that only few people could resist it, and Dinah was not one of those people.

" _Okay, blackmailer, just say it, what do you want?_ "

"Do you know where is Leo’s school?"

Ava heard some noises on the other end of the phone, it looked like she was sitting on the bed. Ava heard another voice, too. Laurel.

" _Of course I know, he studies with Jonah. Why?_ "

"I need to know how to get there." Ava sighed and looked at the arch that separated the kitchen from the living room where a bored Leonard were boringly kicking the floor. "Sara is blacked out in bed and won't wake up and-"

" _My God, did you murder your snow doll?!_ "

She almost screamed and Ava had to move her phone away from her ear so she wouldn't go deaf.

"Yes, Dinah, now I have to dispose her body in some hole out there." She snapped her fingers to attract Leonard's attention and when he looked at her, she motioned for him to go upstairs. "Your backpack." She whispered and he just obeyed. "Sara exaggerated on her drink last night, I didn't want to wake her up."

" _Mmm... tell me the truth, you two shagged, didn't you?_ "

Ava felt her face flush instantly, even her ears were warm.

"Dinah!"

She laughed.

" _I love doing that with you._ " Ava rolled her eyes at her stupid way of being. " _But back to the subject, Laurel is going to take Jonah to school, I can ask her to stop by and pick up Leo._ "

She suggested and Ava sighed in relief; she heard footsteps on the stairs and looked in that direction, seeing a bouncing Leo coming down step by step, his hands on the straps of his backpack. She smiled at him, he was too adorable.

"Thank you so much, you're an angel."

" _And you are selfish, but I like you a little._ "

"You love me."

" _Yeah... what can I say, I have a thing for people with big boobs._ "

The two started laughing and after that Ava said goodbye, putting her phone on the hem of her skirt. She needed a shower, she was still wearing the clothes she had put on last night.

Minutes later she heard Laurel honk in front of the house, so she called Leonard and opened the door, he passed Ava and started to run towards her aunt's car.

"Hey, little guy, what about my hug?"

Ava got on her knees and spread her arms, he ran back towards her and grabbed her neck, Ava smiled and filled him with kisses.

"See you later, mommy. I love you."

Ava's heart was racing when she heard him say that. The sensation was incredible.

"I love you too, my little one. I love you so much."

She spoke sincerely, she was touched. She gave him one last kiss on the forehead and stood up, waved to Laurel in the car and she honked in response. Ava's eyes were watering.

She waited for them to pull out before entering the house and leaned against the door. She took a deep breath.

Being a mother was an incredible feeling and even though she didn't fully remember Leonard as her son, Ava felt like he was the most important thing in her life. And he was. She would give her life for him if necessary.

"Let's see..." She said to herself after a while, walking away from the door and thinking about what to do. "I have to find some medicine for Sara, for sure she's gonna wake up with a headache and maybe with nausea."

She talked to herself as she went up the stairs. She was afraid to wake Sara. It's not like she knows how to wake her up, and more, what if she didn't like being woken up and yell at Ava?

Ava arrived at the bedroom door and took three deep breaths before entering; she took the doorknob and turned it slowly, first put her head into the room and... no sign of Sara.

She entered the room fully and saw that the bathroom door was open, taking a step in that direction; but when she heard some strange sounds, she stopped. After listening carefully for a few seconds, she realized that Sara was vomiting.

"Oh, shit! Shit." She heard her cries and whimpers, followed by the sound of something falling into the water. Sara would need to eat because she would leave there weak. 

"No.."

Her voice was tearful, Ava could feel her pain. Her face contorted in a pitying grimace, if there was one bad thing in this world, it was throwing up. She started to think, because she knew she had seen medicine somewhere in the house.

Leo's room! She remembered seeing some medicine in the cupboard in his bathroom. She ran over there, she was bothered to see Sara like that, even more because she knew she was that way because of her; in parcels, but still her fault.

"Sara?" Ava called her as soon as she returned to their bedroom; everything was silent now. She slowly headed for the bathroom, entering it. "Sara? Are you awake?"

She asked worriedly when she saw her lying on the floor in front of the toilet. Her condition was unfortunate, her hair was messy and her face was even paler than normal, she pressed her abdomen with one hand while the other was over her eyes.

"Y-yes."

She stammered through the murmur, Ava tried not to focus on the strong smell there, and crouched down beside Sara but ended up stopping. She didn't know whether to try to help her or just convince her to get up off the floor.

"I found a pill for nausea and one for headache, is your head hurting?" Sara nodded. "Okay. Uh, can you sit?"

Sara removed the arm that was over her eyes and put her elbows on the floor, making an effort to get up, her face was very pale. Ava didn't know whether to take Sara to the hospital or not, she had never had a hangover before. At least not that she remembered. She put the pills on her lap and helped Sara to sit, leaving her sitting and leaning against the toilet, taking the opportunity to close the lid.

"My stomach is... It hurts a lot."

Sara sighed and closed her eyes, her lips twisted into a huge pout, her eyebrows together as if showing all her discomfort.

"I shouldn't have let you drink so much last night."

Ava felt guilty for seeing her like that, maybe she should have stopped her from drinking that much. She realized that maybe Sara doesn't get along with alcohol.

"No..." She growled, sitting up better so she could look at Ava. "There are two things that don't go together, too much wine and me."

She forced a smile, her shoulders were slumped, her eyes were a very light shade of blue. Beautiful eyes, Ava thought.

"I can see that now." The older one smiled and took the pills in her lap. "Here, take these." She handed it to Sara and stood up, taking the glass over the sink and filling it with water. "I'm going to prepare something for you to eat, do you think you can bathe alone?"

Sara looked at her before taking the pills in her hand and Ava felt her hesitation. Ava's eyes betrayed her nervousness. Sara sighed and just nodded before taking the pill. Ava waited for her to take the other one and helped her up from the floor. Sara was a little limp, her legs didn't feel firm and her arms were shaking a little.

"Are you sure you can stand alone in the shower?"

Ava asked worriedly; she didn't want her to fall and hit her head on the floor. How would she take her to the hospital if that happened? She didn't even know how to drive. Or rather, she didn't remember how to drive.

"I can sit on the floor."

The smaller one suggested and Ava nodded. When she started pulling off her shirt, Ava turned on her back, not wanting to look at her without clothes. Ava waited for her to signal that she had already undressed, and when she did, she turned away fearfully but sighed with relief to see Sara in her underwear.

After leaving Sara in the bathroom stall, Ava left and went to prepare something not so heavy for her but with enough nutrients to give her strength.

//

A while later Sara came down, her appearance was a little better, less dejected. She said nothing, just sat on one of the chairs and pulled the plate of her breakfast close to her. Ava was quiet, not sure what to do now.

Should she stay there or could she go to the living room? Ava seemed to have forgotten how to act around people. Around Sara.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

Sara asked before taking a bite of the turkey sandwich Ava had made for her.

"I already had breakfast with Leo."

After hearing that, Sara choked on the bread and desperately took the glass of orange juice and drank it in large doses, almost choking on it too.

"Leonard came home? Damn, what time is it? I should’ve taken him to school." She started to get up, but stopped. She looked at Ava with a raised eyebrow and Ava did the same. "Where is he?"

"In school."

The tallest answered simple and then saw Sara's face become confused.

"But how-" She waved her hands a few times. "Did you take him? How? Did you remember the way?"

She looked desperate, and hopeful. For a moment Ava felt bad about seeing her so excited by her supposed memory.

"I called Dinah, actually."

Her expression fell and the glimmer of hope in her eyes faded. Sara sat back in the chair and returned to her breakfast.

After that, neither of them said anything else, the silence was too embarrassing so Ava chose to leave and go to the living room. Better to watch a cartoon than to be there with that strange mood.

//

They were sitting on the couch, Ava huddled on one side and Sara all scattered on the other. The lunch was quiet too, since earlier they didn't speak to each other, although Ava felt Sara’s looks at her a few times.

Discreetly Ava looked out of the corner of her eye, Sara reached out and switched channels. Her eye was drawn to a black spot on Sara's wrist, which wasn't actually a spot, it looked more like a tattoo.

Then Ava remembered something and looked at her wrist, she knew she had a tattoo there too, she saw it a few days ago, but she didn't pay too much attention to it. Now she was curious, her tattoo was a puzzle (literally), and now she wanted to know which one was Sara's, but she didn't feel completely comfortable asking her that.

"Do you want to watch some-" Sara started to speak but fell silent as she turned to face Ava and caught her staring. "What is it?"

She questioned confused. Ava took a while to assimilate what she said and when she did, she quickly looked away.

"Is nothing."

"Bab- Ava." The older one looked at her and noticed that she was a little embarrassed. "Can we talk?"

"Um, yes."

Sara sighed and without looking away, took the TV control and turned it off. Ava sat across from her, legs crossed and her head down, looking at her hands on her lap.

"I can't understand all this." Sara looked frustrated. "You made that dinner yesterday, right?" Ava nodded in agreement. "We would try to establish a relationship and get to know each other again, but all you've done so far has been to run away or avoid talking to me. I need you to talk to me."

What was Ava doing? Yesterday she was determined to get along with Sara and improve their coexistence, now she didn't know what to say or how to act; Sara's presence made her nervous. Ava thought that maybe they only got along because they were drunk.

How should she act with the alleged wife that she loves but doesn't remember loving?  
With the wife who’s supposed to mean the world to her, but the only thing she can remember is to hate her?  
The wife who's always been in love with her while she couldn't even look her in the face without wanting to slap her?

"You know what? I won't pressure you." Ava came back to reality once she heard that, looking at Sara who was now standing putting her fluffy slippers on. "When you feel comfortable with my presence and in the mood to talk, then you let me know. But I'm not going to stay here like an idiot trying to get your attention. I already did that when we were younger, I don't want to go through all that again."

After saying that she turned and left. Ava remained there, sitting almost without moving. Her heart was racing, probably from the tone of Sara's voice. Her body was heavy as if a truck was on her shoulders. Ava was exhausted from the whole situation and forcing her mind to remember things had only given her headaches.

She looked up and sighed. What should she do?

Finally she decided to get up and go after Sara. Ava would have to face her at some point, she couldn't avoid it forever, she knew they had to talk. 

Their bedroom door was closed and Ava assumed Sara had gone to Leonard's, so she went over there and knocked on the door twice before opening it just a little.

"Come in."

She heard the voice inside and sighed with relief. Ava slowly entered the room, closing the door behind her and looking at Sara. She was standing in front of a shelf, she seemed to be looking at something. Ava approached her cautiously and stopped beside her, looking in the same direction she was looking and saw some pictures, theirs with Leonard.

"We took these pictures when we went to Disney last year." Sara commented and Ava said nothing, just looked at the photos. Leonard was on her shoulders and Sara on all fours in the middle of her legs, the three of them had Mickey's ears. In another, Sara was throwing the little one up and Ava seemed to be afraid he was going to fall. Ava ended up laughing at the photo and Sara looked at her curiously. "What?"

"This photo. It looks funny."

She pointed to the photo and Sara looked at it and ended up laughing too.

"You were desperate, thought I was going to drop him."

"I can see it on my face." Ava continued to look at the photos, in another they were sitting on a lawn, Leonard was lying on their laps and smiling at the camera, just like Sara and Ava. "What had happened to his chin?"

She asked, curious to see that in that photo Leonard had a bandage on his chin.

"He fell on roller skates. I fell too, but I just got my elbow a little skinned."

"He looks adventurous and you seem to accompany him in his adventures."

Ava guessed and Sara ended up throwing her head back and laughing heartily. Ava smiled when she saw her like that; she looked more relaxed.

"That's true, don't be surprised if you see more photos of this type, him or me with bandages. We always liked to play together, and you always warned us to be careful."

"And you don’t seem to hear me."

Ava accused her, but kept a smile on her face. Sara looked at her and smiled a little.

"Only sometimes."

Ava shook her head and went back to seeing the other pictures, Sara made sure to tell each story, and Ava just kept quiet listening to everything she said.

"Aves?" She called after a while, and the older one made a nasal sound without looking away from the drawings spread on Leonard's nightstand. "When you told me you wanted to try to start over, were you serious or did you just say that because you thought that was what I wanted to hear?"

She didn't sound rude, she sounded a little scared. Ava thought that maybe she still felt like Ava hated her like before, but no, actually Ava just hated her back then for always disturbing her. But now everything was so different, she was different. Even Ava was different.

"Yes." Ava sighed and turned to look at her, Sara was leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door, her hands were in the pocket of her sweatpants and she was looking anxiously at Ava. "I really want to start over. I want to know everything. And again, I want to remember you too."

Ava tried to show as much sincerity as possible, she wanted Sara to believe her, to have confidence in her words. Ava saw her eyes start to fill with tears, and thought about going to her, but what would she do then? 

The older one waited for her to say something. Sara wiped the corner of her eyes and her lips trembled a little. She was holding back her crying, trying to look strong.

"I'm... I'm very happy to know that. God! You can't imagine how much."

Her voice was slightly choked, she ran her hands over her eyes again and looked down. 

The two fell silent. 

Ava continued to look at her, waiting for her to say something else. 

Minutes later Sara looked at her, her eyes were still a little wet and her nose was starting to turn red.

"Can I ask you something?"

She asked and Ava shrugged reflexively.

"Hm..." She hesitated for a moment. "Yes, go ahead."

She finally said and Sara took a single step, cautiously. Ava remained still and Sara gave another, as if she was waiting for Ava to stop her.

"Can I hug you?"

Sara looked at her as if she were a child asking for ice cream before lunch. Ava wet her lips and was torn between saying yes and no. But she thought, what did she have to lose?

"Of course you can."

She opened her arms and smiled sheepishly. Sara smiled the same way and in seconds her body collided with Ava's. Ava felt Sara's face in the curve of her neck, where she released her heavy breath. 

Awkwardly, Ava put her arms around Sara's shoulders, since hers were around her waist. Sara sniffed Ava's hair and seemed to think about whether to hold her closer or not. Ava forced her arms around her shoulders as if to give her permission.

"You can hold me tighter, Sara. You’re not gonna break me."

Ava whispered in her ear and felt her body tremble a little, Sara squeezed her tighter, but not too much. 

Her face remained on Ava's neck, her arms wrapped around her waist while Ava's wrapped around her neck and her chin was resting on Sara's shoulder.

"I missed this so much."

Sara murmured against Ava's neck, who heard her swallow and then sigh. A smile was born on the older woman's lips, not even the thought that she was actually hugging Sara Stupid Lance managed to scare her. Because she was really feeling good about that hug.

"You can hug me whenever you want, Sara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while but I need a time away so I'm sorry for the long waiting guys. But I'm back and as an apology I'll be updating every day this week so please bare with me.  
> Thank you so much for reading this story, you guys don't know what it means to me!!  
> Comments and kudos are always welcomed :)  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, and sometimes I do some polls about the fic there so feel free to follow me and ask anything :)  
> See you guys tomorrow!


	13. I won't let these little things (slip out of my mouth)

They stayed a little longer in that embrace, while Ava stroked the hair on the back of her neck, Sara smoothed the base of Ava's back with affection.

Ava, at no time felt like pulling away, and the smile on her face didn't seem to want to leave. 

The taller one felt Sara sniff her hair several times and smooth the curve of her neck with her head like a kitten. She also heard how many sighs Sara gave each time Ava stroked her hair.

Sara looked happy, and that made Ava feel happy too.

They only moved away when Sara was embarrassed to be clinging to Ava for so long and finally broke the hug. They said nothing, just smiled at each other and still without saying anything, the two of them left Leonard's bedroom and went to the living room.

Now they were watching a comedy movie called "The Hangover", Ava found the movie quite funny. Although she was still curious as to why she had a puzzle tattoo on her wrist. Sara hadn't mentioned anything about it yet, so Ava thought it was best to ask at once.

"Uhm... Sara?"

Sara shifted her gaze from the television to Ava and then looked for control, turning off the television and looking back at the older one.

"Did something happen?"

"I want to ask you something."

Sara raised her eyebrows interested and crossed her legs, looking at Ava in that intimidating way of hers.

"Ask away."

"Okay." Ava turned her hand and looked at her left wrist, looked up and saw Sara staring at her. "Why do I have a puzzle tattooed on my wrist?"

She turned her wrist for Sara to see. Sara raised both eyebrows and sighed. She bit her bottom lip and smoothed her right wrist. Ava raised her eyebrows and when she opened her mouth to ask about the tattoo, Sara turned her wrist and showed her tattoo. It seemed to be the same as Ava's, but when she looked closer, she realized that Sara's was a little bigger.

"We got this tattoo together." Sara started, shifted a little as if she were uncomfortable. "It was our five months anniversary of marriage." She smiled and looked somewhere behind Ava, her eyes had a nostalgic glow. "I was distracted watching a Madrid game when you came through the door all bouncing talking nonstop." She giggled and Ava smiled. "I asked you to speak slowly, but you simply spoke faster and faster."

"I used to do that when I really wanted something."

"Exactly." Sara pressed her lips together and looked down, her hands on her lap as she fidgeted her rings. Ava knew she was nervous. "You said you wanted to get a tattoo. I couldn't believe it because you never wanted one. You said it would hurt too much. You almost freaked out when I did mine on the back of my neck."

She turned her body slightly and pushed her hair back, leaving the back of her neck exposed so that Ava could see a bird tattoo there. It looked like a canary, but Ava didn't know much about birds.

"I was excited and asked what you wanted to do, you said it was a surprise and that I would have to go with you to some tattoo studio. We left the house and went to look for a studio around town, when we found one, you dragged me inside." Sara paused and took a breath. "When we walked in and you said we both wanted to get a tattoo, I didn't understand anything, you hadn't said anything to me about it. But then you said you wanted something that would mark us and represent our relationship."

"And I choose these puzzles?"

"Yes." She smiled. "I remember you said that this tattoo would represent us like a puzzle piece, you kept saying that we were like a puzzle."

Ava frowned without understanding.

"Why?"

"To complete a puzzle it's necessary to have all the pieces, right?" Ava nodded, still not understanding the comparison. "You once told me that we were like this, like a puzzle, that for one to be totally happy it was necessary to have the other. That there is no happiness for you without me, and no happiness for me without you."

"This is beautiful."

"I know, when I first heard it I felt like the luckiest person in the world to have someone like you."

Ava couldn't help a shy smile, Sara hung her head awkwardly.

"So these puzzles complete each other?" Sara lifted her head and nodded. "And why is your part bigger?"

"Because you chose it that way, you said most of you were with me, so it was-" She stopped talking and swallowed, so hard that Ava heard the sound in her throat. She took a deep breath and looked towards the TV. "It was logical for me to keep the biggest part since I was your biggest achievement."

After hearing that, Ava didn't know what to say, it was more than obvious that that woman loved her and that she, for some reason, loved her the same way. Ava heard Sara sniff a few times and knew she was about to cry, and that was awful. Sara blew out a breath and started to get up from the couch, but Ava stopped her by holding her wrist and making her sit down again.

"Sorry for asking about that."

"No… no need to apologize." She blinked several times and tried to smile. "I really cry a lot, for no reason."

Ava stroked her wrist and smiled at her, Sara wiped the corners of her eyes with her free hand and smiled back. A real smile this time.

"You can't imagine how much I want to remember all this, Sara." She confessed and saw her eyes water again. "Please, don't cry."

"I won't."

She guaranteed and opened a beautiful smile, her eyes shone this time.

"I swear I'll do everything I can to remember."

//

After the conversation, the two went back to watching the movie, then its sequence too, and they were going to watch the third movie, but Sara had to leave to pick up Leonard at school.

It was always boring when neither of them was there. Ava thought of something to do. She looked at the time, 18:30 pm. She decided to make some cookies.

//

She finished placing the cookies on the tray and turned to take them to the oven, but ended up stopping at the same spot when she saw a cookie robber about to steal one of the cookies that were finished. Her eyes met Ava's and she opened her eyes wide. Looking like a child when caught.

"Lance!"

Ava snarled, glaring at her, Sara seemed to shudder and even with the murderous look, she took two cookies and walked away from the counter a little, hesitantly, as if she expected Ava to go over to her.

"Here, dude, run. Run to save yourself."

Only then did Ava notice Leonard standing next to her, Sara gave him a cookie and in seconds the two of them ran out of the kitchen.

Ava rolled her eyes, a smile on her face. Sara sometimes looked like a child. But Ava liked to see her in that way. It was adorable.

//

**Tuesday, November 22, 2016.**

Ava let the hot water hit her head and run down her body. She sighed, rested her hands on the wall and closed her eyes. Today was the day when she would start seeing the psychologist. She couldn't tell if she was nervous or anxious, maybe both.

_Definitely both._

Sara would go with her, just to accompany her since Ava didn't think it was necessary for her to enter the room. She had gone to take Leonard to school, today he had a trip to some theater, according to what he had said to her last night before going to sleep. Speaking of sleeping, Ava thought Sara would feel free to go back to sleep with her, but she didn't even seem to want that. Ava thought that maybe she didn't want to rush things, and thanked her for that. She also didn't want to rush everything and end up screwing up.

She finished her shower and slid the glass door aside, grabbed the towel hanging next to the door and started drying herself. Her mind was like a huge black hole, she was thinking about several things and nothing at the same time.

She wrapped herself in the towel and left the bathroom, started to go to the closet to choose clothes, but stopped when she saw some clothes separated on the bed and a black medium-heeled boot on the floor in front of the bed. Sara hasn't totally lost her habit of separating Ava's clothes.

She shrugged and picked up the outfit; a light jeans, a white long-sleeved blouse, a dark blue scarf with white designs and an orange overcoat. She wrapped the towel in her hair and then started to get dressed. When she was finishing fixing the scarf, she heard the doorknob turn and in seconds the door was opened, revealing Sara. 

Ava looked her up and down; she was beautiful. Leather jackets matched her and the beanie cap she was wearing made her look youthful. She looked a little tall, so Ava knew she was wearing high heels.

"Ready?"

"Almost. I'm just going to fix my hair and put something on my face." Sara nodded in agreement and pulled a packet out of her pocket, Ava saw her tear it up and take out a bubble gum.

"Want one?"

She offered it, but the older one just shook her head and went to the closet while drying her hair better with the towel.

//

The radio turned on at minimum volume was the only thing that didn't leave the silence torment the car. Sara didn't look nervous, but she looked thoughtful. Focused on the road, her brow slightly furrowed and her red-painted lips slightly twisted. 

Ava sighed and looked out at the street in front of her, people in warm clothing outside were walking along the sidewalk with quick steps, some were almost running with their briefcases in hand and phones in their ears. She wondered how she used to walk on the streets, whether she looked like an executive late for work or if she looked calm, just observing everything.

She sank down on the seat and crossed her arms, leaning her head against the back. She closed her eyes and let the soft music enter her head. She had no idea which singer / band was, but it was a calm, and very beautiful song.

"Aves? We're here."

Ava looked out the windows and realized they were already in the parking lot of the building where she was going to consult. She loosened her seat belt and waited for Sara to unlock the doors so she could get out.

"How long will this thing last?"

Ava asked Sara after she got out of the car and activated the alarm, she turned and stopped beside Ava, nodding for her to follow.

"One hour, we have to be quick because it's almost time."

She warn and Ava just nodded. An hour inside that room, would Sara be with her? What would Ava talk to the psychologist about? How was that going to work?

She was nervous, and very anxious. She really wanted it to help her remember things.

//

Sara went to the receptionist for information, and Ava looked around that waiting room. Two large comfortable couch, a shelf with magazines, a vase in the corner of the wall with a planted coconut tree. A beautiful place.

"Come on, Aves."

She heard Sara's voice and looked for her, who was standing in front of the door where the Doctor was. Ava jumped up and went to her. Sara knocked twice on the door and from inside a "come in" allowed them to enter the room. The mood inside the room was a bit stuffy, or maybe it was because Ava was still wearing that thick overcoat.

"Good morning ladies." Ava looked forward in time to see a blonde get up from the brown leather chair, she was wearing a white coat, tight and beautiful, she had a bright smile on her face and she also had a pair of glasses behind her shiny green eyes. "Miss Lance."

"Just Sara, Dr. D’Troy."

Sara held out her hand to the smiling blonde who returned the gesture. They seemed to know each other, and that smile puzzled Ava a little.

"I will only call you that when you stop treating me with such formality, this ‘Doctor’ makes me look older than I am." The two smiled at each other, as if they were longtime friends. Ava kept looking at them. "You must be Ava, right? Nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Helen D’Troy, but you can just call me Helen."

She smiled pleasantly and held out her hand towards Ava, who hesitated only for a few seconds and then shook it, smiling back. The doctor released Ava's hand, turning to Sara, still smiling. Doesn't she get tired of smiling?

"Hm..." Sara cleared her throat and headed for the door. "I'll wait for you out here, Aves. Try to relax, okay?"

Sara parted her lips and presented Ava with a huge smile, white teeth, the bottom ones a little crooked, which was something Ava found extremely cute. She smiled back and waved, looking back at the doctor who was still smiling.

"Let's start, shall we?" She bowed briefly and pointed to a spacious, apparently comfortable couch next to a black leather chair. Ava blew out a breath and walked towards it. She looked at her overcoat and thought about what she should do. "Wouldn't you rather take it off? It's kind of hot in here because of the heater."

Ava almost sighed with relief as she withdrew that hot thing; her body seemed even lighter. Dr. D’Troy took the overcoat and hung it on a tripod near her desk. Ava sat on the couch and then lay down.

"How do you feel?"

"Nervous." Ava confessed in the middle of a sigh. "Very nervous."

She reinforced it and the doctor ended up chuckling, she should be used to patients like that.

"I understand. It is common to feel that way in the first sessions. Let's do this, close your eyes." Ava did what she asked promptly. "There, now take a deep breath and let it out slowly." Ava felt her body lighter. "Again."

She asked Ava to do that at least ten times, keeping her eyes closed, trying not to think too much about where she was.

"Do you feel more relaxed?"

"A little."

"Excellent, let's get started then."

//

An hour later Ava was already feeling a little less nervous. Dr. D’Troy was a very nice woman, made her relax with some funny comments. She didn't even look like a psychologist, she looked more like a longtime friend that Ava hadn't seen in a long time.

Ava told about her relationship with Sara, and she was happy to know that she was opening her life to Sara again. She said that it would be of great help to Ava's recovery. 

She also told her about the flashes of memory she was having and that made her very excited. 

In that hour that she spent talking to her, Ava realized that Dr. D’Troy, or Helen as she insisted being called, was a super content and carefree woman. 

They talked about Leonard and Helen said he was also super important in the process. She made Ava feel confident, made her believe that she could actually remember things.

That Ava could remember her life.

They left the room talking. Ava looked around for Sara, but didn't find her. She was about to take out her phone and call her when she saw Sara appear through the front door, with a pink box in her hand and two cups of coffee in the other. Sara smiled as soon as she saw them and went towards them.

"I took advantage that you weren't done yet and went out to buy some donuts and cappuccino." She explained before Ava even asked a question. "So, all done?"

Sara held the box of donuts out to Ava, she must have realized she was hungry, or she noticed her greedy look on the box in her hand.

"Yes, yes. Ava did very well for someone who were having their first session."

Ava heard Dr. Helen say, but she didn't look at her, she was dating the donuts inside the box. One looking more appetizing than the other.

"I'm glad to hear that."

Ava could have sworn she heard Sara mutter _I hope this all works out_. She took a chocolate donut and bit it hard, putting it almost entirely in her mouth. 

She heard laughter behind her and turned around, facing Helen and Sara laughing at her hunger and felt her cheeks warm up.

"Oh, I think talking for an hour made someone hungry." Helen joked.

Ava swallowed hard and almost choked, coughing a few times and Sara's eyes widened, reaching for one of the cups in her hand.

"I think someone needs to feed the little monster that lives in her belly."

Sara said while Ava took a sip of her cappuccino, making her almost choke again because of the comment.

//

"Would you like to go to work tomorrow?"

Sara asked when they were already in the car, almost home. Ava was already able to recognize the street where she lived.

"Yes!" She ended up answering more excitedly than she should. Sara laughed when looking out of the corner of her eye and saw that Ava was covering her mouth. "I mean, Helen told me to go back to my old routine, according to her it can help me in the process of remembering everything."

"Yeah, I think this will be really good."

She said vaguely, as if she had teleported to another place. Ava just crossed her arms and laid her head on the back of the seat, she had already learned that when Sara was thoughtful like that, she didn't hear anything else.

Other things that Ava had learned about Sara:

_Sara likes to make people smile._

_Her favorite dessert is Mint Oreo Cake, and she hates Chinese food._

_Her favorite color is yellow. And she looks good on it._

_She makes a funny face when she is taking a deep breath._

_She likes to spoil people, but she also loves to be spoilt._

_Sara likes Ava's smile._

_She's bossy._

_She's funny._

_Sara has nice arms._

_Sara hates sleeping with socks, even when it’s cold._

_She loves boots and sleeveless blouse._

_Ava noticed that she was very insecure of herself, and couldn't understand why, Sara was beautiful._

_Sara hates coffee, but she always drinks it because she likes to be energized._

_She also likes to sit on the porch when it rains and just watch the rain fall._

_When she's nervous, she usually fidgets the rings on her fingers._

Ava still had a lot to learn about Sara, but she felt she was on the right path. With each passing day, she saw that people were right. Sara really was _incredible._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 2 of 5 guys!!!  
> Let me know what you think so far okay?  
> Kudos and comments always makes me happy :)  
> See you guys tomorrow!


	14. Put your hands (up on my body)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note before we start: I give my BEST to make the writing perfect, in a way that everybody can understand and enjoy, but I'm aware that sometimes I can make some mistakes, them being some sentence that looks out of place or some typos or even some adjectives that might end up being used incorrectly. For that I apologize and ask for patience. English is not my first (or second) language and somewhere along the translation, words can get lost :( I don't have time to submit the entire thing to a proof reader or things like that, so it's only me, myself and I. Again, I'm sorry for any mistake and hope you can enjoy it anyway. Good reading :)

Ava was just finishing getting ready when she heard footsteps in the bedroom; it was probably Sara wondering if she was ready. She tied her hair with a black rubber band and fixed the hem of her dress. There was a knock at the door, then it was opened and Ava looked back, seeing Sara's head pop out through the door.

"Ready?"

"Yes."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, Ava was anxious to know what Sara would think. Lately the older one was feeling like a teenager who was trying to impress her first love, which was ironic. But it was being that way, every day she always tried to look as beautiful as possible so that Sara would at least give her a compliment. Maybe Ava liked the things Sara said to her... just maybe.

"Do you intend to kill someone today?" Ava frowned, looking herself up and down quickly. "You look wonderful, god, that black dress is just-"

She left the sentence in the air and sighed, Sara bit her lower lip and after shaking her head a few times she left the closet. Ava turned to the mirror and smiled widely at her reflection.

"I got it."

She waggled her eyebrows and ended up laughing, soon leaving the room before Sara came to call her again.

It was Bachata's day.

//

They arrived at the Cultural Center and the day was not as cold as the others. Sara was wearing tight jeans and a band shirt. Ava was wearing a black dress that hit her knees, but she had brought an extra outfit to dance with.

"Are you staying today to watch?"

Ava asked Sara after they got out of the car, she adjusted the cap on her head and looked at Ava as if wondering if she should stay or not. She hadn't stayed last week, and Ava thought it was because she was always dancing with this man, Diego Boneta, an assistant dancer she had. They met the week before; he was friendly, and he knew how to dance really well and had helped Ava a lot to remember some dance moves. But Sara didn't seem very comfortable seeing the two of them dancing, she didn't even want to stay the rest of the class, she just said that she had something to do in her studio.

"I don't know if it will be possible for m-"

"Do you know how to dance Bachata?"

Sara raised her eyebrows and looked at Ava without understanding.

"What?"

"Do you know how to dance Bachata?"

"Kinda... I mean, you were teaching me, I learned a few things."

She lowered her shoulders and smiled shyly, her cheeks flushed and Sara scratched the back of her neck. Ava thought she looked adorable when she was uncomfortable.

"Would you like to be my assistant today?" Sara looked at her without understanding again. "Diego won't be able to come, his daughter is feeling sick, he texted me earlier." Ava explained and Sara sighed. "Please?"

Ava made her best cute face and Sara rolled her eyes. The eldest laughed when she saw her smile, knowing that she was giving in. Sara wet her lips and adjusted her posture.

"Okay, let’s go." She finally agreed and Ava had to control herself not to do a victory dance, just smiling. "Just don't be angry if I step on your foot or miss a move."

"Stay calm." Ava stopped beside her and shyly squeezed her shoulder. Sara looked at her and smiled at the contact, making Ava smile back. "You'll be okay."

//

Ava was talking to the couples she taught. It was still weird, but she was adapting. She always liked to dance, since she was a little girl she had the dream of growing up and becoming a successful dancer, but Plan B seemed to have worked better. She was sure that she didn't regret having being where she was, she also always wanted to have a cultural center where she could give dance lessons. That was the plan B.

"I'm back."

Sara suddenly appeared beside Ava, she had gone to change her clothes. She was wearing clothes similar to Ava's, black leggings, a loose shirt that left her shoulders bare, Ava's was green and Sara’s white with blue patterns, and on their feet they wore high heels, Sara's being a little higher than Ava's, making them the same height.

"Guys!" Ava caught the attention of all the couples who were there, they stopped talking and looked at her, who went to the center of the room and motioned for Sara to approach. "Diego won't be able to attend today, he has some problems at home." She started to explain and looked quickly at Sara, who seemed nervous. "Today who's going to help me will be Sara, I don't know if you know her, but she’s my wife."

The last word barely came out, Ava's face was hot and she couldn't tell if it was because of her students' smiles or because Sara was looking at her so intensely. Ava could feel her gaze.

The staff nodded, with smiles on their faces. Ava was happy that they met her and were not uncomfortable with them being a couple. She glanced at Sara again and saw a huge smile on her face. She had her head down and seemed to be in a world of her own.

The smile on her face was because of Ava, she was the reason Sara was smiling so beautifully that way. Should she be feeling so good just for making Sara smile?

"Yeah, we know the Perfect Miss Lance very well."

Ana, one of the women in the class joked and everyone laughed in agreement and Ava blushed; that comment made it seem as if she always talked about Sara to them.

"Sara." Ava caught her attention and she jumped a little, making Ava hold back a laugh. "Come here." She promptly went to the older one, who dragged her to the sound device. "Do you know the steps to any of these songs?"

Ava asked and gave her space to go to the device, but she was careful to see which song she was going to choose. Sara studied the music list while Ava looked at her face intently until Sara smiled; the taller one looked back at the sound device and saw what song it was: Diamonds - Rihanna.

Ava had no idea what song that was, but judging from her smile, Sara knew it well.

"This one."

"Alright." She agreed and Sara took the control of the sound. "Are the steps easy?"

"Yes they are. I know you're still adapting to these new songs, but you just have to-"

"Let myself be taken like I'm dancing in the rain."

Ava completed her sentence and Sara smiled in agreement. That had always been Ava's motto, for every time she was going to dance to any music.

" _Just let yourself be taken like you’re dancing in the rain". Now Ava knew why Sara and Leonard said that the days when she was going to teach were called "Day of dancing in the rain."_

"Are you ready?"

"Yes!"

They answered in unison and Ava walked to the center of the room, Sara walked behind her and stopped a few steps away. Ava looked at her, who pushed a button on the remote and then put it on her waist, through the hem of her leggings. She stopped in front of Ava and smiled; Sara sighed and slowly reached out, indicating to Ava do the same. The older one held her hand and Sara gently held her waist. Ava wrapped her left arm behind her neck and glued their bodies together. Sara put one leg between Ava's and moved her waist from side to side. Ava followed her and let Sara guide them. Ava looked at her face and Sara was looking down, focused on her movements. The older woman pressed her forehead to Sara's, who looked up. Ava saw her blue eyes sparkle. They were even more intense seen so close.

They moved away a little, Sara still holding Ava's right hand, took a few steps, which consisted of small steps on the floor with the tip of her foot. Ava did the same just in a more sensual way. She knew that rhythm well, it was hot and it needed a lot of waist flow.

Sara pulled Ava towards her, sticking their bodies together again. The taller made wavy movements with her hips, back and forth, rubbing against her. She felt Sara's hand on her lower back, her fingers tightening on Ava's flesh. Her breathing was a little uneven. Ava felt the air that came out of her nose flapping furiously against her face. They touched their foreheads again; Ava closed her eyes and let Sara guide the dance.

Sara was a good dancer, she knew how to move her body almost perfectly. Sara rolled the other woman over and glued her hips to her butt, placing one hand on Ava's belly and holding the other in the air. Sara lowered Ava's hand and made her smooth the side of her own body, her hand on top, guiding her. The two moved away a little and turned around, Sara smiled at Ava before taking her hand again.

The youngest stepped away and stood still. Ava went down to the floor and tossed her hair, making sure to shake her hips. Sara turned Ava’s back to her again, the warm air coming out of her mouth was hitting Ava's hair, who felt her soft, warm hands on her waist under her shirt, she shivered when Sara squeezed the spot.

They continued to dance, this time Sara making a point of maintaining eye contact with Ava. The song was over, with one last spin, Sara grabbed Ava by the hair on the back of her neck and stuck their foreheads together.

Ava swallowed hard by seeing her looking at her that way, her eyes were dark, her face a little red. Sara pulled away a little, but not far enough to keep the other woman from being intimidated. Sara moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and reflexively Ava did the same. The youngest held Ava's waist and then, some applause and whistles woke them from that weird and somewhat sexy moment.

Ava wondered if they would have kissed if they hadn't been interrupted. 

//

After class ended, Sara and Ava said goodbye to the staff. Ava had never had so much fun teaching that class, and she had only done it twice. Sara was super sociable and made the women there feel a thousand times more confident to dance without shyness.

"Mona just texted me, do you want me to leave you at home?"

Sara said as soon as they got in the car, making Ava look at her without understanding, because she didn't know who the hell Mona was.

"Who?"

Sara lifted her head after fastening her seat belt, her eyebrows furrowed, but she soon relaxed the confused expression on her face.

"Mona, Leo's teacher."

She explained and smiled.

"Does she have her phone number?"

"Yes, in fact all teachers have, they have yours too, even the principal has your number." Sara clarified. "It's just in case something happens or emergencies, you know, those things."

"I see."

Ava fastened her seat belt. Sara started the car and they soon left the parking lot. 

"Do you want to go home or do you want to come with me?"

"Hm..." Ava stopped to think a little, she didn't want to go home, being alone was very annoying. "I want to go with you. I miss the little one."

A huge smile was born on Ava's face and she looked at Sara, who was smiling as if she had been injected with some smile drug. She was that way since earlier.

"Leo will be so happy when he sees us, he always liked it when we both picked him up from school."

//

Minutes later they stopped in front of a school, very beautiful and very colorful, it was clear that it was a school for children. Sara parked the car and unbuckled her seat belt, Ava did the same and waited for her to do or say something.

"Will you wait here or-"

"I'll go with you."

Ava didn't even wait for her to finish asking, Sara just nodded and unlocked the car doors. They went down together and the slightly chilly wind hit Ava's body, who smoothed her arms, regretting having forgotten to take a coat. Sara set the car alarm and looked at the older one.

"What is it? Are you cold?"

"A little."

She deactivated the car alarm again, opened the car door and ducked in. Ava frowned, curious about what she was doing. Seconds later Sara stood up again, this time bringing a dark green coat with her. She smiled a little awkwardly after locking the car, walked around the vehicle and held out her coat.

"Here, it's mine, but it's new. I've only used it once."

She seemed afraid to give her the coat, maybe she thought Ava was going to reject it. Perhaps in other times she would.

"I don’t mind." Ava reassured her and smiled to show that everything was fine. She took the coat from her hand and quickly put it on. It was warm, soft... And it smelled like her. "Thanks."

"Any time." She smiled shyly and sighed. "Shall we?"

"We shall."

They crossed the street and soon Ava saw some children running straight to their parents, smiling broadly. It was beautiful to see all those families.

"Where's... Found it!"

Ava heard Sara speak and looked in the same direction as she was looking, seeing Leonard bouncing down the stairs, with the backpack on his back and a huge smile on his face. He was beside a woman, she was holding hands with him.

"Look Auntie Mona, my moms, they came to get me."

He screamed as soon as he saw them; the woman released his hand and soon Leonard ran towards the two women. Ava opened a huge smile when she saw the little one, his hair flying because of the racing. He went towards Sara, who bent down to receive him in her arms. Ava just couldn't stop smiling, when the two of them were together it was a very pleasant and lovely thing to see.

"Hey big guy. I missed you."

Sara murmured against Leonard's cheek after filling him with kisses, he laughed and held Sara's face in his small hands, smiled at her and then returned the kisses.

"Not even without memory, you lose that stupid smile while watching the two of them together."

Ava almost screamed when she heard Dinah's voice; she looked to the side and saw her laughing and shaking her head. Ava rolled her eyes and opened her arms, Dinah wrapping her in her arms a second later.

"I missed you too."

Ava grunted against her hair; Dinah chuckled and let go.

"Hey Sara, it's been a while since I last saw your white ass."

Dinah went to Sara, who laughed and hugged her with one arm, since in the other she was holding Leonard.

"You really have a passion for my ass, uh?"

"I mean, of course I do. I just don't love it more than I love Josslyn's boobs, because oh my God, look at those boobs!"

The two laughed, making Ava blush.

"Mom!"

A little cry caught Ava's attention, who looked down and saw a small boy clinging to Dinah's legs. It was Jonah and Ava was excited to finally meet him.

"Hey, champ." Dinah bent down to pick him up, he grabbed her neck and she kissed his cheek. "How was the class today?"

Ava's attention was diverted when she saw a small hand pass in front of her face. She looked to the side and saw Leonard trying to get her attention. He had a cute pout on his lips, his expression a little closed. Ava smiled at him and then her face softened, Sara held out the little one and Ava picked him up.

"What a nice hug."

She whispered in his ear after he gripped her neck tightly. Ava smelled Leonard; he had her scent since she used to use that perfume a long time ago. Leonard wrapped his legs around his mother's waist and hid his face in the curve of Ava's neck; Sara carefully removed his backpack and Ava stroked his back. He looked tired.

"AJ, let me introduce you to your beautiful nephew." Dinah called her and Ava looked at her, the little one in her lap grinned at Ava, who smiled back. "Say hi to Auntie Ava, champ."

"Hi Auntie."

He said a little shy and his face turned a little red, Dinah laughed at her son's shame and Ava smiled at how cute he was.

"He always looks like this when he sees you."

"It's because he's in love with her green eyes, aren't you big guy?"

Sara played with the little one and tickled his belly, Jonah threw his head back and laughed.

"Mommy?"

"Hi Leo."

He pulled away from Ava a little, scratched his left eye and yawned.

"Don't stop."

"With what? This?" Ava stroked his back and he readily nodded, smiling. "Okay, little one."

"Shall we go, Ave?" Sara stopped beside her and asked, Ava just nodding, not stopping to stroke Leonard's back. "Birdy, I'm leaving, Leo is tired and I'm a little too."

Sara said to Dinah and hugged her. Ava saw her best friend whisper something in Sara's ear, but she couldn't understand what it was. Sara nodded awkwardly and Dinah smiled widely.

"Bye, Dee." Ava hugged Dinah aside and kissed her cheek. "Bye sweetie."

She kissed Jonah's face, that got even more red; Ava smiled at him and said goodbye to Dinah again before following Sara back to the car.

//

Leonard slept five minutes after getting in the car. Sara went to put him to bed. She would wake him up for dinner and shower, but he looked quite tired, so she chose to let him rest for a while.

"My back hurts! This little boy is very heavy. I can't stand him anymore for a long time."

Sara grunted as she entered the kitchen. Ava was standing in front of one of the benches there, ready to prepare dinner.

"He's growing up."

"Yes he is."

Sara rambled. Ava looked at her over her shoulder and saw her with a huge smile. She didn't look directly at Ava, she seemed to remember something quite cheerful. The older one was curious so she decided to ask.

"Why are you smiling so much?"

Ava attracted her attention and Sara looked at her, she looked embarrassed now. She shifted in her chair and propped her elbows on the table.

"Nothing..."

Ava might not know her very well, but she knew that wasn’t entirely true. She wanted to say something, but she was omitting it from Ava.

"It's okay if you don't want to say it."

Ava feigned disinterest and turned her attention to the tomato she had been chopping before.

"It's just... I don't know." Her voice sounded insecure; Ava dropped the knife and turned around fully to face her. Sara rubbed her hands over her face and blew out a breath. "I'm afraid to comment this with you."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to shut me down again."

She answered directly. Ava felt bad; she had treated Sara so badly before that now she measured words with her, she was afraid to talk directly to Ava.

"I don't- I'm not going to shut you down, Sara." Ava meant that, and Sara seemed to capture that sincerity by looking at her; she bit her bottom lip, now free of any lipstick. "I hate staying curious."

Ava grunted, crossing her arms; Sara relaxed her shoulders and let out a nasal giggle.

"I know."

"So tell me, why are you smiling so much?"

She took a breath and started playing with her rings, as she always did whenever she was nervous. Ava raised an eyebrow.

"It's not a big deal, it's just..." She lowered her head. "You called me your wife earlier today and I... I missed hearing that."

She confided almost without a voice, and Ava almost slipped on the floor, even though she was standing still and the floor was dry. She swallowed the saliva in her mouth and as incredible as it seemed, she was smiling.

"Well... You _are_ my wife, aren't you? So I see no problem in referring to you as such. Not anymore."

She confessed and Sara raised her head almost immediately, her eyes showing her surprise. A smile started on her lips and became very wide, gracing her beautiful face. Ava smiled back and they stayed that way for a few seconds. Sara seemed to have enjoyed hearing that.

And Ava, well... Sara was actually her wife, right? It didn't sound as strange to her as it had once before.

She was getting used to being married to the stupid Sara Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 and how are we feeling guys?  
> Things are finally starting to work out, uh? Should I keep this way or should I bring the angst back?  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter and I'm always doing some sneak peeks over there, so maybe go follow me.  
> Kudos and comments always makes me happy :)  
> See you guys tomorrow!!


	15. Why don't you listen (to the snow flakes fall)

After dinner, Ava went upstairs to put Leonard to bed, but he was restless, he didn't want to sleep before giving Sara a kiss.

"Mommy, call Mama to come and kiss me good night, please."

He begged with his eyes shining. How could Ava deny him anything? With him looking at her with those beautiful gray eyes and that cute little face? It was an impossible mission.

"Okay, little one." Ava agreed and he smiled, took the pacifier and put it in his mouth. Ava made a mental note to start teaching him how to sleep without it, it was past time to quit that. "I'll be right back."

He just waved and grabbed the stuffed tiger in his arms. Ava got up from the floor and left the room. 

The door to the bedroom where Sara had been sleeping was open, which meant she wasn't there. She went down the stairs in search of Sara, not finding her in the living room; she thought about going to her office, but when she saw the kitchen light on, she deduced that she was there.

"Sar-"

She fell silent when faced with that scene, swallowed hard and locked in place. Sara was leaning against one of the kitchen counters; she was reading something on her phone while eating some fruit that was in the small green pot beside her. But what caught Ava's eye wasn’t what she was doing, but the way she was dressed. Ava cleared her throat and shook her head, trying in vain to divert attention from Sara's legs.

"What the fuck." Sara's alarmed voice made Ava look at her face again, she had a hand over her mouth and her eyes were a little wide. "Sorry, you scared me, babe."

_Babe_

Ava even tried to think of something to say and correct her, but Sara's legs looked too attractive. She was wearing a simple gray pajamas with a simple silk robe on top, but Ava couldn't help but look at her.

Sara seemed to have some kind of sexual aura that attracted Ava like a magnet, and Ava was aware of that. It wasn't because she didn't remember some years of her life that she had stopped appreciating the female anatomy, after all, she had always liked to admire the girls at school. And she had to admit... Sara had always been one of them.

Even though she was annoying and stupid, Sara had always been beautiful, Ava knew that.

"Hey? Is everything okay?" Sara snapped her fingers in front of Ava's face, who jumped with fright and almost fell to the floor, being saved by Sara holding her by the shoulders. "Are you feeling something? You look a little pale."

Her voice was concerned; Ava shook her head. Sara let go of her shoulders and took a step back, keeping her eyes on the older woman's face, studying her carefully, making sure that everything was all right.

"I'm fine, I just..."

"Want some cherry?" Sara interrupted. Ava looked at her and saw her take the same little pot she had seen before. "These are sweet, just the way you like them."

She took a cherry and brought it to her mouth, her lips wrapped around the little fruit and she closed her eyes to taste it. Ava's lips parted a little on their own, her breathing failed and she had to control herself not to think anything dirty. Lately everything about Sara made her think of something sexual. Probably because of the damn Bachata.

"I don't, thank you." Ava finally managed to say, Sara shrugged and picked up another cherry. "I came to call you, Leo asked you to kiss him good night."

"Hm." Sara walked away from the counter and left the pot on top of it, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "I forgot to do that. I'll go there and talk to him."

She smiled awkwardly as she passed Ava, who just gave a small smile back, lowered her head and waited for her to pass. Ava looked at Sara's back and her eyes automatically went down to her ass, which moved gracefully as she walked. For a moment, Ava felt like everything was in slow motion.

She mentally scolded herself and whispered to herself.

"Yeah... Living with Sara Lance is not going to be as easy as I thought."

//

Noises, noises and quick steps. 

Ava closed her eyes tighter, she knew she wasn't sleeping anymore, but she was still feeling a little sleepy, so she just kept her eyes closed hoping that she would go back to sleep soon.

More steps... Hurried, heavy steps.

She opened her eyes, blinking a few times because of the light in the room, turned slightly on her side and saw that the bathroom light was on and the door was open, so was the light in the bedroom. Then she saw her. Ava closed her eyes and then opened them again. She was still there.

Sara was finishing putting on a pair of pants, apparently too tight since she seemed to have a little trouble putting it on. She was without a shirt, meaning Ava was looking at one half naked Sara.

"Shit."

She swore under her breath when she stomped on something, and Ava held back a laugh. Sara finished putting on her dark jeans and headed for the closet, her hurried and deep steps resounding there.

Ava spun on the mattress, lying on her back. She looked at the ceiling and yawned. She stretched and heard the closet door being closed a little violently. Ava looked down and saw Sara with her eyes closed, and when she opened them, her gaze met Ava's and her expression became guilty.

"Did I woke you up? Sorry, babe, it was unintentional."

She apologized quickly, now she was dressed correctly. A white woolen blouse, with a high collar and long sleeves. 

_Babe_... Again, she called Ava that way. This time Ava didn't feel uncomfortable, just weird.

"Actually, I've been awake for a few minutes." Ava confessed in the middle of a yawn. Sara sighed, looking relieved. "Where are you going in such hurry?"

Ava tried to sound as casual as possible, trying not to show her extreme curiosity. Sara straightened the collar of her blouse and slightly folded the sleeves.

"I have to take Leo to school and then I’ll go with Zari to take some pictures in the central park, it's snowing, it's perfect for taking pictures."

"You're taking a coat, right?"

Ava just couldn't help being zealous for her, if it was snowing it must be cold, so she felt the need to know that she was going to be well wrapped up.

"I will."

She agreed, a huge smile on her face. Ava sat on the bed and stretched her arms out, the shirt she was wearing went up a little, showing her belly, and she flinched from the cold wind that hit her hot skin.

"Did you wrap Leo up enough?" Sara nodded, a small smile on her lips. "Okay... Take care."

"Don't you wanna go?"

Ava looked at her and stopped to think, she would like to go. But it was snowing, therefore, it should be freezing outside and cold weather was only good for getting under the covers and eating junk food all day while watching some movie.

"It's too cold."

She made a face that caused Sara to laugh, throwing her head back and laughing as if Ava had told the best joke in the world. The older woman smiled a little, watching her.

"I knew you'd say something like that."

A knock resounded on the bedroom door.

"Mama?"

"Come in, big guy."

The door was opened and a small ball of coats entered the bedroom. An urge to laugh started to grow inside Ava, Leonard was almost unrecognizable, she could only see his eyes, which seemed clearer now, in his head he was wearing a cap with huge ears, almost covering his entire face, a huge black coat and sweatpants, apparently quite thick. And a pair of boots on his feet; that was definitely Sara's influence.

"Good morning, mommy."

"Good morning, Leo." Ava moved to the edge of the bed, bent down a little to kiss the tip of his nose, making Leonard smile and wrinkle it. Ava smiled. "You look like a fluffy puppy, you know that?"

She played with him and Sara laughed; Ava ended up laughing too when Leonard crossed his arms and closed the expression on his face. Ava tried to stroke his cheeks, but he dodged the contact and took two steps back.

"Ready to go, big guy?" Sara called walking over to him and Leonard shook his head. Sara sighed and knelt in front of him. "What is it?"

"Mom, are we going to make snow angels?" He pleaded, pouting. Ava was attentive to his and Sara's interaction. "I already went to school yesterday, can I not go today, please?"

He uncrossed his arms and grabbed Sara's neck. Ava heard Leonard murmur requests for Sara not take him to school. Sara looked at Ava over his shoulder as if asking if she agreed. Ava just shrugged and she stood up, picking up that little ball of clothes in her lap.

"Okay, how about I call Auntie Dinah and Auntie Kara? Maybe Jonah and Jonathan will join us."

"Yes!"

Leonard shouted excitedly, shaking on Sara's lap; she smiled and did a little spin, which made the little one laugh as she bit down on his cheeks.

"Are you sure you prefer to stay in bed?" Sara asked and looked at Ava, she and Leonard had their faces glued, looking at her with big eyes. She rolled her eyes and Sara smiled. 

"Come on, Aves, you won’t regret it."

She guaranteed and Ava let out a long breath. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to get out of bed and enjoy the day with them, right?

"Okay, I surrender, I'll go with you guys."

"Yes!"

Leonard and Sara screamed together, raising their hands and doing that secret shake. Ava ended up laughing at them.

That was her family. And she liked that.

//

They arrived in some kind of park, quite big. Ava could see through the window several children running through the white snow. Leonard hopped on the back seat of the car, eager to play in the snow too. Ava looked at Sara and saw her smile, watching the little agitated through the mirror.

"He really likes this, doesn't he?"

"He loves snow, especially when we bring him here."

Sara replied and Ava smiled. She was happy to see her son that way.

"Mama, the door! Open the door."

They laughed at his rush; Sara loosened her seat belt and unlocked the doors, in seconds Leonard opened it and got out of the car. Ava watched him worriedly, she didn't want him to fall and hurt himself, but luckily he managed to run without slipping on the snow.

"Ready to be bombed with snowballs?"

The older one looked at Sara, who gave her a defiant look.

Ava smiled wickedly and lifted her nose, loosened her belt and leaned forward a little, making sure to maintain eye contact with Sara.

"I should be the one asking that question, Lance."

She waggled her eyebrows and Sara smiled, knowing that she had gotten into her game. The youngest turned slightly and looked out of the corner of her eye for Ava.

"I really hope you're ready."

It was all she said before opening the door and getting out of the car. Ava laughed and shook her head. Sara Lance wouldn't see it coming.

When getting out of the car, Ava was almost hit by little kids running; she looked around and saw Louis lost among them. She smiled at her son as she watched him have fun with his friends.

"You never lose that proud mom look."

Ava heard her sister's voice and looked to her left side, coming across with Kara all wrapped up. Ava smiled at her and pulled her into a hug.

"I can't lose that look with Leo as my son."

"I'm glad you're feeling that way." Ava kissed her on the forehead and they pulled away. "You have always loved him so much, I'm happy to see that even without memory this love still exists."

"I'm happy too."

Ava confessed and Kara smiled at her. The younger Sharpe looked for Leonard, taking a few seconds to find him, but soon found him being thrown up in the air by Sara, at her side Ava recognized Zari. Zari Tarazi, Sara's best friend since they were just babies. She looked at Ava and waved, the woman waved back smiling.

"Is that Zari Tarazi?"

She asked Kara just to confirm, her sister looked in the same direction.

"Yes, the one and only."

"She changed a lot."

"Yes, she is now one of the most famous models in the world. She's always traveling, with her schedule full, always walking in the runways and doing photoshoots around the world." Kara said and Ava opened her mouth in surprise. "But now she's on vacation, enjoying time with her fiancée Charlie; your wife and her are working together."

"Yeah, Sara told me."

"Mom."

Ava's attention was dragged when she heard that voice; she looked down and saw a little blond boy clinging to Kara's legs, who smiled at him and stroked his hair.

"Hi little angel. Did you buy your candy?" He frantically nodded. "Your auntie is here, talk to her."

Then he looked at Ava, who smiled at him. He was the faithful copy of Lena with blond hair, he also had light eyes and his face was very reminiscent of hers, although his mouth was identical to Kara's.

"Hi Auntie Aves."

He released Kara's leg and went to grab Ava's, who couldn't help getting emotional, after all, it was new for her to have nephews and a niece, to see her sister married, with family and all responsible. More responsible than she already was before.

"Hi, Jonathan."

He took Ava's hand and kissed the back of it; he waved at her and then ran. Ava stood there watching him.

"He's Lena's copy."

"He really is." Kara smiled softly. "Lori asked for you yesterday."

Ava looked at Kara, who took a deep breath, letting it out through her mouth and making smoke from the cold.

"Does she already know about...?"

"Yes." Ava moistened her lips. "If she didn't have a project at school today, I would have brought her with me. She misses you."

"I'm dying to meet her. Again, I mean."

Kara smiled awkwardly and nodded, indicating somewhere for them to sit. They continued talking as they walked towards a bench. Ava was about to sit down when something heavy collided with her back. Kara laughed out loud, seeming to find something funny. 

Ava turned and looked back, just to see what had hit her and whoever had done that. Then she saw Sara a few feet away, a smug smile on her lips as she threw a snowball up.

"You shouldn't have done this." Ava whispered to herself; she adjusted the scarf around her neck and bent down to get some snow and make a ball. "Let the war begin, Lance!"

//

And the war was intense. In the late afternoon, everyone, without exception, was covered in snow. They made everyone in the park go into their snow war. At the end of it all, Ava's hair was covered with snow, and Sara took several photos of that fun moment.

It was one of the best days of Ava's life.

Kara had to leave; she said she had to pick up Lori from school, since the school bus wasn't working because of the snow, and Jonathan was also tired and hungry. Zari went over to Ava to say hello, and she realized that she was completely different from the teenager she remembered, now she was a grown woman, beautiful and confident. 

Only Dinah went home with them, with Jonah in their own car.

Ava went upstairs to take a shower and left Sara and Dinah in the living room, they were watching tv and Leonard and Jonah were in the bedroom playing something that involved pirates. After the shower, she dressed in a big sweatshirt, which she assumed was Sara's and took one of her sweatpants from her part in the closet. She laughed to herself as she remembered Kara saying that she had a habit of taking Sara's clothes.

She was about to go down the stairs, but stopped in place when she heard a rather strange conversation between Dinah and Sara. Ava sat on one of the first steps and bent down a bit to see them.

Sara had her head on Dinah's lap, receiving the caresses and cuddles she was doing. They seemed to be talking about something serious, as Dinah's countenance was concerned.

"You haven't talked about it yet?"

Sara blew out a breath and shook her head, closing her eyes.

"No, I'm afraid to tell her and I don't know... Aves is still very unstable, what if she freaks out and decides to leave because of that?"

Ava felt a lump form in her throat; they were talking about her. But she had no idea about what exactly. And why that would be reason enough to make her leave Sara.

"But, honey, you know that at some point she will find out, don't you?"

"I know..." Sara shifted a little on the couch and sat down, putting her face in her hands. "I'm so scared, D."

Dinah crawled over the couch and hugged Sara from behind, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her against her body.

"Don't be, we know Ava is usually quite impulsive, but I don't think she will be radical enough to leave you because of that."

Ava swallowed hard and leaned against the railing of the stairs, her heart and mind racing, thinking of a thousand possible causes for their conversation.

What was Sara hiding?

//

After that strange episode between Sara and Dinah, Ava went back to the living room and the three started talking. She still felt strange around the two of them; she wanted to face them and ask what they were talking about before, what they were hiding from her. But she wanted Sara to say it, she wanted to hear it from her mouth. It seemed to be serious.

Ava didn't know whether to be worried or afraid.

"Yeah, my time is up, I have to go because I have a wife and son to take care of."

Dinah commented as she stood up, Sara and Ava had the same expression, sad face and a pout on the tip of their lips.

"Stay a little longer, Dee."

Ava almost begged, walking over to her and clutching her waist. Dinah chuckled and hugged her, but released her seconds later.

"If I could, I would , but I have to go. Laurel will arrive tired of the basketball game she was today, and Jonah must also be hungry, they are little monsters that eat more than you and Sara together."

"Hey!"

Sara and Ava complained together, which ended up causing the three of them to laugh.

"You're not going to say goodbye to me?"

Dinah said to Sara and opened her arms; Ava looked at her, who was on her feet in seconds, her body colliding with Dinah's, who took a few steps back because of the impact. Ava ended up smiling at the image, it was adorable because Dinah was tall by nature and even taller with that high heels, and Sara was short, so the scene was extremely cute to see.

"I'll go get Jonah and let him know that you guys are leaving."

Ava warned Dinah, that just nodded, still clinging to Sara.

She smiled at both of them and turned to go towards the stairs. Still uncomfortable with what they could be hiding from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are on day 4 of 5 guys!! I'm keeping my word.  
> Please let me know what you guys are thinking in the comments because they (usually) make really happy, knowing your opinions and reactions is really fun, so please leave kuddos and comments okay?  
> Thank you so much for reading this, is means a lot!  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter and I'm quite often talking about the fic there, so feel free to follow me :)  
> See you guys tomorrow!


	16. Trying to chase away (all these dirty thoughts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not safe for reading at work, guys. Be careful and enjoy :)

_"Please, don't go."_

_Ava pleaded, tightly holding the lapel of the black jacket Sara was wearing. She sighed and stroked Ava's face with her thumbs._

_"And why would I stay?"_

_"For me." Sara froze when she heard the words. "Stay for me."_

**

Ava woke up startled, her heart pounding fast in her chest, she was panting and her body felt heavy. It’s been three nights in a row that she was waking up like that, the same dream, the same strange feeling. She couldn't identify whether it was a memory or just a weird dream.

But every time the same thing happened, she was crying clinging to Sara's jacket, begging her not to leave, and Sara always said the same thing and then Ava asked her to stay for her.

Ava caught her breath and gradually her heartbeat normalized, she sighed and sat on the bed. Everything was silent, too silent. 

The thick curtains prevented her from knowing for sure whether it was still night or if it was already dawn, but when she looked to her side, she saw that it was already day. In fact, it was already 10:00 am.

"What a great way to start the day."

She commented to herself and laughed wryly. She never liked nightmares, certainly as any normal person wouldn't. And that one in particular was starting to make her panic.

It wasn't like Sara was planning to leave her, or at least Ava hoped not. But... Things had been so strange lately. She was worried, and afraid. Really afraid.

And she just couldn't explain why.

She got up from the bed and stretched, yawning a couple of times. She scratched her head and headed for the bathroom. Only an icy bath would be able to fully awaken her.

After showering, she went to the closet and grabbed dark sweatpants, a long-sleeved blouse and a new pair of socks. She came out of the closet and opened the bedroom curtains, the light gradually entered the room as she pressed her still sensitive eyes.

"I have to ask Sara to show me the city, I can't stand doing nothing all day in this house."

She sighed in frustration and turned her back to the window. She looked around, as if the room was going to give her some kind of idea of what to do. But... nothing.

She thought about playing video games, but she had no idea how to deal with the giant thing in the living room. Not to mention that the technology seemed thousands of times more advanced, and Ava didn't feel familiar with it yet.

//

She was still in the bedroom, all sprawled on the bed, surrounded by packets of snacks while watching videos of her with Sara and Leonard. At the moment, she was watching one of the little boy's third birthday. Someone was filming Sara and her with the little one. Leonard was sitting on Ava's lap, Sara was kneeling in front of them making faces and tickling Leonard's belly, who was laughing heartily.

It was impossible not to notice how happy they were. Sara looked so extroverted in the video, unlike the little withdrawn Sara of the present. Ava thought to herself that she would like to see that more loose, playful Sara.

_"Go on big guy, send a kiss to Aunt Mia."_

_Sara asked the little one, who looked at the person who was recording and shook his arms. Sara said something in his ear and in seconds the little boy put his little hand over his mouth and blew a kiss in the direction of the camera. Ava smiled and shook him, celebrating. Leonard laughed and Sara gave him a thumbs up._

_"He's so smart."_

_That voice, Ava knew. She sat on the bed and waited to confirm who it was._

_"Mia, Dad sent for you, there was a problem with the sound."_

_Kara appeared in front of the camera and a huge smile appeared on Ava's face. Sara went over to where the camera was and picked it up, pointing the camera towards whoever was recording before and Ava's smile grew seeing her baby sister. Not so baby anymore._

_"Bye, maid."_

_"Fuck you, Sara!"_

_Mia grunted and showed Sara the middle finger, her laughter echoed in the video and Ava found herself smiling even more at the sound._

She took the remote and paused the video.

She couldn't wait to see her baby sister. She saw her in the photos, Mia had grown up so much, she was so beautiful. So woman. Ava was so proud.

"Fuck, I'm so bored."

She got up from the bed and went to the video box on the closet, got on her knees and looked for any random video. She found a CD that had nothing written on it, not even a label. She shrugged and opened the cover, removing the CD from inside and heading towards the DVD player. After putting the CD in the device, she went back to bed and waited to see what would appear.

_"What are you doing?"_

A whispered voice echoed in the video, everything was dark, but Ava knew it was Sara's voice because of the tone. She crossed her legs and waited for something to appear, the screen was still black, but she heard some noise and then a thump. The screen flickered and suddenly everything was clear, the end of the bed appeared in the TV.

_"Shit." It was Ava. The image moved again, then she saw her legs in the video. "Did it break?"_

_"Did you buy a camera?"_

_"No."_

_"So... Wait, is that my old camera?"_

_"Yes." The image shakes a little and when it stops, Ava is there, looking like she was analyzing something on the camera. "Does this light here mean it’s on?"  
Sara also appeared in the video and looked in the direction that Ava was pointing._

_"Yes, and it's recording." The Ava from the video smiled, with her shoulder, she tossed Sara a little to the side and focused the camera on Sara's face. "What are you doing?"_

_She looked confused, the camera zoomed out, Sara seemed to be even more distant._

_"I'm filming you."_

_"Really? I didn't even notice it."_

_She replied wryly, raising an eyebrow and Ava heard herself snort on the video._

_"I'll ignore your irony." Sara chuckled and leaned back a little, resting her hands on the mattress and looking at Ava. Only then did Ava notice Sara's appearance: messy hair, red lips, she was wearing a transparent shirt, her nipples visible through it and a blue underwear. Ava was sure they were kissing before she turned the camera on. "I talked to Dinah and she told me something that made me curious."_

_"I'm really afraid to know the things you talk to Dinah."_

_Sara pretended to be terrified and Ava laughed. The video shook a little as she walked back to the bed, turned around and stopped standing next to Sara, she quickly turned and sat across from Ava._

_"I'm sure you will like to know this one."_

_"Hm." Sara separated her legs and pulled Ava a little closer to her. The younger one kissed Ava's belly and smiled, looking at her through her lashes. "Tell me."_

_"She told me that she and Laurel did something..." Ava commented, a hand smoothing Sara’s hair. Sara looked at her with wide eyes. "Don't look at me like that."_

_"I don't want to know about my sister's sex life."_

_"Shut up." Sara pressed her lips together and closed her eyes. "I want to record us, that's why I took the camera."_

_"Record us? But we already do that, Moon."_

_"No babe. I'm talking about recording the two of us. Just the two of us."_

_"I don't understand."_

_"A sex tape, Sara. God you're slow."_

_Sara tilted her head back a little, seeming to gradually assimilate what Ava said._

_"So you want to record us having sex?"_

The video shook and the camera slowly lowered, she heard her laughter followed by Sara's. And then some noises, mixed with their laughter. Another thump, everything darkened again.

_"It's the second time you make me drop the camera, the next time it will break for good."_

Everything was a little blurry, little by little the image came back into focus and now Sara was analyzing the camera.

_"It's still filming and look, it has two hours of free recording."_

_She smiled and held the camera out to Ava. Sara watched as Ava settled herself on the bed._

_"Come here." Ava knew she was lying on the bed because she saw Sara kneel over her and crawl towards her, a smile on her lips, her hair rebellious, making her look sexy and wild. Ava swallowed hard. "I have to confess something."_

_"What is it?"_

_Sara asked and lowered her head, kissing between Ava's breasts, free of any piece of clothing. Ava was almost naked, only a pair of boxers panties hid her nakedness._

_"I always wanted to record you eating me out, just to be able to watch it later when you weren't at home." Sara lifted her head and looked at her, her eyes now darker, looking at Ava with a different glow. "Or even watch it with you."_

_"Why did you never tell me?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"You know you can tell me anything, especially if it's about sex. I love to innovate, you know that."_

_"I know." The camera lens went dark as Sara got in front of it. "Now," Ava saw a hand on Sara's shoulder, pushing her down. "Put your tongue to good use."_

_Sara parted her lips and smiled widely, ran the tip of her tongue over her lips and went down. She hooked her thumbs on the edges of the white panties that Ava was wearing and looked at the older one._

_"Say it in that way I like."_

_She asked almost in a whisper, trapping her lower lip between her teeth and looking at Ava expectantly._

_Ava moved her hand to Sara's hair and held a few strands in her fingers, Sara moaned a little with the action._

_"Make me come in your tongue, Sara."_

_Ava had never heard her own voice sound so erotic before. A growl-like sound escaped Sara's lips, who rudely tugged on the boxers by Ava's legs. Ava swallowed hard seeing Sara settle down between her legs._

She really should stop watching that.

_"Oh!" A moan made her come back to reality, she looked at the TV and saw that the zoom of the camera had been moved, now she could see Sara better. She had her eyes closed, running her lips gently on Ava's clit. She pulled her head back a little and opened her eyes. Ava's hand went back to her hair and Sara smiled before leaning forward again. "Please babe, just like that... Do it the way I love."_

_As slowly as Ava thought possible, Sara stuck out a good part of her tongue and took a long lick from the bottom to the top of her pussy. Ava's legs shook and Sara took another lick, even more slowly than the first._

_Sara held Ava's thighs tightly, so tightly that even through the video, Ava could see her fingers sink into the flesh, marking it. She looked at Ava, blue eyes boiling._

_With precision she started making small circles on her clit. At that moment the image trembled and Ava realized that she almost dropped the camera again._

Ava started to feel a heat build up in her body, every time she saw Sara licking and looking straight into the camera, she felt like she was actually there eating Ava out, and she needed to confess... It was hot.

_"No! No! Sara, c'mon."_

_Ava grunted angrily as she watched Sara walk away and stand; she smiled, her tongue running over her lips. Cleaning Ava's cum accumulated there._

_"Come here." Sara called with her finger, biting her bottom lip and took her hands to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and tossing somewhere in the floor. Sara's breasts were exposed, beautifully with pink nipples. "Come here, Moon. I want you sitting on my face."_

Sara smiled so naughty that Ava felt herself shiver. 

_Sara kneeled at the foot of the bed and tapped the end of the mattress. With a fluid movement, she threw the hair back._

_In that moment, Ava thought that Sara was the sexiest woman in the world._

_"Yeah, baby. Just like that."_

Ava's eyes widen automatically when she saw herself riding Sara's face, who now seemed to be starting to run out of air. Her face was red, a few strands of hair stick to her forehead, but she wasn't stopping. She moved her head back and forth, from side to side and in circles. Ava kept on moaning, rubbing herself in her mouth. Sara looked up and even through the video, Ava felt the weight of that mesmerizing look.

_"Fuck!" Ava didn't moan, she screamed. Sara sucked her with such desire that it was possible to hear the loud sucking noise in the midst of her moans. "I won't be able to hold the fuck... the camera, Sara! Like that, yes." Ava moved her hips frantically, her hand firm on the top of Sara's head, holding her hair as she grinded against her mouth. Sara seemed to smile as she swallowed all Ava's orgasm; her eyes were shining even more. The sucking noises increased somehow and Ava could see her legs tremble. "Take it all babe... Fuck, like that."_

Her voice was thicker, it was clear that she was experiencing an absurd pleasure even though she couldn't see her face.

_"I can't keep standing... Sara, Sara! Oh my God, Sara. Fuck!"_

_Not being able to stand anymore, Ava fell down on the bed, the camera was facing the wall. It was possible to see the bathroom door. Ava could still hear her own moans, now less powerful and more calm, the suction noises still continued too, albeit lower._

_"I. Am. Addicted. To. Your. Taste."_

_Sara spoke slowly; the camera went dark for a few seconds. Ava could hear some giggles and kisses. Then everything cleared again and Ava was holding the camera, Sara appeared on the video, a huge smile on her face and thanks to the reflection of the light in the room, Ava could see her chin glowing because of Ava's cum._

Ava felt her face flush intensely. What the hell was that video?!

_"I like the taste of your kiss."_

_"It tastes like cum, yours. Wonderful by the way." They laughed. "Moon, give me the camera."_

_"What are you going to do?"_

_Now it was Sara who held the camera, she focused on Ava's face. She was surprised to see herself, her hair messy, her cheeks flushed, her lips red and her face so sweaty that it was shinning._

_"I want to confirm that you’re satisfied."_

_"Is that really necessary?"_

_"Not with words, that smile of yours says it all." Ava's smile widened and Sara came closer. She changed the position of the camera and now they both appeared in the video. Sara pulled Ava's lower lip between her teeth, and Ava held in her hair so that they could start a kiss... A very intense one. "Look at the camera and say you love me."_

_"I love you." Ava stretched her neck to kiss the tip of Sara's nose, who smiled and wrinkled it. The older woman's gaze turned to the camera and she opened a huge smile before saying: "I love this woman here, she is the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." She looked back at Sara, right in her eyes. "And I want her forever by my side."_

_"I fucking love you." She filled Ava's face with kisses, who laughed while Sara kissed her. "Hold this. I need to shout it to the entire neighborhood." Sara handed the camera to Ava._

_"What are you going to do, you crazy woman?" Ava asked while focusing the camera on an almost naked Sara opening the window. She looked back and bowed down a little, swinging her ass from side to side. "You’re naughty."_

Ava heard her own whisper and Sara blew a kiss in the air, looking outside again and then screaming out loud. 

_"I LOVE AVA SHARPE! SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" Sara went back inside and turned to Ava, smiling. The older one was laughing; Sara ended up following her and started laughing too. "You're my girl. My private universe."_

_She said only to Ava this time._

Ava didn't know if in the video she was smiling, but sitting there on the bed, she had a huge one on her face. 

_Ava turned the camera to herself and said_

_"And this is my wonderful wife."_

And then she winked at the lens, the video stopped and the screen went black.

Ava was standing there, unable to get any reaction. Her body was still hot, and as strange as it was, she felt her heart racing in her chest.

"Aves?"

She heard Sara's voice followed by a knock on the door. She came back to reality little by little, looked around and picked up the TV control, turning it off and sitting up properly on the bed.

"Come in."

Ava looked towards the door and in seconds saw Sara enter the room; as soon as she laid eyes on Ava, she gave a huge smile. Ava smiled back embarrassed, still affected by the video.

"Is everything okay? Your face seems red-"

"Yes. Everything's peachy." Ava gave a nervous laugh and jumped out of bed, Sara looked intrigued. "Where's Leo?"

"Taking a shower... Where are you going?"

"Wait for him to get out of the shower and help him with his homework."

Ava left the room without looking back, taking a deep breath when she managed to get away from Sara enough so she could think properly.

That woman was not good for people's sanity.

//

After dinner, Leonard said goodbye to Sara and Ava, claiming to be very tired, even though it was a little early. Sara took him upstairs and were in charge of making him sleep.

Ava was watching, or rather trying to watch, a show she had found interesting. However, she found out that it contained some very explicit sex scenes between women, and at the moment she was regretting to have started watching it since it was reminding her of the damn video from earlier.

And Sara's face between her legs. 

And her hands tightening on Ava. 

And the moans she let out while licking Ava. 

And the way Ava looked like she was enjoying what Sara was doing.

"Fantasizing again, Aves?"

"Holy shit, Sara!"

Ava screamed after hearing that damn whisper in her ear. 

The older one fell off the couch straight to the floor, her heart pounding against her chest. She looked at Sara with wide eyes and saw her kneeling on the couch, staring at her with an amused smile on her lips.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

She made a face of someone who was sorry and smirked. Ava blew out the air in her lungs and sat down correctly on the floor. Sara threw herself on the couch and thanks to the sleeveless shirt she was wearing, Ava's attention was drawn straight Sara's arms.

"I… I'll go up and take a shower to go to sleep."

Ava warned before standing and practically running from the room. When she reached the first rung of the stairs, she felt a hand close on her left wrist. She looked back and saw Sara standing there, looking at her strangely.

"Can I do something before?"

She asked before Ava could say anything. Her legs almost falter when she heard that. What could Sara possibly want to do?

"Uhm... I... Yes, you can."

Ava finally agreed, sighing.

Sara smiled and cautiously grabbed Ava's waist, taking a step forward and in seconds Ava was on the ground floor, being wrapped in her arms. Her whole body seemed to become lighter with the contact, her shoulders relaxed and Ava ended up closing her eyes when she felt Sara's heat enveloping her in an protective way. Sara had the best hug ever.

"Goodnight babe."

She whispered in Ava's ear, catching her off guard when she kissed her neck. Ava's eyes widened as she felt her body crawl, reacting to that silly contact. She broke the hug and smiled at Sara.

"Good night, Sar."

Her eyes sparkle in surprise when she heard Ava calling her by a nickname and not by name, seconds later a huge smile came over her face. Ava felt good to see that smile, waving at her one last time and turning to leave right away.

"Oh and, Aves?" She heard her call when she was at the top of the stairs. Ava turned and looked at her. "This weekend we are going to Washington, my parents want to see you."

She informed and Ava just nodded.

Sara shook and bowed her head and Ava took it as an opportunity to get out of there.

When she got to the bedroom, she threw herself on the bed. Just wanting to sleep and forget about that day.

Especially the strange desire she had been feeling for Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys so this is it, the last chapter of this week and next week we're back with our Friday Updates.  
> I hope y'all enjoyed these and well... you never know, maybe some day I'll be back with a week like this one.  
> See you guys next wee- oh, I forgot to say: chapter 17 brings something that some of you have been asking for a while. Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? You'll have to wait and see ;)  
> Kudos and comments always makes me happy :)  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter and I'm quite often talking about the fic and doing some polls about it over there, so feel free to follow me.  
> Now, I mean it, see y'all next week.


	17. Just a little bit of your heart (is all I want)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that happens in this chapter will have big (and bad) consequences in the next chapters so when you finish reading, let me know what you think it is and what's going to happen okay? :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was Saturday morning and Sara had woken Ava up so she could pack her bags since they would soon be leaving for Washington. Ava was anxious, it was the place she had spent most of her life. And she missed the place.

"Ready?"

Ava looked back and saw Sara; a huge black coat, a ripped jeans and her red-painted lips parted as she smiled at Ava, who smiled back, took her bag and held it.

"Yes, we can go."

Footsteps in the hallway were heard and soon Leonard appeared in the bedroom, under Sara's legs, who looked at him and laughed, trapping him between her legs.

"Mama, no." He grunted and tried to free himself. Ava saw that Sara wasn’t actually holding him tightly, just holding him in place. "Mommy, help me."

He begged and looked at Ava with eyes shining for help. The woman sighed and dropped the bag on the floor.

"Let him go, Sara." She asked as calmly as possible and in seconds Sara released him. Leonard passed her and ran towards Ava, grabbing her legs. She bent down and picked him up. "There you go, you're safe."

"Thanks, Mommy."

"You're welcome, sweetie." Ava kissed his forehead and then Leonard laid his head on her shoulder. The older one looked at Sara and saw her with a huge smile on her face. "What is it?"

"Uh, nothing. Can we go then?"

"Yes!"

Leonard shouted excitedly, which caused the two women to laugh. Sara was in charge of getting Ava's suitcase down since she had Leonard on her lap.

Soon they were getting into the taxi to go to the airport.

//

Ava never liked airplanes, so she slept through the flight. Leonard seemed to have 100% battery life, and he was also happy that he would see his grandparents.

"It's a little hot here, if you want to take off your coat and scarf."

Sara commented before they left the plane. Ava just nodded and took off her coat and scarf, putting them both in the front pocket of the suitcase and reaching for Sara. She smiled looking surprised but soon took Ava's hand and then Leonard's. The three left together and within minutes were already inside the airport. Sara said that her father was already outside waiting for them.

"Do your parents know about my amnesia?"

"They do now." Sara replied. "I didn't tell them before because you know, my parents are super busy."

Her voice was pure sarcasm, although Ava could identify some hurt in it as well. Ava chose to stay quiet and not say anything else, Sara seemed to have some personal problems involving her parents and Ava didn't feel entitled to meddle.

When they got outside, Sara looked around and when she found her father, she gave Ava's hand a squeeze to warn her. Only then did Ava realize that they were still holding hands, but she didn't break the contact, and surprisingly a smile appeared on her lips as they walked towards where Quentin Lance was.

"Grandpa!"

Leonard exclaimed as soon as they got close enough to see him. Quentin opened a huge smile when he saw his grandson and without bothering to get his fancy pants dirty, put a knee on the floor and spread his arms.

Ava studied him; gray low hair, the gray suit making him look even more serious and he didn't have a beard anymore, as she remembered he used to. Leonard grabbed his grandfather's neck, who smiled and hugged him back.

"I missed you, big guy." Sara let go of the older woman's hand and warned that she would get the bags from the cart. Ava stood there waiting for her to return, or at least for Quentin to notice her presence. "Ava Lance, good to see you."

He held his hand out to her and Ava smiled at him before shaking the outstretched hand.

"I'm back." Sara resurfaced beside them. Ava looked at her, who was now without her oversized coat, showing off her sleeveless top and consequently her beautiful and attractive biceps. "Hi Dad."

"Hey sweetheart."

Sara held out her hand to her father, but instead of squeezing it, Quentin took it and pulled Sara towards him, giving her a hug. The two stayed in that half embrace, since Leonard was still in the man's lap. After a while the two moved away, Quentin looked at Sara with a huge smile and Sara looked at the floor, but Ava saw a smile trail on her lips.

"Where's grandma?"

"Grandma Dinah is waiting for you at home, she can't wait to see you, you know?" Leonard stirred all over Quentin's lap, who opened the passenger door and put the little one inside. "Ready to go?"

"Yes. Yes."

Ava replied still a little lost. Sara picked up the bags and waited for Quentin to open the trunk to put them there. After everything was properly stored, they got in the car. The journey wasn't made in total silence just because of Leonard, who spoke nonstop demonstrating all his excitement for the weekend.

Ava was almost falling asleep when she felt the car stop, Leonard was less talkative and Sara was still quiet, watching the streets. Ava waited for Quentin to park the car and unfastened her seat belt.

"Open the door, grandpa."

Leonard asked as soon as the car was parked in the correct place; Quentin laughed at the little boy's excitement, and soon enough Ava heard the doors unlock. The little one opened the door and got out of the car. The older one smiled as she watched that little human run towards the huge mansion.

"Shall we?"

Sara called her. Ava looked at her and noticed that she was smiling, this time with less happiness. Or she was just tired, at least she appeared to be. Ava just nodded and opened the door, feeling the warm breeze hit her face and taking a deep breath.

For the first time, she felt at home. It was strange to remember living there and waking up in another city, with different streets, a different climate... Everything different, even herself. It was all still very confusing, she really wanted to be able to remember, but it was so exhausting and it had only been three weeks since it all happened.

"Welcome back."

"Sara!"

Ava exclaimed as she felt her grab her shoulders and saw her big blue eyes so close to her. Sara smoothed Ava's shoulder with her fingers and smiled sweetly.

Ava looked out of the corner of her eye at her hands; Sara seemed to notice and released her instantly. Ava felt bad that she did that, Sara's touches gave her a kind of security.

"Did you miss it here?"

Sara asked as she took a step back. The older one nodded and Sara motioned for them to head towards the entrance to her parents' house, Ava promptly accompanied her.

"I did, quite a lot."

Ava put her hands in her pants pockets and shrugged, Sara was in the same way as she was, but with her head up and an exemplary posture. She looked so politically correct while Ava was completely sloppy. The older one hadn't even realized she was laughing until Sara looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just..." Ava licked her lips. "We are so different."

"How so?"

"Look how we are." Ava pointed at herself and then at Sara, who froze in place and looked at her without understanding. "You are full of confidence, like you're always on the runway and people are admiring you. And I walk all awkward, just wanting to go unnoticed by people."

"Oh I see." Ava sighed and relaxed her shoulders, lifting her spine slightly to stand upright. "I think this is normal, you know? You still feel like a teenager, you still have that withdrawn, slightly silent and extremely shy way."

"True."

"So, I think it's normal." They fell silent, Ava looked at the ground and kicked some loose stones there. She heard Sara snort and looked at her. "Do you know something that's funny?"

"What?"

"Before, when we were still in high school, you could only be yourself with me. I mean, you were cool with your friends, but when someone else from school approached you would go quiet, but when it was me, you just acted... normal."

"I was kind of an asshole."

"A little." Sara bit her bottom lip and put her hands back. "But I loved to see you angry, actually. I always found it extremely cute your _leave me alone, stupid_ face."

They started laughing out of nowhere; Ava remembering those old days and Sara seemed to do the same. They were so caught up in their private bubble that they didn't even notice a third presence, only when they heard a throat clearing.

"I see that things out here are quite fun." Dinah Lance. That voice was unmistakable. Ava quickly turned to her, who seemed to have changed almost nothing, just the color of her hair that was darker than Ava remembered. Her face was also not as young as she remembered, although it was rare for Ava to see her at school. "Ava Lance."

Ava noticed that Sara's parents were always making sure to emphasize her last name.

Dinah opened her arms, a huge smile on her lips. Ava looked sideways at Sara, who shrugged and looked at her as if to apologize for something. Ava took a step forward and hugged Dinah.

"Mom, don't squeeze her too tightly." Ava almost thanked Sara for asking that since Dinah's grip was starting to get uncomfortable. She felt a hand pulling her back, it was Sara pulling her away from her mother. "She missed you a lot."

Sara clarified and whispered an apology; Ava smiled at her just to show that everything was fine.

"Come on, come on in." Dinah gave them space to get inside; Ava nodded at her and entered her house. "Aren't you going to talk to me? Where's the education I gave you?"

Ava looked over her shoulder and saw Sara's eyes wide and her face starting to turn red as her mother squeezed her tightly. She laughed until she felt something collide in her legs. Ava looked down and saw Leo jumping around her.

"Mommy, come with me to see Duke. Come on!"

And just like that, he pulled her in to introduce Duke, who at last Ava discovered to be a huge furry dog.

//

At one point Sara joined Ava, Leo and Duke and the four of them were running and playing in the garden. 

Ava had never felt happier than she was at that moment, at least after everything that happened, that was the happiest moment she remembered having lived. 

They only stopped playing when Dinah told them that lunch was ready.

It was quiet, of course the one who spoke most was Leonard, the little one liked to talk. Ava thought he probably learned to be that way with Kara.

Everything was going perfectly well, until:

"What about you, Sara? Aren’t you thinking about going back to college? You've turned thirty, honey, but there's still time to graduate and-"

"Mom, don't even start this again. We’ve talked thousands and thousands of times about this."

Ava looked at Sara, who was beside her; she was staring at her mother in such a cold way that Ava felt as if that look was for her. She had never seen Sara look so serious before.

Dinah dropped the cutlery on her plate, making the noise resound across the dining room. Ava took the napkin from her lap and wiped the corners of her mouth, everyone was silent as Sara continued to glare at her mother.

"Sara, dear, what kind of future do you want to give your son? You need to have a good job. A serious, decent job."

It was possible to feel the tension present there. Beside Ava, Sara looked ready to explode or something. The older one saw Sara clutch the cutlery in her hands, her knuckles already beginning to turn white. She lowered her head and clicked her tongue. Almost unaware, Ava put a hand on her left thigh, making Sara look at her. Her expression softening when she saw Ava smiling at her. She saw Sara swallow hard, as if she had swallowed all of her anger.

"I lost my appetite."

She said and gently removed Ava's hand from her thigh after she stroked her fingers and smiled back. Sara stood up and before leaving, she took one last look at Dinah, who looked disappointedly at her daughter. Quentin had his hands raised as he massaged his temples.

"We talked about this, Dinah. That's why Sara doesn't come to visit us like before."

"Do not judge me for wanting my daughter to be someone worthy and have a decent job." Dinah countered, nose up and a _I'm right_ pose. "Working as a photographer? That's an affront to the family's history."

Ava was forced to hold back a laugh when she heard that. She wanted to defend Sara, but thought it would be better to just go after her so she wouldn't do anything stupid.

"I'll talk to her, excuse me."

Ava asked and got up; Quentin smiled at her and she smiled back before she started walking away. Dinah didn't seem to have changed her hard way of being, she didn't seem at all satisfied with what her daughter chose to do for the rest of her life.

But didn't she see how happy Sara was doing what she does?

Upon arriving in the living room, Ava looked around, but it was obvious that she didn't find Sara since that house looked like a damn maze. But when she saw the front door half open, she deduced that Sara went out there. 

She didn't see her at first, but soon Ava saw a pale person leaning against the car that Quentin had picked them up. Ava sighed and walked in that direction.

"Sara?"

She called as soon as she got close enough to her, hearing Sara breathe out of her lungs and slowly rise, away from the car. She turned, leaned her hip against the hood of the car and looked at Ava.

"My mom sometimes pisses me off with that story."

"I noticed." Sara chuckled and crossed her arms. Ava moved a little closer to her. 'Less angry?"

"A little."

Sara made a quick grimace and drew air into her lungs; Ava bit her bottom lip and went over to her, stopping in front of her while Sara watched her without understanding.

Ava calmly uncrossed the other woman's arms, taking her hands and placing it on her own waist. Ava avoided looking into her eyes, she knew they were focused on her, but if she looked at her, she would lose heart.

Ava held Sara's shoulders and rested her hips against hers, and then felt her arms pull her against her body. The unexpected collision made Ava moan involuntarily; Sara sighed deeply and squeezed Ava more.

"What about now?"

Ava whispered in her ear, feeling Sara smell her hair and run her face over the curve of her neck.

"Much better." A smile appeared on Ava's lips, who closed her eyes and relaxed her body against Sara's. Sara gently stroked Ava's waist, her touch was light, in a way that made Ava feel relaxed. "Want to get out of here?"

"Get out of here?"

"Yes, come with me."

Ava stepped away from her. Sara looked at her with a happy glow in her eyes.

At that moment, Ava realized that if Sara asked her for the moon, she would give it to her.

"Where are we going?"

Sara smiled, but it wasn't just any smile. It was one of the biggest and most beautiful smiles that Ava had ever seen and it was impossible not to smile along even with Ava not knowing the exact reason.

"To our special place."

//

Sara took one of the cars in the garage and without saying anything or even giving Ava a tip, she went out into the streets of Washington. Ava chose not to ask anything, but her excitement was clear. Sara didn't stop tapping her fingers for a second, and she was also smiling and humming.

It was funny for Ava to see her like this. Sara looked like a teenager again. She didn't remember seeing Sara that agitated about anything.

"Have we arrived yet?"

"We just did." Sara replied. Ava looked ahead and was surprised to see the high walls and the wooden gate. "You made that same expression when you came here the first time. You said it looked like a boarding school."

"And it really does."

Sara laughed and nodded. She stopped the car in front of the gate and pressed a button on the side column.

"Miss Lance, long time no see."

"Mr. Thompson, yeah, I haven't had the time to come here as often."

The gate started to open, Sara started the car and soon they were moving again. Ava put her face in the window to look around. It looked like a country house.

"Who lives here?"

"No one." Ava looked at Sara, who seemed focused on going around the fountain in the middle of the road. "This place is mine. Ours actually. You are my wife, so..."

"Oh."

Ava got a little stunned by the revelation; Sara parked the car and unlocked the doors. The older one loosened her seat belt and Sara did the same.

"Want to see the house?"

"Yes."

They got out of the car together, Sara adjusted the collar of her polo shirt, but it was completely wrong. Ava ended up laughing and Sara looked at her without understanding.

"What is it?"

She looked down, checking her clothes. Ava shook her head and went to her to adjust her collar.

"It was all messed up." She clarified.

Sara shook her head and thanked her. In silence, they entered the house. When they arrived in the living room, Ava could see how big the place was inside. The decor was a little rustic, leaving the place with an air of royalty. Sara took her to see the rooms; there were 4 suites there, the rooms were large, the kitchen was huge, there was a room with a pool table and a ping pong table. 

There was also a library with several books; what made Ava feel tempted to sit there and get one to read. The house was not overly large, just rooms that were too big. Sara said they used to stay there in the summers, because of the lake and the pool.

"This place is so beautiful."

Ava praised as they walked in the yard, Sara wanted to show her the lake.

Ava looked at Sara, who was looking at the floor as they walked.

"Yes, it is." She took a deep breath, smiling. "I love the smell of nature."

Sara seemed a lot more relaxed now. Ava knew it had been the right choice to go there, she could even feel how light Sara was.

They reached the lake and Sara challenged Ava to see who could throw a rock farther. Obviously Sara won, Ava had always been terrible at that game.

"Don't pout, you'll win eventually."

'No I won't, I suck at this."

Ava crossed her arms sullenly and Sara laughed, continuing to guide them through a narrow dirt track. They walked side by side, the silence was so big that birds and crickets could be heard. But it was far from a bad silence, it was a somewhat comfortable one.

"Where are we going?"

"Nowhere." Ava raised her eyebrows confused and looked at Sara. "We're already here."

She smiled shyly and pointed somewhere behind Ava, who turned quickly and looked for where she was pointing, her mouth opening instantly when she realized where they were.

"Is that house in the photo? The house from the memory!"

Ava was standing in front of the same tree house in the photo Sara had given her. But it was a little different, everything around it was clean, the grass was low and the house seemed to have been painted recently, since the paint still looked new, with no dirt or visible marks.

"House from the memory? What memory?"

Ava closed her mouth and eyes, sighing with her back to Sara. She knew she should have told her about the memory flashes, but she ended up forgetting. Or maybe she was just afraid to tell.

"Can we go up?"

Ava decided to deflect the matter for the time being. She looked back in time to see Sara's mouth twist, then she shrugged and nodded.

Ava smiled excitedly; she really wanted to see that place that seemed so special to both of them. Carefully, she climbed the stairs. She looked down and saw Sara climbing right behind her. Upon reaching the top, Ava struggled a little to get up. She waited for Sara to come up too, so they could get in soon.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to wait for you."

Ava shrugged and smiled awkwardly. Sara smiled too, then motioned for Ava to open the door. She took a deep breath and held the handle, before opening it she looked at Sara, her gaze prompting her to enter soon. Ava turned the knob and slowly opened the door, everything inside was dark.

"Let me just... There we go."

And everything was suddenly clear in that tree house. 

The first thing Ava noticed was the mattress on the floor, there was no bed, just the mattress.

A medium-sized chest in the corner of the wall. 

And finally, it was impossible not to see that huge mural on the wall full of pictures.

"It's beautiful."

"It's one of my favorite places." Ava looked at Sara, who looked nostalgic looking around. The youngest smiled and walked towards the photos. "There are so many good memories here."

"Sara, I need to tell you something."

She quickly turned to Ava, her eyes showing curiosity, but also a little concern.

Ava took a deep breath, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, unconsciously searching for the words to tell her about the memory flashes in a way that she wouldn't be angry with her for hiding it for so long.

"Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Sara, no." Ava stopped her before she started to despair. Sara pressed her lips together and looked at her fearfully. "I didn't tell you, actually only Dr. Helen, Kara and Dinah know this but... Sara, I remembered a few things."

"What?!"

"So, it wasn't really important. Just one memory was actually important, but I kind of had some memory flashes and-"

"You remembered something?" Sara interrupted, and Ava blew out of her lungs and nodded. "Wait... Oh, my God, Ava! You remembered, I mean... Holy shit. You... I... Damn… I can't even think properly. Wait... You... Jesus..."

Sara was gesticulating non-stop while mumbling to herself. Ava thought it was lovely to see her all confused, her eyebrows together, her lips being pressed a few times and the way she moved her hands, as if that would help her.

"Sara!" Ava shouted just to interrupt her monologue. She stopped and looked at Ava with wide eyes. Ava noticed that they were starting to get wet. "Breathe." Sara promptly obeyed, taking a deep breath and letting it out in seconds. "Come here."

Ava called her and sat on the edge of the mattress. The smell of the sheets rose, they seemed to have been changed recently. Sara practically ran to sit next to Ava, looking at her as if she wanted to say or do something. Ava smiled at her and reached over to hold her hands. Sara's hands were cold and sweating.

"I remembered a few things, some of them were just conversations and some moments. But I remembered an important one."

"The birth of our son?"

"Uhm, no, unfortunately." Sara's expression fell, she let out a low "oh" and her mouth twisted. "But remember the photo you gave me on our wedding anniversary?"

"Yes."

"I remembered a few days before our wedding, we were here and we exchanged rings."

"Y-you remembered?" Ava nodded and Sara's face lit up again. "Oh wait!"

"What are you doing?"

Ava asked curiously when she saw her get up off the mattress. Sara motioned for her to wait. She went to the chest in the corner of the place and twirled something in the lock, probably a password. Sara opened it and looked for something inside, then she smiled widely and pulled out a golden iron box and also a portable radio. Ava frowned.

"I found it. I knew they were here." Sara closed the chest, leaving the radio on top of it and returning to Ava with the golden box in her hands. "We were afraid to lose them, so we brought them here a few months ago just in case." Ava got closer to her; Sara opened the box and took out two rings. Ava's mouth opened at the sight of the pearl rings. "I want to ask you a question."

Ava's eyes widened when she heard that. Sara lifted her head and looked at her, her smile slowly dying when she saw the older woman's expression.

"Oh, it's not a marriage proposal." Sara said hastily, smiling awkwardly afterwards. Ava could have sworn she heard her whisper _not yet_. "Dance with me?"

"Is that the question?"

"It's part of it." She explained and shrugged; Ava smiled at her and agreed.

Sara put the rings in her pocket and stood up, holding out her hands to help Ava get up too. She asked Ava to wait and went over to the portable radio.

The older one patiently waited for her to choose a song, when she finally did, she looked at Ava and called her with a finger.

"I don't ever ask you where you've been..."

A female voice started to resonate in the room. 

Sara took Ava's hands and pulled their bodies close. The older one put her left arm behind Sara's neck; her right hand raised slightly in the air, wrapped around Sara's.

Sara held her waist and Ava let her guide the dance. She took a step to the side, and returned to the same place. Slowly she turned them around, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

“ _Just a little bit of your heart_ ”  
“ _Just a little bit of your heart_ ”  
“ _Just a little bit is all I'm asking for..._ ”

Ava began to pay attention to the lyrics and felt as if with each word a knife slowly pierced her heart.

It was as if Sara was talking to Ava through the music, and Ava saw a sparkle in her eyes, silently asking her to understand.

They continued to dance; in certain moment Sara lowered her head, pulling Ava closer to her and placing her cheek on the older woman's chest.

Ava inhaled hard, feeling the sweet scent of her hair invading her nose. She leaned her head against hers and closed her eyes, allowing herself to be taken.

She was so distracted that she didn't even notice sooner that Sara was whispering the lyrics of the song, her voice was hoarse and sometimes she tangled up, as if she had a ball in her throat. Ava pressed her against her body, trying to comfort her.

If someone told Ava in the past that today she would be married to Sara Lance, dancing with her while trying to comfort her, she would definitely put the person in the best mental hospital in the world.

Although the reality was a little different, the idea was not as absurd as it would have been before. In fact, Ava was starting to enjoy being Sara's wife.

"Aves?"

"Yes, Sara."

She moved away from Ava, who noticed that the music had stopped some time ago. She looked at Sara, her cheeks were a little damp, and Ava quickly dried the tears with her thumbs. Sara closed her eyes when Ava stroked her cheeks.

"I wanted to tell you so much, but I can't a-and I want to take it slow." Ava opened her mouth to say something, but Sara asked for silence so Ava obeyed. "Did you pay attention to the lyrics?"

"Yes."

Ava replied a little confused. Sara brought her hands up to the older woman's face and looked deep into her eyes, the blue present there seemed so intense that it made Ava shiver.

"A piece of your heart, that's my request." Sara swallowed. "All I ask is a chance to be able to win you back. I want you, Ava. I will not give up on the love of my life again. I need you, but you have to give me this chance. If you let me, I will do anything to win you back. _My eternal Moon._ "

Her voice was no more than a whisper at the end, all the things she said were echoing in Ava's mind. She felt her body weigh with every word. Sara's eyes looked at her intently, hopefully.

Ava swallowed hard, her mouth starting to dry with the intensity in her gaze. She tried to say something, but her voice just didn't come out.

Suddenly Laurel's voice came to her mind. And Dinah's and Kara's and her parents'... Everyone advising her to give Sara a chance.

"Sara, I-"

Ava fell silent and returned Sara's gaze with the same intensity.

They were so close that their breaths merged, like an orchestra.

" _Actions, honey. They count much more than words, even small actions._ " Her father's voice echoed in Ava's head, he told her that when she was only ten and she never forgot.

And the moment when that sentence finally made sense to Ava had finally come. 

Without wanting to think too much, Ava held Sara's neck with both hands, pressing her fingers into her flesh so tightly that she was sure it would leave a mark.

Her breathing quickened; Ava wasn't thinking correctly and when their lips finally touched, she felt like the floor beneath her was suddenly gone.

Sara pulled air through her nose, showing her surprise.

No words could define what Ava was feeling at that moment.

"Aves?"

Sara called out as soon as the older one moved away, still numb with just the light touch of their lips. 

Ava opened her eyes and looked at her. Sara looked lost, but her eyes showed unusual happiness.

"I'll give you my whole heart if you promise to take good care of it."

Sara's eyes watered again, but for the first time Ava knew she was happy.

Sara broke into a huge smile and before Ava could react, Sara touched her lips again. Even though she had pulled Ava against her suddenly, the touch was gentle. Her lips were soft. 

Sara stood still, her ragged breath resonating in the room. Slowly Ava parted her lips, giving her permission to move forward. Sara's thumbs pressed to Ava's jaw, and she moved her lips, as if she were caressing the older woman's. Slowly, with all the care and calm in the world.

The kiss didn't involve tongue, only lips and Sara sighed a few times as they kissed. Everything was done as calmly as possible.

Ava couldn't say how long it lasted, but Sara ended the kiss with a few little kisses. They both smiled at each other while still sealing their lips a few times.

"I promise you. I will take care of it with my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOO IT FINALLY HAPPENED UH???? How do we feel about what just happened? I was sooo excited for you guys to read this chapter and I really hope you liked it :)  
> PLEASE let me know what you think it's the thing that will have big consequences and why, I love to know your theories :)  
> Kudos and comments always makes me happy.  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, feel free to follow me and talk about the fic ( or something else )  
> See you guys next week!


	18. Don't forget the little moments (they're the ones that mean the most)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surpriseee! this chapter is really short so i thought "why make them wait a whole week for it and then another whole week for the next?" and here we are. enjoy :)

"This one, from prom."

Sara said and pointed to one of the thousands of photos hanging on the mural. Ava went to her and looked at the photo. It was impossible not to smile when Ava put her eyes on a younger version of herself and Sara together. In the picture, Ava was sitting on her side on the other woman's lap and Sara had her head resting on her shoulder, her eyes were closed and she was smiling. Ava's smile in the photo was no less big than Sara's. They looked happy.

"Did we go together?"

"Yes." Ava kept looking at the photo, trying to force her mind to remember that day, but nothing happened. "I rented a giant limousine and you almost had a heart attack when you saw it."

Sara said and laughed. Ava looked at her and was infected by the sound of her laughter. Sara bit her bottom lip and looked down.

"That's so you." The youngest raised her head when she heard the comment. "I remember how exaggerated you were at school, do you think I forgot that giant motorcycle of yours?"

"She wasn't even that big."

"It was. The day you gave me a ride, I almost died. I thought we were going to fly with that thing."

"That's an exaggeration, babe." Ava bit her lip and smiled a little when she heard Sara call her by that. "I... I didn't mean to."

Ava looked at her, Sara’s cheeks were flushed. Ava raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"What?"

"I called you babe... It was unintentional."

The younger one clarified and the expression on Ava's face softened; hesitantly she took a step closer to her. Sara looked at her without blinking. 

Ava couldn't tell if Sara was breathing, but she didn't think so.

She brought her face close to Sara's and when she was about to put their lips together, the youngest woman’s phone started to ring. They jumped away from each other because of the scare.

"Jesus!"

Ava exclaimed taking a hand to her chest. Sara let out a nervous giggle and reached for the device in her pockets, when she finally found it, she answered the call.

"Hi daddy." Ava gradually recovered from the scare. "No, I came for a walk with Aves... Yes." She looked at Ava and smiled as she heard what her father said. "We're on our way."

"We're leaving?"

It was impossible not to hear the disappointment in Ava's voice, and Sara certainly noticed.

"Yes, but we can come back tomorrow or maybe sleep here."

"Here?"

"Not here in the tree house, but in the house up front." Sara hurriedly explained and Ava ended up smiling at her flustered way. The youngest stepped away from the wall and adjusted her clothes. "Can we go?"

She asked and Ava just nodded. They were about to leave the house when she took her wrist. Sara looked at her without understanding and before she could say anything, Ava held her chin with her free hand and sealed their lips. Sara sighed heavily, the air hitting the other woman's face. Ava felt Sara tighten her waist and deepen the kiss. Their lips moved slowly, as if they were dancing.

"Just to be clear, I like it when you call me babe."

Ava confessed after they stopped the kiss, moving away from Sara a little and watching her smile wide.

Ava noticed how beautiful Sara's smile, specially when she knew she was the reason of it.

//

They were back at Sara's parents' house, walking side by side in silence. Inside, the only noise they could hear was from the TV. Ava looked into the living room and saw Leonard lying on Quentin's lap, both asleep. Dinah wasn't around, but it wasn't like Ava even wanted to know where she was. If she was going to upset Sara, Ava wanted her as far as possible.

"Do you want to rest?"

"A little."

Ava admitted because it was the truth, she felt tired, both because of lunch and the walk in the house afterwards and because of the release of emotions she had with the dance and the kisses she exchanged with Sara. She just needed to sleep for a few hours and wake up refreshed.

"Let's go upstairs then, I'll show you your room." Ava followed her, until they stopped in front of the third door on the left in the long hallway. "Here, I'll stay in the room next to yours and Leo, if you want... he can stay with you, or with me, without any problems."

"We can take turns."

Ava said and Sara smiled, nodding. They looked at each other for a few seconds, not needing to say anything to the other. If Sara's presence made Ava uncomfortable before, now it made her feel safe. Sara gave her immense security, when on her side, Ava felt protected.

"So I'm going downstairs... If you want to take a shower, feel free to, okay?"

"Okay."

"And..." Sara pressed her lips and closed her eyes for a few seconds and when she opened them again they were shining, intense. Sara held Ava's face gently, bringing her mouth close to hers with caution, as if she were ready to walk away if Ava rejected her. When she finally kissed her, she sucked her bottom lip slowly, always so slowly. Ava gasped in her mouth, Sara pressed her fingers to her jaw and sealed their lips one last time. "Good night, babe."

She whispered, smiling next. Ava smiled the same way and saw her walk away, heard her footsteps go, but stayed there, heart beating fast, the smile never leaving her face. She brought her fingers to her mouth, touching her lips and feeling them tingle.

Sara was definitely changing something on Ava.

//

_"Stay for me..."_

_"Show me you still deserve me, Ava."_

Ava's breathing was shaking; she felt sweat all over her body, the blouse she was wearing seemed to stick to her skin every time she breathed to catch her breath. She swallowed, gasping and looking around... Everything was dark. She was still at Sara's parents' house and there was no one here.

"Fucking nightmares!"

She murmured to herself and lay back on the bed, looking at the wood-lined ceiling. In the center, the chandelier full of pebbles caught her attention and she got distracted looking at it and only came back to reality when she heard a click on the door, followed by a creak. She lifted her neck to see who it was and didn't see anyone at first, so she stretched out a little more and only then did she see Leonard slowly enter the room, as if he didn't want to be noticed. He still hadn't noticed that Ava was awake; then she saw Sara also enter the room, she did the same as their son and went silent.

"Mama?"

"I'm here, big guy." Sara replied to Leonard's whisper. Ava quickly lay down correctly and closed her eyes, only opening it a little to see what they were going to do. "Where's the whipped cream?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Ava saw Sara's shadow, then she turned on the lamp and Ava could see the two of them better. She tried to stay still so that they wouldn't notice that she was already awake. Leonard handed Sara the can in his hand, she smiled at the little one and removed the lid from the can.

"When she wakes up you run away, understand?" Sara looked at Ava's face and calmly took her hand, opened it, leaving her palm at her mercy, then she splashed a lot of whipped cream there. Ava had to control herself not to cringe when she felt that cold thing in her hand. "When I get to three, okay? One... two... thr-"

Ava cut off her speech by holding the back of her neck and opening her eyes. Sara looked at her with wide eyes. Ava smiled devilishly and before she could run, smeared the whipped cream that was in her other hand all over Sara’s face. Ava heard the door open and a few steps down the hall, the little one ran away, but she was going to catch him later. Sara released herself from the grip and walked back, rubbing her face frantically with her hands.

"You think this is cool, uh?" Ava's voice came out frighteningly calm; she pulled the blanket off her legs and got up off the bed walking towards Sara, who huddled against the wall. "What a big cowardice on your part to attack me while I'm sleeping, don't you think?"

"I... It was Leonard's idea, tell her big gu... Where's he?"

"Ran and left you behind."

"Little traitor." Sara grunted and ran her dirty hands on her shorts. Ava continued to look at her, trying to do her best mean look and when Sara looked at her, the older one could hear the sound of saliva being swallowed by her. "I swear it wasn't my idea."

"I'll give you five seconds to get out of my sight." Ava snarled and Sara remained paralyzed, looking surprised to see Ava talking like that. "One, two, three... Good girl."

As soon as Sara bolted through the door, Ava started to laugh. That situation was so funny and comical. For a moment she felt like she was in high school again, when Sara was always pranking on Ava and Ava was always running after Sara to kill her.

Maybe things weren’t so different after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little cute moment for you guys :) see y'all friday!


	19. Now let me tell you (about the past)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the little details ;)

Ava just couldn't stop smiling while looking at the many pictures hanging there. There were so many of them, different places, different positions, different clothes. Thousands and thousands of situations, pictures of when she and Sara were younger and even some that seemed to have been taken recently. Two things the pictures there had in common: either Sara and Ava were clinging together, or smiling at each other.

"Do you like any?"

She heard Sara's voice and looked over her left shoulder, she entered the tree house smiling and Ava smiled back, looking back at the photo mural.

"All of them."

"Really?"

Ava felt a pair of hands on her waist and bit her bottom lip. Sara pressed her body against Ava's and stood up a little to put her chin on her shoulder. The older one closed her eyes to better smell her perfume. It wasn’t an unknown scent, she vaguely remembered it and it was very good. Mesmerizing.

"Really, although my favorites are the ones from the time in high school." Ava confessed, Sara's breath hitting her ear. "When were they taken?"

She pointed to three photos in particular, in all of them they had jackets from the old school basketball team. In two of them Ava was sitting on Sara's lap, arms raised, she seemed to be shouting something. In the last one she was on her back, just as Dinah was on Laurel's back, Kara on Lena's and Zari on Nate's back, her boyfriend in high school. 

They were at a party, seemed to be celebrating something.

"Last year of high school, after we all graduated, the basketball team decided to throw a big party, to get the band together."

"We were dating at that time?"

Ava turned her head to look at her face, Sara smiled at her and shook her head. The older one frowned, they looked like girlfriends in the photos.

"We were just hanging out, for a few months actually." Sara said, her gaze becoming nostalgic. "I did said it took me a while to get you completely."

"Was I that hard?"

"Very much." She moistened her lips and let go of Ava's waist, who turned fully to her and watched her sit on the mattress, then doing the same. "I spent all my allowance buying you chocolates."

"You wanted to make me gain weight, huh?"

Ava played with her, crossing her legs and sitting facing Sara, who laughed and shook her head.

"No, but let's say you didn't like flowers very much."

"I like them, no?"

"Actually yes, but if it's just the flowers you don't like it. Remember?"

"Oh... you can't eat flowers, that's right." Ava smiled awkwardly and lowered her head. For a moment they were just silent and Ava realized that Sara made her comfortable, even when she was quiet as she was in that moment. "Sara... I want to know more about us, like... how it all started."

"From the beginning?"

"I already know about our first kiss. I also know that I gave you a silent treatment after that and Dinah threatened to cut my hair so I could give you a chance to talk to me, right?" She nodded. "So... then what?"

Sara took a deep breath, leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes, as if she were remembering that time.

"After our conversation, I asked you for a chance to show you who I really was." She opened her eyes but she didn't look at Ava, she stared at the ceiling. A smile gracing her lips. "You told me that I would need much more than just words. I had to... earn your trust."

Ava forced her mind, trying to dig deep into her lost memories for something from that moment. But she couldn't remember. She wasn’t totally frustrated because she would understand everything after Sara told her.

"So I completely changed my attitude. I stopped picking on you, I stopped going out every weekend with my friends and I get drunk."

"Did you stop being the school womanizer too?"

Ava only realized that she asked that out loud when Sara looked at her in surprise. The older woman pressed her lips together, berating herself for not knowing how to control her tongue.

"Actually, that title they gave me was completely false."

Ava frowned. She remembered the comments that went on when they were still in school. Sara passed through the halls of the school and there was always someone to comment that she had been with some random girl in the locker room.

"What do you mean?"

"Aves..." She sighed. "I've only been with four girls in my life. Five with you. I dated two, although the first one can't even be considered dating since I barely kissed Nyssa. I only slept with one girl besides you. And I only kissed John Constantine that one time because I lost a bet. What they said about me was just rumors because I lived surrounded by girls. Most of them were my sister’s friends."

"So you were never a heartbreaker?"

"No babe. I've never broken anyone's heart." She smirked. "Actually, I was the one who had the heart broken."

"Really? By who?"

"You, babe." Sara looked down and Ava's jaw dropped. "The day you kissed Alex in front of the whole school after saying that I was worthy of pity and not of love."

From the tone of her voice, Ava could tell that she still felt pain because of that. Ava swallowed hard and lowered her head out of shame. How could she be such an asshole to her? Sara was nothing like what she thought. The truth was, Ava believed the rumors she heard about her. She always saw her as a terrible person. And now Ava was sorry, because Sara was someone totally different than she thought.

"Sara... I-"

"It's alright, Aves." She lifted her head and smiled, but her eyes didn't shine and the cute little wrinkles that appeared every time she actually smiled didn't show up. "But back to the part that matters..."

"Why did you insist on me after what I did?"

Sara fell silent and stood looking at Ava for a few seconds, seemed to think about what to say. And before speaking, she opened a huge smile, and that one reached her eyes, making the lines appear.

"You were the love of my life. Zari said that I had to prove to you that I was nothing like what you thought. She encouraged me so much. She’s always been my point of peace. Honestly, I obeyed her more than my own mother." She laughed and Ava ended up laughing too. "I remember I was crying because of you. I didn't want you to hate me. She took me by the shoulders, wiped my face and said: _I think it's better for you to stop whining and go after your girl, or I'm going to kick your white ass until you remember how to talk to girls._ I stopped crying and started to laugh."

"You like her a lot, don't you?"

"I love her, she's everything to me. Much more than a best friend... She is my sister from another mother."

She said emotionally, it was impossible not to smile when Ava heard that. Ava knew that feeling because it was like that with Dinah, despite being a brute sometimes, she meant the world to Ava. She was by her side in all the difficult times, Ava didn't even need to ask for help, she always knew when she needed to be held. She would totally get shot for her, because she knew Dinah would do the same.

"But let's change the subject before I start crying, my hormones are crazy." Sara let out an awkward giggle. "I insisted on you and we kissed, after that we talked and you decided to give me a chance to win your trust."

"Did we had dates?"

"Several." Ava approached her and sat down beside her. "I went to your house once in the middle of the night. I climbed up to your room and you almost had an heart attack when you saw me there, because I was still in my pajamas."

"Jesus..."

"Yeah, you made me go inside and wrap up. I liked that so much, you know? Seeing you taking care of me was one of the best things." As Sara spoke the smile was there, huge. "Just to emphasize that I like it when you take care of me."

"Good to know." Sara looked at her and Ava winked at her, her cheeks flushing a little. "But why were you there for?"

"Sex." Ava's eyes widened and Sara laughed, throwing her head back. "You had to see your face."

"You're so stupid." Ava grunted crossing her arms and pouting.

"I'm just kidding." She composed herself, but Ava continued to pout. "I went to see the stars with you. It was full moon. I was in my room, then when I saw the moon I immediately remembered you. So I left the house without telling you."

"You were crazy."

"I still am." In seconds she was very close to Ava. Sara caressed her face and kissed her lips lightly. Ava sighed, almost falling down even though she was sitting. "Completely crazy about you."

"Sara-"

Their lips collided again and Ava's body felt like a giant jelly. The older one returned the delicate kiss. She felt her heart beat in her ears, her whole body seemed to tingle.

Ava would never be able to explain the incredible feeling that it was to kiss Sara.

"You don't have to say anything, I'll control myself because I want to take it slow." Sara placed a kiss on the tip of Ava's nose. "Want to know anything else?"

"Who asked whom to be girlfriends?"

Sara opened a huge smile, her eyes took on more life than before.

"You... here in this little house."

"This place is really old, has it always been yours?"

"Yes, it really is. And no, not exactly. It was supposed to be mine and Laurel's, but she gave it to me because she knows how important this place is for both of us."

"Heritage?" Sara nodded, moving away from Ava a little. "I want to remember all this so badly, it sucks."

Ava admitted crestfallen, her shoulders slumped in dismay. Sara came over again and kissed her forehead, then pulled her into her lap. She said nothing, just stood there with Ava, stroking her hair. Ava inhaled her perfume, feeling protected around her.

" _If the person is destined for you, regardless of everything you will find your way back, even if you need to meet each other a thousand times."_

Ava remembered that her grandmother said that to her once. And a thought crossed her mind. That maybe she and Sara were destined and not even with all that drama involving her memories, they would lose each other. 

"Better?" Ava heard the question in her ear, and nodded, dragging her face in Sara's lap, inhaling the scent on her shirt. "I think we should go inside the house, aren't you hungry?"

"A little. But I still want to know more about you."

"About me or us?"

"Both." Sara chuckled. "Is there anything about you that you haven't told me yet?" 

Sara took a breath, her chest inflating, making Ava feel the defined muscles there through her shirt. Ava bit her bottom lip, trying not to think about it too much.

'I have another tattoo, I think you don't remember it."

"Other than that one on your wrist and the one on the back of your neck?" Ava moved away, Sara looked at her and nodded. "Show me."

Ava got up and sat across from Sara.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Okay..."

Sara finally agreed, getting on her knees and holding the button on her jeans. Ava opened her eyes wide and stared at her face. Sara smirked.

"Wh-where is it?"

Ava stuttered nervously, making Sara throw her head back and laugh.

"On my hip, babe." She said calmly and unbuttoned her pants. Ava avoided looking down, but heard the zipper being pulled. "It's safe to look."

Reluctantly, the older one looked down, eyes narrowed. She looked on the left side first and saw nothing but then looked on the right.

"A book?" Ava started laughing. Sara's cheeks were flushed. "Wow, you're such a rebel."

The older one joked and Sara pouted, buttoned her pants and sat down again facing Ava.

"It was a tribute to you, okay?"

Ava's laughter faded at that, and she melted. The little face Sara made when she was like that was adorable. Ava smiled big, approaching her, who even tried to prevent Ava from touching her, but it was impossible.

"Really?" Sara nodded and Ava uncrossed her arms and climbed into her lap, with her knees on either side of her. "It's cute."

"I'm going to erase it."

"No, you won't." Ava sat on Sara's lap, more precisely on her thighs, close to her knees and put her arms around Sara’s shoulders. "That's all? No other lost around?"

"No." She replied and shook her head to emphasize the answer. "But there's one thing, I don't know if you've noticed."

Ava raised her eyebrows, having no idea what she was talking about. She even tried to think of something, but nothing came into her imagination.

"What?"

"I have a piercing in my right nipple."

"No, you don't."

Ava doubted her and Sara raised an eyebrow.

"Yes I do."

"Show me then."

Ava asked and got up from her lap, standing on the mattress with Sara sitting there between her legs. Sara stared at her as if confirming that she was serious.

"You sure?"

"Yes?"

It was a question, but Ava was asking herself. Ava was about to see Sara's boob and she didn't want to see it. Although there was a possibility that she didn't have the piercing, but Ava would have to see her breast anyway.

"Let's see if you believe now..." Sara raised her shirt to the height of her neck, leaving her breasts exposed just not entirely because of the purple bra she was wearing. Ava swallowed hard, locking in place and forcing her brain to get out of there. "What about now? Satisfied?"

The older woman's jaw dropped, if it were possible, it would have hit the floor. Ava felt her face start to heat up, Sara smiled tightly, and Ava bit her lip out of reflex. Sara had her right boob out of her bra, and Ava could see that her nipple was, indeed, pierced.

"Oh, sweet God..."

Ava swallowed again, feeling something inside her start to grow, like a spark in dry leaves. Her eyes met Sara's, who parted her lips to smile and winked at Ava.

Ava's breath risked failing and before she did anything crazy, she turned and practically ran out of there. She even heard Sara's amused laugh inside the tree house.

Sara was crazy, and she was about to drive Ava crazy, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ava Sharpe gay panicking over Sara? 100% canon and we know it.  
> These chapters are being quite calm, I know. I'm jut letting you have something cute before the bomb drops hehehe so enjoy while it lasts.  
> Kudos and comments always makes me happy.  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, feel free to follow me for some teasers and polls about the fic.


	20. I'll slow it down (just for you)

Ava was sitting on the side porch of that big house with a cup of hot chocolate in her hands while watching Sara and Leonard play throwing sticks for Duke. They insisted on taking that huge dog with them. Ava didn't join them because she was tired, and also because mentally speaking, after what she saw in that tree house, she didn't feel totally sober.

"Careful, Leo!"

Sara shouted at the little one, who was running as fast as he could while Duke ran after him, probably wanting the stick in Leonard's hand. Watching that moment, it was impossible for Ava not to smile, after all that was her family. That was the image of her present and future. And she liked the feeling, she couldn't ask for better people in her life. To be her family.

She grew up hearing people say that love at first sight was real, but her parents always said that passion was what happened at first sight, love would come with time and coexistence. When Ava met Sara, she discovered a new feeling at first sight: antipathy. And then hatred came with time and coexistence. She remembered it well, as if it were just yesterday when they first met.

_Ava was late for her first class, walking the hallways too fast. She carried three essays in her hand, of history, chemistry and physics. She remembered that she went to cross the last corridor and then she collided with someone, in that way when you hit the person so hard that you are thrown back, and the works flew out of her hands. She grunted in pain when she opened her eyes and saw that all, literally all the paper sheets were completely soaked with a blue liquid. She got up desperately, and while she was freaking out she heard an irritating voice saying "Calm down, sweetheart". She also remembered that she started yelling at Sara, but everything got worse even when she tried to "fix" things by giving Ava a kiss. Her desire was to spit in Sara’s face, she was burning with anger and that stupid girl tried to kiss her. From that day on, she kept chasing after Ava, for the first few days she even tried to apologize, but over time the excuses evolved into torments, pranks, and sleazy hands. Ava started to hate Sara Lance more than anything on earth._

But now all that hatred, all that antipathy, all the repulsion, was being converted into affection, admiration and... something else. Something that Ava didn't want to name it yet, she was afraid to rush things and end up fucking everything up.

But one thing was certain, she liked Sara. And each day she liked her more. She made Ava feel safe, no one in the world but her parents passed the security that Sara had been passing on to Ava lately. Sara was special and Ava knew they had a strong connection.

"Alice." Ava was awakened from her thoughts by Sara. She blinked a few times to focus her vision and found her blue eyes fixed on her face. Sara smiled, her hands on Ava's knees. "Are you back in the real world?"

"I was remembering a few things."

The older one smiled awkwardly, feeling Sara caress her knees with her thumbs and then sealed their lips. Ava blew air out her nose when she felt the soft touch of Sara’s mouth on hers, she could feel her lips tingle. Ava held the cup steady with one hand, the other brought it to the hair on the back of Sara's neck, pulling it lightly and then caressing her scalp with the tips of her fingers.

"Want to talk about said memories?" Sara asked when they broke the kiss.

"I was thinking about the day we met, remember?"

Ava chuckled and Sara followed her. In the distance, Ava could hear Leonard's voice calling for Duke, then the dog's barking. The weather was good, and they still had some time to stick around before they had to leave.

"How could I forget? You were always stressed, even as young as you were then." Sara sat next to the older one and rested her hands on the long bench where Ava was sitting. 

"I thought you were going to murder me that day."

"And I wanted to, honestly." Sara laughed, and Ava bit her bottom lip as she watched her laugh. Eyes closed, head slightly tilted back, lines at the corners of the eyes, the little dimple on her chin. "When I saw my essays covered in that weird thing, Sara, I wanted to rub your face in them. I swear."

"I know you did." She stopped laughing little by little, wiping the corners of her eyes with her fingers. "I tried to ease the situation by playing with you, but you took it too seriously."

"You didn't seem to be kidding."

"To be honest I wasn't totally kidding, if you had accepted, I would certainly have kissed you. But when you started to blush and swear at me with names that I didn't even knew, I realized I had to get out of there before you killed me."

"You’re exaggerating." Ava left the cup on the bench, a little distant. Then she turned slightly on her side and put her legs on top of Sara's legs, who looked at her sideways and clicked her tongue. "Do you mind?"

"No." Sara put her hands on Ava's legs, one on her thigh and one on her ankle. "Not at all." She smoothed her ankle with her left hand, with her right she took the older woman's shoulder and pulled her forward, indicating that she wanted Ava to come closer. And she promptly did, laying her head on the curve of Sara's neck. Sara sniffed Ava's hair and kissed her head. "I don't mind at all."

//

Sara's parents' farewell was long, Leonard didn't seem very happy to be leaving, and Quentin didn't want to let him go, practically begging Ava to let him spend a few days there while the little one was on school break. Sara ended up agreeing, but not at that moment because according to her they had to enjoy their son a little, since they wouldn't have much time for that. Ava was quiet, fighting the urge to deny it. Even though she knew it was selfish... she just liked being with him so much, and when she was finally getting used to the idea of being a mother, she didn't want to have to be away from him. At least not for now.

The return home was super fast, they arrived during the night, and the three of them ended up sleeping together in Ava and Sara's bed and Ava loved the feeling of sleeping with both of them.

She was now sitting on the porch, trying to focus on a book which she didn't even remember the name of, while waiting for Sara and Leonard to return, they had gone to get the little boy's final results. The weather in the city was better today, not too hot, although with a little sun, but it wasn't cold either. It was a pleasant climate, she could even take a dive in the pool, but Ava wasn't in the mood for that.

"Mommy, Mommy!"

Ava looked to the side in time to see the little one running towards her, sitting correctly in the bench, Ava put the book down and opened her arms for her on.

"Hi my love."

She kissed his hair, which smelled really good. He was saying too many things too fast, and Ava even tried to keep up, but his flustered way distracted her. It was moments like that that made her see how much like her he was, that lively and imperative way. The same way that she was when she was little.

"Mama, show her, show her!"

He broke free from Ava and ran to Sara, holding her by the hand and pulling her towards Ava. Sara laughed and looked at the other woman, who ended up laughing too.

"What do you have to show me?"

"His grades, here." Sara held out a white envelope and Ava promptly took it and opened it. "All straight A's. I think someone deserves a reward."

Ava was surprised to see all the A notes. She looked at Sara and saw her with the little one sitting on her shoulders. She smiled at him and clapped her hands. She was proud to have such a smart son, although she expected no less considering being son of who he was. Both her and Sara had always been really smart.

"I agree." Ava put the letter in the envelope and stood. "What do you want, Leo?"

"Pizza! Lots of pizza."

Yes, definitely Ava and Sara's son.

//

Sara decided to go to the market to buy some frozen pizzas. Lunch and snacks were all full of them, the family afternoon was very pleasant and the three ended up playing some games in the living room floor. A while later Leonard fell asleep and Sara took him to the bedroom.

"I think he won't wake up until tomorrow morning." Sara said as soon as she returned to the living room. "He was happy with today. It had been weeks since we did something like this." Ava looked at Sara curiously. "You know? Family stuff, the three of us together."

"Really?"

"Yes." She sat on the couch next to Ava and lay down, causing Ava to drop her legs off the couch and allow Sara to put her head on Ava’s lap. "Do you want to do something now?"

"Uh, I don't know..."

"Ah, I forgot to tell you, although you wouldn't remember it anyway. Your car is good again. I took it to the garage last week."

"I don't remember knowing how to drive."

"Oh... that's true." They fell silent for a while, until Sara spoke again. "Want to relearn how to drive? I can teach you if you want."

"I don't know..."

Ava was unsure, she never wanted to get behind the wheel of a car before because she was scared to death of it. In fact she always preferred to take a ride on any type of transport, even on bicycles.

Sara jumped up from Ava's lap and the older one was startled by her unexpected movement.

"Come on! You might need it. I won't always be there to give you a ride. Besides, you need to get to know the streets properly."

"You're right... But I don't know, I'm scared."

Sara smiled, as if she already knew Ava was going to say that. She went over to Ava and held her face in her hands, sealed their lips twice slowly before covering Ava's mouth with hers. Starting a slow kiss, she calmly inserted her tongue into the older woman's mouth. Making Ava feel numb.

"Do you trust me?"

Sara asked in a whisper, pulling her face away from Ava's and looking into her eyes. Ava was unable to verbalize her response, so she just nodded.

"But what about Leo?"

"He has a heavy sleep, and we can just go around the block. Come with me?"

Ava stopped to think, she didn't know if she should, but nothing bad would happen in a few minutes, right? Besides, she would be with Sara, who would certainly be able to turn things around if something went wrong.

"Okay..." Ava finally agreed, a little hesitantly. Sara smiled and celebrated by doing a quick dance and Ava shook her head, smiling. "But you will need to be patient with me, I'm a little slow."

"Yeah, I know." Sara got up from the couch and pulled Ava with her. "Who do you think taught you to drive the first time?"

Well, for that Ava didn't expect. She thought she had learned from her father. One more thing for the list of things she learned from Sara Lance.

"And which of these two is mine?"

Ava asked looking between the taller black car Sara always used, and the smaller one parked on the other side, which was covered. Sara said nothing and passed the larger car, stopping beside the small one. Ava accompanied her and waited for her to discover the car under the gray tarp.

"This is your car."

Gradually she revealed a white, convertible and wonderful car. Ava's jaw dropped as she watched the car. She remembered Dinah saying that Sara presented her with a car.

"Wow..."

"Disappointed?"

"Of course not!"

Ava responded quickly and Sara laughed at her reaction. The older one went to the car and ran her fingertips over the hood.

"I bought it for you in the middle of the year. It came straight from Germany."

"It must have coasted a lot of money, especially coming from another country."

"You are my wife, Aves. I don't mind spending money on you." Ava looked at her, who shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. 'So what? Want to take it for a ride?"

"Of course!"

Sara asked for a second and went into the house, running back a minute later with something in her hands; she threw it towards Ava and when she took the object she could see that it was her car keys.

"The seat belt." Ava pulled it up and secured it properly. "Now you have to reverse, like this..."

Sara started to explain what Ava should do and how she should do it. She was bossy, very bossy. Before Ava thought she was the boss of the house, but maybe she was a little wrong. Ava was trying to follow each command and order of the youngest, after all she was clumsy and a little slow. Sara would have to be very patient with her.

"Take it easy, take it easy, take it easy."

Ava repeated it like a mantra as she felt the car move back. Sara was quiet beside her, giving her a space to be more peaceful.

"Ava, eyes in the mirror!"

Ava did as she was told and looked in the rearview mirror, luckily there was no one passing on the street, and the movement of cars was almost always zero there. 

Sara continued to give commands but at least she was not shouting. " _You're doing well._ " She praised when Ava managed to maneuver the car correctly. Ava smiled at my own feat.

"Should I go straight?"

"Yes, when we get to the street corner you slow down, then turn the sign to the left." Ava did as she coordinated, her hands were sweating, but she was holding them tight on the wheel. "You don't have to turn that fast, Ava! Fuck!"

The car ended up dying when Ava took her foot off the clutch, Sara's scream startling her. The older one looked at her with wide eyes and Sara was taking a deep breath as if seeking calm.

"I'm sorry."

"Okay, okay." Sara now seemed calmer. "I'm sorry for screaming, it's just... I thought we were going to hit."

"I think we better go home, I can't do this."

"Hey! Hey! Nothing like that, you can do it." Sara rested her hand on Ava's right thigh and stroked it. "Let's go slowly, calmly. You know you can do this." Ava looked at her and smiled, it was good to be comforted by her. "Take a deep breath and let's go before... Holy shit!"

"God!"

The two jumped when they heard a horn behind them and after the shock they burst out laughing.

Sara returned to coordinating Ava and calmly they went around the block, and they were already close to their street again. Ava looked around before entering the street as Sara taught her, with the free path she continued on her way. She spotted their house and Sara was calming her down so that Ava could park her car in the right spot and without hitting Sara's.

"So... Well done." Sara praised as Ava slowly entered the garage. "See how easy it is?" Ava ended up getting distracted and her hand slipped on the steering wheel, Sara managed to act fast and took control of the car. Ava took her feet off the accelerator and clutch before she screw up even more. "Wow! That was close."

Sara let out a nervous giggle, and Ava could tell that she thought Ava's car would crash into hers.

Ava caught the breath that she hadn't even noticed she had lost. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, loosening her seat belt to give herself a little more freedom. She heard Sara do the same at her side, but she didn't look at her.

"Moon? Are you okay?"

Ava opened her eyes and turned her head towards her, Sara had a look of concern. The older one smiled to reassure her. She smiled back and brought her right hand to Ava's face, stroking her cheek gently.

"That was kind of scary."

"A little." Sara let out a nasal giggle and then moved in the passenger seat and went closer to Ava. "You did very well."

"Tell me the truth, I sucked."

"It was better than when you first learned, I swear. At least my car was saved this time, but your father's was not so lucky."

"I hit my dad's car?"

"Yes, backing up." Ava couldn't help laughing when she heard that, it was a funny scene to imagine. "We have plenty of time for you to get used to it again, don't worry."

Silence fell over them both, Sara continued to caress Ava's face. The older one took advantage of the wonderful affection, looking at her and noticing that closely, Sara looked even more beautiful. The eyes so blue, the nose... nobody was supposed to have an attractive nose, but Sara had. Then Ava's gaze dropped to Sara's mouth and just one thought filled her mind.

"Sara, kiss me."

"What?"

She looked surprised, it was the first time Ava had asked her for a kiss. Ava leaned forward, leaving their lips inches away.

"Kiss me. Kiss me right now."

And she didn't have to ask again. Ava held Sara's hair tightly, feeling her crush her lips against hers. So good, so sweet. Sara put her hand on Ava's thigh again, squeezing the area just below the knee, causing a little spasm in the older one. Ava gasped as she felt Sara slide the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip, then inserted it into her mouth and Ava risked sucking it. It was enough to get Sara out of her mind, her breathing changed and the hand on Ava's thigh went up. Sara kissed her more willingly, as if that was their last kiss.

"Ava."

Sara mumbled through the kiss and Ava held her hair a little more tightly. She was lost in that kiss, in a way she hadn't been since their first kiss. But then she felt pressure between her legs, something that shouldn't be there. Sara sucked on Ava's tongue, then again she felt that pressure, now stronger than before.

"Oh... Sara." Ava tried to break the kiss, but Sara pulled her in for another one. When she felt Sara stroking where she shouldn't, Ava's eyes widened and she jumped back, eventually bumping into the car's horn, which made Sara jump back in fright. "Christ!"

The car was convertible, but even that fact couldn't quell the heat that Ava was feeling. She looked at Sara, who was taking a breath, recovering from the small moment and the big fright that the horn caused.

"Sorry, sorry... I just-" She was panting, shaking her hands and shaking her head. "I got too excited. You're not upset with me, are you?"

"Why?"

Ava asked confused, the two went over the line a little, but it hadn't been such a serious thing.

"I crossed your limit, I said I would take it slow."

"So... we're taking it slow?"

Ava looked at Sara and smiled, the younger sighed in relief and smiled back.

"Yes, babe, taking it slow."

Ava wasn’t so sure anymore if she wanted to take things so slow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we still have a couple of cute chapters before the storm, so enjoy :)  
> I always love your theories so if any of you have new ones (or old ones) please let me know.  
> comments and kudos always makes me happy.  
> Stay home and safe, guys. 
> 
> //
> 
> i am once again telling you guys that the original story is not mine, i'm just adaptating for Ava and Sara and translating it.


	21. And my nickname is (right on the tip of her tongue)

Ava was in Dr. D’Troy’s office, the way it was supposed to be during her recovery process. Sara couldn't take her today, she had something to do in her studio. Leonard had gone to spend the day at Dinah's; Jonah wanted to spend the day with him according to Ava's best friend. Ava had made a mental note to ask Sara to take her to her studio sometime, she was very curious about know her work environment.

Ava had gone to the appointment alone, which was progress. Not a big one since she had taken a taxi and Sara had left the address written down. But progress nonetheless.

"So, Ava, how's it going?"

Dr. D’Troy asked as she sat in the chair next to the couch where Ava was sitting, she had that huge smile, sitting cross-legged with her clipboard in her lap. One thing Ava was getting used to was with that smile, Sara wasn't there and even then she didn't stop smiling. Ava thought maybe she liked to show those white teeth around, or maybe she was just too happy.

"In the general sense?" The doctor nodded, putting on her glasses. Ava took a deep breath, images of the weekend starting to invade her mind and a huge smile appearing on her lips. Something that did not go unnoticed by the Doctor. "They are getting better and better."

"And that huge smile?"

She lowered her head and looked at Ava over the lens of her glasses. Ava's face started to heat up and Doctor giggled.

"It's just... everything seems to be getting so much better."

"I can see that." Helen commented, smiling and Ava, who smiled back. "What about things with Sara? Are they better too?"

Ava thought it wasn't possible, but the smile on her face widened even more. It was impossible to remember Sara without smiling. She was impressed with how well she was feeling about Sara with so little time together.

"She is the reason for this smile."

Helen's face was surprised to hear that, the last time she and Ava saw each other, Ava still didn't like Sara's presence very much. Funny how things can change in one night or so.

"So you are getting along now?" Ava stated frantically with her head. "That's great, well done."

"We spend the weekend with her parents. It was amazing." The youngest started to remember their moments together in the tree house. Yes, _theirs_. Even if she didn't remember that place, that little house had already gained a huge space in her life. "She took me to this place she has, it's so beautiful there, Helen..." Ava sighed silly, a small smile on her lips. "We kissed."

"And how it was?"

"I couldn't have had a better first kiss than the one we had." The smile on Ava’s face stayed for the whole time.

//

After the appointment with Dr. Helen was over, Ava said goodbye to her and called the same taxi driver Sara gave her the number for, she said he was extremely trustworthy and always called him when necessary. And speaking of Sara...

"Hello?"

" _Babe? Hey... are you done over there?_ "

"Yes, I just left her office." Ava left the elevator and walked through the building's hall. "I'm leaving the building now."

" _Was everything okay? Did you get there on time?_ "

"Yes, everything was great. And I did, it wasn't so hard after all."

Ava heard her sigh on the other side. She liked that concern Sara had for her, even though she knew that good part of it was due to her memory loss. Sara seemed to enjoy taking care of the people around her and looking out for their good.

" _That's good... Do you want me to pick you up?_ "

"No need, Ronald said he'll be here in a few minutes."

" _Are you sure?_ "

"Yes, Sara. Don't worry." Ava heard some voices on the other end of the line. "Have you eaten anything yet? It's almost time for lunch."

" _I ate an apple a few minutes ago and in a little while I will have lunch with Z._ " They were silent for a few seconds. " _I wish I could have lunch with you. I like your food more than the restaurant near here._ "

"Mmm... tonight I'll prepare something special for you. Any request?" As Ava looked to her left side, she saw Ronald's taxi slowly pull up next to her, she waved and went over to him.

" _Anything, babe._ " Ava closed her eyes and smiled as she felt her silly heart speed up, the way it did every time Sara called her that way. " _Aves?_ "

"Yes?"

She got into the taxi and nodded to Ronald, he smiled at the woman and waited for her to close the door to start the car.

" _I miss you... A lot._ "

Her voice sounded a little sly, making everything inside Ava melt. It was as if all of her organs were going to collapse, or something. It was a new sensation, the only strong feeling she had ever had in life before it all happened, it was the little platonic passion she had for Alex, but for Sara... Things are completely different. It was intense and real. Too real.

"I miss you too, Sara."

Ava cursed Sara Lance for making her feel so many things at the same time.

Or rather, Sara _Sharpe-Lance._

Yes, Ava was getting used to that surname.

//

Ava was just finishing preparing dinner when she heard the front door open, then Leonard and Sara's excited voices took over the quiet house. Everything was better with the two of them being at home. Ava kept stirring the meat in the pan so it wouldn't burn. During the afternoon she was thinking about what to prepare for dinner and decided to make Mexican Chilli, of course without the pepper because of Leo. She didn't think he could handle a Mexican pepper.

"Mmm... Something smells good." Ava heard Sara's voice in the kitchen, but remained focused on what she was doing. Her steps became closer and then Ava felt her presence behind her. Ava felt the heat emanating from Sara even though she wasn't touching her. "Are you making Chilli?" Ava murmured in agreement. "Oh my God, you're the best." 

Sara put her hands on Ava's waist and glued her hips to her ass, and before the older woman had any kind of reaction she felt Sara kiss the back of her neck, which was exposed because of the bun that Ava made in her hair. An electric current ran down Ava's spine, raising the hair on her arms. She felt the warm air from Sara's mouth on her skin and somehow, she knew Sara was smiling.

"Go- go wash your hands, or take a shower. Or something."

Sara chuckled when she noticed how nervous that simple kiss made Ava. The older woman rolled her eyes, trying to stay focused on what she was doing. Sara finally released her and Ava almost celebrated and thanked her. It was kind of hard to think properly with that woman so close, and Ava was sure Sara knew the effect she had on Ava.

"I'll be right back."

She heard Sara say and then leave the kitchen. Ava sighed with relief that she was finally free of that temptation in person.  
During dinner Leonard told how spending the afternoon with Jonah went. He told how he spent the day playing video games and football together with Laurel. Ava was smiling most of the time, it was good to see him so happy. Sometimes she just felt like watching him. 

She still didn't remember the feeling of having him carried inside her, but they had a strong connection. Ava felt her heart sink as she thought about how much she just wanted to remember everything. She wanted to know how she felt when she first took him in her arms, how Sara reacted when she saw him, how they were when he was a newborn. She just wanted to remember everything, every little detail.

//

After dinner, they went to the living room, at Sara's insistence, who insisted that they had to watch an animated film. Despicable Me was the name of it. Ava had never seen it, obviously. Or she didn't remember watching it. But Sara said it was fun.

The three of them were lying on the sofa, which until that moment, Ava had no idea that it opened and turned into some kind of bed. Leonard was between the two women, his head resting on Sara's belly, who was stroking his hair. Ava couldn't even pay attention to the movie, she preferred to be entertained watching the moment between the two of them.

She always imagined having a family when she grew up, having at least a baby girl, a baby boy and a nice wife. Well, she didn't have a baby girl yet, but who knows maybe in a while?

"Mama, can we watch Captain America next?"

"Of course, big guy."

A huge smile appeared on Ava's lips. She was suddenly proud. 

Proud of her family, of having conquered everything she had. An incredible wife, a son that Ava couldn't even imagine been better. A wonderful home, a stabilized life. She achieved all that, with Sara by her side. She just didn't remember experiencing those things, but it became a mere detail in the middle of all the good things.  
If for some reason this was a second chance to make the most of everything she had, Ava was not going to waste it.

After the animated film, which Ava paid no attention to since she was just watching the interaction of the two at her side, Sara stood up to put the movie Leonard asked for. They both seemed excited to watch that movie. Sometimes Ava thought that together, Sara and Leonard matched their age. It was lovely to see how much Sara changed when she was with her son.

"You're going to sleep now?"

Sara asked as she stood up, bending over to pick Leonard up, who was sleeping soundly curled up on the couch. He was a miniature of Sara.

"I'm not sleepy yet."

"Okay." She took the little one in her arms. "Can I come down to watch TV with you after I put him to bed?"

Ava smiled at her, it was cute when she acted shy. Time and time again Ava saw Sara's reflections of yesteryear. Especially now when she was always sneaking looks, giving unexpected and somewhat daring touches. And Ava had already caught her checking her out, several times... especially her boobs.

"Of course you can." They smiled at each other and Sara went upstairs.

The older one surfed the canals while waiting for Sara to return. A few minutes later she heard her footsteps on the stairs and in seconds she passed in front of Ava and threw herself beside her on the couch. Ava looked at her.

"What are we going to watch?"

Ava asked looking back at the television. There was nothing interesting that caught her eye.

"Whatever. As long as I stay here by your side, it doesn't matter to me."

Ava's cheeks heated up. She just wished she could not feel that way around her. So stupid. She looked like a teenage girl in love for the first time.

"So we can just... talk?"

"Sure." Ava turned off the TV and eased herself on the couch, turning on her side to look at Sara. She did the same, her head resting on her arm. "Tell me about your appointment today."

She asked and Ava took a breath before she started to tell about it, omitting no details, not even the fact that Sara was practically the only subject of the talk. Sara seemed to enjoy hearing it a lot, since she kept smiling.

After Ava finished telling about her exciting day, it was Sara's turn to tell about hers. The older one listened to her carefully, despite having been distracted several times by watching her face, her expressions and especially her cute way of not being able to speak without gesturing.

"Remember the time you dropped soda on our school principal's shirt? Everyone was speechless waiting for his reaction."

Sara and Ava were remembering the old days. Speaking of everything and nothing at the same time, sometimes just rambling together. But they were having a good laugh. It was good to talk about the old days, even if it was kind of weird to Ava since technically the past was her present, in her mind at least.

"Ah, Aves... Those times were very fun."

"Did you know that I hated that name?"

"Which one?"

She stopped laughing and looked questioningly at Ava.

"Aves... When you used to call me that in the past, my god..." She giggled. "I felt like killing myself."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, it always seemed to be debauchery. But I confess that now I like it... It's kinda cute."

Sara's face lit up again and a huge smile appeared on her lips.

"I like to call you that, I wanted something exclusive and at that time it was the only thing I could think of."

"Aves..." Ava said with a smile on her lips and Sara smiled too. "I like how it sounds coming from you."

"Aves."

Sara whispered in that damn voice that chills anyone from meters away. Ava sighed in delight at her smile.

"I need something of my own too."

"What do you mean?"

"A unique nickname for you." Sara raised her eyebrows, curious.

"Dinah calls me ghost and sometimes piece of cloud."

She commented and shrugged, making Ava laugh at the funny way she spoke.

"She loves to make fun of people." Sara agreed and they both laughed. "I think the obvious would be Sar, right? I've already called you that a few times." Sara lowered her head, but out of the corner of her eye Ava realized that she had a smile on her face. "But..." Ava thought for a few minutes before a funny idea popped into her head. "I've got it."

"Tell me."

Sara asked excitedly, the smile almost childlike.

"Sar, usually, because it's a classic. But in other cases, I'll be calling you Captain."

Ava revealed smiling, but when she saw Sara's face contort, her smile gradually died. She felt her body shrink involuntarily, she sucked even with nicknames. Sara must have probably hated it. Ava would have to think of something better. Ava opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Sara started to laugh.

"Captain, Aves?" Ava shrugged and gave a shy smile. "It sounds really good coming out of your mouth. But can I know why that nickname?"

Maybe it was the excitement of the moment, or just the fact that her smile delighted Ava. For some reason, Ava landed on Sara's lap, her knees resting on the couch beside her thighs. Sara held her waist and they kissed delicately, Sara caressing Ava's hips while the older one held her hair. In the end they smiled at each other and Ava pushed away a little.

"Because you're bossy and because I would go to the end of the world if you asked me."

Sara smiled so wide and beautifully that Ava felt her heart skip a few beats.

"I can live with that." Sara whispered a little breathlessly before returning to kiss Ava. The older one felt her heart racing inside her chest. 

Ava belonged to Sara. Completely to her.

They stared at each other, Ava slowly stroking the other woman's neck. Sara lifted her hands up slightly, pulling her with her and leaving Ava in a more comfortable position on her lap. Maybe Ava thought they were going too fast, but only if they were still two teenagers. But technically they were adults, and married.

"Sara, where are our wedding photos?"

It took her a few seconds to come back to reality, her frown slowly relaxing.

"There, under the TV set." She pointed to the side, and Ava followed with a look. "Do you want to see them?"

"Yes."

It was possible to hear the excitement in Ava's voice, and Sara smiled widely and sealed their lips.

Gently she grabbed Ava's waist and placed her on the couch, crawling forward and getting up. The older one leaned back against the sofa and watched her. Sara knelt on the floor and dragged a small door on the furniture, in seconds she closed it again and stood. When she turned to face Ava, she could see the light brown cover album in her hands.

"Here, babe." She extended the album to Ava and sat next to her. "Did you know that we had a little argument at our celebration party?"

"Are you serious?"

"Very." As soon as Ava opened the album, she saw their names embroidered there in beautiful letters. She ran her finger over it, feeling the texture. "I wanted to take some pictures of the party and you didn't want to let me go, said we had to be together."

"Well.. And was I wrong?"

Ava responded playfully and Sara laughed awkwardly. Ava looked sideways and the other woman shrugged. The older one shook her head, a smile on her lips. That was very much a Sara thing to do. 

One thing Ava always knew about her was her passion for photography. And she had always been great at that. The best pictures of the balls and celebrations at school were all her merit. At least she was good at something back then.

"No you weren’t... I was just afraid that the contract photographer wouldn't do a good job."

"Let me guess, did you stay on top of him giving tips?"

"Am I that predictable?"

Sara feigned a tone of indignation and Ava laughed as she looked at the first photo. Her and Sara were side by side, their faces glued and huge smiles on their lips. They were both dressed and veiled.

Their happiness was stamped in their eyes, it was obvious that Ava had married her out of love.

"I like this photo."

Ava pointed to the second. In it, her and Sara were standing, the youngest held Ava's waist and looked at her smiling, while Ava had her head thrown back and seemed to laugh at something she had said.

"That was always your favorite." Sara commented, getting closer to see the photo. "Because she was spontaneous. I was telling jokes at the time they were photographing us."  
Ava raised her eyebrows, not too surprised. She looked at Sara, whose face was close to hers. Ava smiled before kissing Sara's cheek.

"I always wanted to take a picture like that, it's beautiful."

Ava commented delighted to see the third photo. Sara was holding her in the air by the waist, the older one was holding her shoulders and looking into her eyes. They seemed to be lost in each other's eyes.

They continued to see the other photos and Ava couldn't stop smiling at any of them. It was great to see those pictures, even though she didn't remember anything about the day, she could feel the chill in her belly that she probably felt the day she said yes to Sara. 

She played all the time and commented on their lives, especially on their honeymoon in Greece. Sara declared that moment to be the most enjoyable of their entire lives together, and Ava chose not to ask why. Specially because it was quite explanatory to what she was referring to. Sara was a pervert.

"I always liked the way you were decided. Firm. You know? All serious when you had to solve something."

"Too serious?"

"A lot, it was like..." Sara took a deep breath, preparing to imitate Ava. She raised her eyebrows as much as she could and looked at Ava. " _Sara Lance, how many times do I have to tell you to get the wet towel off the bed?_ " Her voice was thick and Ava ended up laughing out loud at her bossy pose. "Or like... _Sara, we are not going out in this cold just to take pictures of the moon._ "

"I sound bossy."

"You are" Sara readily agreed, smiling. "When we were building our house, you made sure of seeing everything up close, you stayed here all day practically giving orders to the boys in charge of the construction." Ava threw her head back and laughed. "I remember that one time, I came to get you and one of the builders came to beg me not to let you back there until everything was ready, because you were too bossy."

"Oh my God."

"Yes.. Maybe I should be the one calling you Captain." She raised her eyebrows and smirked. "But, you know what? I always found this bossy way sexy, especially in bed."

She said naturally and Ava felt her cheeks and even her ears heat up. It was impossible not to be embarrassed, as much as Ava knew they had an apparently _very_ active sex life, she couldn't deal with it, she still couldn't accept that in reality she wasn't innocent anymore. Despite not remembering the feeling of having sex with anyone, Ava knew what it felt like to be horny because it was impossible not to be by seeing the cheerleaders. Besides, she wasn't a saint during her teenage years, she just preserved herself for someone special.

But imagining Sara and her together in a bed, completely naked...

"Jesus Christ!"

"No, babe. It's Sara Sharpe-Lance."

"You're so stupid." Ava pushed her by the shoulders and Sara fell backwards, making sure to take Ava along, who fell on top of her. They looked at each other and smiled, Sara stole a kiss or two. "Sar..." Her smile widened when she heard the nickname. "Do you miss the old Ava? You know... the Ava in love with you, that you died of love."

"But you are the Ava that I always died of love for."

"No, no." Suddenly Ava felt shy, afraid. Fear of not being enough for Sara, just making up for the lack she should be feeling from the Ava that she used to be. "I mean... your _wife_ Ava."

Sara finally seemed to understand what Ava was trying to say, she uttered an _oh_ softly and tilted her head back. 

Ava felt an insecurity previously unknown to her. Despite having Sara at her side helping her, Ava didn't know if she had hope that Ava would be as she was before. Because even Ava didn't know if she could ever be the same again.

"Aves, I'll be very honest with you." Ava's hands started to sweat and she wiped them on the couch cover to dry them. "At first, after you lost your memory and turned into that rude Ava, I really missed my Ava. Do you understand? It was horrible to see you, not to be able to touch you, and worse, not to hear the things you used to say to me. I was scared and you wouldn’t be there to hold me. I missed my Ava because she would hold me."

"I'm sorry... for everything."

"It's alright." Sara took a deep breath. "We are beginning to understand each other now, I can even touch you again." She looked at Ava and smiled. "At the moment I don't miss the old Ava, babe. I'm enjoying meeting this new Ava."

Hearing that was like lifting a three-ton weight off Ava's shoulders. Her fear was that Sara would miss the old Ava and hope to have her back. She didn't want to disappoint Sara in any way, mainly because she knew that probably the old Ava would never come back.

And just as Sara was meeting a new Ava, Ava was meeting a completely new Sara too. And Ava needed to confess, she was enjoying getting to know her better.

It was funny that even without knowing it, and in such a short time, Ava already knew that they would be important to each other, something inside her always knew and would always know.

Sara was Ava's _person._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking over a month to update this story, but I wasn't in the right head space to write it, so I had to let it go for a while. I'm really sorry fot that but I'm back now, and I'll try my best to not leave you guys for so long again okay? Thank you for still reading this story and being so loving about it. You guys are amazing.  
> I'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, I'm always there for anything y'all might need.  
> See you soon!


	22. It all comes back (to haunt you)

Ava made a mental note to leave a bottle of water near the bed when she goes to sleep. Just by having to go down those stairs at that time of the morning, she already wanted to slap herself because she forgot to get a bottle of water earlier. As soon as she arrived in the living room, she saw that the kitchen light was on.

"Sara?" Ava called as soon as she reached the kitchen, making Sara jump on the chair and drop the bowl in her hand on the table. "What are you doing?"

"You need to stop scaring me like that."

Sara wiped the corners of her mouth with the back of her hands, smiled awkwardly, and picked up the bowl again, which seemed to contain some kind of candy. Ava pulled up a chair and sat across from her.

"What are you doing up at this hour?"

"This." She pointed to the bowl with the spoon in her hand. "I love strawberries with Nutella and marshmallow." She filled the spoon with some of the mixture and put it in her mouth. "Would you like some?"

Ava scolded her for speaking with her mouth full, then shook her head and propped her elbows on the table. Sara looked quite amused with the food. A small smile appeared on Ava's lips when she saw Sara smear a little on her chin as she devoured the strawberries with Nutella. Looking at her like that, it was impossible to believe that she was thirty years old.

"Will you be able to take me to work tomorrow?"

"How about..." Sara swallowed what was in her mouth. "If you go driving and I just guide you?"

"No!"

Ava's eyes widened, still traumatized from nearly crashing her car into Sara's and getting too nervous and letting the car die at least three times.

"But, babe... You know you need to learn to drive." Sara got up from the table and took the dirty bowl and the spoon with her. "Besides, you loved driving your car, and you also need to get to know the city. After all, you live here. I can't be your guide forever."

Looking that way Sara was right. But Ava didn't know what to do with all the insecurity she was feeling. It was impossible not to be afraid. That car seemed to be too powerful. If she crashed cars playing video games, imagine in real life.

"I don't feel safe to get behind the wheel... Maybe I should go to driving school."

Sara finished washing the dishes and turned toward Ava. Her expression was incredulous.

"Are you saying that I'm a bad driving instructor?"

"Oh no! No, not at all." Ava was desperate to try to redeem herself, she was almost believing that Sara was really hurt by what she said, when suddenly, Sara started laughing. "You got to be kidding me."

She threw her head back and laughed heartily, not even bothering to be making too much noise. Ava clenched her jaw and shook her head.

"I wish I had recorded your face." Sara waved her hand, then leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees. "This is still the best joke ever."

"I didn't find it funny." Ava mumbled, crossing her arms under her breasts. "In fact, it’s a good thing that you know how to take photos, because if you tried to be a comedian, you would starve to death."

Ava practically spat out the words, making Sara stop laughing immediately and looking up in disbelief. The older one smiled cynically and got up from the table, ready to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sara asked in Ava's ear after grabbing her hips and pulling her back, sticking Ava's body to hers. "Don't think you can use that sarcasm with me and go out without an answer."

"Don't you remember the old days?" Ava closed her eyes when she felt Sara brush her lips against the back of her neck. "I always win these battles."

In a quick movement, Sara turned Ava to face her. Sara had a malicious smile on her lips, almost diabolical. The older one kept her gaze, but she was startled when Sara pulled her by the back of the neck and kissed her heartily. 

Ava propped herself up in Sara's arms, almost falling to the floor. Sara pressed Ava against her as she moved her lips over Ava's with extreme agility, the usual lightness with the right pressure. She knew how to give a soft, bold kiss without needing too much effort. Ava got lost in the kiss, she surrendered.

"Times have changed, baby." Sara whispered under Ava's lips after breaking the kiss. "I win the battles and the war now."

And with a last peck, she released Ava. She winked at the older one and then just left. Leaving Ava determined to show who would actually win the war.

//

The next day in the morning, Ava woke up with Sara calling her, saying she was going to be late. She jumped up, looking forward to the class of the day. The room that was being renovated had been finished, and Sara said that Ava could teach in it. But not today, because today was Bachata day and Pole Dance day was on Saturdays. Yes, _Pole Dance._

Suddenly, Ava knew why Sara said she loved her flexibility.

"Can we go?"

"Yes, I'm going." Ava finished fixing her scarf and went towards Sara, who stopped her before leaving the room and gave her a quick kiss. Ava smiled shyly under her intense gaze. "Who- who's going to take care of Leo?"

Sara smiled as she caught the nervousness in Ava's voice.

"The nanny, she's arriving at any minute now and he is still sleeping."

"Do we trust this nanny?"

"Very much." Sara smiled and gave Ava room to pass. "She took care of me and Laurel when we were little."

Ava was relieved to know that, all she wanted less was to leave her son in the hands of someone she didn't trust.

"Okay then."

Ava finally agreed, because she was sure Sara would never let her son be cared for by someone she didn't trust either.

"She's a loving person, you like her." They left the house and Sara locked the front door. "So, do you want to drive or..."

"You drive."

Sara chuckled and raised her arms in surrender. Ava hugged her waist sideways as they headed towards her car. Sara's car was very different from Ava's, it wasn't a convertible, and it resembled a Jeep.

//

Ava was sweaty and exhausted. The students seemed more committed than ever, and now that Diego had returned and she was more familiar with their steps, she was more tired than last week. His pace was more hectic than Sara's, although Ava was pretty sure Sara was just a little afraid the time they danced.

"Ave, your wife called for you."

One of the students said. Ava thanked him and got up from the floor, taking the small bottle of water with her. Sara really didn't like watching Ava dance with Diego, she didn't even enter the room, she just said she would stay with the kids downstairs. Ava opened the door and soon saw Sara in the hall, she was with someone on her phone, but as soon as she saw Ava, she said goodbye to the person and went towards her.

"You called me?"

"Yes." Sara put her hands on Ava's waist. "I have to leave, there was a problem with the plumbing in the studio and I'll have to solve it." She rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration. "Is it okay for you if Dinah comes to pick you up? I tried to talk to Kara but she didn't answer, she must be sleeping."

"Uh, no problem, I think." Sara smiled and stroked the other woman's hips. "But what time will she pick me up?"

"In a little while, when your class is over." The nostalgia of that sentence hit Ava hard, it was impossible not to feel like a teenager again. "I'm going, okay? See you later."

Sara lifted her feet a little and kissed Ava's forehead, trying to move away, but Ava grabbed her by the scruff of the neck, pulled her and kissed her. 

It only took Sara a few seconds to respond, and when Ava felt that she was cheering up, she cut the kiss off.

"See you later."

Ava wiped the corners of Sara's lips that were smeared with lipstick. The younger one smiled and did the same with Ava. They said goodbye and the older one stood there watching her go. She made a small mental observation that Sara looked wonderful in white pants.

//

Ava was on her way to a mall with Dinah, she insisted that they had to go shopping, because according to her, she missed doing it with her best friend. Luckily at the cultural center they had changing rooms, so Ava was able to take a shower before she was almost dragged by Dinah.

"You look younger." Ava heard her comment and turned her face to look at her. Dinah looked at her for a few seconds and then looked back at the street. "Your eyes are shining again and you look happy.... You and Lance are having sex, aren't you?"

Ava choked on her own saliva when she heard that, Dinah laughed at her reaction as Ava tried in vain to control the red color on her face.

"Dinah!"

"What? I'm being realistic, please. You two are married. Your mind may be a little fucked up, but I know the desire is still there inside you." She said casually, making Ava roll her eyes. "Besides, have you never stopped to notice your wife? She is really hot."

"I obviously have." Ava responded without realizing it and Dinah looked at her, smiling mischievously. "You're a pain in the ass, did you know that? And you can stop looking at my wife like that?"

"Wow! It seems that our dear Josslyn is showing her claws again." They entered the mall's parking lot and Dinah started looking for a spot. "That's right. Don't let anyone check your wife, but there's no denying that she is hot and has those wonderful thighs, that-"

"Shut your mouth before I shut it for you."

Instead of shutting up, Dinah started laughing as if she had just heard the best joke in the world, and then went back to commenting on how hot Ava's wife was.

//

After Dinah finally stopped talking about Ava's wife's attributes, they got out of the car and went into the mall. Dinah kept talking about her week, and Ava just listened and agreed with a few things she said. They hadn't bought anything yet, they were just looking.

"You still haven't told me how things are going with my sister-in-law. I was serious, you look happy, your skin is beautiful and your eyes keep shining." Dinah took her shoulders and looked Ava in the eyes. "All it took was me mentioning Sara that they shone even more."

It was impossible to stop the smile that appeared on Ava's lips, the images of the good times she had so far with Sara invading her mind. Dinah noticed the smile and smiled too, she seemed pleased to see Ava that way.

"We're getting along better."

"Yeah, that smile of yours tells me that and more, I want to know everything. Let's have some juice, I wanted to drink some champagne to celebrate, but I can't." She smoothed her belly, already a little visible. Ava stroked the area, while Dinah seemed to be looking for something. "Come, let's sit over there, eat something while you tell me more about your relationship."

She started dragging Ava towards the food court, stopping in front of a juice and healthy sandwiches shop. After placing their orders, Dinah practically forced Ava to tell everything about her and Sara. Ava started over the weekend in Washington, and Dinah was excited to hear that Sara had taken Ava to their place.

"And then she asked me to dance with her." Ava's gaze was fixed somewhere on the table, she felt nostalgic. "It was so... magical."

"I can see that, AJ." She smiled and sipped some more of her orange juice. "Was that it?"

"No, we... We kissed." Dinah released the straw and gaped at Ava. "It was the best kiss of my life."

"Wait, you kissed?" The youngest nodded. "Oh my god! Sara must be overjoyed."

"There's more. She asked me for a chance to win me back." Ava looked at her right hand where the pearl ring was, she didn't put it on the left because the wedding ring was already there. "She gave me this back."

"Oh my God!" Dinah exclaimed and took the other woman's hand, studying the ring with a huge smile on her lips. "She fell in love with you again."

The smile disappeared from Ava's face, she immediately frowned. Dinah released her hand gently and looked at her, studying Ava's facial expression without understanding.

"What do you mean she fell in love with me _again_? She always have been. Right?"

Dinah finally seemed to understand what Ava was saying, sighed and pulled the sleeves of her coat up a little.

"Let's say you two were not in a very nice phase. I thought she had already told you."

"She stop being in love with me?"

"A little. I mean... The love she feels for you is immense. I swear to God, I've never seen anyone love another person the same way Sara loves you. She never stopped loving you, and I don't know if it's possible that she ever will." Ava listened carefully, not sure if she was curious, confused, or happy to know the extent of Sara's love for her. But Sara seemed in love with her even after Ava lost her memory. Or was she just too dependent of Ava? "You two started having problems in your relationship, a few months ago, she told me. And one day I heard her tell Laurel that she didn't know if she was still in love with you."

Ava swallowed hard when she heard all that, her shoulders fell and luckily she was sitting or she probably would have fallen to the floor. She had already realized that Sara was acting a little odd, but she didn't know that things were at that point.

"Oh my god..."

"It doesn't have to be like this, Ave. Think on the bright side, things are working out now."

"Except they were shit before." Ava closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Does she hold any grudge from me?"

"No." Ava opened her eyes and looked at Dinah, she answered with such conviction that Ava got surprised. "She doesn't, believe me. You would know if she did."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

They fell silent. Dinah looking at Ava and Ava distractedly looking at the menu in the center of the table. Her mind was a mess, even worse than before.

"What was happening to us? Why didn't she know if she was still in love with me?"

Ava asked almost in despair, she needed to know what was going on to not do the same. She didn't want to lose Sara, not now that she was finally starting to win her.

"I'm not that one who have to tell you that and you know it. Besides, now you two are getting along, go talk to her."

"But Dinah..."

"Look, AJ, the only thing I can tell you is that you were not in a good place." Dinah propped her elbows on the table and looked sadly at Ava. "The week you lost your memory, things seemed to be going well, Sara said you had changed. But then there was that mess at the nightclub and I don't know what you two decided or what happened that night."

"And then I woke up with no memory."

"Exactly." Dinah reached out and took Ava's hands, squeezing the younger girl's fingers in hers. "Talk to her. If your mistake was in the past, you're getting a chance to make it right this time, don't waste it."

"I won't." Ava took a quick sniff. "I'm going to find out what I was doing wrong. Now we are finally getting along... And I like her company. Sara makes me feel safe."

"You... oh my god, you like her." The youngest smiled awkwardly, looking away and hearing Dinah laugh. "We have made a huge progress here."

"She’s special."

"You can't imagine how much, but I know you'll find that out." Dinah took a hundred dollar bill out of her wallet and left it on the table. "Now let's go shopping because you already received too much information."

"Too much indeed."

Dinah stopped beside Ava and put an arm around her shoulders, Ava immediately laying her head on her shoulder and feeling her kiss the top of her head.

"And AJ... I support you both a lot, you are better people when you are together. There's no better match than Sara and you. I'm happy that things are working out."

Ava felt determined not only to make it all work but also to make up for the lost time spent during the bad times they went through.

There was something that pulled Ava towards Sara, and she wasn't going to run from it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... next chapter is THE chapter, and the ones after it are going to be hard too, so you guys better get emotionally ready for it.  
> I'll be back tomorrow, you don't have to wait long this time :)  
> Catch me on twitter @dirextorsharpe.  
> Be safe.


	23. I'm losing you (I can feel it in the air)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's happening. I'm sorry in advance, but please keep in mind that if any of you kills me, I can't keep writing.  
> This chapter and the next one can be very sad so please be careful. 
> 
> Also.. tw for blood. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Dinah made it a point to leave Ava at home after they practically ran the entire mall. If there was one thing that Dinah hadn't changed at all, was spending money. Dinah always squandered money out there, she didn't care about the bills on her credit card. While Ava was the other way around, she didn't like to spend a lot. She saw no need, but each with their own customs.

In the past twenty-eight days, Ava had never been happier to get home as she was in that moment. Her feet were throbbing, and she couldn't handle the huge coat she was wearing anymore. It was night, the lights in the house were on. She had no idea if Sara was already at home or was still in the studio. Ava entered the house and soon smelled banana biscuits with chocolate, they are unmistakable.

"Mommy is here!"

Leonard shouted from the couch as soon as he saw Ava at the door. The woman smiled, letting the bags fall to her feet and bending down to hug him. Leonard grabbed her neck and she inhaled his perfume, a perfume that resembled Sara's. Ava got up off the floor with the little one, giving kisses on his cheek, making him laugh with his eyes closed.

"I missed you, my love." She hugged him tighter, feeling the warmth of his little body. "Is your mom home?"

"She's making hot chocolate." He replied when Ava put him down. Ava didn't even have time to finish removing her heels when she felt the pair of little hands pulling her toward the living room. "We are going to watch a movie, come watch with us."

On the coffee table she saw a large tray full of chocolate cookies. One of her favorites, impossible not to recognize the smell from afar. Ava sat on the couch, Leonard sitting on her lap, on his side with his head lying on her chest.

"And it's ready." Sara appeared in the room and was surprised to see Ava there. "When did you get here? I didn't even hear a car noise outside."

"Just arrived." Leonard got off Ava's lap and went to the coffee table to get one of the mugs Sara had taken. "Be careful to not burn your tongue."

"Okay mommy."

He said and sat on the floor beside the coffee table. Ava looked back at Sara who was still standing, looking at her.

"What?"

'Should it be so damn sexy you being all bossy?"

Ava's eyes widened when she heard her. Sara turned her head slightly and looked better at the older woman. Ava's face started to heat up, her cheeks turning a new shade of red.  
Sara smiled and Ava understood. That was her game.

"Mama." Ava looked away from Sara and looked at Leonard, who was on her side blowing the hot air coming from the chocolate in the mug. "What is se... sec... That thing you said. What is that?"

Ava's jaw dropped slightly and she looked at Sara, who was gaping just as, or even more than the older one. But then Ava smiled. No one told her to say that kind of thing, especially around the little one.

"Yes, Mama. What is sexy?"

Ava smiled cynically at Sara, who frowned and shot her a look. She took a deep breath and looked at Leonard, the little one was looking at her waiting for an explanation.

"Sexy is... Hm, is... This thing... How can I explain." Sara started to gesture and fumble with the words, causing Ava to let out a little laugh. "When you get older I'll explain it to you."

"But Mama, but I want to know it now."

"I want to know it too, Sar."

Sara's nostrils flared, her face started to turn a little red and Ava ended up laughing at her angry and embarrassed expression. That should teach her to not do that kind of thing.

"I'll tell you another day, son. I forgot what it means."

"Okay, but don't forget."

He asked in an innocent way.

"Of course she won't forget, Leo. I'll make sure to remind her."

Ava felt Sara grab the collar of her coat and looked at her. Her pupils were dilated, her cheeks flushed and her jaw clenched. Ava pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.

"Don't tease me."

"We're even, Captain."

Sara rolled her eyes and loosened the collar of Ava’s coat.

Ava sent her a kiss in the air and in seconds Sara pasted their mouths, giving a long peck and then walking away, smiling.

"Now we're even."

Ava was screwed.

//

Leonard asked Ava to put him to sleep. He wanted to hear Jack and The Beanstalk's story and according to him Ava's version was better than the original. Luckily she always told that story to Mia when she was younger. She had learned it from Kara, who told Ava the story every day before they went to bed.

"Good night, mommy."

He said through a yawn. Ava smiled and leaned over to kiss his forehead. She took the stuffed tiger he always sleeps with, and put it under his arm. She smiled at the sleepy image of her little one, kissing his forehead one last time and turning off the lamp before standing up and leaving the bedroom.

"Christ!"

"Shhh." Ava's heart accelerated in her chest due to the scare, Sara's perfume only confirming that it was her. "You are always paranoid."

Sara whispered in Ava's ear, the air that came out of her mouth hitting her earlobe. The taller one closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her heart movements gradually returning to normal. Sara held on to her waist, Ava resting her chin on Sara’s shoulder and kissing her cheek.

"I swear that one day I will punch you in the face when you scare me like that."

"You’re not going to punch me."

"Wanna bet?' Ava tried to free herself, but Sara held her tighter. She was really strong. "Sara Marie."

"Wow, you spoke just like my mother now." Sara loosened her grip on her waist, allowing Ava to turn to face her and hug her neck. "Ava Josslyn Sharpe."

"Sharpe-Lance."

A huge smile appeared on Sara's lips, her eyes sparkling as she heard the words leave Ava's mouth. With the tips of her fingers, Ava stroked the back of Sara's neck, then stroked her hair.

"I like that... Sharpe-Lance."

Sara lifted her torso a little to kiss Ava. Her arms went around Ava's waist again and she pulled her against her. Ava sighed and Sara took the opportunity to stick her tongue in the other woman's mouth.

Ava lost track of time as their lips moved together, in perfect sync. Sara's tongue was skilled. Ava gasped in her mouth, her fingers tightening on Sara's hair more tightly. Then Ava started to remember Dinah's words and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep without talking to Sara.

"Sara..." The youngest made a sound in her throat, giving Ava permission to continue. The taller one almost forgot what she was going to say when she sucked on her bottom lip.

"Wait, don't do that..."

Ava whispered softly, Sara smiled and stopped biting her lip. She pushed her head away, smiling looking at Ava and sighed.

"What is it? Are you sleepy?"

"No, actually I think it will take me a long time to sleep."

"Then we can kiss more." Sara tried to kiss Ava again, but she dodged and turned her head to the side. "What is it babe?"

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

Ava looked at Sara's arms still around her in an attempt to avoid the blue eyes she could feel burning on her face.

"Dinah told me something that made me very curious."

"Okay. What did she tell you?"

Ava sighed and moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, Sara's eyes following the movement. 

"Can you let me go? I can't talk with you like this."

"Of course you can, babe." Her lips went to Ava's neck. The older one closed her eyes and took a deep breath, seeking control. "It's more pleasant to talk like this, we can talk in each other's ear."

"Jesus, woman. Stop this." Ava demanded and managed to free herself from her arms, her back collided with the door behind her and Sara took a step towards Ava, who put both hands on her shoulders, stopping her. "No, I'm serious."

"Okay..." Sara gave a sign of surrender and smiled. "I already said you look sexy all bossy like this, didn't I?"

"You never stop, do you?" Sara shook her head and smiled mischievously, making Ava click her tongue. "You're not going to seduce me."

Sara pressed her lips together and stared at Ava in a funny way, and after a few seconds she started laughing. Ava raised her eyebrows without understanding, continuing to watch as she laughed, low enough not to wake Leonard.

Sara stopped laughing and put both hands beside Ava's head, bringing their faces dangerously close. Sara broke into a smile before whispering in that tone that made anyone shudder.

"I already seduced you, love. Haven't you noticed yet?"

Stole a quick kiss, winked at Ava and turned away, heading toward the stairs. Ava stood there watching her as she disappeared from view.

//

Ava sat next to Sara on the couch. She dropped her cell phone as soon as she noticed the older woman.

"You wanted to talk to-"

"What was happening in our marriage?" Ava said directly. Sara stayed paralyzed with her mouth open for a few seconds, until she closed it and slowly lowered her head. "Why weren't we okay?"

Sara sighed, running her hands over her face and then placing them on her lap. Ava watched her, waiting for her to start talking. Although on the outside she appeared to be calm and just curious, on the inside she was nervous and afraid to know what happened.

"Aves, we... It's..."

"No stalling, Sara. We were in a terrible place, I already know that. I want to know why."

"Okay, alright." She finally raised her head and looked into Ava's eyes. "Our relationship hadn't been in its best phase for a while... Eight months to be exact."

"Why?"

"At first it was out of suspicion. Kara was suspecting that Lena was cheating on her because she was always coming home late, and very tired. She told you that, and at that time I was very busy with my studio, they were renovating everything there, expanding the space. I had to stay there to make sure that none of my photos were damaged." Sara paused to breathe. "After Kara told of her distrust of Lena, you started to think I was doing the same."

"Did we ever fight over that?"

"Several times." She smoothed the back of her neck and bit her lip, her eyes got a sad glow, she seemed to remember those times. "At the beginning it was just questions, like _Where were you until this late?_ , _Why does it take you so long to answer the fucking phone_ , _What do you do so much to get so tired?_. Things like that."

"And after the questions?"

"Oh... Then you started going through my stuff, scouring my phone, laptop, Ipad, anything I could exchange messages with ' _someone suspicious_ '." She made quotes with her fingers. "Whenever I got home you made sure to looking at my car, looking for something that would expose my supposed adventures outside our marriage."

Ava was silent just listening to her, wondering how she had become so controlling that way.

"So we started fighting every night when I got home after hours, you would throw in my face that I was up to something and I defended myself saying that you were seeing something where there wasn't anything."

"What came after that?"

"The worst thing you had ever done... The stalking started." Sara sighed, running her hands through her hair. "This one time we had a really bad fight over it. You left our son alone at home to go after me on the street. Luckily I arrived a few minutes after you left, Leonard was still sleeping and when I didn't find you, I got desperate." She looked to the side, towards the TV. "When you came back you were full of certainty, accusing me of several things, I couldn't stand it anymore and exploded with you. It was the first time that I yelled at you in all these years together."

"You must had been at your limit..."

Sara didn't seem to be the type to yell at people in the middle of a fight, she seemed to be one who just listened to the other person and then apologized if she was wrong.

"I was." She looked at Ava again. "We spent four months on that, then our relationship started to cool down. We barely exchanged a kiss or two. When we weren't fighting, we weren’t speaking properly. I could barely touch you, we barely had sex four times in those four months. But even the sex has lost its magic."

"Sara..." Ava was afraid to ask, but she needed to know. "Have you ever went out looking for another woman? After all that was going on between us, married people often miss sex more than sing-"

"Never!" Sara interrupted, her expression was serious, showing her sincerity. "By God, I never even considered the possibility of committing this stupidity."

"Have I ever cheated on you?"

"No. I can guarantee you with one hundred percent certainty." She sounded very confident and Ava felt more relaxed about it. "But you had serious problems with your words during our fights."

"What do you mean?"

"You couldn't control yourself, and you talked a lot of terrible things..."

"Did I offend you?"

"Several times." Ava felt bad about hearing that. She had become a terrible person. "But I think our worst fight was a month ago, when I... When I asked for the divorce."

When Ava heard that she felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.

Sara didn't even look at Ava, apparently talking about that didn't just affect Ava, but Sara too.

"Why?"

Ava's voice barely came out, she felt suffocated by so many stuck words in her throat. Sara sighed and cracked her fingers, leaning back against the couch.

The older one barely breathed as she looked at her, waiting for an answer.

"I saw no salvation for our marriage... We were just so unhappy, and hurting each other." Sara looked at the ceiling and fell silent for a while. "I gave up on you, Ava. I gave up on _us_. I decided to break the promise to always be by your side because... I couldn't bear to see you being unhappy with me, I couldn't bear to see our marriage end that way."

"You asked for divorce." Ava whispered more to herself. "Why?"

"As I said before, we were not okay and you didn't know how to control the things you said."

So it was something Ava said that hurt her to the point of getting her to ask for the divorce.

"What did I say to you that night?"

Sara looked at her, her eyes reflecting the sadness of her heart. Talking about it seemed to be hurting her a lot, but Ava needed to know what she had done wrong so she would never make the same mistake again.

"I got home later than usual, because I went out with Laurel and Zari, we went to a bar downtown. They wanted to distract me a little, since they knew how things between us were. I tried to let you know on my phone where I was, but it died. I took Laurel's phone and texted you to let you know." Sara paused to take breath. "Little did I knew that that was my biggest mistake. I should have called you instead of just texting. We lost track of time, it was karaoke night and Zari insisted that we got up on stage. I was having fun so I didn't even care about the time, and I had warned you anyway."

Sara pushed herself off the couch and propped her elbows on her thighs, leaning forward.

"When I got home, you were already screaming. I had never seen you so possessed in my life, I tried to say something to defend myself, but you wouldn't listen." She shook her head. "You accused me of using Laurel to cover for me while I was fucking some slut on the street. I showed you that my cell phone was discharged, you didn't even listen, you took it from my hand and threw it in the wall. And then you started saying things to me."

"What things?"

Ava was surprised to hear all that. That Ava was a complete stranger to her, she had never been out of patience like that, she wasn't controlling and much less jealous at that level. She always thought it was best to resolve everything with a conversation and not shouting.

"Hearing you call me names no longer affected me, but it was when you started saying that I had ruined your life that everything started to really hurt."

"What? You ruined my life?"

"That's what you said." Sara smiled without any hint of humor. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to hear that from the person I loved most in life?"

"Why did I say that?"

"Have you never asked yourself why you teach dance classes instead of travelling around the world being a famous dancer like you always wanted?" Ava had asked herself that question once. But she never thought it was a big deal. "It's because of me."

"Why? I didn't want to leave you?"

Sara let out a laugh, a dark laugh that sent shivers down Ava's spine, in a bad way. She looked at Ava out of the corner of her eye, causing the older one to curl up on the couch. Her look was not at all friendly, it looked bitter. Cold.

"Leave me? You were prevented from being what you wanted because this useless here couldn't give you a child. Because of me you chose to abandon your career to give me a baby, since I couldn't."

The revelation hit Ava again, harder than before.

Sara looked ahead again. Ava could see something sparkle on her cheek, and she knew that Sara was controlling herself not to burst into tears.

"You threw it in my face, said that I was useless and couldn't even give you a child." She shook her head, bringing her hands to the nape of the neck and intertwining her fingers there. "As if all that wasn't enough, you said you were miserable. Because of me."

Sara took a deep breath, looking up in an attempt to control her tears. Ava remained there, not moving, breathing slowly.

"So I left, went to sleep at Dinah and Laurel's." She ran her hands over her face, wiping the traces of tears from her cheeks. "The next day I came home early, and when I found you in the hall, I immediately said I wanted the divorce. First you screamed at me, you called me a coward and an idiot... Then you started to cry, you pulled me by my jacket and begged me not to leave you."

Then the memories of those nightmares came back to Ava, and she knew they were not nightmares but memories. Memories of that horrible day that Ava, for the first time, thanked for having no memory of it.

"When I asked you a reason for me to stay, you told me to stay for you. And God, that was all I needed to hear a few days before, but not at that moment." Sara sniffed a few times, wiping her eyes with her hands again. "I needed more, much more than mere words."

"So I went back to how I was before."

Ava thought aloud and Sara looked at her in surprise.

"You remember? Do you remember that day?"

"No." Sara's shoulders dropped when she heard Ava say that. "I just figured it out, and Dinah had told me that things were getting back to normal the week I lost my memory."

"And they were... Until you had that outbreak of jealousy in the middle of Verdant."

"And the next morning I woke up with no memory."

"Exactly. And now we're here."

They fell silent again, Sara still seemed a little stunned by the memories of those horrible months that rocked their marriage. Timidly Ava crawled over to her, calmly putting Sara's legs over hers and pulled her close. Sara grabbed Ava's waist and laid her head on her lap. Ava heard her sobbing softly and stroked her hair.

"I'm here, Sara. I'm here."

She whispered in Sara's ear, lulling her like a baby.

Ava was there now and she would never leave Sara's side.

//

**Thursday, December 5, 2016**

It never feels good when you wake up with a heavy body, as if a 10-ton truck had been put on you. And worse, when you seem to hear a voice deep in the background that something is wrong, or something is about to happen. You never know what's going to actually happen, or has already happened, or who it was or who it will be with. The feeling of helplessness is terrible, and causes paranoia.

The night before, after hearing everything Sara said to Ava, the older woman felt a heavy load of feelings. Guilt, especially, even though she didn't remember doing those things. She had become a horrible person. 

Maybe more things had happened than Sara spared her from knowing. And to tell the truth, Ava preferred not to know anything else, the previous day had already been terrible enough and seeing Sara cry after telling everything, managed to be even worse. She was fragile because of Ava. 

She needed to be better and somehow rebuild their marriage in the right way, she needed to regain Sara's trust.

The whole day went by quickly, Sara hadn't gone to the studio, she was just giving some orders through her phone. She said she would rather spend the day with her family, and Ava loved that.

She enjoyed her company, and Leonard was the happiest with the news. They spent the morning and part of the afternoon playing several types of games, and in the late afternoon Sara decided to throw them in the pool.

"Sara, no. No!"

Ava begged when Sara threw her on her shoulder and ran with her to the edge of the pool, but she didn't hear, and seconds later Ava was in the water with clothes and everything, and completely wet.

Leonard didn't even need Sara's little help, he took off his shirt and shorts and jumped into the water with them. The weather was not entirely hot, but it was stable, so there would be no problem for them to swim a little.

It was nine o'clock at night, and the two artisans in the house were asleep. After playing in the pool, Sara started to complain about some pain in her belly and a headache.  
Ava felt terrible for allowing them to get in the water, she was probably getting sick. Or maybe it was the fact that she didn't rest when they ate snacks and pizza in the afternoon, she ran and got into the water without waiting that mandatory time before heading back to the pool.

Luckily Leonard was obedient, and Ava could command him.

He was sleeping because he was exhausted, since even in pain, Sara decided to play hide and seek with the little one.

They were both asleep while Ava was watching, or trying to watch a movie on her bedroom TV.

Ava made a mental note to ask Sara to teach her how to play video games so she would have something to do when she lost sleep.

She covered herself better, the lights were all off, and only the low sound of the TV echoed through the room. After a while, Ava felt her eyes start to weigh.

" _Wake up!_ "

That voice resonated far in the distance, making Ava come back to reality little by little. With a little bounce on the bed, she woke up, feeling her breath hitched and a little sweat running down the valley between her breasts.

She sat on the mattress quickly, her shoulders felt even heavier than earlier.

Something was tormenting her and she couldn't say what it was. The sound of the television made her jump a little scared, she hadn't even noticed that she is still on. She took the remote and turned it off, pulling the covers off her.

She felt hot... Something in her chest seemed to tighten it to the point of suffocation.

Something was wrong.

She got up from the bed, feeling a little dizzy.

She put her hand on the wall for support, still hearing that voice deep in the back of her mind warning her that something was wrong.

Then she thought of Leonard and her senses went on alert.

She ran towards the bedroom door, opened it and went towards the little boy's room. Her heart was racing. When she finally entered his bedroom, she felt her body lighter when she saw him there, lying and snoring quietly. She went to her bed and knelt beside him, leaning forward and kissing his forehead.

Ava left room and leaned against the door, letting out the air trapped in her lungs. But she still felt something wrong, her body was heavy and it was as if deep down she knew something was really, really wrong.

She opened her eyes and looked ahead, facing a picture on the wall. She had seen that photo before. Leonard was on her back and Sara beside them was throwing water at them with a water gun.

_Sara..._

_Sara!_

Ava strode to the end of the hall, in the room where Sara was sleeping. She turned the doorknob and entered the room, walking over to her bed and sighing with relief when she saw her sleeping.

Ava sighed and climbed on the bed, on the edge. She turned on the lamp and leaned over to look at Sara's face. She leaned her hand on the mattress and felt the sheet wet. 

"What the fuck-" She pulled her hand back and when she looked at the palm, her eyes widened. "Holy shit!"

Ava exclaimed feeling her heart race in her chest.

She ran to turn on the bedroom lights, going back to the bed and turning Sara a little to the side to get a better look and almost fell on the floor when she saw that the sheets that used to be light blue, were completely red.

She felt despair start to rise, Sara's face was a little contorted, but she seemed to be sleeping. Or passed out.

"Sara! Sara!" Ava called as she pulled the sheets off her, they were soaked with blood. She acted like she was on autopilot, her hands were shaking. "Sara? Please answer me, please."

Ava felt like crying, but she was trying to be strong. She looked around, looking for something that might help her. She didn't know what to do.

Then she thought of Dinah. Of course.

She left Sara there and ran to her room, almost dropping her phone on the floor when she picked it up. She unlocked the screen quickly and searched for Dinah's number in the contact list. It rang once, twice, three... five times, until the call ended. Ava huffled irritably, trying again. On the third try, she was almost giving up and going to call Kara, but she finally answered.

" _What the fuck do you want?_ "

"Dinah! Dinah please, I need help."

Ava heard noises on the other end of the line and the sound of something falling and breaking.

" _Ava? What happened? Why do you sound so desperate?_ "

"Dinah I- I... Is Sara. She.. Blood, a lot of blood."

" _I didn't understand anything, Ava, slow down, you're scaring me._ "

"Sara has a cut or hemorrhage or something, Dinah. There's a lot of blood on the bed. Help me."

" _What?!_ " She screamed on the other end of the line and Ava heard more noises and sounds of doors being opened. " _You need to take her to the hospital now, Ava!_ "

"Ho-how? Please come here, I need help."

" _Ava, listen to me, I'm going over there now. I'm going to get Leonard because there won't be time for you to wake him up. Go back to the room and pick up Sara._ "

"How am I going to do that?"

She ran back to where Sara was, watching her squirm a little and moan in pain. She ran to her side, she still seemed to be sleeping.

Ava never believed in God, but in that moment, she asked him for help.

" _Come on, Ava, damn it. I'm leaving the house now, for fuck’s sake, it's your wife, save her. Now!_ "

And she simply ended the call. Ava's hands were still shaking. She put her phone in her pocket and looked at Sara curled up on the bed.

"Sara? Can you hear me?" She mumbled something that Ava couldn't understand but at least she was still conscious. Ava took a deep breath, pulling strength from somewhere to turn her over on the bed. "I can do this."

She spoke to herself and sat Sara on the bed, ignoring the fact that she was beginning to get soaked with blood. _Sara's blood_.

Sara had a limp body, she couldn't even support her head on her own. Ava put an arm under her arms, with the other hand she strained Sara and pulled her up.

Ava thought terrified about the stairs as she left the room dragging Sara with her. She looked at Sara and saw her with her eyes half open, she looked confused. The older woman arrived at the top of the stairs and thought of some way to get down without hurting Sara, choosing to go down step by step and lean against the wall. And it worked, when she reached the bottom step, she sat Sara there, getting up and going to get the key to her house and her car.

"Found it!" She returned to where Sara remained in the same position where Ava left her. "Sara? Can you hear me? If so, open an eye." Sara opened both slowly, but then closed them again. Ava needed to keep her conscious. "Hold me with as much strength as you can."

She asked when she tried to pull her up again and Sara held her neck a little harder. Ava walked with her beside her, with some effort she managed to unlock the door and get out.

She pressed the alarm button, only then she realized that the keys were actually to Sara's car. Luckily, because her car was easier to get out of the garage.

Ava pulled the back door and with all her strength, lifted Sara off the floor and placed her on the seat, as carefully as possible. She closed the door and ran to the front of the house to close the door. Dinah should be getting there at any moment, so she didn't have to lock it up.

She ran back to the car and opened the driver's door, putting the key in the ignition and starting the car. She closed the door and put it in reverse, remembering what Sara had said, to calmly step on the gas. She took a deep breath, but when she heard Sara grunt in pain, Ava felt her body go on alert. The urge to cry came back with everything, and she felt tears start to appear in her eyes.

Ava realized she had no idea where the hospital was, and felt a new wave of despair hit her.

She was about to call Dinah when she saw a car parking in front of the house, and sighed with relief when she saw Laurel running out of the it. Ava opened the car door and got out. Laurel, seeing Ava, went towards her.

"Where is she?"

"Inside the car, please, hurry up. She's almost passing out."

Laurel passed Ava and got in the car. The youngest ran around and got into the passenger side.

The car started to move on the small trail that led to the door of the house.

Ava saw Dinah with Jonah in her arms.

Ava and Dinah met each other's eyes and they both carried enormous anguish.

Laurel drove off when they were on the street.

Ava looked back and saw Sara a little cringed.

"What happened? Why is she bleeding?"

She asked nervously, her voice coming out a little louder than it should, but Ava knew she didn't do it on purpose. She was worried about her sister and Ava understood her.

"I don’t know. I just woke up, went to see her and when I touched the sheets..." Ava swallowed the urge to cry and sighed. "Everything was wet, I turned on the lights and saw that sea of red."

"Damn it!" Laurel said irritably and punched the steering wheel of the car. Ava had never seen her as angry as she was at that moment. "Everything will be fine, don't worry."

She said, although she seemed to be saying it to herself.

Ava could hear her voice a little shaky. Laurel was just as desperate as Ava, if not more.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Ava barely waited for Laurel to stop the car and already jumped out screaming for help.

Some paramedics heard her and came over. Ava quickly explained the situation and one of them ran to get a stretcher. She looked at the car and saw Laurel taking Sara out of the back seat, the gray sweatpants she was wearing, were now mostly red.

Laurel put her on the stretcher with the help of the paramedics. They spoke very fast, and Ava didn't even try to hear what they were saying, just ran to stand beside her. Sara's eyes were open, and when she looked at Ava. 

She looked scared, not quite sure what was going on.

"You gonna be okay. Everything will be fine."

Ava spoke to her, although she couldn't say whether Sara understood her. She looked sideways slowly and then looked back at Ava.

"Take her to the emergency!"

Someone shouted and Ava felt arms trying to pull her away from Sara. She fought and held on to the edge of the stretcher. Sara's eyes sparkled with concern, and Ava saw her try to move as she saw Ava struggling in the arms of the person who was trying to push her away.

"Don't take me away from her. I want to see her! I need to be with her. Sara! SARA!" Ava started to scream desperately, hearing a voice in her ear whisper for her to calm down, but that was impossible. She managed to escape the arms and looked at Sara one last time. "Don't leave me, please don't leave me."

She begged in the midst of her crying.

They finally managed to get Ava off the stretcher and took Sara away.

_Away from Ava._

Ava's legs gave out, and as soon as she dropped to her knees on the floor, she felt a presence behind her and warm arms pulling her into a tight hug. She buried her face in Laurel's chest, giving herself up to tears.

_Please babe, don't leave me... Not now that I have finally found my way back to you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't even know what to say after this... I guess I should start with one more "I'm sorry" huh? Things may be complicated at this moment, but life is sad and so it's this fic. But on the opposite of life, with this fic I can promise you that everything will be okay at the end.  
> Next chapter you'll know what happened, don't worry.  
> Thank you so much for reading this story and being so patient with me taking forever to update it.  
> Please leave on the comments what you're thinking about it, and what emotions you're feeling, or anything you want, I really appreciate it :)  
> See you guys on friday! Be safe.


	24. You can lay with me (so it doesn't hurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mention about depression.

It had been few minutes since they took Sara to the emergency, Ava was still scared and worried. There was a lot of blood on the bed, that image would never leave her mind.

"Ave, don't you want to eat something or go home and rest?" Laurel returned to the waiting room, where Ava was curled up on one of the sofas. She just shook her head, her gaze fixed somewhere on the floor. "Are you sure? If you need anything, just talk to me."

"I'm good." Ava lied, because she was not at all good, although Laurel probably knew that. "Why hasn't anyone come here to tell us how she is?"

"In a little while someone should be coming." Laurel said and it was noticeable in her voice how terrified she was. "Dinah is coming here with the kids. I said she didn't have to, but you know how stubborn she is."

Ava smiled without much desire. Dinah was more stubborn than Sara. Ava closed her eyes, just thinking about Sara, made Ava felt like crying, her heart tightening in her chest again, the immense fear of something happening to Sara suffocating her. Laurel seemed to notice Ava's change and pulled her into her arms, supporting her.

"Relatives of Sara Marie Sharpe-Lance?"

A thick voice echoed through the room. Ava moved away from Laurel and got up from the couch, walking towards the doctor. Her hands started to sweat.

"How is my wife?"

She asked anxiously, looking at the doctor with that huge clipboard in his hands. Laurel stopped beside her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"We are trying to control the situation, but Mrs. Sharpe lost a lot of blood, she needs an urgent transfusion. Unfortunately we don't have her blood type available at the moment, which one of you is compatible with her?"

"Shit, only my father is compatible with her."

"I- I'm A positive, does it work?"

"No." The doctor sighed and scratched his head, the calm he was exhaling seemed to gradually fade. "Where is your father? We need him here, now!"

"My father is in Washington, he lives there, he... You need to save my sister, doctor, please. I can't lose her."

"Stay calm, ma'am, we are doing our best."

"Your best? You're doing your best?!" Ava exploded, she was incredulous that while her wife was in that hospital at risk of life, that stupid doctor was just doing his _best_. "You need to do more than possible. I want her well, I need her, I... I don't want to lose her."

Her voice started to crack and Laurel pulled her into her arms again. Ava grabbed her by the waist and allowed herself to cry. She felt like a child. Frightened. Terrified.

"Laurel!" Ava heard Dinah's voice, but didn't let go of Laurel to look at her. "What happened? Have you had any news? Doctor? What happened to Sara?"

"Stay calm, love."

"How can I stay calm, Laurel?! Where is she?"

"Mrs., please stay calm, the patient is in the emergency room, we need to have a blood transfusion as soon as possible because she lost a lot of blood."

"I can donate." Ava took her face from Laurel's chest and looked around for Dinah, finding her standing with Jonah in her lap, holding Leonard's hand. They both looked confused without understanding what was going on. "We are compatible, where can I go?"

"Are you O negative?"

"I am."

A flame of hope lit in Ava's chest and a small smile was born on her lips. At the moment she was loving Dinah more than ever in her entire life. Laurel released Ava and took Jonah from Dinah's lap.

Ava felt someone grab her legs and when she looked down she saw a sleepy Leonard holding her.

"Now, everything will be fine."

Laurel said to Ava before heading over to a couch.

She bent down to pick up Leonard and the little one soon clung to her neck. She went over to where Laurel was with Jonah and sat next to them. Ava clung tightly to her son, trying to stay strong for him and Sara.

Ava needed to see Sara again. Even if was with Sara driving her out of her mind, or irritating her to the extreme, she would even accept Sara calling her _sweetheart_ as she used to do, even though Ava had always hated that name. She hated it with all her being, and she hated it every time Sara called her that way in the past. But she wouldn't mind being called that at that moment, because at least Sara would be fine and there in front of her, smiling and not hurt and almost passing out as Ava had as a last memory.

//

Ava was no longer aware of time, nor of what was happening around her. Laurel was as restless as she was, not stopping quietly on the couch, getting up all the time, going to the reception and looking for some news. But until the moment they had nothing, and Dinah hadn't even came back yet.

Ava never thought it would be so scary to go through that. The feeling of helplessness was horrible, and not knowing what was wrong with Sara was even worse.

If the Ava from the past knew that the Ava of the future would be in that desperation because of Sara Lance, she would laugh. Her hate for Sara was enormous and now, there she was, thirteen years later, completely terrified and afraid of losing her.

She just felt so stupid for taking so long to realize what a wonderful person Sara was.

"Doctor!"

Laurel exclaimed when she saw the doctor pass through the door that led to the emergency. Ava got up instantly, her little one was lying on the couch next to Jonah. They went to the doctor, he had a tired expression on his face.

"How is she?"

Ava asked anxiously, her heart racing again, her hands sweating so badly that she had to run them over her pajama pants to dry them. The doctor looked at something on his clipboard and sighed.

"The patient is stable at the moment, but unfortunately we were unable to reverse her situation."

"Wait a second! What a situation?"

"Mrs. Sharpe-Lance, I'm sorry to inform you that your wife lost your baby. We tried to turn the situation around in every possible way, but unfortunately it was not possible."

Ava took two steps back, as if every word he said was a punch to her chest.

"Did you know that?"

"Ava, I-" Laurel rubbed her hands over her face and nodded. "Yes, I knew."

"Did I know that too?"

"What do you mean?" The doctor interrupted them, totally unaware of the conversation. "You don't know if you knew that your wife was pregnant?"

"It's a long story." He kept looking at them without understanding anything. "She wanted to surprise Ava... Can I see my sister?"

"At the moment she is sleeping in a room on the second floor, visits will be released only in the morning. Mrs. Sharpe-Lance must rest."

Ava wanted to scream at the doctor and demand to see Sara. She needed that, she needed to confirm with her own eyes that she was really okay. She wouldn’t be able to rest without checking it.

"Okay, I understand. Where's my wife?"

"Miss Dinah? She is resting in my office, we had to sedate her because she was very agitated when she heard that Mrs. Sharpe-Lance lost the baby."

Ava closed her eyes tightly when she heard that a second time.

//

Ava was sitting on the waiting couch in the hallway. Sara was in one of the bedrooms there but Ava didn't know which one. Laurel chose to take Dinah to rest at home after she woke up, and she also took the two boys. Ava knew it was for the best. Dinah couldn't get too agitated because of her pregnancy, and a hospital is not suitable for children.  
Staring at the wall in front of her. That was how Ava was since the moment she went up to the second floor. She tried not to think about all the events of the night, but it was impossible. It seemed like the less she wanted to think, the more she thought about it.

Ava would love to be a mother again, regardless of not remembering the first time. And it hurt, it hurt because she was wondering if Sara was excited, if she was anxious and now... It was all over. They would no longer see the baby's face, or be awake in the middle of the night. And Ava would insist on getting up to making the baby stop crying... Ava couldn't believe that Sara had a miscarriage, maybe if she had got to her bedroom earlier...

"Ava?" She heard someone calling and turned her head to the side, tears streaming down her cheeks nonstop. "Is everything okay? What are you doing here at this hour?"

Dr. Hunter walked towards her, he seemed to have arrived now, since he wasn’t wearing his lab coat. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, he sat beside her and touched her shoulder, as if he could comfort her with just that touch.

"I... Sara, she-"

"Did she have an accident?"

"No." Ava took a deep breath, rubbing her hands over her eyes. "I mean, kind of."

"Where is she? What happened?"

Remembering what happened hurt Ava in an indescribable way. The images of all the blood, the way Sara was limp... She felt her heart tighten in her chest and a sob escaped her lips. When Ava realized, she was crying compulsively, feeling her throat burn. She took a hand to the left side of her chest and pressed the area, trying to calm the pain there.  
But it was impossible.

"Here, Ava, drink this water and try to stay calm." Dr. Hunter held out a glass of water and Ava took it and drank almost everything at once. "Take a deep breath and tell me what happened to her."

She did what he asked and tried to calm down, she followed his advices and gradually calmed down. Dr. Hunter was kneeling in front of Ava, a hand on her knee giving her comfort.

"She lost the baby..." Her voice barely came out.

"Oh no." Ava lowered her head and started crying again, with less intensity this time, but with the same pain. "I will get you clear to enter the room. I think she will need you there when she wake up."

Minutes later Dr. Hunter was back, he was already dressed as a doctor. He asked her to accompany him and they went towards the end of the corridor, he said something to a nurse who passed by and then he nodded for Ava to enter the room. The icy air beat against Ava's body, causing a little shiver, which seemed to get worse when she saw Sara lying in that bed, motionless.

At least she no longer had that pained expression.

"Will she be up soon?"

She asked Dr. Hunter who was reading something on a clipboard on the bed at Sara's feet. Hesitatingly, Ava got close to the bed, being able to see Sara better.

"Probably not, she lost a good deal of blood from what I'm seeing here." Ava touched her arm and took her hand, stroking her thumb with hers. "She can only be released at night, Sara will need a good rest."

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

Ava sighed and shook her head. Sara looked so fragile that way. Ava didn't know what it would be like when she woke up and received the news that she lost the baby... again.

"Her reaction when she wake up... We had a conversation yesterday, she told me about the other times she tried to get pregnant."

"She may get a little depressed again."

" _Again?_ " Ava looked at him.

"Yes, Sara already had an miscarriage, on her first attempt to get pregnant. She was unable to hold the fetus and ended up losing it before completing a month."

"Did you took care of all her inseminations?"

"Yes, yours too." Dr. Hunter placed the clipboard on top of the small piece of furniture in the corner of the wall. "When it happened the first time, I had to prescribe some antidepressants for her. Sara is a very emotional person, you may have noticed."

"Yes. I have." She looked again at Sara, who was still there, sleeping peacefully. "Why can't Sara have children?"

"It's not that she can't, Sara has a-"

"Without medical terms, please, I don't understand any of that."

"Okay... She's healthy, she eats well and she exercises a lot. However Sara has a small problem that doesn't allow her to have a normal and peaceful pregnancy, she needs to be extremely careful."

"How so?"

"She can't make too much effort. I told her to avoid going up and down stairs many times, she can’t practice any sport, let alone take weight. Comply with rest, take the medicines I prescribed and don't drink alcohol." Ava swallowed hard, her mind flying over all the wrong things Sara did during that time. "She must have made some effort or..."

"We were playing with our son yesterday." She closed her eyes cursing herself for allowing that. "She was picking me up and we were playing in the pool."

"Oh... So that was it." Ava pressed her lips together, feeling a hand on her shoulder. Dr. Hunter gave the region a friendly squeeze. "I have to go see some patients now, when Sara wakes up call the nurse, then I'll stop by to see her and Ava… I'm so sorry for your lost."

When she heard the door close, she let out the air stuck on her lungs and sat in the armchair on by the side of the bed, taking Sara’s hand in hers and looking at Sara's face. 

What were they going to do now? Ava knew that their lives wouldn't stop because of this, but she felt that Sara wouldn't react well when she knew what happened. But Ava would be there, she had promised Sara the night before and she was going to keep that promise until the last day of her life.

"I won't leave your side, my love. I will be here for you." She brought Sara's hand to her lips and placed a small kiss on each of her finger joints.

She felt her throat start to burn and the urge to cry coming back hard again. A tear streamed from her left eye, dripping somewhere on the white sheet that covered Sara from the waist down. Ava ran a hand over her eye to dry it, she couldn't be so fragile. She needed to be strong enough for when Sara wake up.

//

The sound of her phone ringing was what awoke Ava, she hadn't even noticed that she had fallen asleep. She opened her eyes and pulled the phone out of her pocket, a missed call from Dinah. She must have been wanting news. It was 10am, Ava looked at the bed and saw Sara still sleeping her expression still soft. 

Sara wrinkled her nose slightly when Ava touched her arm, who quickly pulled her hand away and saw Sara open her eyes.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Ava smiled at her when her eyes focused on her face, Sara looked lost. She looked around. "Don't get up, you need to rest."

"Where I am?"

Her voice was low, weak. She raised a hand to her eye and scratched it, the same way Leonard always do.

"At the hospital, I'm going to call the nurse."

"Aves." She held the older woman's wrist, even though her grip was very weak. "What happened?"

"I-" Ava cut off her attempt to speak when she saw the door open, almost cheering with relief when she saw Dr. Hunter enter the room. "She just woke up."

"Good morning, Ava." He smiled at her and Ava felt Sara release her wrist. The older one watched as the Doctor went to her wife. "Good morning, Sara. How do you feel?"

"A little dizzy, and thirsty." She muttered, trying to sit. "What am I doing here?"

At that moment the room fell silent, Sara looked from Dr. Hunter to Ava, confused. Ava looked at the doctor, not knowing what to do. He sighed and adjusted the lab coat over his body.

"You were brought here during the night. You don’t remember?"

He said and adjusted the bed so Sara could sit.

"Not really. Why did you bring me to the hospital? What happened?"

"Sara, I need you to stay calm so I can talk." Sara looked at Ava's eyes when she heard that, the older one intertwined their fingers. "There is no easier way to say it, so... Unfortunately, you had a miscarriage. We tried to turn the situation around in time, but it was too late."

Ava felt her fingers start to be crushed by Sara's, trying not to groan in pain and pull her hand back. Sara's mouth was slightly open, as were her eyes, which were starting to get wet.

"It can't be. No! No! No! You are lying to me."

"Sara..."

"No! AVES, tell me he's lying, tell me, babe, please." She begged, her eyes beginning to show her despair. She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't believe that! It's a lie! My baby is still here, I know, I feel it."

She started to cry more desperately and let go of Ava's hand, stroking her belly as the cry washed over her. Ava couldn't keep calm, so she started to cry too as she watched Sara burst into tears and murmur that they were lying.

Even unaware of the pain of having a miscarriage, Ava was feeling the pain of loss. She didn't remember having planned her baby, nor did she even know of their existence until the previous morning, but they could have come into the world, they would have beautiful eyes just like Sara's. Most importantly, they would be loved, by both. After all, it would be their baby... _theirs_.

And seeing Sara so shaken like that, suffering and not believing that she was once again prevented from fulfilling one of her dreams, broke Ava. Sara had planned it, she must really want that child, and she lost it.

Sara's pain hurt Ava.

Dr. Hunter had to have her sedated so she could calm down, but until she went out again, Sara still cried more and insisted on saying that they were lying. Shortly thereafter she fell asleep in Ava's arms.

"Ava, there are people out here wanting to talk to you."

"I'm coming."

She sniffed a few times, even after several minutes, she was still crying. She slowly released Sara's hand, their fingers were still intertwined and got up from the bed. She took one last look at her before leaving the room. Upon arriving outside, she soon saw Dinah standing across the hall, her eyes were red, indicating that she was crying.

//

It was late afternoon, practically everyone was in the hospital, except Ava's and Sara's parents. The people were in the waiting room, and Ava was still standing beside Sara's bed, waiting for her to wake up.

A few seconds later she started to fidget, a soft sigh came out of her mouth and she soon opened her eyes. Ava smiled at her, Sara blinked a few times and looked at her.

"It wasn't a lie, was it?"

Ava just shook her head, already wanting to cry again when she saw Sara looking so sad. Sara pressed her eyes, bringing her hands to her mouth to stifle a sound that would escape her throat. Soon Ava saw her shoulders tremble and the sound of crying take over the room. Wasting no time, Ava got up on the bed, pulling her arms around Sara, who tightened her arms around the older woman's neck and let her crying come out loud.

"I'm here with you, I'm here."

Ava whispered in her ear, or tried, since her voice was a little tangled from crying.

"You were right, you always are." Sara murmured through her crying. "I am useless. I can't even give you a bab-"

Ava put her hand over Sara's mouth to shut her up. Hearing her say those things besides hurting, was making her brood over her guilt. And Ava didn't even remember saying those things to her.

"You are not, you're not useless." Ava moved away from her a little, with a little difficulty since Sara didn't let go of her neck. "Look at me, look in my eyes." She took Sara's chin and made her look into her eyes. Sara's were red, with tears in the corners, reflecting an even lighter and brighter shade of blue than usual. Her lips trembled a little because she was controlling the crying. She looked broken. "I don't know why that Ava said that kind of idiocy, but I, this Ava here, don't think you're useless. You are amazing, you take care of Leonard so well, and you take care of me too. I'm getting to know you better every day, and I can only say, you're one of the best people I've ever met."

"I will never be able to give you a baby."

"Shhhhh." Ava shook her head and with her thumbs, she dried some of the tears on Sara's cheeks. "You will, you will." She smiled at her, Sara wasn't crying anymore, just looking at Ava with all the attention in the world. "But let's not think about it now, I have to watch over you first."

"But-"

"Don't say anything, just stay here with me, come here." Ava pulled her to her again, laying Sara's head on her chest. "Everything will be fine. We will get through this, Sara."

If Sara had taken care of Ava so well before, now it was Ava's turn to take care of Sara with all the love she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it happened. I can't even say how much writing this hurt me and I can only imagine how much it hurt you guys. I'm sorry but it's a very important thing for the story and I promise it's gonna be worth it at the end. I hope you guys liked it, and if you did, please leave comments and kudos because they make me really happy :)  
> See you guys next week! Stay safe.


	25. Please let me hold you (until I know we are both through this)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have Ava remembering something cute in this one, so please enjoy.

Ava was back in the room where Sara was still sleeping. The older one had just signed her discharge papers and as soon as she woke up they could go home. Ava smoothed Sara's hair, the details of her face. With her thumb she went around her eyebrows, running down the left side of her face until she reached her mouth.

_Beautiful.... And fragile._

"Ava?" She heard Dr. Hunter's voice, swallowed the urge to cry and turned to look at him. His face was calm, he smiled at her almost like a father smiles at a child. Ava felt a little better. "Aren't you tired?"

"A little. But I won't be able to rest until I'm home with her."

Ava sighed and looked at Sara. She was still there, snoring quietly. Ava thought how it was possible for her to start feeling that way for a person she hated for years, in just 1 month.

It was as if everything about Ava was Sara's now. 

All her senses were on alert for her. 

Everything about Ava wanted to take care of Sara.

"When she wakes up, you can go home." Hunter went to the other side of the bed and checked Sara's temperature. "You probably don't remember, but you certainly know that women who have a miscarriage, usually need special care. Right?"

"Right."

"She may experience abdominal cramps, and these cramps are usually accompanied by bleeding. She may feel a lot of pain, or a little pain, either way it will be uncomfortable and I will prescribe some painkillers." Ava listened carefully, doing mental notes on everything so she wouldn't do anything wrong. "The pain should naturally subside as the days go by, but if by any chance the pain increases instead of decreasing, I advise you to seek me out immediately, ok?"

"Got it."

"Sara knows this, but I will ask you to check her temperature for the first five days, or see if she did. Any temperature over thirty-seven and a half, you communicate to me immediately. High temperature is not a good sign, because it could mean that she has an infection in the uterus or elsewhere. Get her to bathe at least twice a day, even if she is not doing very well, ask her to make an effort. This will prevent her from developing any kind of infection. And do not, under any circumstances, use very strong intimate products, this can irritate the vaginal area and end up causing her an infection."

Ava sighed heavily. There were too many small details.

"If she complains of a lot of headaches and colic, you can use some hot or cold compresses to relieve the pain. Switching between them is the best idea, as the heat helps to relax the muscles and the cold helps to alleviate any pain." Ava just listened and nodded. "She will need to follow a healthy diet, it is essential, as these foods will help her to recover and will allow her body to function properly. I'll make her one. I’ll give it to you after she wakes up."

"Alright."

He wrote something on a pad in his hand and tore the paper, left Sara's side and went towards Ava.

"Here is the name of the best analgesics for abdominal pain." She took the paper he held out. "And Ava, avoid having sex in the next two months, at least a month. Her vagina needs to recover from the trauma."

Hunter smiled one last time before walking past Ava and leaving the room. She was sure that her face was redder than a tomato because of that last part.

The most important thing was to take care of Sara. Ava wanted to see her well, smiling and playing again. She just wanted her Sara back.

//

On the way home, Sara remained silent the entire time. She didn't look at anyone, she didn't even move. She stood there staring at her lap. They got back in her car, Laurel drove and Dinah was at her side. Ava was in the backseat with Sara, and Leo was spending the day with Kara.

"Can you walk alone? You're not feeling any pain?"

Laurel asked as soon as they parked in Ava's garage. Sara just nodded and opened the car door.

Ava sighed and leaned back on the seat. Her eyes met Dinah's, who smiled sadly and also opened her door. Ava did the same and left, just in time to see Sara get in the house almost in a rush. Even though she was not walking properly.

"She's still shaken by the news, soon she will be back to normal."

"I hope so." Dinah hugged Ava aside and they walked towards the entrance door. "Is she going to ignore me?"

"She won't. She may not speak directly to you, but believe me, Sara will want your company." Before entering, Dinah stopped and took Ava by the shoulders. "Do not leave her side, under any circumstances. The first time she lost the baby, it was the worst three months of everyone's life. I had never seen her as rock bottom as in those months."

Ava swallowed hard, feeling something in her chest start to tighten, to the point of suffocation. Thinking that Sara must have been so bad that she worried everyone, terrified her.  
Dinah stroked Ava's face and soon after they entered the house. Laurel appeared in the living room, coming back from the kitchen, probably should have gone to store the things they bought for Sara's diet.

"I'm going upstairs to talk to her, okay? I'll be back soon."

Dinah said and Ava just nodded. She felt someone put an arm around her shoulders and smiled a little when Laurel hugged her.

"In a little while everything will get better, Ave. Just take care of her, okay? And if anything happens, you can call me. I'll come running."

"Thanks for everything, Laurel."

"No need to thank me, you are my sister-in-law and she is my sister. I will always be here for the two of you."

Ava had all her friends by her side and she thanked internally, because she didn't know how she could get through everything she was about to go without them.

//

Laurel and Ava were watching cartoons, Ava made some popcorn for them since there was a considerable amount of time since Dinah went upstairs to talk to Sara.

Ava was curious to know what they were talking about, but she wouldn't dare go in there. She just hoped that Dinah would at least get Sara to go down to eat something, it was past time for her to eat.

"Wow, those two can talk, huh."

Laurel commented and Ava nodded, taking some more popcorn and stuffing it in her mouth. She stared at the TV, but the steps on the stairs diverted her attention.

"I managed to bathe her and then she went back to sleep." Dinah's voice was deeper, her eyes and the tip of her nose red. "AJ, give her something to eat when she wakes up later."

"Were you crying?"

Dinah sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. Ava gave her space to sit between her and Laurel on the couch. Laurel turned off the TV.

"I was. It's very difficult to see her that way, you know?" Dinah lowered her head and sighed, Laurel immediately hugged her sideways, comforting her. "Sara has always been very sentimental, and she really wanted this baby. It's the third time that she tries and fails, as a woman she is feeling useless."

"We'll help her get through this again."

"We sure will." Ava immediately agreed with Laurel. "She'll get out of this in a few days, you'll see."

"That's the spirit, AJ." Dinah put a hand on Ava's leg and smiled at her. "Out of all of us, you are the person she will need the most. I don't know if you know how dependent on you Sara is, you are her safe haven. You are the only one who can pull her out of her own darkness and keep her safe just by being with her."

"I'll help her, I promise."

"I know you will."

Dinah pulled her into a hug and the three of them stayed there. Laurel and Dinah encouraging Ava to take care of Sara and Ava thinking about what she would do to get Sara out of the pit she was starting to sink into.

Only a day had passed. Ava tried to imagine what the next ones would be like.

She had no idea.

A month earlier, she had woken up thinking she was a sixteen year old teenager who was still in high school, who hated a girl who disturbed her life and today her reality was that she was a 30 year old woman, married to the girl she hated her entire youth, with a son and a house to take care of. And now, with a wife almost depressed in her responsibility.

It was time for Ava to stop acting like a teenager and be the mature woman she was and take care of everything. 

It was time to be Ava Josslyn Sharpe-Lance, mother and wife, with big responsibilities.

//

Sara had been sleeping for a few hours. Ava had talked to Kara and she suggested that Leonard should stay at least a week away from home, so that Ava could have more time for Sara. She agreed that it would be better that way, at least for that first week. She didn't know how long Sara would be in seclusion from everything and everyone, and their son liked attention. Ava didn't want him to get sad because his mom didn't leave her bedroom.

For Sara's dinner, Ava opted for a light soup. She didn't know if Sara would be hungry, but she had to eat at least something. Ava finished serving the soup in a deep dish and placed it inside the tray, where an orange juice and a piece of Mint Oreo Cake were. Ava had made her favorite dessert, hoping she would cheer up a little.

The room was all dark, the only sound in there was the air conditioning. It was a little cold and by the light that came in through the crack in the curtains, Ava saw Sara all wrapped up in the covers.

She placed the dinner tray on top of the nightstand, turned on the lamp, sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket down slowly, discovering Sara little by little. She was huddled, her hands together under her face.

Ava smiled at the cute way Sara looked when she slept. Serene face, lips slightly parted, it was possible to hear her breathing softly. She brought her hand up to Sara's face, removing a lock of golden hair that fell down her face. She smoothed her cheek, down to her chin and up to her lips. When she touched her mouth, Sara shifted and stuck out her tongue, reflexively wetting her lips.

"Sara..." Ava smoothed her face gently, and Sara frowned and shook her head, wrinkling her nose. "Sar... Wake up."

In a few seconds she opened her eyes, first her gaze sought out who was waking her up. Ava smiled at her and stopped stroking her face, her eyes remained fixed on Ava. Sara pressed her lips together and shook her head, sitting up in silence. She already knew what Ava was doing there.

"I don't know if you're hungry, but I prepared this soup for you." Ava picked up the tray by the bed and pulled the feet of it to support and placed it in the mattress. Sara showed no reaction, but Ava saw a little sparkle in her eyes. "And I prepared a cake that I know you like."

She gave a little smile and shrugged, Sara stopped analyzing the things on the tray and looked at Ava. She saw that Sara's eyes were wet, but she tried her best not to show anything and camouflaged her gaze. But Ava could see, she knew she was trying to say something. Sara took a deep breath, picking up the spoon.

She ate in silence and Ava sat watching her chew slowly. After the soup, she took the dessert and ate it too, slowly. Finally she drank the juice and when she was finished, wiped her mouth with the napkin Ava had placed on the tray.

Sara leaned back on the bed and looked at Ava.

"Thanks for that."

"No need to thank me." Ava took the tray and cleverly closed its feet, putting it back in the nightstand and returning to her previous position. "I promised you that I would take care of you, and I will keep my promise. Please try not to let yourself down, I know it must be awful, but... I'm here, I'm here for you, Sara. You can count on me for everything. After all, I'm your wife, right?"

Sara just nodded, a tear streaming down her left cheek. Ava leaned over and kissed where the tear flowed, listening to Sara sigh. Ava pulled her head back a little, held Sara by the jaw with both hands, looked into her eyes for a few seconds and before kissing her, she whispered.

"Let me take care of you."

**Tuesday 10 December 2016.**

"If you need anything, you call me."

" _I will, don't worry. Everything's fine here. I love you, Ave._ "

"I love you too, Kara... Give Leonard a kiss for me."

Ava said goodbye to her sister and ended the call. She missed her little one, but it wasn't a good time for him to return.

On Friday, Ava woke up thinking that things were going to change a little, but Sara was still lying in bed, barely saying a word, having her breakfast quietly every day.

She also didn't want to be visited by anyone. And Ava had canceled her appointment with Dr. D’Troy just to stay at home looking after Sara. She just wanted to see well again.

Ava was in the kitchen preparing lunch and Sara was in the bedroom. It was a horrible situation, Ava wanted her there, even if it was to be holding her hand, with little discreet touches or hugging her and kissing the back of her neck, the way she had been doing lately. 

She just wanted _her_ Sara back.

She was so distracted that she didn't even notice the pot with tomato sauce falling, only the sound of it hitting the floor and the splashes on her leg made her notice it.

"Fuck! Fuck."

Ava swore as she looked at the floor and saw everything dirty with tomato sauce.

She looked around for some a cloth or squeegee. Something that she could clean up all that mess. She wondered if maybe they had a pantry there. Probably. 

She looked toward the back door that led into the yard and saw a door next to it, on the wall. She laughed at herself for never having noticed that.

When Ava opened the door, the first thing she saw was several shelves, at least ten of them. She saw some groceries on the top ones and cleaning products on the bottom ones. 

On the floor were several cleaning cloths, all colored, three brooms and two squeegees and something that didn't seem to belong there.

She knelt on the floor and reached over to pick up the pink box, pulling it towards her and picking it up. The weight was too light, maybe it was empty.

Ava analyzed the box. It had a huge pink bow at the top, she checked it carefully and saw a small note stuck to the bottom of the bow. She knew she shouldn't, but she was just too curious. She turned the note over to read what it said.

" _A new star for our little solar system._ "

She frowned in confusion.

Ava carefully undid the bow, opened the lid and frowned even more when she saw what looked like a blouse inside. She took the clothe in her hand and when she unfolded it, she was able to confirm what it was: a baby coverall. She held her breath when she saw the pattern of a merged sun and moon.

She felt the dark embrace her and knew what was coming.

**\-----**

_Sara had just arrived from the studio, Ava was looking forward to telling her the news. The older one had been unable to remain quiet all day. Sara had gone upstairs to take a shower and Ava was downstairs waiting for her. The moment had come..._

" _Moon, tomorrow the locksmith will come here to fix the bathroom lock that you broke." Sara said laughing as soon as she arrived in the living room. Her smell invaded the room, her hair was still damp and she was wearing only tiny shorts and a Real Madrid shirt. "Ava? Did you hear what I said?_ "

" _Yes. Yes." She answered quickly and Sara looked at her curiously. "Sit there, I need to tell you something." Sara looked at her with narrowed eyes, suspicious. "Sit, love, please._ "

" _Did you break something while practicing yoga again?_ "

_Ava rolled her eyes and snorted, grabbing Sara by the shoulders and forcing her to sit on the couch. Sara crossed her arms and looked curious, Ava chose to stand._

" _Babe... Do you remember what we are?_ "

" _Uhm... wives? Lovers? The love of each other's life?_ "

" _No, Sara." Ava chuckled. "I mean, we are those three things, yes. But I'm talking about something else._ "

" _What thing?_ "

_She asked confused and Ava rolled her eyes again._

" _I'm your moon, right?" Sara nodded. "And you are my sun... And we are..._ "

" _A small solar system...?" Ava nodded, a huge smile on her face. "Ava, I don't understand._ "

" _Babe. Amore Mio. Beauty of my life. Reason for my existence." Ava moved closer to Sara. "Our little solar system is getting a new star._ "

_Sara's face went from curious to confused, and Ava kept looking at her hoping she would understand._

" _I don't-" Sara shook her head a few times, and Ava looked at her as if asking if she was serious. "Wait a minute... Is that what I'm thinking?_ "

" _Yes, babe." Sara's eyes started to water, her jaw dropped. "The test was positive, we are going to be moms._ "

" _Oh my God, Aves..._ "

**\-----**

Ava felt like she had come back to life, or woke up from a nightmare. She was a little breathless and her face was wet. She was crying. She just had another memory.

"Ava?" She heard Sara's voice and dropped the box, putting the little coverall back inside. She quickly wiped her face the way she could and tried to make the bow again. "Aves where are you- What are you doing?"

She froze when she heard Sara's voice behind her and slowly turned to look at her. Sara looked like she had just woken up, yawning, her eyes swollen and disheveled.

"I... nothing, nothing."

Ava pushed the box farther into the pantry, but ended up making a broom fall. Sara frowned and moved closer.

"You're going to get hurt there, Aves... Ava?" She closed her eyes and slowly released the box. "You found it".

Sara's voice changed the tone, before it was a hoarse sleep, now it was more like a pain from someone who just got punched in the guts.

Ava took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. Sara took two steps back, her eyes starting to sparkle with tears. Ava stood up automatically when she saw Sara turning to leave, holding her fist.

"Sara, no." With the other hand Ava grabbed her waist, pulling her close. Sara stifled a sob, bringing her hands to her face and lowering her head. "Don't cry, please, you don't know how much it hurts me to see you like this."

Carefully, Ava managed to get Sara to face her and hug her. Sara grabbed Ava's neck, her little cry resounding in the older woman's ear.

"It hurts so much."

"I'm here, I'm here." Ava tightened her arms around Sara's waist to give her some kind of security. "Everything will be fine, babe. We will get through this."

With a lot of effort, Ava managed to get upstairs and took Sara with her. Ava helped her to take a shower and stayed with her all the time.

Sara was so fragile and Ava was broken, trying her best to see her better, but nothing seemed to help.

Ava was scared.

Scared of not being enough to make Sara feel good. 

Ava wanted to be enough for Sara, just as Sara was enough for her.

"You don't have to be doing these things for me." Ava heard Sara say as she sat on the bed. "I mean, you seem to have stopped your life and your own recovery a little to be taking care of me." She looked at Sara in disbelief. "Ava, it's not your obligation to stay here at my disposal, you have a life and you don't even remember it, I'm in your way."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What's your problem, Sara?" Her voice came out louder and ruder than she intended, but at the moment Ava didn't care, not really. "I'm fucking here, I care about you. I'm doing everything to see you better. I said I would stay here and I am here."

"I don't want you to be with me out of obligation, Ava!" She countered with the same tone of voice as Ava. "And I don't even want to be a fucking obligation. I don't want you to stop everything in your life and stay with me because you feel like something is holding you to me."

"It's you, stupid!" Ava shouted, her eyes filling with tears. " _You_ are what's holding me, don't you get it? You make me want to stay. Damn it, Sara, I just want everything to be okay so we can both start over together." She walked to the bed and climbed on her knees, going over to Sara and holding her face in her hands. She was also crying, in silence. "I want to stay, not out of obligation, but because of you. Because I want _you_."

"Yo-you what?"

"I want you." Ava wiped Sara's tears with her thumbs. "I learned to enjoy your company and I feel good about it. You make me safe and you have no idea how happy I get when you get home after having been out all day. I want you, because I learned to like you, Sara... And every day I seem to like you more."

"Ava-"

"Shhh, don't say anything, just stay here with me." She settled on Sara's lap and sat with her legs around her waist, carefully. She took Sara's arms and make her hug her, pulling Sara's head into her lap. "Let me hold you until all this is over, Sara. I will never leave you alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it. I know it's going slowly but it is a slow burn after all, so please be patient.  
> If you liked it, please leave comments and kuddos, they make me really happy.  
> Stay safe and at home. See you guys next week! :)

**Author's Note:**

> if you got here, thank so much! and here's a few things about this story.  
> Is an adaptation, the plot is not mine. It was originally written by Nathalia (@horsinha on twitter) and (@horse on Spirit Fanfic). Her version is about Camren, written in Portuguese and in the first person. I talked to her and asked her permition to change a few things and post it as a Avalance Story because why not. She was sweet enough to agree so here we are. :)  
> i'm @dirextorsharpe on twitter, so feel free to ask me anything there. and follow for some sneak peeks heheheh  
> That's all, thank you.


End file.
